What to do about it and what to do for your own pretty self.
It’s true: the exhausting, constant trying of reading the signs whether he’s interested or not. That is one of the signs itself because it is an indicator of lack of communication.
However, there are reasons why he gives those signs, and reasons why he might not be interested in a relationship (anymore).
Do try to understand that we’re fragile beings, we read and give signs all the time – sometimes we give the wrong signs that get misunderstood, and sometimes the spot on ones[signs].
Now, I know the feeling of a bunch of questions going on in your pretty little head, perhaps not letting you sleep at times. All of it about this man, who perhaps has no clue.
Let’s get into it, let’s see what’s going on!
Before you read the signs it’s important that you read this:
Consider his type and the way he expresses love, and/or affection.
Different people express things, and especially love/affection/attraction differently. He could be the type of person that doesn’t show much on the outside, despite what the papers say: men are open books.
Sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren’t. That is why I want you to read this and consider things you know about him, and know if he’s the type of person to show everything that has inside or keep it for himself.
Don’t come up with rushed conclusions, check out the signs if they’re connected/combined.
Let’s say you read the signs and you’re finding only two of them, do not rush to come up to a conclusion if that would be the case for you. We are human, we do things, we say things. I’m sure he has his reasons for whatever he’s doing.
If you see that most of the signs described below do not resonate with you, then don’t take them in, and don’t conclude anything.
Instead, try to find a healthier way of solving your doubts: talk to him about what’s bothering you. It could be an exhausting conversation, but by the end of it, you will both feel relief for taking things out of your chests.
There could be other reasons why he’s showing you these signs
The signs tend to get misunderstood a lot. He might be interested and show these signs if:
He could be experiencing fears along the way – such as fear of commitment, fear of getting emotionally damaged in the future, fear of abandonment (so he chooses to leave before you do), and so on.
His ideas of relationship are different from yours – he could have completely different ways of seeing a relationship, seeing commitment. What seems normal and very casual to him could be a sign of disrespect to you. He’s just built that way.
He’s going through something difficult – I know that we all know that when you care about someone you do your very best to at least not hurt them at whatever situation you’re in. However, we’re not all the same, and he could not even be noticing he’s doing something wrong.
He’s immature and still doesn’t know the importance of a genuine connection – immature men are often the young ones. I mean by immature and not knowing the importance of a genuine connection because his idea of building a relationship with someone else is built on unrealistic beliefs and lessons.
The immature men think that the way to keep a person interested is to get them ‘hooked’ to them. They’re not familiar with what a genuine, sincere connection is and what it feels like
Now that we tackled a few important things, it is time for the signs:
1. Things just don’t feel right anymore
Your intuition is constantly telling you. You feel the need of comfort, so perhaps you even try to talk it out with your friends.
It’s like you’re unconsciously receiving all the signs. You feel the coldness, the distance, and it’s like your body and mind both know it. Your gut is telling you.
This is a big indicator, and one of the clear signs that simply is unavoidable. We constantly feel the need to connect and we find our ways to do so, that is why we almost instantly notice when someone isn’t feeling like connecting with us.
Without us knowing (unconsciously) we are constantly looking for those signs in their body language, their talking, their facial expressions, their way of communicating, and so on. We are constantly giving and receiving signals whether we know it or not.
So, your mind and body and heart got those signals and they’re ringing the alarms now.
2. Changes in communication & lack of respect
You notice that there’s something different about the way that he talks to you, or the way he tries to communicate things with you whether it is verbally or other forms of communication.
Eye contact is a way of communication, a door slam, the body language, we’re constantly communicating.
His ways of talking to you (e.g tone)
It gets difficult when trying to address a problem, or even the small things because he has the tendency to turn them into big, almost unsolvable fights.
He doesn’t share his feelings, or vulnerable parts of him.
Another form of communication is texting. You’ll notice him being distant, and less approaching even through text. He shows signs he’s not interested through text even.
3. His body language is telling you everything
As I said at the beginning of the article, we are constantly giving and receiving signals through everything we say and do.
This is the part where we look for the signs and consciously notice them.
He no longer touches you.
When a man loves you, or when he at least likes you/is attracted to you, he will find and take every chance to touch you physically. Even if it is a simple touch of a hand when you’re handing him something. A little pat on the back when he’s walking beside you.
He doesn’t look you in the eye as often/as long as he used to.
When he’s interested in you, or in a relationship, he will find ways to connect with you. Eye contact is one of the ways that make us connect the most, I find it very intimate. Especially when looking into someone’s eyes for a long time.
So if it has been quite a long time since you’ve been seeing, and he did look you in the eyes for a long time, but now he doesn’t, it is his body not trying to connect with yours.
