His head is cloudy, though you can’t exactly tell. BUT there’s a reason you’re reading this: you sensed something’s off. That could be considered a sign too.
To be more precise and direct, there are 15 signs that he’s confused about his feelings. There are reasons behind such behavior and confusion, the chances for you to be the cause/reason behind it are super low, but never zero.
Before we get to the signs:
Let’s clear some things up first
Look for the fundamentals: What defines a relationship?
It’s not just the nicknames, the labels. A relationship is defined by consistency of care, respect, love, and affection towards one another. It’s not meant to be perfect, no. It’s meant to be worth staying in even in ‘bad’ times.
Is he avoiding his feelings for me?
He is avoiding his feelings for you if he shows with actions that he genuinely cares and has love for you, but verbally denies it (though carefully, so that he doesn’t hurt you).
Such behavior is mostly expressed when he doesn’t know what he wants and isn’t very in touch with his feelings and emotional state. He might not be ready for something yet, he doesn’t feel like could ‘handle’ another heartbreak so he avoids his feelings for you.
Are you sure about your feelings? – His behavior could be a reflection of yours.
If you’ve been giving him mixed signals, he’ll most probably reflect them back at you. So, this entire thing becomes a circle: both of you reflecting unclarity at one another, giving and receiving so.
If you’re sure that this is not something he’s reflecting back at you, then this has nothing to do with you. It’s something he’s dealing with by himself (I’ll talk about this later in this article).
So, how do you tell if he is confused about his feelings? 15 signs that will answer this question:
1. You didn’t have THE conversation yet
With ‘THE conversation’ I refer to having a talk about where your relationship is going, or is it defined as a relationship.
It doesn’t feel like a relationship all the time, and he’s more likely to avoid having a conversation about it when he’s confused about his feelings.
Having THE conversation is more about defining your “thing” as a relationship. Such conversation is about knowing where you see yourselves in the relationship, and it isn’t pointing fingers at one another about whether you’re trying to move things at certain levels or not;
It’s more of a teamwork talk about your intentions and ‘goals’ with the relationship.
It doesn’t have to necessarily be a conversation to know where you’re going. You don’t always need to define things, and put labels on them, knowing where you’re heading, and knowing the intentions is good and healthy for a relationship.
Note: Check other signs too, since this could also be one of the red flags he’s a player.
2. He’s not showing his vulnerable side
His vulnerable side means the fragile and sensitive part of himself; The one where the mask of ‘I am strong’ and ‘I am perfect’ falls down.
He doesn’t show this side when he’s confused because he just doesn’t know exactly if he’s willing to take such a step with you yet. Showing vulnerability is a great sign of trust, connection, and love; Hence it takes him to know for sure how he’s feeling for you in order to be vulnerable around you.
You feel him being distant at times. We all need to just be ‘babies’ and be taken care of at times. When he cannot do that because of the insecurity of his feelings for you, he is more likely to get distant; Hence you notice such a pattern in his behavior.
He doesn’t open up as much. Opening up is one of the fundamentals when it comes to showing fragility and feeling free to be vulnerable around someone. He’s confused, so he isn’t ready to open up yet.
3. You didn’t meet his friends or family yet
When he’s sure about how he feels for you, when he loves you and he knows it, he’ll eventually introduce you to his loved ones.
Now, I’m not saying that he’s got to introduce you to his friends/family when it’s been 3 months since you’ve been dating, no.
It’s been a long time in the relationship: we’re talking years. Again, when a man introduces you to his family it is a sign that he’s sure of what he’s feeling for you, he knows it. But, when it’s the opposite – he doesn’t know how he’s feeling – you’re years into the relationship and he didn’t take the step to introduce you to anyone.
He’s either finding excuses, or not mentioning this part at all. He might have not mentioned it at all, but there’s another thing about this… Now, we’re talking years, and I’m assuming that you made an attempt or two to bring this up into conversations;
He either found excuses about it, or changed the topic. Meaning: he didn’t give a solid answer, and avoided talking about it.
4. “I’m not sure…”
It is as if almost everything about his behavior is saying “I’m not sure…”
He pulls away at times. It’s like he needs time for things, and he pulls away especially when you two get romantic, intimate, and close to defining this as a solid relationship.
When it comes to putting effort, getting vulnerable, showing ‘too much’ love and affection he’s going to be the one to pull away when he’s confused about his feelings for you.
There are a lot of mixed signals involved. He’s close, but then again he’s distant, he’s caring but then again he’s careless. You’re constantly getting this vibe from him and each feels like it’s genuine and not some sort of game he’s playing with you.
