“I’m so obsessed with that dress!” or “I’m so obsessed with that show!” are things we hear daily these days, right?
Obsession is far more serious than what you may feel about a show, dress, or color. As a definition, obsession is having an extreme interest in something.
But, what about him, is he obsessed with you?
Well, he is obsessed with you if he has lost control of his feelings and emotions, and his interest has become compulsive.
To make this clearer, here are 15 signs he’s obsessed with you:
1. He shows possessive thoughts and behavior.
He’s obsessed with you in a bad way if he’s acting possessive of you.
He’s possessive when he wants to own you as a being, to dictate the way you live, and when he wants you to do or say as he pleases.
He doesn’t see you as an independent individual but rather as a possession of him that he can manipulate according to his wishes.
Possession can manifest in a variety of behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes.
- He wants all your time, attention, and thoughts devoted to him and only him;
- He tells you where you’re ‘allowed and not allowed’ to go;
- He wants you to wear a certain way;
- He expects you to obey his rules;
- He wants to know every detail of how you spend your time (and/or money, energy, days, etc);
- He tells you who to talk to, and doesn’t allow other men or other people to approach you;
Obsession tends to overcome reason, making it difficult for him to understand that you have a life beyond fulfilling his wishes.
Possessive behavior doesn’t necessarily come off as very blunt and easy to spot.
It can seem like an intense, harmless display of emotional attachment at the early stages of a relationship, however, it turns very toxic as the relationship continues.
2. He looks like he wants to marry you after the first date.
One of the early signs, that a man is obsessed with a woman, is the fast pace he takes within the early stages of the connection.
The moment you saw each other, he was in for the long haul. Just like that, attached and enchanted by you.
This occurs due to the fixation over an idea of the ideal partner he projects onto you.
He can seem as if he’s in a rush by the way he talks about the future, about how much he worships you, he might even tell you he loves you within days of meeting him.
3. He ignores your boundaries.
Obsession with a person can tone down one’s sense of logic.
You’re now his center of attention and all he sees, so much so that he’s not aware of the unhealthy practices he’s now into.
One of those unhealthy practices is disrespecting your boundaries.
- Your phone doesn’t feel to be just yours anymore;
- Your time isn’t spent how you want it to be spent;
- Your boundaries are crossed and unnoticed;
You don’t feel free any longer, you’re told what to do, and what not to do, and your requests or demands don’t seem to be heard by him.
He won’t take no for an answer, he wants you to be his and only his despite the consequences it might have on you.
4. He’s stalking you.
Stalking is yet another strong sign of obsession he shows when he’s obsessed with you.
Whether you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with him or you’re simply taking it slow in the early dating stages, stalking is never a good sign.
He’s on alarmingly dangerous levels of obsession if he’s stalking you.
He monitors you from a particular distance without wanting you to know that he’s doing so.
The obsession can take larger scales and become even more dangerous if he monitors your behavior in person and online in a consistent manner.
It can cause you to feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or even in danger.
Talk to a trusted person, rely on your support system, and consider reaching out to authorities if you sense your life and safety are in danger of violation.
5. He knows everyone you know.
This one can be one of those signs that show he’s secretly obsessed with you. He somehow knows everyone you know, and you don’t even know how.
You introduce him to people you know and he just knows them already.
That’s because he’s done research on you for a while now or he’s been stalking you.
An obsession tends to keep one’s mind busy with the subject constantly.
In this case, his mind will be busy thinking of you and dealing with urges to answer his questions about you.
He’ll be curious and jealous of the people you hang out with; and by the time you tell him about those people, he’d already done the research and knows exactly who they are.
6. Your phone is constantly buzzing.
He texts you every minute. That’s far from the wholesome spectrum, it’s creepy.
He can’t go one minute without hearing from you, he demands your response, so he just keeps showering you with texts all the time.
He wants to know where you are, he wants to know what you’re doing, and he wants you to respond ASAP!
The obsession he has created over you makes him feel uneasy every time you’re apart, making him desperate to know your whereabouts.
You’re all he thinks of, hence he can’t cope with the idea of you doing something without him knowing about it. He’ll text you every minute for reassurance.
7. He doesn’t respect your privacy.
Obsession tends to be a sensation governed by intense admiration for someone and fear of losing them.
What he’s feeling makes him blind to your needs, boundaries, and privacy.
“What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine!”
He’ll check your phone without your permission, your personal things, your house, and anything private or personal.
He’s not okay with the idea of you having or doing something without him knowing about it.
The obsession does not let him see further. He’ll want to have you in his hand no matter what even if it violates your privacy.
8. He’s overly jealous of you.
Obsession is also characterized by an intense sense of jealousy and a need for reassurance.
This is not the normal healthy jealousy when the guy gets jealous if someone flirts with you.