If it is the very early stage of the relationship, there’s not much to worry about. He could just be shy, or find it very overwhelming, or it makes him helpless and distracted. It is okay.
4. He’s no longer initiating – He doesn’t put effort
No plans, no effort. In most cases the other is initiating, and putting effort into plans, while he will take whatever he gets and will not be willing to give back.
It is what a relationship is about: commitment and effort. Otherwise, you could just be f*ck buddies, and you’d both be fine with it.
This is also one of the clear signs that he’s not interested in a relationship. At the end of the day a relationship wouldn’t be one without effort and initiation from both parts. If he did put effort before, or initiated dates and fun meetings, and he just stopped doing it, then take it as a sign.
Another sign of effort is trying to solve problems of whatever nature they may arise from in your relationship. If he’s not putting effort to at the very least talk about them with you, or even argue them with you, he might just not be into the idea of moving things forward with you.
5. He only calls you when he needs something from you (i.e to fulfill his needs)
To be more specific, he only calls you when he’s looking to get some. He knows you’ll be there so he calls you whenever he needs to get sexually pleased.
Or there’s the other case, where he needs validation. He needs those good words and the reminding of the fact that there’s someone who enjoys his presence – a boost to his fragile ego.
If you’re okay with it, which I don’t believe you are considering the fact that you’re reading this article, you can go ahead with this way of seeing one another, and this way of doing things with him as long as you’re comfortable and you’re being respected.
6. He’s (emotionally, physically, figuratively) distant
You notice that you don’t talk like you used to, and don’t see one another as frequently.
You feel the distance, and the things not being like they used to. He’s not opening up, he’s not planning anything with you anymore, it’s just distance, it’s like you’re becoming strangers for one another again.
He doesn’t share emotional things that have to do with his life, starting from details from his day to big problems that are going around his head. If he feels close to you or wants to build a connection with you, he will share things, especially the emotional ones.
Keep in mind that this could also be a sign that he shows when he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship – he’s reflecting his fears of whatever nature they might be off, to put it plainly: he’s scared of something.
7. He’s not present nor engaging
He doesn’t listen when you talk to him, or when you tell him stories. He doesn’t engage in anything: conversations, activities, etc. He even forgets things you tell him about you. Why? Because he doesn’t pay attention.
He doesn’t engage in conversations, doesn’t ask you questions, he doesn’t want to know more about you. No matter how long you have been in the relationship, I believe that there are always things left to know more about the partner. That’s the beauty of a relationship.
To put it in a few words, he is not present, and boy you do feel the absence!
8. He doesn’t spend time with you – He cancels plans
This didn’t happen once, didn’t happen twice, it happens constantly. And it is completely okay with him. It perhaps even became a habit of some sort: canceling plans with you. He thinks you’ll be there anytime he needs you and will take that as a sure thing.
If he was busy before and still managed to find time for you, and was eager for your presence, or he might’ve even made the plans, and now he suddenly doesn’t want to do it, then it is one of the signs he’s not interested in you anymore, or to be more specific he’s not interested in a relationship anymore.
9. He avoids long-term plans
When a man is interested in a relationship, he’ll make long-term plans because he will instinctively want to have you around in the future.
I’m talking about the “What we’re doing next week?”, no, I’m talking about the “I wonder what we’ll look like after a year…” or such small things.
Storytime: My boyfriend calls me a nickname. So when he ‘casually’ introduced me to his friends, he introduced me by my name. Afterwards I told him how it felt kind of strange hearing him say my actual, long name. And he smiled and his mouth slipped and said “Would you like me to introduce you with the nickname next time then?”. So, he was planning to introduce me to other people in his life. Long-term.
Note: If it hasn’t been so long since you’ve known each other, it is too soon to make long-term plans. That’s why you don’t want to make a big deal out of it, since it is kind of early.
10. You don’t feel good when/after interacting with him
You just don’t get the sense that you’re being around someone who cares for you. I know it’s difficult to accept it, and it’s a harsh thing to think of/read off but if he cares, he’ll show he does care whether he wants to or not.
If and when he cares he will show it consciously or unconsciously. And you will feel the energy, the connection in every possible way.
If you don’t feel good, respected, valued after talking, seeing him, or any way of interaction with him, then your intuition is telling you something.
You either need to tell him, because he could be doing it without knowing it is hurting you, or take it as a sign that he’s just not interested in a relationship with you.
11. He can stay out of touch for long periods of time
He won’t contact you for a long time, and might disappear without a warning, and god forbid he apologizes.
Whether it is through phone (texting, or calling), or visiting/seeing you, he will be okay with not doing any of these for a long time.
