Going on dates is a fun stage until you find yourself stuck in limbo and do not know whether things are headed to a second date or not.
The background music of the restaurant is still humming in your head, and you are wondering if that is just the combo of music and wine or the feeling of doubt that has started to cover your brain.
God forbid you to think of something else other than the scene where he’s not wanting to see you again.
He texted you a week after the first date? Does that even mean anything?
Guys generally don’t wait too long to text after the first date, however, just like in every other rule out there, there are exceptions.
Men and women have different expectations and tastes when it comes to dating. That is why things are complicated and work differently for men and women.
We have to keep in mind that the setting of this occasion, of the date, does not affect the outcomes of it.
There are so many signs to tell if the first date did not go well. Can you tell me any of it?
Here are 15 important signs that there will be no second date, a.k.a he’s not interested after the first date:
1. Charade: he’s not catching the vibe
No, not the game of Charades, I am talking about your date’s charade actions. The first date should be the one where you will give and receive good impressions.
But, have you found yourself feeling that he is not passing the vibe just like he did while texting or speaking over the phone?
You don’t feel like you’re connecting anymore. The texting before the first date was warm and fun, now it’s a whole different thing.
Your guy went from being all in to now acting borderline distant after the first date was over.
Do not waste your time and follow these signs:
- He was checking other people while with you;
- He doesn’t reciprocate in conversations with you;
- He didn’t pay attention;
- No questions about you;
- He called it quits earlier than expected;
- His body language felt off;
If you have been wondering all along from the stage of texting to talking and now having a date if you have found your fish in the sea, you should check this quiz!
2. You did not meet each other’s expectations
If you have met online, your impression of that person is based only on written words!
During this time you have been talking only on the phone or just texting, and a date in person will determine if the connection is as it seemed to be through the phone.
You already created expectations before you met, after the date is when you’ll understand whether you met those expectations, or whether your date met yours.
Though this might lead to the idea of having created maybe a false idea about one another, which is normal in such situations.
If you don’t meet each other’s expectations you created throughout online communication, then he’s likely to not be interested after the first date.
3. He doesn’t seem to feel like doing it
Commitment can be scary, and that is understandable, it is very common in the dating world.
Another thing about commitment is that you have to feel like doing it. You’ve got to feel the other person too.
If he doesn’t seem to feel like doing it, doesn’t seem into the idea of effort, doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you, or doesn’t initiate conversations on the ‘next date’, then he might just not be feeling it.
Even though your first date went well or at least you felt that you two ‘love birds’ had something in common…
It can happen for one to not feel the connection, as it is something that happens naturally, it’s not something you can force.
You’re not the one to blame and neither is he. It’s just he chose the wrong method to deal with this, he got governed by fear.
Communication, not escaping, is the key!
4. He’s always avoiding meeting with you
When it comes to a ‘second date’ talk, he finds a way and an excuse to prevent that second date from happening.
If the reasons he’s providing you with don’t sound solid or reasonable, then he’s likely to not be interested in a second date with you.
Well, a dying cat is a solid reason but if he’d be interested, he’d try to find a way to see you. He’d call you after he’d passed the great grief.
The focus on whether you’re good enough for him can distract you from seeing a truth that isn’t necessarily hurtful: he’s just not interested after the first date.
If he’s not interested in you, so what? It doesn’t have to do with your values, it has to do with personal preferences. You have them too, everyone does.
5. You feel like you’re just a playdate to him
If you are just a playdate to him then he will call you whenever he feels lonely or horny.
First base, second base, third base… Finally the Home Run! You may have heard this in a baseball game but today we’re using them figuratively. We’re not much into baseball, at least not today.
The first, second, and third base: get laid (sorry for using such a particular word).
The home run: Just puff out of your life until the next urge for “baseballing” kicks in.
He is not interested in knowing your soul or your life.
He’s driven by his sexual desire and the thought of accomplishing that desire, it has nothing to do with your personality.
