Many people, or rather many men, find feelings and emotions scary.

When I speak to men who come seeking relationship advice, I often listen to them rant about how confused they are about their feelings regarding their significant other.

Confusion is not always easy to detect but here are some of the signs men show when they are not so sure about their feelings for you.

But before we delve into those details, let’s address how long the “talking stage” should last. If he’s still confused about his feelings, it could be because you are still stuck in the talking stage.

The talking stage phenomenon:

How much should it last: The real “Talking stage” timeline

Short to moderate

This phase of the relationship when it is early on should approximately last 1-2 weeks to 2-3 months – At this phase, people usually take the opportunity to have several conversations, go on a few dates, and see how the relationship might fit into their lives.

If it happens as early as one week it is because intense feelings have risen, and you will be already building the further establishment of the relationship.

Extended to Excessively extended

This phase includes a period of longer than 3 months which is the extended phase to 6 to 1 year which makes it the excessively extended phase. Thus, is the time to either make something final and tie the not or break it off.

At this point, the ultimatum arises, and they have to make the big decision to stay in this phantom relationship or leave before it’s too late.

Now, let’s get back to why we’re here—yes, the signs! Alright… Number one:

1. Mixed Signals

Men who give you mixed signals are the worst! One day they talk to you like they are close and the next day they become ice cold.

This behavior usually occurs when they are not sure on which side their hearts lean more to, and end up being confused altogether.

2. He doesn’t take you on real dates

Men who are truly into you will plan ideal dates, like a picnic, trying out a new venue, or even taking a little trip if they’re enthusiastic enough.

However, when a man is confused about his feelings, he might only invite you to his apartment or not plan a date at all.

For these types of men, dating feels too exclusive, and they fear that such events might take an undesirable turn.

3. He avoids deep conversations

He will only stay on the surface and avoid deep conversations.

Whenever topics like plans, wishes, or dreams come up, he will steer clear, avoiding them because of the confusion he’s feeling about you.

He could dodge any conversation that requires emotional investment, keeping things at a distance and only sticking to light, everyday chatter.

This avoidance style is his psychological way of saying “I’m not ready emotionally for this step” and are uncertain they can go on deeper levels.

4. On-again, off-again

Men will treat you nicely, especially in the beginning. However, after a while, they won’t do that anymore.

No good gestures, late replies, not giving you the right attention you deserve, and not being very present when you talk together.

This shift can signal his confusion from a distance. He is uncertain about his position—whether he should continue doing nice things for you or put an end to them.

5. You are definitely in a SITUATIONSHIP

“He hangs you by the tree of the leaf,” which accurately describes what’s going on here. He doesn’t want to label the relationship and isn’t ready to treat it any differently.

You’re stuck in a situationship, and you’ll feel it. He keeps you hanging with spontaneous affection but won’t hold your hand in public or call you his girlfriend.

At this point, it’s time to face the truth: are you in a RELATIONSHIP or a SITUATIONSHIP?

I suggest you text him this question now!

6. He flirts and talks with other girls

He is always seeking attention from other girls—whether by following them on social media, liking their photos, or maintaining an unsettling number of suspicious female friends. He might also flirt with girls when you and him are both out or have a wandering eye.

As they say, “He who chases two rabbits catches neither,” perfectly captures the nature of these flaky guys.

A piece of advice: If he is like this, you deserve better! You don’t need boys who can’t seem to appreciate the woman they have on their side. You deserve to have a real man who sees you as the only woman in the world.

7. He’s recently been through a tough breakup and is still shaken

Past relationships can have an impact on your current relationships. Thus, the guy you are talking to has still some unresolved issues with his ex.

He might still have feelings for her or was deeply wounded and can’t trust you just yet.

No matter the cause, breakups are always tough to get through. If you believe he’s worth waiting for while he heals, then go ahead.

But if you’d prefer to move on with someone who doesn’t have “ ex issues,” the choice is yours to make.

8. You are not his priority

No matter how much you try to become the only one for him, making time for him, arranging your schedule around dating him, and overall wanting to spend time with him more than with your friends, he just seems not to make you his priority. He doesn’t do the same.

He sends you patchy texts, he’s not there when you need him, doesn’t care about your emotional side, keeps the future undefined, doesn’t spend enough time with you etc.

\All these little things coming together just indicate that he is very confused and not sure where you stand in his life.

9. It’s just a “ONE NIGHT STAND” with you

It’s a fling, not a real thing. This behavior is a “playboy” move; their life niche is to avoid commitment and not allow anything to be committed to them. They are like the wind—it comes and goes—because they don’t want to let their guard down and start having feelings.

We see in many movies, like Friends with Benefits or No Strings Attached, that in the end, the characters develop feelings for each other. These types of guys think the same way—they simply don’t want to catch the “love virus.”

10. It’s just that…LOVE scares him!

Many men are scared of love and to be loved. This is called “Philophobia” This fear feels so real and deep that they find it very difficult or even impossible to form or maintain any form or type of loving relationships.

Sometimes they may be pretty sure of how they feel about you but are scared to accept that fact. Instead, they don’t show their true feelings and hide behind their feelings

This could also be linked to their past traumas regarding love. Maybe they lost someone they loved in one way or another, and now love is more of an anxious feeling rather than a beautiful one.

What are the next steps if a guy admits he’s confused about his feelings?

Well, here comes the real work! Making him admit he is a little confused will leave you having two thoughts;

It’s clear, he doesn’t like me that much. I guess I should call it off!
Even though he is confused now, I can make him change his mind.

These thoughts often lead either to more confusion or to a clearer understanding of our feelings.

In this case, what should we do?

Assess the situation: Analyze the relationship so far, and look at all the details and everything you both have been through so far. Look at the pros and cons of the relationship and assess the situation with maturity. Think of the reasons why you should keep fighting for this relationship or call it off.
Be ready to open a conversation: Talk through what is bothering you, how his confusion makes you feel, and what you both can do to make this stage more pleasant and effective.
Create the space: Sometimes people just need some space to sort their feelings out. This can be quite overwhelming considering the raw human emotions and how they can affect us.
Discuss your expectations and define your boundaries: Talk through what are your expectations in this relationship, whether you are looking for something serious or not. Don’t forget to define your boundaries what do you allow and what not.

Do you allow him some more time to clear his mind until he becomes sure of you?
Or do you decide to cut it off because your time is simply precious and you do not want to lose any more of it?

However you assess the situation, it may end up being the best decision for your life. If it’s meant to be, it will be; if not, you might be left with a broken heart, but you’ll also gain a valuable life skill.

That skill is having open conversations about your feelings and not allowing anyone to take you for granted. This is the only way to move forward.

I wish you all the best of luck.

~Castillo