Finding Out What’s The Deal With His Behavior: Is He Really Not Interested, or Is There Some Other Reason He Seems Like it?
I know. I know that it can be difficult reading signs through such a form of communication as texting. It is sometimes tiring trying to read through the lines, and understand how they might feel, or try to come up with something that feels more comforting than what you’re actually seeing/reading.
When it comes to men, they’re pretty direct and forward. BUT, they know how to be complicated a**holes too. It is tiring, and I understand. I’ve been there, done that.
Table of Content
Understanding if you should be reading such an article (perhaps you’re just panicking for no reason)
The basic signs that indicate he’s not interested; does he want friendship, or sex?
The possible reasons he’s not interested
You might have misunderstood him, perhaps he is interested
Figuring out if he’s interested or not, and what can you do if he’s not interested
You’ve come to the right place if…
– You have noticed something’s off.
We are intuitive beings, and we can sort of sense when something is not going as well. We take all the signs consciously and subconsciously and get that exact feeling.
So, in this case you feel like he might not be interested. You will find out if he’s not interested, or there are other reasons you’re getting such a feeling from him. We will also figure out how to tackle the motherf*cking situation if he’s not interested…
– You don’t feel good after exchanging texts with him.
Love, crushes, likes and so on, are meant to feel good on both sides. However, if you feel sad, uncomfortable, unappreciated when/after texting with him, it is not a healthy sign of the relationship you’re building together.
– You have no clue of what’s going on.
It is absolutely understandable, and relatable by a lot of women that are in the exact situation as you are. You don’t have a clue of what’s going on for the moment, and it’s okay. We will talk about everything you’re confused about in this article.
– You’ve been texting with someone for a while and didn’t meet yet.
Perhaps it’s been weeks, months, or more, and he didn’t initiate, or perhaps didn’t even talk about it yet – meeting. It is normal to start having doubts in such situations. This article is for you too.
– You’ve met with someone, but now they seem disinterested when texting.
You’ve met and you’ve enjoyed the date, but now they’re being cold through text, right? Gosh, they’re so typical! Keep reading hun…
Whatever your situation is, I got you.
Basic Signs He’s Not Interested (Through Text) For Whatever Reason
He never initiates texts/conversations
If you find yourself constantly initiating the conversation, the texting, then he might just not be interested. Otherwise if he’d be, he’d at least text you first a few times a week, if not everyday.
Or even if he does, he does it in a cold way, that leaves you with a not so good feeling afterwards. Despite the fact that it would’ve been easier for both sides to simply tell they’re not interested, they keep it going, and it’s not pleasant, I understand and see you.
Look for the signs, and see if it’s worth the stress. You can also politely tell him that if he doesn’t want to continue texting/seeing you it is okay with you as long as he is being honest.
You can feel something’s off
I discussed this with my girls at hetexted about this very topic, and I was not surprised to learn that most of them can actually feel when something’s not going very well in their relationship, and their gut is right most of the time. Poor suckers, they have no idea they’re dealing with witches.
But jokes aside, as I also mentioned at the beginning of the article that we are intuitive beings, we take, read, and process signs from one another all the time. Your intuition is telling you something, it is probably telling you right.
There’s something I’d like to note for you: please do not misunderstand the feeling there’s something off, with your own personal emotional state, and self-confidence.
Sometimes you might feel low and project that very emotion on others, hence it can be misleading, and leaves room for misunderstandings.
He takes too long to reply(god forbid he ever apologizes)
When I say too long, I mean long – he probably doesn’t reply within more than 5 hours or so. At times they might even take days to reply, and that’s not a good sign at all.
When there’s someone we care about in the picture, we’re excited to hear from them, to know what they’re expressing to us, so is the case with men: they too, get really engaged when interested.
Note: There might be times that they disappear for days or weeks even. There’s definitely something off. They’re either not interested, or there’s something else going on.
He’s putting minimal effort – Short texts
Perhaps he was more engaged before, or he’s been always this way with you. It is not a good sign of interest. Short texts (unless he’s uncomfortable with the idea of texting) are usually a sign of minimal effort on a conversation. Minimal effort is an indicator of lack of interest.
Test it out: Does he always reply with very short answers? Is he not often replying? If the answers to these are yeses then, I’m afraid I have bad news for you.
He flakes out
If he does this very often it is bad news! Bad, bad, bad news! If he’d be empathetic he’d understand how hurtful this way of ‘notifying’ actually is. Now, it is understandable if it happens once, or twice, but if it happens more than that, and he doesn’t apologize, it is a little too much.
It is a sign of lack of respect, which is one of the fundamental things a healthy relationship should be built on. He perhaps is interested, but this is not the way to work things out, so if you think the rest of him is okay besides this one part, you should probably have a genuine conversation on this.
