Answering the big question: Can you make a player fall in love with you?
The strange thing about players is that Hollywood has been portraying them in a way that made them seem charming and ‘savable’.
Hence when we encounter them in reality we automatically see them as magnetic. They are, is fragile boys that got hurt and never got to recover from it.
They avoid being vulnerable at all costs, hence they are insensitive toward your feelings.
Are you dating a player?
Defining the meaning of a Player in a relationship – A player explained psychologically!
A Player is a person that dates multiple people (without them knowing about it), doesn’t have consideration towards your feelings, and will tell you anything it takes to ‘play’ you into bed. He’s not looking for commitment but will play games to make you think he is.
According to Psychology Today, the term ‘Player’ is misused quite frequently in our society.
The truth about players is that they’ve been emotionally hurt in past experiences either from their childhood or a past romantic relationship.
A player can also be explained with the Mother complex – a theory by Carl Jung according to whom this way of dating is called Don Juanism.
According to this theory, the person with the mother complex involved in Don Juanism–in heterosexual connections–unconsciously looks for his mother in the women he dates.
Generally, the mother presents a caring, providing, and nurturing figure.
The theory suggests that a man that hasn’t felt loved by his mother in his childhood will seek comfort in other women he dates.
If he got hurt by a past romantic experience with a woman, he will block himself emotionally to not open up to let anyone in.
This is where the defense mechanisms come in. In a player, the defense mechanisms are highly enhanced and advanced.
The role of defense mechanisms is to keep him safe from feeling hurt, vulnerable, humiliated, or other negative feelings.
Some of the most common defense mechanisms in players tend to be projection, displacement, denial, sublimation, reaction formation, etc.
They’re consciously and unconsciously dealing with problems and trying to avoid getting hurt at all costs.
So, a player in depth is just as fragile as anyone else is.
Finding out if he’s playing you – The 16 ultimate signs he’s a player!
1. He’s got this unbelievable ability to make you feel insecure.
Part of the mind games of a player is establishing power and control within the connections. He does that by making you feel inferior and insecure.
A player will give you the feeling that you’re competing with a line of other women to earn his attention and time.
He presents himself to you–as superior–and he approaches you in a way to make you feel inferior to his presence.
By making you feel insecure he establishes importance in your life, making it easier for him to play you and your head.
2. He doesn’t put effort into the connection unless it’s about sex.
A player doesn’t invest time, money, or emotions into his connections. The only time he’ll invest anything it takes will be if sex is on the table.
He’s the kindest when he’s around, but doesn’t notice you when out in public.
He wants sex and sexting, but he avoids at all costs the emotional connection or the bonding that sex comes with.
17 warning signs he is a player through text!
3. His words don’t match his actions.
A player wants something from you and he’ll do anything he can to get it.
Part of what he’s capable of, unfortunately, is lying and promising you empty promises as well.
He keeps you longer in the relationship by giving you false hope that things will change and that his behavior will, eventually, get better.
This makes you more vulnerable to his presence and manipulation tactics.
4. He guilt-trips you.
The guilt-tripping becomes more significantly obvious when you try solving an issue about something he did that hurt you.
The debate starts, he plays the victim, gets angry, and accuses you of accusing him of ‘such a thing’.
You’re left feeling guilty, confused, and sorry for bringing it up.
Instead of solving the issue and feeling supported, you’re manipulated to think “I can’t believe I’m so selfish!”
5. He avoids defining your connection.
When it comes to “What are we? Are we a couple, friends, or friends with benefits?” things are left unclear when he responds with “There’s no need for labels.”
He might even continue it even further to make you feel guilty for ‘putting him in such a position’.
Defining the relationship won’t give him the freedom to do what he wants and at the end of the day say “We’re not in a relationship.”
He wants to be discreet, has multiple people at his disposal when he needs them, and does not get attached to any of them to avoid getting hurt.
6. He vanishes from time to time.
This is part of his manipulation tactics to induce fear within you. When he vanishes from your life for a while he makes you eager for his presence.
Once he returns he rewards your insecurities, making you feel the need to impress him more so that he doesn’t leave again.
This way you’re left accepting unacceptable behavior at the cost of his presence.
7. He makes you feel needy.
Another one of the signs you’re dating a player is his enormous need for space.
Needing space and “me time” is normal. Experts of Eugene Therapy consider space in relationships crucial to establish a sense of individuality.
However, you often find yourself feeling needy despite the small amount of time you two spend together.
The way he talks makes you feel like you’ve been suffocating him with your neediness although you didn’t ask much from him.
8. He got cold after sex.
He gets cold after sex, and you’re left wondering about what you did wrong, or what you said wrong.
