Ah, yes! The century’s dilemma: Is he thinking I’m the one, or he’s just being ‘the one’ for me?
Well, unfortunately, AND fortunately we can’t read each other’s minds, BUT we can read behaviors, words, and body language. That’s good news considering the dilemma we’re having at the moment, right?
Good. Before we get into the signs, we’re going to clear up a few things. Some fundamentals when it comes to the mindset we approach such situations:
Clearing up a couple of things first:
What makes a man decide you’re the one? & What makes a man see you as his wife?
You. Your own true self, without faking your personality. If he doesn’t see that as ‘the one’, or as ‘his wife’, then he’s not ‘the one’ for you.
Let’s get the focus out of the things we should do in order to fulfill their needs. If he likes you, if he genuinely likes you for you, for what you present, and what you are, there’s no need for extra things to prove to him you’re the one, or you’re what they call ‘wifey material’. Let’s drop that mindset, for god’s sake!
Do guys know when they’ve met the one?
Well, they know how to be kind of silly at times, but they do. It might take time, and it might not. Might know at the moment he lays eyes on you, or the moment you do something silly, or at any other moment of the relationship. Oh, and in the worst case: when he loses you.
The point is that they do, eventually, they realize when it’s the one.
Now, back to the 23 fundamental signs, he sees you as the one:
1. Asks you to move in with him
Yeah, I know. It’s a pretty f*cking big step to take. Hence, you don’t take it unless you think you’ve found the one. Otherwise, we’re not emotionally and financially capable of affording to change ‘roommates’ every six months. Unless… unless they’re the one.
This is one of the early signs he thinks you’re the one. Seriously, guys! Moving in is a big deal!
How do you know if a guy sees a future with you? Well, he asks you to move in with him, or:
2. He introduced you to his family & friends
Meaning, he introduced you to people he loves and cares about. Keep in mind that this is not just about showing you to them. This is also him, showing you a side of himself too.
Friends and family are parts of us, some of them are the best, some are the weirdest bastards you get to meet. Hence, introducing them to you is a great sign of showing vulnerability too, showing another part of himself.
How do I tell He really loves me?
3. He wants to meet your family
Just like he wanted you to meet him, and know more about him, he wants to see your loved ones too. He wants to know who gets most of the credits for making ‘the one’ for him.
4. He’s constantly using ‘we’
“He thinks I’m the one.” Cool, cool, cool, but does he go “Yeah, no… WE don’t like cheesecake.” to someone asking only him if he wants cheesecake or not.
Or my personal favorite, when it’s his car and he says “[this/that] our car”. Or, when it’s all good and gucci, and when it comes to the future he starts using ‘we’ too, or ‘us’. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the future, long-term and short-term future. He knows you’re the one, because indeed: You da one!
5. He’s mentioning future plans with you
Hear me out, hear me out! When he makes future plans with you, I said when he makes future plans with you!!!!! He wants you in his future.
You know you’re not finna plan anything with your friends unless it is tomorrow or the furthest it could get: next week.
But when it comes to the one, THE ONE, the future is on the table. He’ll ask you and will try to discuss future plans, or at least ask you about what you’d like your future to look like (he’s gonna want to get prepared).
6. He is his real-real self
You’ve met his friends, his family, you saw his good and bad. You know what he’s like when his fridge is full, and what he’s like when his fridge is empty. He showed and keeps showing you his true self.
There’d be no point in hiding when you think you’ve found the one.
7. You’re becoming one of his priorities
You notice you’re an important part of his life. He’s giving you attention, time, care, loving, and his private parts, what else do you want?
You’re becoming one of his priorities, when he thinks you’re the one. He ain’t gonna let you go soon.
8. His friends & family like you, and your friends & family like him too
Well, the reason why his friends and family like you, is not just your gorgeous & shiny personality, it’s also the fact that he’s been telling them how awesome he finds you.
They’ve been prepared before they saw you, even though I’m sure they weren’t prepared enough…
…For a goddess like you, duh. Of course you’re the one!
Your friends and family want the best for you, he’ll do his best to ‘impress’ them. If he wouldn’t think you’re the one, he wouldn’t care much. So he does try, and he succeeds. It’s gonna be a wonderful wedding.
9. You go out in public spaces quite frequently
Not only does he want to be seen with you, he’s even enthusiastic about it. It’s also about the way he treats you when you two are out together, don’t forget that.
He’ll hold your hand, he’ll be nice and gentle just like when it’s the two of you alone at home.
10. He genuinely takes care of your needs – He cares about your wellbeing
He makes you feel special and he means it. You feel he puts time and effort when it comes to you. He’s present, he listens, he likes you (and you can tell). You don’t ever feel like you’re too much when you’re around him.
Whatever it is that you need, he will take care of it as long as he can. If he’d be playing around with you, he wouldn’t do it.
That is something he made clear to you by showing up when you needed him, when you were sick, by being supportive of you and your goals & dreams, by caring enough to show up, by caring enough to make time for you.
He lets you know what you mean to him – Not just verbally, no. Saying words is easy as hell, sister! He lets you know through actions. He takes care of you, your needs, because he wants to keep you in his life.
Think about it, if he’d want you out of there, you’d be out already, or in the worst case: you’d be wanting out but you’d be struggling, you’d be confused.
