In this day and age, we’re not really in need of protection. It’s just the idea of women needing a hero eventually vanishing through the years. However, we can’t escape our instinct and the hard-wired biology behind us as human beings.
Back in the days of caves, men were the protecting and providing ones, while women were the nurturing, caring ones. Today, that idea is almost absurd, but again, we can’t really escape that easily what has been programmed into our genes for thousands of years.
Have you ever just wondered and discussed while having coffee with your besties, did he do this to protect me, is that even linked to R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Is he a PROTECTIVE type? I know that those chit chats did not help you at all, but thank god, here you f*cking are…
Firstly, let me ask you: have you ever noticed one thing that characterizes MEN?
I’m guessing your answer may be something like “their pride that makes them manly men”. Can we also take as an answer the issue of how their brain works? Ah, there’s too much on our plates already!
What we call a PP formula represents the idea that men are created in that way to Provide and Protect. So far so easy.
Since behaviors are initiated by our brains, this suggests there is some hard-wiring going on. Which means that men’s brain works in that way, they feel like they need to provide for others and protect them, especially people they care for. Let’s see what that looks like…
What does ‘Protective’ really mean?
For each of us, ‘Being Protected’ has a different meaning, for some it means physical safety, for some it means state of serenity, for others it might mean being fully understood as a human being, and the list goes on and on and on.
Darn it, who are we fooling with, each of us needs an aura of a safe place in every way possible.
Guys are also created to do a lot of cute protective things but you should not confuse that with his overprotective and dominant attitude.
You might be wondering ‘how am I gonna know?’ As simple as that, we are going to hop on the ‘Plane of Controlling People’, later on in the article, and we’ll have a closer look of ‘the pilot’s’ perspective.
It might seem a very controversial topic, but again, not THAT controversial.
Just make sure not to
1. Baby, he is your biggest fan!
He is there cheering for you and your decisions, always, all the time! He is there! He embodies ‘protecting you’ in a way of supporting your dreams and goals and not letting you get affected by negative opinions others may have. He always makes sure that you are working hard to achieve your lifetime goals.
If you have a presentation to make, he is there to support you! You want to make a sudden change in your life or work, he will be there to discuss or at least listen to you while you’re speaking your choices out.
BUT if there are humming and mumbling signals from him, or mocking your ideas of the future? Ewww!!! You should not tolerate that kind of attitude. Just snap your fingers and make him disappear…just kidding, chill out.
2. He brightens up your day whenever you feel blue/down
Has he always taken you on a trip to the bright side of life? See??? This is his way of protecting you from darker shadows of life.
Everytime that you feel down, hurt or even not in a good mood, he tries to make it alright by acting goofy and doing some Oompa Loompa dancing moves. He’s not supposed to do exactly that, but you get the point.
His way of protecting you from getting hurt may be, telling you that is going to be okay, by loving you in the purest way, believing in you like a crazy motherf*cker, wiping your tears away, holding you close… most importantly not letting you slip away.
Whenever you are feeling like a piece of sh*t, he’ll find ways to help in order for you to not feel that way, it’s him protecting you.
3. Safety comes first
Let me tell you something:
If he asks you to walk you home from time to time, he is only concerned for you and wants you to go home safe since we know these times have been quite dangerous lately. When a guy is protective over a girl, he’ll care and feel concerned for her safety. He’ll care to know that she’s home safe.
But, what if he walks you home or calls you a cab constantly in a way not letting you be independent and wanting to have you under control?
Be transparent with him, if this makes you feel uncomfortable and you feel being controlled, put out your special weapon a.k.a ‘communicating’.
Gurl, he is not your dad! Yes, you and I like to be protected but I want it to be to that extent that I also feel comfortable, not terrified, confused, and controlled.
You might think, is he my flight attendant that he is concerned for my safety?
Lol, nope. He is your boyfriend or your husband, someone who cares for you! He’ll be concerned about your safety, but also give you a moment to breathe.
You constantly ask yourself: Why does this mofo want to protect me? What makes a man want to protect you? Does he care for me, or does he have strong feelings for me?
I am going to put my Inspector Gadget’s skills into this topic and offer you a solution. Whoop-de-do, of course those little things matter and they reflect: PROTECTION.
He texts you everyday to make sure you’re okay and happy. Opens the door for you, walks you home, asks you to call him when you arrive, or even to send the famous ‘I AM HOME’ text.