5. You didn’t exchange the “I love you”s yet, even though it’s been a long time
He doesn’t seem ready for the ‘grand words’ which gives you room to wait until he seems he is ready in order for you or him to make a move on this part.
He looks at you with that type of look. The lovey-dovey look is there, the verbal affirmation isn’t there. He’s not sure of it, he’s not ready to say it.
At times it feels like it is there, but it’s just not said: Love. He’s not sure, so he doesn’t want to give you high hopes about something he’s not sure about yet. This is so, especially if he notices that you’re in love with him.
6. You’re confused too – Just what the hell is going on here?
When he sees you as the one, he’ll assure you he does so. But when he doesn’t have a clue about it, he’ll give off mixed signals that’ll leave you confused too; quite logical if you think about it enough.
He’s both distant and close, of course you’re confused too by now. Just when things get with rose petals and love songs flowing around, he gets out of the picture. You’re left wondering, what is this, and just what the hell is going on here?
He’s very loving and caring in one minute, and not at his best in the other. Again, it’s confusing. Though if this has been happening way too often and it’s leaving you feeling drained emotionally, you might want to watch out because it is often a sign of a relationship being toxic.
7. He’s not ready to meet your friends/family yet
Another sign he doesn’t know how he’s feeling about you is when he’s not ready to meet your friends and/or family yet. Though, don’t confuse this with his lack of interest to be in a relationship with you. Keep in mind there’s a difference between him being confused about his feelings, and him not being interested in a relationship with you.
If you asked him to meet your friends/family: He finds excuses. He will find excuses because he doesn’t want to move you away from him by saying no, but again he doesn’t want to get that close and meet your friends/family. The most likely reason behind this? He’s not sure how he’s feeling yet.
If you didn’t ask him to meet your friends/family: He doesn’t bring it up. He likes you, but he’s not willing to take this step yet. He’s almost comfortable where you are at, at the moment, hence he’s not going to take any step yet.
8. The future isn’t really much part of your discussions
Future is usually involved when you just know you’ve found the one, when you’re sure of it and you just feel that security, and you’re ready to make decisions together.
We’re talking about random rather romantic conversations. When I say random I mean close but not so close, and not romantic.
What we call a romantic conversation would be expressing affection through words and talking about how you’d see each other being together in the future. When confusion is involved, chances are, conversations about the future won’t be on the table.
Both questions and answers about the future are not on the table. He doesn’t ask you about the future plans, or about where you see the relationship in the future, and neither does he answer your questions about this particular topic.
9. “It’s not a date exactly” but it’s kinda romantic
Exactly, things are far from defined, hence everything is ‘almost’, ‘kinda’ romantic. You hang out quite often, you do whatever you do, but you can’t really call it romantic.
He finds ways and reasons to spend more time with you. Since he cares about you, but isn’t sure of the feelings, he’ll find time for you. You’ll go out maybe, have an amazing time, but it’s that security in the relationship missing.
You just ‘hang out’ but you have an amazing ‘almost’ and ‘perhaps’ romantic time together. It’s like a date, but not a date. Just think of it this way: If he’d be sure about everything that has to do with his feelings towards you, would he call it a date? The answer is yes.
10. His behavior reflects under the sheets too
Assuming that you did it already when he’s uncertain about his way of feeling about you and the relationship with you, you’ll notice his behavior when it comes to sex too.
He sticks around, sometimes. In one moment he feels so sure, and sticks around and sleeps after the good, sexy times. But then there are moments where he’d go ‘for something he has to do’ with a confused look on his face.
He invites you to stay, sometimes. Some days he’s nice and kind, perhaps breakfast in bed, and some other days there’s a simple “I’ve had a nice time, thank you.”
11. The chemistry is undeniable, but he still finds indirect ways to deny/question it
You feel it, both of you. But there’s indirect (perhaps even direct) denial or questioning on his side.
There’s a lot of filtering of words and actions involved. God forbid he ever calls you ‘baby’, or even when he does it’s just once for that day, and perhaps the week, and perhaps the month. Not just ‘baby’, it’s the super-careful behavior around ‘girlfriend’, ‘relationship’, ‘love’, touching in public, or holding hands at times.
He doesn’t always ‘deny’ or ‘question’ the affection. He does express affection, care, touchy feelings, at times too. He feels them, and you can tell they’re genuine whenever he expresses them. But, he doesn’t do it too often. It’s clear he’s not sure if what he’s feeling is real or not.