Note: this and other similar examples are based on real situations that people in similar positions as you shared with us. We value their privacy, hence we chose to not display their facts, and confessions through raw material.
He never asks questions
Let’s say whenever you ask a question he answers, but he doesn’t ask it back, or he doesn’t ask any questions about you. I’m including “how are you today” in the list of the questions that indicate he cares, and he’s interested.
You can compare it to the way you see it too. You care about his mood, his health, or just how he’s doing because you’re interested. Most men do the same thing, once they care for someone they ask at least a “how are you?” or a “are you feeling better?” when you let them know you’re sick.
Look for the signs of caring. If he doesn’t show any, then you need to move on.
He never wants to meet up
This stands both ways: a) you met, b) you’ve been texting and haven’t met yet. When a man likes you, or has you in consideration, they’ll want to see you, in fact, they’ll need to see you more often. Of course, there are exceptions, but trust me, if they like you, they’ll find the ways to do what they’re craving.
He never shares things with you
For example, he doesn’t share things like how his day went, or just general things going on in his life. I’m not saying they have to be details of every single thing, it can be anything.
When he cares, he will feel like sharing things with you, and even asking for your opinion on certain things. It means he values you, and your opinions.
He doesn’t make jokes
Men like to feel proud, they like to commit, and provide, it’s in their genes. They’re programmed that way. So, when they’re interested in someone they do show interest, and especially they engage in conversations.
They get ready to give what they got to get you engaged too. In this case, they try to make you laugh, they make jokes here and there.
Note: If this is the only sign you’re getting from him, then don’t take it as an indicator. There could be various reasons why someone doesn’t make jokes.
He gives you the “I’m busy with work” on why they’re not texting you as frequently
There are chances that they’re really busy with work. However, this should be taken into consideration once they keep repeating it over and over.
It is a good sign if when they don’t text you for a long time they let you know the reasons, but if you’re the one asking them, and they hit you with the “Yeah, I’m busy with work”, take it as a sign.
If you’re in doubts and don’t feel very certain what to do, then be straight and forward and ask him. It is better than waiting for texts, looking carefully for signs, and by the end of the day still being confused. Ask him.
He goes out of contact without explaining why
I mentioned a little bit of this one above in the article. He may go out of contact for days, weeks, or even months when he’s not interested. Let alone he goes out of contact, he even acts casual about it.
He’s gone for 2 weeks and hits you with an “I’m giving you no explanation, instead, I’m acting all casual despite the fact that I’ve been gone for 2 weeks” line; it’s a no-no unless you want to be only friends or friends with benefits with him.
He doesn’t text like he used to do before
Earlier before he used to be so very engaged in the conversation, jokes, questions, and whatnot. Now you just saw the downfall without any warning. If this is the case for you, chances are he’s not interested.
However, this one also gets confused with when men get scared of their feelings, and try to take their time to get control of them or overcome them.
There are various reasons why a man just stops engaging. However, one of them could be that he’s not interested.
He’s on the social media, and not texting you
This one stands only if you’ve noticed other signs. If you texted him on the phone, and see him being active on social media, then you already know he’s ignoring your text somehow.
Again, this sign alone does not mean he’s not interested, but along with other signs, this one too can be telling you something: He’s not interested.
He’s Not Interested – Signs he only wants friendship
Talks to you about other girls
Chances for this one are low, but never zero. If it happens to you, it can be for two reasons: a) he wants to make you jealous and is having no idea of the terrible effect it’s having on you, and b) he doesn’t see you as more than a friend.
Now you can distinguish which one of them it is by noticing the way he talks to you about other girls. If he just mentions a girl at work, or a friend, or someone he had contact with he’s probably trying to make you jealous.
If he says he’s liking someone or is about to go on a date with a girl, then it is a huge sign that he doesn’t see you as more than a friend.
He’s happy when you tell him about some other guy
Let’s say you tell him about a guy at work to try to make him jealous, all of a sudden he gets excited and starts asking questions about him, or even asks you if you’re into him and so on.
I feel like there’s no need for any further explanation on this point since you can tell by yourself once he does that. In a few words, a guy that is interested in you will not be happy that you’re liking someone else other than him.
He’s Not Interested – Signs he only wants sex
He only texts when he’s out
He’s out having a good time and wants to make things ‘better’ so he texts you and asks if you’re up to go out and spend some ‘fun’ time with him. He might not ask you at the very beginning, he might start some sort of conversation, so he can see if you’re in the mood or if you’re available.
If he’d be interested in a relationship with you, he’d probably text you when he’s home feeling comfortable doing nothing just to see how you’re doing.
Note: Take this sign only if it happens constantly, and note the way he texts you (the content, and context of the text) when he does.
He’ll jump right into the sexual texting
God forbid he asks you about your day! He’ll probably vanish for a few hours/days/weeks and when he gets back at you he goes with something like “Can you feel my breath under your ear?”. Typical men!!