One of the signs that he’s into you, or thinking of a relationship with you is that he texts you everyday, or if not everyday, he texts you consistently, because he wants to make sure you’re doing ok, because he cares, and is interested.
When he’s not interested in a relationship he won’t keep a consistent touch with you. Consistent touch requires commitment and effort, and these are 2 of the main bases of what makes a relationship be called a relationship.
12. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family/You no longer see his friends or family
If it has been a long time since you’ve been seeing each other, let’s say it’s been more than a year, and he hasn’t introduced you to his friends, or his family then the chances are he isn’t interested in a relationship with you.
On the other hand, if he has introduced them to you, and you’ve seen them more often before, and now you never see them, is one of the signs he’s not interested.
Possible Reasons Why He’s Not Interested in a Relationship
He’s showing signs he’s not interested in a relationship with you… I strongly, strongly believe that there are reasons behind every behavior, and this is one of them. Here are the possible reasons why he might not want a relationship:
He’s not emotionally ready for one[relationship]
This could happen to all of us. We meet someone that’s absolutely perfect, but at the wrong time. We just feel it deep inside that there is so much work left to do, and that it takes only ourselves and no ‘distractions’ to do and finish that work that needs to be done. It is very human, and understandable to feel so.
He’s scared of commitment
A lot of us have been here for various reasons, we’ve been scared of commitment. It can develop from childhood, or the social circumstances/environment one grew up in, or it simply developed from past experiences. They’re afraid to commit, and they don’t know how to tell you that.
He doesn’t see you two fitting any longer
No matter how attractive you are, no matter how amazing your personality is, it takes chemistry and more than just compatibility for the other person to want to be in a relationship with you. I’m sure you’ve been in such a situation at least once, where the other person wasn’t missing a thing, but you just did not feel the spark, and didn’t see you two fitting together, no matter how sooner, or how later you realised that.
What to do, and what to not do about it?
I know the frustration, the sadness, and everything that this situation comes with. I have been there just like most of you have been there. Know that this is part of human connections, they sometimes are complicated, sometimes too simple, and we need to take them as they come. At the end of the day we’re experiencing the human, and however you look at it it is beautiful.
Here are some things you might want to consider to do, and not to do about the situation:
Do talk about it with him
A calm, adult, discussion. Even if it turns into a messy, childish discussion, you’ll at least stop searching for things trying to connect the dots and looking for signs he’s not into you anymore.
Don’t blame yourself
Absolutely not! This has nothing to do with fault, or something you did, or something they did. Whether they had interest, and they lost it in the way, or they didn’t have it from the very beginning, it is something that has to do about them.
Just like the things you experience and perceive by yourself, so does he.
Don’t suppress your feelings/emotions
Simply experience everything that this comes with. Take as much time as you think you need, and go through it entirely. Cleanse yourself, instead of gathering and suppressing things that later on come into play into other situations of life.
Leave when you feel the need to
If you’re not treated the way you feel you should be treated, you have the permission to leave. Permission? Well, you don’t need any permission, but you can give it to yourself. Especially if you noted and discussed your borders, your lines, what can be crossed, and what cannot, and he still did his own thing by crossing them.
You respect yourself, your time, and your borders. You also respect him, for the sake of whatever lesson you got from him. When you feel like leaving, leave.
A Few Questions You Asked a Lot
You are curious cats, perhaps even cats in pain, either way, I see you and I feel you. Hence, I took the time to answer a few of your very asked questions:
“Are the signs that he’s not interested in a relationship the same signs that he doesn’t want you?”
No. There are a lot of common signs, but keep in mind that just because he doesn’t want a relationship it doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t want you, or doesn’t like you any longer. There are a lot of reasons why a man doesn’t want a relationship besides not being interested in you.
“He comes back every time, why would he do that if he doesn’t want a relationship? Why is he still around?”
I hate to say this, but chances are he’s keeping you as a backup. Though there are a lot of other reasons which I mentioned above in this article.
It is very obvious that such behavior hurts, and if he’d care as much, he would know, and the least he could do is tell you he’s not ready for a relationship, or as it usually happens when men don’t want to hurt a person that they’re not interested for a relationship with, they just walk away in order not to hurt you and your feelings.
“Why wouldn’t he want a relationship if he likes me?”
He’s dealing with something else. I also explained above in the article that he could be scared of commitment, fearing something, or simply another factor is having its effects and is making him question whether he wants a relationship with not just you, but if he wants a relationship at all.
It is best that you talk it out with him, for whatever reason he’s giving you these signs, and for whatever reason he’s crossing your borders (if he’s crossing them). You can choose the healthy way of solving things, I know.
Take good care, and respect yourself, your lines, boundaries, emotions and feelings. Experience, and don’t suppress.