If he doesn’t call after the first date and that continues within a long period and then he appears like those clowns in a surprise gift box, then chances are he’s not interested in dating at all.
6. He avoids serious topics to discuss
We are aware that some topics cannot be discussed while texting or talking over the phone.
But once you are having a date you can have a conversation on most topics that concern both of you.
Yes, the first date is a step further to get to know each other. You cannot reveal yourselves all on one date but yet some things need to be discussed.
For example, some of the points that are quite alright to discuss with one another:
- Where do you see yourself in the next two or three years?
- Any fun facts about you?
- What do you look for in a relationship? etc
It shouldn’t be an interrogation process but still asking simple life questions can help you see where the two of you are going.
If he feels intimidated by this process and has not a vision for his future with you in it then sorry but there is not going to be a second date!
7. He texted you after the first date but not since
You’ve got one single text after the first date, then nothing.
There could be a big number of underlying factors that caused him to behave this way, but considering the standard narrative, he might not be interested.
Men often don’t hold themselves back, unless they’ve got a strong reason to pull away from you.
Pulling away and getting silent after the first date is often seen as a sign of lack of interest in general, but also a lack of interest in a second date with you.
On the other end of the spectrum, if a man is very interested after the first date with you, he’d do something about it unless your beauty caught him off guard.
So, if he’s gone silent and didn’t text after the first date, then this might be him choosing the easy way out – letting the connection die out slowly.
8. He went from Hero to Zero
Even though your date went well, that is not a sure sign that there will be a second date.
There could have been a clash of personalities as soon as the date started, or the connection signaled a challenge for both of you.
This time Hercules won’t come to save you, he cannot come to the phone right now!
He is busy acting distant and highly contracting his behavior before you had the first date with him.
He was a hero during the talking stage, perhaps he was a hero during the date as well, but now he shut the door and went no contact after the first date. He became a zero.
9. He’s not the one to initiate: You always have things under control
You’re an independent woman, you’ve got things figured, and you know exactly what you want. That is brilliant.
However, going after things you like without reading the room first might feed you an illusion.
Let’s have a look at this: Were you the one that chose the place, ask the question to have a date? Or were you the one to text after the first date?
Well, if your answer to all of those questions was yes, then you might have unknowingly forced things up a bit.
If he didn’t ever initiate, say: calls, or texts (or rarely initiated them), the date, that was the very early sign of his lack of interest. A sign you might’ve missed along the way.
There’s nothing wrong with assertiveness, but a man is highly unlikely to refuse a woman. If he’d have interested, he’d also take initiative from time to time.
10. You carry -perhaps even drag- the conversations
You were the one who mostly carried the conversation, weren’t you? You still are, aren’t you?
Your guy doesn’t text after the first date, and you find yourself constantly being the one to initiate, carry, and drag the conversations, well, then there might be no second date.
If you paid for everything, carried the conversation, and didn’t sense a drop of effort from his side during the date, then it is time to reflect a bit.
He might enjoy being taken care of, but men often show interest by engaging in conversations and even initiating them.
If he didn’t text you after the date, and you were the one to text him, carry the conversations, and keep things flowing, then he might not be interested.
11. You haven’t heard from him ever since the first date
If you got no text from him after the first date, it might not be a cause for alarm.
However, if he never texted you after the date, then I’m sorry to break it to you, but the chances are very high that he’s not interested.
If a guy doesn’t text you after the first date, it can be normal for a day or two, heck a week even.
However, if you never hear from him again despite your attempts to reach out to him, then he might not be looking for the same thing as you are: a second date.
What he did, in this case, is called ghosting. He simply vanishes from your life.
He might come back eventually to get something convenient for him from you. But he’s not in for the long haul.
12. He cancels the date(s) without a reason
It can be quite hurtful when he cancels the date without giving you any reason.
