A friend of mine dated a player. A few months after therapy she caught herself saying what any woman in her position would say: “I wish I knew at the beginning.”
Spotting that player at the texting stages would’ve helped her dodge a bullet. It would’ve saved her from tears, losing time, and spending therapy money.
You don’t want to learn her lesson the hard way, don’t you? Well, there are red flags that players pull up even through the first text they send you!
Here are the 17 warning signs to tell if a guy is a player over text!
1. He’s texting you one-fits-all and over-the-top compliments.
One of the earliest signs of a player through text is his ability to compliment you in ways you’ve never thought you’d be complimented.
Players tend to play a lot of mind games, it’s what they’re famously known for. One of their manipulation tactics during the early stages is love bombing.
Love-bombing is expressing affection or admiration to a person to make them feel validated and safe in your presence.
You just started texting and he’s already texting you over-the-top compliments that are almost convincing that you’re the best thing he’s ever come across to.
Moreover, some of those compliments are even one-fits-all compliments, they’re general, unauthentic, and not at all specific to your traits and features.
19 signs a player is falling in love
2. He initiated sexting right off the bat.
This is yet another strong sign you’re texting a player.
As the text conversations keep going, a player won’t be able to contain himself much, the bubble bursts, and there he goes sending you the first sext.
There’s nothing wrong with sexting, it is known to be quite healthy to practice to maintain a healthy relationship, especially long distance.
However, the difference between healthy and unhealthy is the timing.
A player will initiate sexting before he knows anything about you.
He tries initiating sexting by commenting something sexual about your appearance, telling you how much he’d like to be with you, and so on.
3. He’s coming on too strong.
Another widely known feature of players is their fast-paced way of moving things within the connection.
He’ll text you about how much he wants you, how pretty you are, and how good you’d look together without even meeting you in person or knowing you.
A player comes on too strong in the beginning to distract you from questioning or doubting his behavior.
This manipulation tactic assures him an easier way for him to get what he wants from you by luring you in by telling you exactly what you want to hear.
He doesn’t know you yet he manages to tell you how perfect he thinks you are. If it smells fishy, it probably is fishy!
4. You’re receiving “U up?” very late at night.
Players are well aware of the sense of loneliness or horniness you get in a lonely late at night.
You might catch yourself settling for a–what you’d call–unworthy sexting on a normal day on such a lonely late night.
He doesn’t put effort into texting you during the day to find out how you are today.
By texting you late at night he secures himself a safe spot in the sexting without having to go through small talk or questions about you to get there.
He knows exactly where the text conversation is going to lead once you respond “Yes” to his “Are you awake?” text!
5. You wait hours for his response.
A person genuinely interested in you will text you to get to know you better and wouldn’t risk losing your interest by disappearing for hours on end.
A player, however, knows exactly how to get your attention and grab firmly on it.
Once a player knows he firmly grabbed your attention, his game will continue going stronger.
He’ll go hot and cold, leaving you to wait hours for his response.
This is yet another part of his manipulation tactics to make you want him more and see him as superior or hard to reach.
This way he keeps you on the edge of your seat, more engaged and more curious about him than ever!
6. He ghosts you now and then.
You can tell if a guy is a player through text by looking at the way he treats you and how he communicates his intentions.
A player’s most significant move is ghosting.
He vanishes from your life, doesn’t text for a long time, then comes back with either a lame excuse or pretending he never ghosted you.
This is how he manipulates you to keep you engaged.
It’s how he secures you to give him what he wants when he wants it by giving his all when he’s present, then leaving you craving for his presence when he’s gone.
7. He doesn’t put effort into the text conversation.
A guy that really likes you will put more effort into the conversation, into getting to know you better, and will ask you more questions about yourself.
Committing to a text conversation is often a sign of sympathy toward the interlocutor.
Players don’t do well in commitment and that will reflect on their texting habits and efforts in text conversations as well.
They’re known for mingling with multiple people at a time, expecting the fulfillment of their desires by putting minimal effort into connections, including text conversations.
- He remembers no details;
- He asks no questions of emotional value;
- He doesn’t seem to care about you or your needs;
8. He brags a lot and doesn’t bother to ask you about yourself.
One of the most effective ways to spot a player through text is by noticing the way he leads the text conversation with you.
Does he ever ask you about yourself? Does he brag a lot?
The standard narrative has it, a player doesn’t care about your feelings. And that will surely reflect on his texting game: he won’t ask you questions as you do.
He will text you to indirectly let you know how good he is at something and how he’s “so busy with life”.
Yet he doesn’t seem to care about your side, not even a single bit.
9. He wants explicit pictures of you.
Sharing explicit or sexual pictures with your partner is normal and okay as long as you’re both practicing safely.
However, it becomes concerning and not so normal if the guy you just met asks you for explicit pictures of yourself.
A player will shoot his shot and ask you for explicit pictures of you because he’s not looking—in fact, he’s scared of—an emotional connection.