This can be explained by his incapability of connection, and his fear of building a connection which then exposes him to vulnerability.
Sex is also a way of connecting, it involves a lot of intimacy and vulnerability, and a player will not be capable of handling it.
He goes cold right away so that he can avoid it.
9. He’s jealous and doesn’t seem to ever trust you.
His mind is chaotic and his guard is up. His defense mechanisms give him a different view of reality to protect his ego.
One of the defense mechanisms called projection causes him to be controlling, jealous, and untrusting of you.
He projects what he does onto you–he thinks you’re doing the same things he’s doing.
On the other hand, this gives him a sense of power over you making you focus more on the impression you’re giving him rather than his actions toward you.
10. He’s hot and cold with you.
Many players tend to have similarities with narcissists due to the similarity in their use of manipulation tactics.
Acting hot and cold yields his power within the relationship because this behavior keeps you on your toes and eager for his presence.
He gives you the best he’s got and that gives you hope and sparks. That hope turns into fear and despair the moment he’s gone.
Now you’re willing to tolerate anything just to have another glimpse of the ‘best he’s got’.
11. You never see him on the weekends.
He uses his weekends for other things or other people and you’re never part of those activities.
Spending time with one another can lead to knowing more about one another which then leads to a connection, and a player can’t afford that emotionally.
He’s likely to spend his weekends with other people he’s dating or to do things that don’t involve you just to prevent an emotional connection from forming.
12. He’s very protective of his phone.
A player has multiple connections with multiple people at once. That might make his phone buzz more frequently than another person you might know.
He likes his “privacy” respected and gets very mad if you lay your eyes on his phone when he’s using it.
His phone is loaded with people, pictures, dating apps, social media, and other things you shouldn’t see.
To avoid uncovering his game, he protects his phone at all costs.
13. It’s been a while and he hasn’t introduced you to his friends or family.
Part of a healthy relationship, or say, a normal relationship, is introducing one another to important people in your lives.
That is part of the commitment, it’s a sign of care, and it’s another step to strengthen the relationship. A player doesn’t want any of this.
He doesn’t want to get too involved because that would threaten his position in your life and the other people he’s dating.
14. He’s disrespectful of your boundaries.
Another one of the most significant signs of a player is his disrespect of you and your boundaries.
He doesn’t take a “No” for an answer, and he doesn’t mind if he steps on a boundary you communicated.
You’re constantly pressured into decisions you don’t want to make.
He’s self-righteous and gives himself the right to step on your boundaries without questioning his actions.
15. He’s passive-aggressive.
Instead of being open to discussions, he chooses to indirectly express his discontent or frustration.
He might give you the silent treatment and let you be confused and “figure it out yourself” the reason why he’s mad at you today.
This allows him to make you go out of your way to satisfy his needs and move your focus to something else other than “Is he deserving of my attention?”
16. His barriers seem unbreakable.
No matter how hard you try to break the barriers and reach him emotionally, a player is as superficial as a person can get.
He’s careful around you and he doesn’t, under any condition, want you to see his vulnerable side.
This is due to his subconscious fear of that vulnerability being used against him and breaking him again.
That’s why he never opens up to you, and that’s why your conversation doesn’t reach any other level but superficial.
Spotting a player before you get too involved with him! – How to tell he’s a player from a distance?
Although not so easily, a player can be spotted in a crowd or before you get too involved with him.
You can spot the signs that the guy you met online is a player. Knowing these signs and spotting the red flags will help you dodge a bullet!
Here are the very early signs a guy is a player:
– “I don’t want anything serious, but I want to know you better”
This is one of the things a player says at the very beginning of a connection. It’s how he secures his place in your life and gets what he wants once you let him in.
– He makes himself seem perfect.
He knows exactly what you want to hear, and he will use exactly that to get your attention and affection.
He’s got the charm, he’s got the words – he’s fully armed with what it takes to get someone hooked.
– He’s arrogant, not confident.
He knows when he crosses the line, so he won’t do that. He’s super confident and he knows it.
He uses his arrogance to intimidate you, impose a specific image of himself on you, and make you more likely to fall for his games.
– He tries moving things too fast.
Another one of the most used tactics by players (narcissists as well) is love bombing.
He gives you compliments and tells you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear without even knowing you that much.
You’ve just introduced yourselves, and he’s already talking to you about how many kids he’d like to have in the future… with you!
– He’s telling you all about his crazy exes.
He wants you to feel sorry for him for being treated badly by some crazy girls that didn’t know his worth.
This tricks you into thinking you’re the one for him, the one that’ll save him and will know his worth at last.
– He doesn’t pay attention to what you say and forgets every time.