4. Takes the role of ‘The Knight’
He takes the role of ‘The Knight’ like a pro. Yeah, that’s it! A Knight’s job is to defend his queen. And this is what he is doing for you.
Now let’s read these signs and see if he did take out his armour for you:
- He makes sure that you are eating right;
- He makes sure you look good before going to work;
- Makes dinner when you are tired;
- Doesn’t want to bother you with his work problems;
- Upgrades you;
- Calls you his KWEEN;
- If something bothers you, he will be your shield.
Now, he doesn’t have to do ALL these things, I put them out here so that you can get the point, though he doesn’t have to be your ‘servant’. The respect and care should be mutual, keep that in mind.
5. Reflects on himself first
Being protective is a sign of love. Sometimes he needs to protect you from his ‘negative’ traits, or his own ‘demons’. His reflecting on himself to solve his inner problems in order not to cause you harm is another one of his ways to offer you emotional protection.
When something is not going right in your relationship he chooses not to avoid those signs and blame you for everything like most other men do leading you to a toxic relationship.
As Michael Jackson stated:
“I’m starting with the man in the mirror;
I’m asking him to change his ways”
While doing this, he prevents himself from causing your insecurities because of his own behavior, he doesn’t want to cause you harm, so he protects you from something that’s not so external, he protects you from his own inner troubles.
Let’s press pause and rewind it all over: Instead of pointing a finger at you he chooses another method, he chooses to reflect on his own self and behavior, to see the problem, to not cause chaos, to protect you from the trouble of mind.
6. THE KILLERS once said “Jealousy turning saints into the sea”
From the moment he feels something for you, he will be Jealous, FOR SURE! As soon as he develops deeper feelings for you he will start to have that feeling of being jealous of you. But, if he is jealous of you in a good way then, sis there is no danger in that.
What we would call a ‘healthy’ level of jealousy is that he doesn’t want to ‘share’ you with another man; He comes clear for that, but doesn’t try to stop you from having contact with other men.
He wants what is best for you and does not want you to be around people that will do harm to you. He will tell you to cut that sh*t out of life and back it up with his own reason, that after you reflect you will see that it was for the best of you.
- If you have a male friend and have known him for a long time and he tells you to just cut him out of your life because he thinks he has feelings for you, then ask yourself which one you know better. Which one would want the best for you?
He starts the engine of jealousy in order to protect you from the danger that he sees and thinks that to be out of it would be better for you. But, it is not considerable if jealousy turns him into a monster and there would be sparks of toxicity in your relationship.
7. Takes blame on your behalf
If you have done something inconvenient then he’ll jump to step up and save you from it.
He takes the blame on your behalf but always tries to teach you a lesson from that. Sometimes your reckless behaviour gets on his nerves: Like, “Baby what are you doing?” But still his move in order to tell you that: Honey B, He is protecting you indirectly.
He mans up and takes the blame. Yeah, just straight like that. Also, that love fool schemes a total plan to make you reflect on your reckless behaviour and not be a brat again.
This helps you jump from being a little girl to that stage of being an Independent Woman.
8. If the World Was Ending!
Come on, let’s put it this way, in this POV, it will be fun… Well, around there.
If ‘Apocalypse’ happened he would try to find a way to help you be safe and survive. He would put you first, before himself and would do whatever he has on his hands to escape you from that type of danger.
Have you found yourself in this type of Utopian situation?
Has he put himself second and you first? Has he put your happiness first and his second?
We have “The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight” – JP Saxe; – Type of situation in here.
If he puts your wellbeing, your happiness and your relationship first in whatever situation you are in, then you have won in life. Always, if he does these things without harming his wellbeing too and without being too pushy towards you. Keep in mind the healthy levels!
9. ATTENTION: Gentleman and only Gentleman
He’s a shelter. You don’t need any extra attention or anything special, by attention I mean him being able to understand you when you’re feeling down and unsafe.
What I am trying to condemn is that he wants you to see him as a safe place where you can rely on him and be vulnerable with him. Go girl and open that heart of yours to that sweet creature.
As human beings we constantly seek understanding, safety; He’ll be that home, that safe place for you.
He is in a pensive mood and observes everything when you are together? But not a creepy mode, right?? Well, let him be that too.
