A guy might not be into you but he might still lowkey flirt with you.
Does that mean that he’s not interested romantically in you at all?
Well, what could define this and spot that he’s not into you is his lack of consistency and his passiveness to prioritize you.
To make sure that he’s not into you, here are 12 subtle signs:
1. He is not attentive and doesn’t recognize details regarding you
The dating coach Matt Boggs claimed that a guy who isn’t into you will be distracted and less involved in your life.
Have you ever been on the first date or just hanging out with a guy you like and you’re all enthusiastic but he’s not?
Have you ever been asking questions about his day, his life, his job, and his well-being, but he’s not?
Have you ever noticed how eating ice cream in the morning makes him happy but he doesn’t know that you do the same?
This will give you one answer, he’s just not that into you.
2. He flirts with other women and tries to date them
If you have strong feelings for him and he tries to date other women and informs you, you might think that he’s trying to make you jealous.
But no. A guy was constantly flirting with me but never made his first move and never showed his feelings.
If he would do that to make me jealous, he would flirt with them in my presence.
I understood that he wasn’t into me when he treated other women more special and different from me. He wasn’t just doing it to pursue him.
3. He’s not so physical with you
Physical attraction is one of the fundamental signs that define whether he’s into you or not.
If he never initiates physical touch and whenever you do it, he pulls back and creates a barrier between you two, he isn’t interested.
In this aspect, he treats you the same as other people and doesn’t give you the special attention that someone who is into you would give.
4. He’s not that interested in your life
A guy who is interested to know more about your life and background and becomes vulnerable with you wants to build emotional attraction.
Yet, when he isn’t into you, he just keeps you hooked and breadcrumbs you.
His intention will be just to be flirty with you and all conversations will be centered around sex.
The lack of interest might come as a result of something you’ve done or is playing games to get your attention.
If you already hang out with this guy then try to address this issue by using subtle jokes:
“Will you ask how I am and what I have done today or not lol?”
5. There’s a lack of communication
The first sign that he’s not into you, is inconsistency in communication.
A guy who likes you, cannot way to talk to you or meet you.
Whereas, a guy that doesn’t have feelings for you will rarely initiate conversations.
- He will reply but his replies will be short and the conversations will be dull.
- He won’t send a good morning or goodnight text.
Frankly, to say, communication will be limited.
6. He avoids you when you meet in a public
When a guy is interested in you romantically, he will use every opportunity to see you and be close to you.
Let’s take this example:
A guy that you hang out together with your friends and isn’t interested in you, won’t sit near you or give you special attention.
He might be polite and talk to you, but he won’t make the move to be alone with you or come and meet specifically you.
Also, it’s good to know that if he’s introverted or shy, it might be hard for him to interact with you due to his personality.
7. He always gives short responses
He might a man of few words and cannot express his feelings for you, that’s why his responses are short.
In this case, it’s important to make him be comfortable around you.
The therapist Pamela Patterson states that emotion-focused therapy is important for anyone who wants to understand his feelings.
But, when he doesn’t have any type of feeling for you, he will always give short or dull answers and change the topic.
You will sense cold behavior.
To decode whether he’s just acting hard to get or is not into you, a relationship coach will help you to reflect from a lover and a non-lover position.
8. He doesn’t make it official with you
A guy who isn’t into you won’t try to have a relationship with you and you’re constantly confused about what you are.
Even if you ask certain questions or questions about your label, he’ll avoid answering.
This might be also a sign that he’s struggling with commitment. But, if he’s keeping his dating options open and stringing you along then he isn’t into you.
9. He’ll be making excuses and lying constantly to avoid meeting you
If your guy is constantly canceling plans with you and always making excuses to not meet then he’s not into you.
And when he cancels plans he comes up with a mere reason or acts as if nothing happened.
To make sure, try to keep track of how many times he canceled plans and if he let you know priorly.