His mind is focused on his intentions, he’ll use you for the benefits he’s looking for. He won’t listen unless that’ll be useful information to reach his goals with you.
– He tells you “I’m not a player” without even asking him.
You might be familiar with feeling guilty about something and getting suspicious that everyone knows of the thing you did, so you try to act casually about it.
This is what he does to get rid of what he doubts you’re doubting.
– He’s been with a lot of people you know of.
If a lot of friends from your friend group have stories about him, then, it is not a very good sign.
Introduction to a player’s game – Here’s how he tricks you!
A player’s game has a clever strategy behind it. Although some of them do it unconsciously, the majority of players tend to be very aware of what they’re doing.
Here’s how a player tricks you:
- He uses manipulations such as love bombing, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping to seduce you and keep you in the relationship.
- He knows exactly what you want to hear, and he says it.
- He makes you feel insecure. Because knowing your worth you’d know you deserve better and have the courage to speak up and cut it off.
- He fakes emotions to make you feel guilty for wanting to leave. He tries using his looks and intellect to use your weakness against you.
- He knows he looks good, he uses this charm to manipulate you. Especially with his facial expressions, and abilities to make things sound so true.
- He’ll use everything he can to make you feel guilty for rejecting him.
Answering your questions about players!
1. “What are the signs that a player is falling in love with you?”
A player is first a human, then a player, right? So, he’s a man falling in love with you. However, some of the signs that a player is falling in love with you involve:
- He’s playing no games anymore;
- He’ll want to spend time out of the bedroom;
- He’ll start opening up;
- He will consistently keep in touch;
2. “Do players fall in love?”
Yes, players do fall in love. Players, despite what they’re judged to be like, have and can develop feelings. The issue is that they cannot commit, and have difficulties being intimate and showing their vulnerability.
3. “Can a player commit to a relationship?”
In most cases, a player cannot commit to a relationship. As that is the main issue as to why they’re called players. They’re not interested in a relationship.
However, if they choose to acknowledge their inner issues, and choose to start working on finding what’s troubling them, they might as well be able to commit to a relationship.
A lot of people that are struggling with this, choose to go to therapy and find it helpful in solving the things causing them to cause trouble.
4. “Can I change a player?”
You can’t change a player. He has to do this himself.
What you can do is be there and stand by his side on his journey to healing.
One of the reasons why so many girls fall for such men is because they strongly believe that they can change them.
Don’t get involved, unless what you’re looking for is drama, or if you think he’s willing to start healing and you want to stay and help on his journey.
His dynamics of behavior can be highly damaging and they might even blind you from the truth.
You can always consult with a therapist that’ll help you in your healing journey. You can talk to a therapist anytime!
Take good care,
I have this guy, we were talking for almost a month but I know him first and I like him for a long time, then when I was just taking a walk at the park he says hi to me and called my name too. I feel butterfly in my stomach, we talked about life little information i didn’t know is his sister was my bestfriend, I didn’t know that my bestfriend got brother’s Idk about her family because she never talk about it. So I was surprised that her sister sit beside us and she introduced me to her brother well I really didn’t know that she have siblings. It was already getting late so I was about to go home but he invited me first to have dinner, and I said “okay sure let’s go” I saw he smiled, he’s really cute fr
After we ate dinner we went out and I told him that I’m going home but then he called me again he asked if he could get my # then I said yes you can. We keep the communication we were talking for almost a month, not until when he had graduation pictorial he’s a graduating student in senior high. He suddenly became cold he barely reply on my texts even though he’s always active, I know that he’s also busy but he’s also scrolling through the Facebook and just ignoring my messages. I’m already losing my feelings for him but idk maybe I’m just confused but I really like him and I think I like him, I liked him for almost 2 years and I think I’ll just admire him from afar.
What the readers must keep in mind and understand is, this article is strictly ONE woman’s opinion and experience. This is NOT a bible the covers the absolute facts for every man or woman so it must be taken with a grain of salt and view your situation carefully and make your own decisions. This is certainly no guide that is true in every case.
Thanks for your feedback. Would you mind exploring your part or if you have any specific feedback we greatly love to hear about? That way we can make accurate information.
We met, hooked up and continued to talk and try to meet up for 3 YEARS over the covid period. When we were finally in the same city. We made a date to meet. He stood me up. Told me my priorities were different to his! AFTER 3 YEARS! He ghosted me that entire weekend and ended up blocking me. Well of course I didn’t handle it very well. 3 years of chatting and trying to meet up. Whacked with being stood up when we were a few hours from meeting.
Is this guy a narcissistic player? It felt very psychologically abusive. I need affirmation that this guy is the biggest JERK to every walk the face of the planet.