He might appear after some time giving you some inaccurate reasons, but who cares if you have been the one suffering the most during these days?
He might have his reasons but, if he cancels the first (or second) date and doesn’t make any attempts to make up for it, then the chances are that there is no bright future for the two of you.
This can be easily solved with communication and solid reasoning behind the cancellations.
However, if he’s not providing you with any of this, then he might not be interested and choose an unhealthy way out of the connection with you.
13. Didn’t dress to impress on the first date
Being nonchalant and unbothered about the date can often be a sign of carelessness about the occasion.
If he doesn’t care much about the first date with you, he might not care much about a second date either.
By this you may be able to notice a lot of things, it is a little detail that determines if he’s been looking forward to seeing you or not.
If he did not put in a lot of effort then it means that he is just there to see what’s ‘crackalackin’ because he had time for it.
If he is dressed to impress then most probably there’ll be a second date, since he wants to impress you also with his appearance and make a good entrance.
How good was his entrance, dear reader?
14. No affection or enthusiasm from his side
Usually, there’s an “I had an amazing time with you!” after the date if you both enjoyed it.
Your guy is acting distant after the first date?
“I thought we were fine, I thought it went quite alright, like pretty great”. These are the words that you have said to your friends last night but probably not what he said to his.
He doesn’t show any enthusiasm about where things are headed, the communication feels cold, and he just feels distant from you.
He chose the wrong way of telling you he doesn’t want another date. It’s why you might feel insecure and obsessed with the situation.
If his behavior after the first date is contrasting with his behavior before the date, then he might not be interested.
Dating situations can put you in tricky situations. What if you had someone to advise you whenever you needed?
This is your hero!
15. He cut the date way too early
He cuts the date earlier than expected, either by abruptly calling the waiter or providing you with an “I’m sorry but I have to go”, or “They called me at work”
“But… Jason, it’s just 8 PM.”
You are left there reminiscing your online conversations and wondering what went wrong.
Things don’t work sometimes the way you thought, it means that he might’ve been not interested in you from the beginning.
If a guy is being a player, he is known for his games and for being the opposite of a man who is vulnerable and has good intentions, maybe you’d spot him by now.
How to make him more interested in you having a second date?
If there is no second date but you’re still texting, the spark didn’t die out entirely!
You want to turn the tables around, get a second date, or simply get a grip of why he’s acting this way. Do not worry! I got you all covered!
We are aware that if the guy is not interested at all then there is nothing we can do about it and we have to just accept the ugly truth.
But if he has that little spark of interest, then there might be hope.
Here is my checklist with lovey-dovey things to do, to make your date more interested in you:
- Be your self, whatever you may be!
- Look him in the eyes but not in a creepy way to scare him away, it helps in building a connection.
- Be flirty here and there, of course, if that comes naturally.
- Try to be attentive while having a conversation, listen to understand, and not solely speak.
- Be honest.
- Bring up discussion topics that are interesting for both of you.
- Do not try to force the connection or the attraction.
- If you have a feeling that it’s not working, let it go.
Why do guys lose interest after a first date?
Most of the signs resonated with you, but now you’re left being bugged by another question: WHY?
Well, here are a few reasons guys lose interest after the first date:
– He’s just not feeling it like you are.
– He projected unrealistic ideas of ‘what she could be’ before meeting you.
– He’s scared of commitment.
– He didn’t see you two as a good match for one another.
– You want different things and you have different expectations from the connection with one another.
– He’s not ready to start something with you.
– He doesn’t see you being his partner.
FAQ: Here are the answers to what was bugging you all along.
1. Why are guys distant after the first date?/Why do guys not text after a first date?
After the first date, one question that pops into your mind could be: why is he distant now, why didn’t he text me yet?
He might not be sure yet. There are no rules when it comes to texting and calling after having the first date. He might start to be distant if he is not sure yet or if he starts to realize that he has different life plans from yours.