10. Warns you about toxic surroundings
No he is not being a jackass by constantly stating that someone is not good for your soul. If he has back up reasons for all these words then sis, go on and give him a crown.
There are many occasions where he warns you about a family member or a friend, or even a colleague that they are reflecting negatively on you. He is very observative about the situation and tells you like:
“Hey Jade, remember when Hannah was like: Yeah Jade, you got a promotion but what about me?” You were ‘supposed’ to feel guilty that you got the promotion and that she did not even go to Paris to study when she chose to stay with her boyfriend in London, even though you helped her for the examination.
“Yeah remember that night when your friend of 2 years Jack, planned to hook you up with Dave and you did not see it coming, I saw it coming wayback since male brain works the same”, “Those weird chit chats that that moron Dave wanted to have with you without even knowing you, staying up close to you like he isn’t supposed to, calling you constantly without having a reason, those thousands of kisses on your cheek, like abruptly’..’Hell yeah I saw it coming that someone was behind this”.
You might think that in these situations ‘Jealousy and Dominance’ is calling, but heck no. Sometimes when he wants you to cut people from your life he will do anything possible to give you examples to do it, not just by saying that YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT.‘
11. Defending your ‘reputation’
Defending you when you are not around is yet another thing to be considered as a protective move of a guy. Even when your family or friends or anyone talks the ‘bad talk’ about you, hang on King Kong, your boo is on his way.
It does not mean to beat someone or confront someone physically in order to tell you that he is defending you, Jeez, chill out.
If he does not let anyone trash talk about you and respects you behind your back that’s the way that he expresses his appreciation and protection of you. It can be that simple.
12. His body language tells everything
When men are in their mode to protect you there are a few body language signs that need to be mentioned:
#1 Pulls you close in public;
#2 Throws his hand over your shoulder;
#3 Leans in to you and stays very close like there is no tomorrow;
#4 Admires you from a distance, making clear that you are with him.
You’ll notice when he does it, since you automatically feel safer and taken care of.
13. Chivalry is not dead…
Being a gentleman is never out of style. By far this is one of my favorite signs due to the fact that nowadays it is hard to find men with ‘gentleman-y’ characteristics.
As we mentioned earlier on, you can be protected in many ways and one of it is you and your man building trust together.
If he wants to build a relationship with you based on trust then he is telling you that you are not just a fling for him. You are someone important to him!
He’ll hold the door, he’ll take care of you, even though you’re an independent woman that can do those exact things without his help. He understands that, he knows, and accepts that; He’s doing it out of love and care he feels for you.
14. He resembles home to you
He is like a shelter to you. You find home in him, whenever he is near you. You feel he’s the one.
Offering you the feeling of comfort and making you say: Up, up and away from the excitement and from the love galore, shows to you that he is caring and protective.
To all of us home is where you find protection and comfort, and is there any better way for you than someone who represents it in the form of a human being?
Protective or possessive, which is him?
Being protective is often mistaken for being possessive; There are a few important points to clear that out. It is time to start the engine, put the pieces together and have a clearer image of the true meaning of protection vs possessiveness:
1. When ‘Mirroring one another’ goes wrong
Love is not a walk in the park. Mirroring comes naturally, but when it is forced, that’s when there’s room for concern.
It is quite good until he wants you to behave the exact way that he wants. Then, this time it is called ‘Dominance’.
He tells you what to wear, with whom you are going to meet, with whom you should do this, do that… Dang it! There are even times when he tells you what to eat or everytime you go out in a restaurant he orders for you.
Stop this already! There is a quiet difference between wanting to care for you and wanting to turn you into ‘HIS IDEAL GIRLFRIEND’.
Thus, you should be aware of these signs, if he is always “in charge” of your life that is not equal to love, care, and compassion. That is possessiveness for sure.
In case, this behaviour continues and he has already created a life in a bubble for you too, just pop it and find your way to escape to a better type of relationship. Because this is not a way that a guy has to “protect” you, this is a sign of emotional and psychological abuse.
2. He withdraws you from other people
Now is the time when you feel like his puppet on the strings and detached from the world! Yup, by wanting to ‘Protect’ you the way he does he has started to withdraw you from your social circle.
Listen me up, maybe you didn’t have time or chose to not notice this but if you have been meeting up with your friends or your family very rarely lately, you should reflect on this situation: Is it because of him, or because of something personal of yours?