12. He’s not straight and forward with his feelings, even if you ask him
How can he be open about his feelings when he doesn’t even know how he’s feeling about this whole thing? Exactly.
His body language says he’s interested, but he himself doesn’t talk much like it. He doesn’t want to assure you of something that he’s not sure of. Hence he’ll verbally lack affirmations of his affection and care towards you.
You asked him: He just can’t give you a sure enough answer.
He’ll go around the block, will take alternate directions, but never make it straight to the destination. Again, he can’t assure you of something that he himself isn’t sure of yet.
13. He’s caring, but noticeably has a hard time to let go of ‘control’
He’ll make sure to keep his behavior in control and not ‘overdo’ with the caring, and the lovey-dovey stuff.
He’s protective of you. He’ll show it in indirect or direct ways, he cares, otherwise he wouldn’t be around until now.
He’s very often supportive. Caring and support often go hand-in-hand, so when he cares, he’ll be supportive. Not all the time though, unless he genuinely feels it.
14. Did I hear: SITUATIONSHIP?
He’s not going to give you high hopes, but also doesn’t want you to go away from him. You’re in a ‘thing’ that’s not defined, with a partner you can’t call ‘boyfriend’ or ‘partner’, you’re in a situationship.
The communication isn’t very consistent. It is usual that in situationships the communication isn’t consistent, as things are not defined, and don’t have a certain known direction.
He’s there sometimes, but not always. You call him when you need him, he’ll show up, but at times he won’t. If this would be a relationship, he’d show up everytime, just like you would.
15. He looks ‘what’s out there’
He could be on dating sites or you just notice him looking around while you’re out. It gets obvious, he’s opening his eyes for more. He’s curious to see, to hear other women too.
He doesn’t really walk the talk. This is that exact confusing behavior of a confused person. He doesn’t want to assure you, but also doesn’t want to drive you away. Hence, he’ll cover things up with words every now and then.
Could be curious of what ‘could’ or ‘would’ fit him worse or better. He isn’t sure about you, so he’ll wander around for other ‘fits’ too. This is sad, slightly disappointing, but true in most cases.
Trust his word: He tells you he’s confused about his feelings
When a guy says he’s confused and needs time, trust his word! Whatever his intentions are, if he tells you that he’s confused about his feelings for you, don’t take it as a sign, no. Crush all the signs, and believe his word.
It is no longer a sign, it is a truth he’s handing to you. Appreciate his honesty, and then make a decision on whether you want to stick around or not – I’ll help you out on this part:
What to do when a guy is confused about his feelings for you?
Perhaps you’ve got all the signs he’s confused about his feelings, or about the relationship in general. It’s good to communicate things, before coming up to a conclusion, and rush into decision-making. Hence, some tips on what you can do on the situation:
1. Give him space, but don’t block yourself.
Have an honest conversation with him about it, and you can tell him something similar to:
“I have noticed you’re not very certain about the relationship, or the feelings you’ve got towards me. I understand that, and I believe you need some time off to figure it out. I decided to move a step behind and give you the space and time that you need in order to do that. I’ll be around, hopefully. And I’ll look forward to hearing from you again.”
In this case, you’re giving him the message that you know what’s going on, you noticed his behavior, you understand, but also it’s not entirely sure that he’ll find you around when he comes back: you’re being honest and open about it.
2. Don’t try to ‘make him’ secure about you.
If he’s confused about you, and you try to do something about it and make him secure: You’ll end up being desperate about it. Give the space and time he needs to figure this out.
Don’t try to force things, nor ‘make him’ feel secure. It’s something he has to do himself. Unless he’s reflecting on your behavior, you don’t have to do anything to assure him.
3. Take your time to make a decision: wait for him, or let go?
Now, you’ve given him the time. It’s your turn to take some time too, and decide what you’ll do while he’s figuring this whole feeling thing out.
Think of it, take it easy. If you truly see potential for your relationship to be worth it, and healthy, then you could wait for him.
On the other hand, if you’d wait for him just so that you don’t end up being lonely, let go of it, and start working on your pretty self.
Keep in mind*
Why is he confused about his feelings?
When a man is confused about his feelings is usually because of:
1. Past relationships haunting him still.
3. His nature, which is to take things slow and easy, and this is ‘too fast’ for him.
4. Past memories that connect with the current events in his life.
5. He’s not feeling the emotional stability, which has nothing to do with you.
What do we have here? – The conclusion
Things feel uncertain, you start to question your feelings about him too. It’s about the energy, it’s about the vibe he gives off that affects both of you.
Take your time, make the decision. Calm and easy is the way to go.