It is completely okay if you’re interested in sex only, go ahead and respond, meet. It is totally understandable, and okay.
But if you’re wanting more than just sex, I’d suggest you move on, because chances are, you’ll get hurt at one point or another.
He doesn’t respect what you’re comfortable with
He sends you one of those pictures, you tell him to not send you any more of those, and he does it again.
You told him what your boundaries are, you told him you’re not comfortable with such pictures, he’s not respecting that.
This is not only a sign that he’s in for the sexual only, but that he lacks respect towards you.
He never asks how you are
I’ve been saying it a lot in this article, and I’ll say it once more in two short words: He cares, he asks.
A “How are you?” can get answers about your health, mood, about you and your current state. If he’d care more than sex, he’d ask you every now and then, if not everytime you text.
Note: He can care, and want only sex at the same time. But in only rare, unusual cases.
He doesn’t share personal information with you
You ask him a question or two, he gives superficial answers and doesn’t share what’s beneath the surface.
This combined with the rest of the signs: him jumping into the sexual texting and/or him not respecting what you’re comfortable with, is a huge indicator that he’s not interested in anything more than sex with you.
Note: This sign alone doesn’t mean at all that he’s interested in sex only. It could be that he has a hard time opening up, or just takes time until he gets comfortable enough to share details about his day, himself, or life in general.
You only hear/read about the future
The closest you’ve been to a future thing with him is the texts on your phone. He gets you so close the date, you’re always, almost out for a date, soon.
It’s always “very soon”, but it’s never closer than that. To put it plainly, you only hear/read about the future, you don’t ever see any actions.
There’s another case, where they tell you they’re not in a good state at the moment, and they keep giving you hope that it’ll pass in the future, and you’ll both be okay very soon. Sometimes it is bullsh*t, sometimes it is not. If you find other signs that you’ve noticed in him, combined with this one, it might be bad news.
It never occurs for him to text right back
Yes, I’m talking about the texts which lead to conversations. You text him, or you reply to something he said before and he replies right away in order to start a conversation right there at that moment.
It is not a very strong sign, however, men do text back right away when they’re interested. He can also be busy and replies whenever he’s available. Again, check out the other signs, and see if it is only this one, or there are other signs included.
Possible Reasons He’s Not Interested
He used to be interested, he just doesn’t see it going any further
It happens, it happened to a lot of us to just not feel the connection it takes to build a relationship. However, that doesn’t justify their behavior, I know. They could just tell you, but it is difficult to do so most of the time, especially if they see you very involved.
Them not being interested in you anymore, doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, nor that you’ve done something wrong. There are various reasons why one might not feel the connection they did before. Such things are common, and normal to happen. If you doubt that this is the case for you, I’d suggest you talk about it with him.
There might be other women in the picture
I know this would be very hurtful, it would be very painful to handle, but it is a common reason. Men!
They meet someone they also like, and they don’t want to let you go, but they want to keep things going with the other girl/s. Or they’re trying to just make things fade away until the relationship is off.
They’re scared to have the ‘tough’ conversation so they choose the easy way out: slowly turning things cold.
He never had the intention to date you
This one is usually when it’s been a short while since you’ve been seeing/texting, and all of a sudden things just go downhill.
It is another common case. They spend the time they intended and just vanish from the picture by ignoring your texts, replying shortly, to put it in a few words he shows he’s not interested.
I have male friends who tell me such stories, and I asked them about it, but apparently they don’t do it for any particular reason. “We just do it”. Clearly they’re not aware of how that affects the other person involved.
He’s in for the confidence boost – You might be his backup
This is also one of the most hurtful ones, at times it is better to not find out such a reason at all. But, it is true, they do this more than they’d like to admit.
Though this one doesn’t happen often with mature men that have clear intentions and visions of what they’re looking for in a relationship. It tends to be the case for mostly young men that are looking for affirmation that they’re ‘wanted’, ‘desired’, ‘needed’, and that they have their ‘options’.
We have to accept the truth as it is, no matter how hurtful it may be.
You Might Have Misunderstood Him – Possible Reasons He Can Seem Disinterested
He’s Actually Busy
If he’s got a job, and is not as young (let’s say older than 25), or maybe he’s been up to something, he’s got activities that he does regularly. You can know about this if he tells you. You can expect him to be busy with life, especially if he’s around or past his 30ies.
We all have hobbies, responsibilities, things we enjoy doing daily besides the job we have. I’m pretty sure you know what busy and (sometimes) tiring days look/feel like. I’m pretty sure you understand.
However, keep in mind that if he really likes you, if he really is interested, he will do anything to text you/text you back. He will find those few minutes it takes to reply to you. Look at the other signs, and figure out if he’s just really busy, or he’s not interested and is always finding excuses.