11. Your presence doesn’t bother him, it makes him joyful
You can feel the joy and the cherishing that comes from his side because of your presence. Your presence doesn’t bother him, it makes him joyful. You can tell this is what he’s been looking for (of course, if he didn’t tell you that already).
You often hear “thank you” and “I’m sorry”. You hear compliments, you hear gratitude, you hear love when around him. There’s appreciation, admiration, and love in the way that he looks at you. I know, it sounds very cheesy, but you’ll know it when you feel/see it.
12. He shows interest in things you’re interested in
Do you love something? If he doesn’t like it, he’ll at least, at the very least, be curious about it. If he doesn’t do that activity with you, he’ll show interest and ask you questions about it, about what makes you so happy about it.
He pays attention and genuinely cares about your happiness. I can’t tame the excitement already!
13. He gave you access to his phone
This is not my personal favorite, but when a man does this, it usually means that he’s got nothing to hide from you.
Nowadays we keep everything in our phones, the weirdest sh*t. If he’s willing to let that side of his show, then take it as a sign. A sign he sees you as the one.
14. His gifts are thoughtful and ‘time proof’
He gives you things that ‘survive’ time = he’s trying to be in for the long haul, sista!
It’s been a while and he’s consistent with care and love towards you. Take that as a ‘time proof’ gift as well.
15. He’s clearly ‘investing’
Men are biologically wired to be providing when it comes to a partner they see as the one to have their children with – we’re talking about thousands of years old instinct, keep that in mind. So when he sees that potential in you, that ‘she’s the one’ potential, he’ll be providing, he’ll be ‘investing’.
16. The sex life… baby, it’s on fire
It was good at the beginning but now… chile, now it’s a different story. You see, sex is good as just the ‘animalistic’ act itself, but it goes to another level when there’s emotions, feelings, love involved. It’s that bond, that connection that grows stronger, which makes it ‘fire’.
17. You can spend time doing nothing and you genuinely enjoy it
It’s just the two of you, with nothing to do, hell, nothing to eat, and you enjoy each other’s company. That’s because you’ve got food for your souls, you’ve got connection, you nourish each other with your presence, caring, and conversations.
You’re willing to spend an entire day in bed with just talking, sex (obviosuly), and doing nothing else. You enjoy that, you lazy freaks!
18. He tries to work things out
If something gets stuck, he is willing to work on it. He’s willing to move things forward in the relationship. Hopefully his effort is reciprocated, otherwise if he’s the one thinking you’re the one and he’s the only one putting effort into the relationship, you might change his mind soon.
Anyway, back to the point: He’s willing to put effort and work into the relationship. Whatever isn’t working, he’ll try to figure a way to fix things. He wouldn’t do that unless he’d think ‘you’re the one’.
19. Your cooking sucks, and he still eats the damn food you cook
If he tells you it isn’t that good and offers options, you’re still Gucci with him. The point is he’s willing to accept what you serve out of respect for your effort. It’s sweet, unlike the cake you baked the other day.
20. He opens up to you
You’ve seen his weak, his fragile, he let you see it. He told you things, he told you things. He opens up about things that make him look ‘weak’, or that are ‘too embarrassing’ to share with others, or that show that he’s fragile.
When it comes to sharing such stories or just sharing things that show our vulnerable sides, it’s tough, it really is. Now, if he does that with you (share), you take the sign.
21. He laughs at your jokes
Well, he does the other things involved in the list AND he laughs at your lame jokes. Come on now, we all got lame jokes. If he laughs at yours, there’s something cooking up, I’m telling you.
Some jokes are unbearable, but he just happened not only to bear them, but to even find them funny enough to laugh (either at the joke, or at your attempt to make a joke, it’s fine).
22. You often catch him giving you THE look
It’s that so in love look, even if you’re doing something crazy or ‘unacceptable’. You know the look.
23. He tells you
He slams the “I think you’re the one.” right on your face. If he did that, girl? What are you doing here?
2 main signs he doesn’t see you as the one
For me personally, there are two main signs he doesn’t think you’re the one:
1. He doesn’t treat you right – The relationship is toxic
‘Doesn’t treat you right’ means there’s lack of respect, love, care, time, effort towards you. You don’t feel well while being in a relationship. He doesn’t value you, he doesn’t appreciate you nor your presence.
Showing a lack of such fundamentals means he’s not showing any signs of settlement. We settle with the ones, and we don’t do so when we don’t see ‘the one’ in someone.
2. It’s been a long while in the relationship and you haven’t met any of his friends or family
So he’s either too embarrassed of them, or he doesn’t want you to meet them ‘yet’. I’m talking about the relationships in which there’s been a very long time like 2 years plus. Unless you didn’t discuss this topic, there’s something ‘interesting’ going on.
How long does it generally take for a man to know you’re the one?
Generally, it doesn’t take too long, I’m talking months or a year at max. However, there’s no absolute unchangeable answer to that question.
There are men that know at the first time they see their partner, and there are others that take years and years to figure it out, men that like to take their time.
We’re all different from each other, we see things differently, and we do things differently.
Conclusion – Are you the one for him?
You’re the one he wants to marry if you found a ring in his pocket, take it as a sign too. Jeez! I almost forgot that one.
Great work gives hope and she is a thriller you find yourself going.. thanks for this it was helpful… I hope he does choose me… still praying it’s complicated for now…but he’s shown all that