He might also need time to think about it. If he genuinely cares about the connection with you, he would text you by saying that he needs time to see whether to go further in a relationship with you or not.
He might not be interested. Most men don’t feel comfortable just being straightforward and ‘refusing’ a woman, hence they choose the ‘easy’ way out by distancing themselves from her.
He might text after the first date, and then nothing after that: He just won’t take action on taking things further with you.
2. Is there a chance he can be interested in me again?
Yes, there is a chance for him to be interested in you again. However, you shouldn’t dwell on the high of that hope.
Move on and do what you enjoy doing. You don’t have to sit around and wait for him.
3. How to tell if the first date went well?
You can tell the first date went well if:
- Both of you laughed a lot
- The conversations went unforced and easily flowing
- You felt pretty close with one another
- Found so many things in common that you did not mention earlier
- You felt very comfortable with each other
- It lasted more than you thought it would last
- You felt a spark between you two
Feelings, laughs, and good times cannot be faked, if one likes you, they won’t be able to hide it!
4. Will he text me after the first date?
Yes, he will text you after the first date if he genuinely likes you and if he cares that you arrive safely home.
5. Do guys text after a first date if not interested?
Yes, they do. I know it is a surprising answer, but a lot of guys/men text after a first date even if they’re not interested.
Out of respect for the time, you shared through texting, and while having the date, they will text after the first date.
It can be a message that directly addresses the fact that they’re not interested, or a simple ‘did you arrive safely?’.
6. How do you know if a guy is into you after the first date?
He will put effort, he will initiate conversations, texts perhaps calls too, and most importantly he’ll give you the “we should do this again soon”.
If you’re not the one to wait around for him to ask you out, then you can ask him out and find out whether he’d like to go on another date or not. You’ve got this!
7. Who should text first after the first date?
There is no rule on who should text first after the first date or after any date.
If you had a good time and enjoyed yourself with that person on a date, then you can be the first one to text after it.
Let’s relax a bit with these societal norms and standards!
Callisto
Hello, on Friday I went on my first date with him after long time chatting with each other. Everything was fine and we talked and laughed together a lot, and also he mentioned “second date” to have. I don’t know what happened suddenly, but he has not text me as much as before date and I feel he somehow lost his interest. what should I do? because I feel like he likes me back but has some personal problems and has to solve them first. Should I go to his Café and meet him there? please help me.
Hi Shyd and thank you for writing to us.
During your writing, I encountered the words: “Everything was fine and we talked and laughed together a lot, and he mentioned a second date to have”.
Before jumping to a conclusion immediately, try to reflect on his behavior towards you during the date and after it.
It is important to focus on his body language, whether he touched his hair or face while talking to you.
If he was excited to know more about you and listened to you.
If he hugged, leaned closer to you, and looked at your lips a few times at the end of the date, texted you after some days but not after a week then these are some signs of interest.
Initiate a text and check how he is doing before meeting him. If he asks you on the second date then don’t miss it.
Be spontaneous but do not let feelings lead you. Focus on asking him funny, deep, flirty questions that will give you another POV on who he is and what he thinks of you.
Offer him your help in solving his “problems” and check for his reaction after the second date.
Kind regards
I went on date with a man I’ve been chatting to for a couple of months. He was initiative, talkative, interested in knowing about me. We had deep conversations and he was very attentive. Before we ended the date, he kissed me out of the blue, and it was nice. But he also wanted sex, which I declined. After getting home he texted, then not much after that. Until a week or so , where he made it clear that he didn’t want to get more involved cause of the distance (he lives 3 hours away – but works where I live a couple days a month) And said that he enjoyed my company, it was meaningful to him and that he could see himself doing it again. But with no contact to one another except when he came here or I went to his city.
It feels like I’m just a convenient, a booty kind of call… but I get these stupid doubts, so you could just please spell it out for me that he is not just holding back and that he is definitely not interested in anything serious at all.
Thanks 🙂