He’s Trying to Deny His Feelings
Denying feelings can occur for various reasons, two of them being: Fear of commitment, and fear of getting too involved.
We’ve all been there. We get disappointed, hurt from past relationships, and we start carrying those fears, we bring them into the next relationships. This stands for both men and women.
Check out Does He Love Me? To see the signs he gives unconsciously when he has feelings for you.
Another reason for him to be denying his feelings, or him being afraid of his feelings for you could be as a result of his misconception of a relationship. Perhaps he’s been single for a long time now, and now he sees his freedom threatened by a relationship. He’s noticing himself to see you as a priority, and now thinks that is over for the other things in his life.
It is a misunderstanding, and a misconception that happens to be present in both sexes’ thoughts. Once free of such a thing, they’ll get back happier than ever.
He’s Reading Articles Such as “Signs She’s Not Interested” and Thinking of You
It is time to reflect a bit on yourself in order to find out if your behavior could be intimidating to him. Men are very easily intimidated, especially by someone they find charming and attractive. This could be your case too.
Perhaps you’re the one giving him signs that you’re “not interested”, and he’s reflecting back the same attitude that he’s getting from you.
It is a normal thing that happens quite a lot. Small actions start such “chain-actions”. A not-thought-through word, a little gesture, it could be anything that can give such ‘I’m not interested’ vibes.
One of you started it, and now you’re both looking up to google to get rid of your dilemmas.
Also read: What should I do if he is on dating sites?
So, Is He Interested, or Not? – Let’s Figure it Out Together
1. Compare the length of texts you’re sending to each other
If you’re sending paragraphs and he’s sending you “k”-s, then it is quite an indicator that he’s not as interested.
Note: It could also be that some people just don’t use the phone as much, or don’t feel as comfortable through texting, hence they send shorter texts.
2. Compare the way you send the texts to each other
Let’s say it doesn’t matter much about the length of texts, look at the context, and compare. Look for the details he’s sharing, if he’s making jokes, if he’s asking questions, and so on.
Some people are not as talkative, hence they get misunderstood for being disinterested.
3. Is he texting you at night only?
He’s looking for sexting if he only texts you late at night. Again, look at the content, perhaps he’s busy during the day and only has time during the night, but still, it is not as good of a sign if he texts you during late nights only.
4. How do you feel after texting him/getting a text from him?
I mentioned this one before too. This one is not just about him not being interested, this is about you and your well being of your emotional state.
Listen, if you don’t feel good, appreciated, or at least, AT LEAST considered, then it’s not worth it. I’d suggest you talk to him and try to clear things out a little, if it doesn’t work out well, then please move on, there are greater, more amazing things you can do.
He’s Not Interested? – Here’s What You Can Do About it
If you’ve come to the conclusion that he’s not interested, then here’s what you can do for yourself, and the situation you’re in:
Put yourself first.
I don’t care how much you care about anyone, if you don’t care about yourself then you won’t be able to care about no one. Take good care of yourself and your needs, put them first. In this case it is your emotional state, the way you feel, and your mood. If it is affecting you in a negative way, do something about it. Put yourself first, please.
Don’t pour your anger on him.
Try to accept the situation and move on from it. You can grieve about it, of course get angry, sad, and every emotion and feeling that comes with it. Allow yourself to do that.
However, you don’t want to text him what you’re feeling about him, or about the situation. Trust me, it can make things a lot harder to process.
Don’t text him.
If you know for sure he’s not interested, don’t text him. No matter how much you like him, please resist the urge to text him. Ignore the thoughts that one text can make him change his mind all of a sudden.
Respect yourself, respect the time you shared with him, respect him too, and move on. Do not text him from this day on.
In case he texts you: pay attention to his way of communicating, try to reflect his behavior.
Take the time you need to get over him.
If it didn’t serve you any good, if it had no healthy bits in whatever you had between, then move on. Take all the time you need. If you’ve been too involved with him, I’d suggest you start spending more time with people you love and feel loved around, read some good books, have long walks by yourself.
Note that because of the thought that you’re doing well without them, eventually they might come back, then it’ll be your decision to make on whether you want to continue or not.
Take a lesson from it.
You now understand how you don’t want to be treated by someone, and know what you’re worthy of. It is a very good sign when you finally decide to move on. You’re respecting yourself, what you present, and what you truly are by moving on from someone who does not see it.
Take it as a lesson that teaches you to appreciate yourself, your needs, and to absolutely respect your needs no matter what. You can do it, I know!
Don’t question your values!
Do not let the situation, or his opinion define, or move your opinion on your values. Understand that each of us perceive things differently. It is very normal, and very common for two people to have a one sided relationship, it is okay.
Work on yourself if you’re dealing with low self-esteem, because honestly, you shouldn’t be having low self-esteem. And don’t you dare let anyone make you question your own worth and values!
Take good care,