At this point, he’s got nothing to lose, and he’ll make sure to give it a try!
10. He insists on moving the conversation to Snapchat.
Players are known for using Snapchat mostly. The app seems to be convenient for their games due to some features of the app.
The app allows you to have conversations that will be inaccessible after a certain period.
It’s temporary, it’s quick, it is suitable for you to send pictures to one another, and it’s exactly what a player wants.
It’s low commitment, and it makes it easier for him to say “I didn’t say that” for something he said.
11. He’s unclear about his intentions.
Players rely on ambiguity to keep their games going.
Just like in in-person interactions, you’ll notice him being unclear through text as well.
He will do his best to dodge any questions about relationships, connections, intentions, or expectations regarding romantic connections.
Phrases a player would say to you through text to dodge your questions about relationships include (but are not limited to):
- “I like keeping things simple;”
- “Well, I wanna know about you! What do YOU think about this?”
- “I’m a simple guy with simple intentions.”
12. There’s no consistency in his texting.
If he’s a player, he’s likely to play unstable cards very frequently. The odds for a player to text you every day are very low.
Consistency in texting is often an indicator of the stability of the flow of your connection. A player doesn’t want that, he’s scared of it.
He texts you when he pleases, and there’s no consistency or clarity whatsoever.
So he’ll text you when it is convenient for him, when he’s got free time on his hands, and when he thinks it suits his game.
13. He’s texting way too many nicknames.
Players like flattering you beyond the normal. It’s how they keep you engaged and wanting more.
It hasn’t been long and he’s already calling you “Baby”, “Sweetie”, or “Sweetheart”
Such nicknames are normal and come naturally as a bond with another person strengthens, however, a player will use them right off the bat.
14. He’s passive-aggressive.
A man who likes mind games will use passive-aggressive cards to make you feel helpless now and then.
Another strong sign that a guy is playing you over text is his passive aggressiveness too.
He expresses his dissatisfaction in ways that harm you and make you feel uneasy such as:
- Silent treatment;
- Cold shoulder; etc.
15. He deletes messages often.
If you’re texting with him on other platforms other than Snapchat, then check for deleted messages.
He acts flaky, inconsistent, and careless. To trick you and have you stand on the edge of the couch he tries playing mysterious: he deletes messages.
This move of his will keep you wanting to read or even reply to his messages at the exact moment he sends them while, on the other hand, he takes as much time as he pleases.
16. He guilt-trips you when you’re hesitant to sexting.
Another fundamental way to know if a guy is a player through text is through the way he reacts to refusal.
You have certain boundaries, and it’s okay not to feel in the mood for sexting, especially with a stranger you just met on the internet.
If he doesn’t understand nor consider that and guilt-trips you about it, you might’ve just spotted a player.
Here’s something a player could text you if you’re hesitant to sext:
- “Why do you feed me false hopes if you didn’t want to do this then?”
- “There are a lot of other people dying to do this with me, but you say no? Okay then!”
- “Why are you doing this to me?”
17. He tries gaslighting you.
Among the many toxic manipulation tactics players use is gaslighting too.
Gaslighting represents a person’s attempts or abilities to alter reality through lying, deceiving, and the like.
You’re very sure he texted you something particular last week on Snapchat (which now unfortunately you can’t see), but he denies it categorically.
You were very sure when confronting him, but now you’re starting to question your ability to remember things, right?
Players do this to get control and power within the connection by making you feel insecure about yourself and portraying themselves as very kind-hearted people who are “willing to accept you”.
Ask yourself this to know if he’s a player through text! Avoiding falling for his games!
Spotting a player early on can help you dodge a bullet!
If you’re texting with a man, a little attention to a couple of things can help you find out whether he’s a player or not.
Not every player will display exactly the same behavior, so you’ve got to take it slow and be cautious and safe on the internet no matter who you’re texting.
Here’s what you should keep an eye on:
- Is he disrespectful to your boundaries? Players react very poorly to rejection.
Try taking a look at how he responds to your “No” and how he treats you as a person.
- Does he act immaturely? A lot of players tend to be very immature, so keep an eye on the way he refers to and approaches you;
- Does he avoid talking about intentions? Players keep things unsaid and unclear.
They don’t look for relationships but they’d risk losing you if they’d tell you so. Hence the vagueness when expressing their opinions on the topic.
- Is he the type to objectify women? Take a closer look at the way he talks about women with you.
If he’s talking bad about his ex, mentioning the physical features of women he loves looking at, you might’ve just encountered a womanizer!
- How superficial are your text conversations? A conversation with a player, generally, is very superficial.
Players have a hard time opening up, they’re scared of commitment and emotional attachments, hence they avoid deep conversations at all costs!
Proceed with caution and consider the questions above as your text with him.
If you’re unsure and doubtful despite the information you’ve got on the topic of players, reach the hand of a relationship expert!
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