If he is always telling you to “not speak to him”, “not to meet with her”, “why are you hanging out with this person”, this and that. Then we’re talking control, and possessiveness.
He is doing all of this without having any explanation. Plus, there are times when he does this indirectly, in a passive way. Every time someone calls you to hang out or go somewhere even for just a few hours or a day, he has the audacity to tell you that that is the exact time that he wanted to hang out with you and make you feel guilty about it.
Such behavior can cause you to feel drained and exhausted. That is not what ‘protective’ and ‘safe’ looks, feels, sounds like.
Just cut to the chase and step back from everything that is happening, ask yourself if this is what you want or is it just a created situation.
3. He eavesdrops on your conversations
For someone ‘eavesdropping’ it might mean ‘curiosity’ but let me set it this way to you, if it happens simultaneously in a relationship then we have to label it as a very very bad type of curiosity.
He might think that if he knows everything that you are talking about with others, he will be able to ‘protect’ you from everything. That’s just not right, it is not how it works out. Being in control of your thoughts and speech is not protection, god damn it. It is possessiveness and denial of your freedom.
There are different reasons why he does it:
His Insecurities are one of the primary elements that lead your man to have doubt in you and how he tries to have you under his control.
- He might think that you are trash talking him with your friends [female or male]
- Suspects that you are cheating. Perhaps he’s the one cheating, and thinks you’re doing the same.
Moreover, his troubling past/ relationship has a huge impact on his compulsive behavior too.
But let me clarify something, people may listen to your phone conversations accidentally without paying attention or they might do it unintentionally. It is not always about eavesdropping, if it happens constantly and you feel STRANGE, sit and talk to him about it.
4. Accuses you about flirting and infidelity
Here we come to the end of it all, after the phase of eavesdropping he starts to write scenarios in his head. This is a trampoline to the start of going down the hill.
When you are meeting with your friends or want to go out, he asks whether there are any male friends, will you drink, wants to come and pick you up… these types of things! Because he is being “PROTECTIVE”. He’s not the one.
The voice echoes in his head: “Bro for sure she is with someone else right now”, “Bro do something”, “Is she even mine?”
He can feel that you do not “Belong” to him anymore, or to that extent that he thinks he is in charge of you. That’s not a healthy level of ‘protectiveness’.
Here comes the stage that starts to accuse you of cheating. He wants to keep you all by himself.
It is very frustrating to keep doing this, if you feel stuck in this type of relationship, he is not protecting you at all, he is being unfair to you in many ways.
FAQ- Let’s clear these things up too:
Why does he act like an overprotective guy?
He acts like this due to his personality, to his mindset, his own problems. It has nothing to do with you.
He’s got unsolved issues within himself, he’s got insecurities, and probably other suppressed emotions and feelings which now cause him trouble on the inside, which then causes him to cause trouble on the outside and others surrounding him. In this case, you.
How can you tell if a guy is overprotective?
If he keeps invading your personal space, does not leave you to decide for yourself, keeps asking you irrational questions. You feel like you don’t have a second for yourself to just breathe.
Does he do this intentionally?
Some people may have a controlling personality and at times they might want to control things without wanting to do that, without wanting to harm anyone.
However, there are men that do it intentionally, just so they can feel that they’ve got control, which for some reason makes them feel better for themselves.
If he does this constantly and has an obsession to control everything you do and say, then this is definitely intentional. If he sees you hurting from the way he’s treating you, and keeps doing it, it is intentional.
How to spot a Physical or a Psychological Domination?
If you ever have had these signs below, while being in a relationship, you have been exposed to physical and psychological domination.
- You feel worthless, and in constant need to be ‘worthy’ for the person. Everytime that you are hanging with him or everytime that he talks to you, you do not feel quite well, you start to have anxiety and panic attacks, you start to have negative thoughts about yourself, you feel worthless. These are the signs that he is using mind tricks and pressure on you for a long time now.
- You don’t feel free to be yourself. If he is with you whenever you are, keeps you close, when a guy is near (no matter who) he pulls you close in a blink of an eye, tells you what to wear, never lets anyone sit near you when you go out…we got a problem over here!
Now you are aware that love, caring, and being safe have left the chat. Things should have a balance, a healthy balance and healthy ways of doing them, even love, care, and protection, otherwise, life would be total chaos.