10. He talks to you about other women he likes
When a guy is interested in a woman and likes to be with her, he would do anything to show his attention and love to her.
You might think that he’s playing mind games to make you jealous when he’s talking about other women in a romantic or sexual way.
Yet, if he doesn’t flirt with you, and doesn’t require you to spend more time together then he isn’t interested in you romantically.
11. He avoids topics when it comes to talking about feelings for one another
This can mean a few things.
Hence, you can tell that he isn’t into you if he constantly avoids talking about his feelings about you and gives you mixed signs.
One day he gives you all the needed attention and flirts with you and the next day he just disappears.
He might be a player or just acting hard to get. But, when he is not into you, he will flirt without giving you special attention or including his feelings.
If this is bothering you try to find a time when you’re together and have a good time to state this issue.
First, you need to build your self-esteem by understanding what empowers you.
And the counselor Aimee Reichert states that self-esteem can be built after rejection if you learn about your weaknesses and work on them.
12. He doesn’t ask about your personal life and shows no signs of jealousy
A guy who isn’t into you won’t bother asking you personal questions.
Even if you inform him about your personal life, he will give you advice and encourage you to date, other men.
It’s important to state that everyone has a way of expressing their feelings and a special way of communicating.
Hence, if a guy gives you advice on how to date and what type of guy would suit you, he is just being a friend.
What to do when he’s not into you?
The first thing that you should do is to remain calm and respect his decisions and feelings.
1. Embrace this reality even if it’s a hard pill to swallow.
It’s understandable that embracing rejection is not an easy task to do, especially if you have invested your feelings for a long time in this relationship.
So, to detach yourself and move on, you need to focus on who you were before you started to develop feelings for him.
Do things that make you happy such as trying new hobbies or trying any new or old activities such as hiking, playing sports, or reading.
2. Don’t link this rejection to your worth.
Self-esteem and self-confidence can be crushed when your needs and desires aren’t met by him.
I blamed myself when my then-SO gave me mixed signs and decided to ghost me out of nowhere.
I cried myself to sleep for months because I knew him for a year and he left me quite confused.
I decided to work with a therapist to pin down this anger and confusion that was raging inside me.
Her exact words were “Don’t take it personally Callisto. Now, it hurts, burns, and twirls your soul but his actions don’t define you.”
That was a moment of realization for me. I just had to divide his actions from who I am and what I do.
3. Don’t force yourself to process all these negative feelings within a short time.
Grieving in any type or form isn’t linear. Learning to embrace negative feelings without hurting others or yourself can’t be done in a blink of an eye.
Give yourself some time to process all of this. Don’t force yourself into moving on by jumping into another relationship.
Hang out more with your friends and family. Try to find joy in little things, like drinking your favorite coffee or listening to your favorite song.
4. Manipulation isn’t a tool to change the situation for the better.
It’s common thing for human beings to find any type of solution to change the situation they’re in.
So, when you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t do just to get him to like you, take a step back.
Instead cut contact with him and write down what are your thoughts about yourself.
What is making you not like yourself at this moment? Practice mindfulness and self-love by trying Yoga or joining groups that encourage self-love.
5. Ask for help to deal with the obsession.
If you feel like you’re obsessing over him and not accepting reality, try to work with a therapist so you can pin down your feelings or thoughts.
Keep in mind that not receiving the same feelings that you have for him hurts, yet it’s a situation that will pass.
The most effective thing to do is to let yourself feel the rejection and unreciprocated feelings.
Just by accepting old and momentary feelings, you can make room for new ones.
Final notes: How to tell he’s not into you?
Knowing that every guy reacts differently when he’s not into you, you need to put your confidence and attention to solve it.
Check how he interacts with you and how much effort he puts into hanging out with you or making you his priority.
A guy who is not into you will always make excuses to not make any type of progress in relation to you.
So, keep focusing on yourself. More importantly, never connect his actions or decision with your worth.
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