He’s jealous of everyone that spends time with you more than him, of the people that look at you, and of the people, you look at. Yes, even the accidental looks.
This level of jealousy can make you feel insecure about yourself and your way of perceiving reality in general.
Defining the fine line between healthy and toxic jealousy isn’t easy. It is exceptionally challenging if you love this person.
A guide to help you through tough times, a guide to help you define the fine lines between behaviors that are harmful and healthy ones. Just one click away!
9. He makes leaving him a difficult challenge for you.
The idea of not having you around makes him go mad, overreact, or be way too sad to the point where it makes you feel responsible for that.
This creates a cycle that makes it difficult to escape from.
He seems like he can’t see his life without you.
The thought of a life without you equals a life-ruining factor to him. And he doesn’t take it easy with the way he expresses this either!
You feel bad for making him feel bad. Then this difficulty of the process makes you stay a little longer representing a challenge for you.
10. He shows up unannounced and uninvited.
Does he just randomly show up at your apartment door without letting you know that he’s coming? Not even a word.
This is one of the signs that he is dangerously obsessed with you.
He longs for your presence and the admiration for you and fear of losing you blurs his sense of judgment.
It’s often a sign of a lack of self-awareness and common sense.
He expects you to be around him and wants to get that whenever he wants to.
11. He insists until your “No” becomes a “Yes”
Another one of the signs he is obsessed with you is his way of responding to rejection in general.
Your “No” seems to frustrate him to the point where he insists until it becomes a “Yes”.
A dear friend of mine said no to an invitation to her date’s place. Not only did he not respect her decision, but he also guilt-tripped her into saying yes.
Obsession shows through various forms but there’s a thought that keeps the rest of the pattern going: the idea of you being entirely his.
12. He gives his attention and expects yours 24/7
Constant phone calls, texts, and demands for explanations and your attention are part of yet another characteristic behavioral pattern of an obsessed man.
- He gives you so much attention that he forgets the rest of his social cycle–his family and his friends;
- You’ll be on his mind 24/7 and he’ll make that clear by giving you his attention all day every day;
- You’re his main point of focus in his life;
What’s worse is that he expects you to do the same. He expects you to pay the same attention to him.
Obsession isn’t healthy, it is rather damaging for both sides affected by it—him on the giving end and you on the receiving end.
13. His world seems to be centered around you.
He is obsessed with you if he seems to put you in the center of his world.
Now, despite the overly romantic resonation of “you’re the center of my universe,” this can be an overly unhealthy practice and thought.
The movies have shown us otherwise, but I’ve dealt with this in real life, and it’s way too far and less romantic than what the movies describe.
- He doesn’t see anyone else but you, and not just romantic partners;
- He’s in constant need of your approval and affirmation;
- He’s not happy when you spend alone time;
- He devotes all his time to you but also expects you to do the same for him.
My friends thought this was sweet, and so did I at the beginning. Who doesn’t love attention from a romantic partner, right?
Eventually, it got disturbing as I was faced with the reality of a big responsibility: to entertain an unrealistic idea he had projected onto me.
14. He asks for explanations for things you’ve done in the past.
You find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the amount of explanation you have to give him. Continuously.
Questions about the past now and then are okay and welcomed in a healthy relationship.
However, when a guy’s affection turns into obsession you’ll find yourself giving him explanations and justifying things you’ve done long ago before you met him.
You find yourself feeling guilty because of his response to your actions in the past.
He needs you to explain more and more until his curiosity is satisfied.
15. It feels like he’s lost his sense of reality.
An obsessed man’s perception of reality can seem blurry and a bit diluted.
This intensity of the feelings and emotions he’s experiencing can blur his sense of logic leading him to unreasonable decisions and actions.
He shows up at your door unannounced and uninvited, he becomes suicidal when trying to leave him, and you’re the motive behind every single thing he does.
This is one (among many) of the most disturbing and unfortunate parts of an obsession as a part of obsessive love disorder.
Is there such a thing as a harmless obsession? Obsession vs healthy attachment
I’m quite familiar with the million-dollar question—Is he obsessed with me or in love?
The term obsession nowadays is thrown around as a positive thing. And when he says he is obsessed with you he might mean it positively.
It can be a way of telling you he admires you, likes you, or even loves you.
There is no such thing as a good obsession, however, for the sake of the context we are going to go through signs a guy is obsessed with you in a good way
An affection where there is no harm in it, only a lot of love is affection in a relationship with a person that respects your boundaries.
A healthy attachment does not include stalking, controlling, possessive behavior, or violation of one’s boundaries.
Here are 8 signs of affection and attention you could be misunderstanding for obsession:
– He’s crazy about you but he lets you be.
He adores you, he likes you a lot, yet lets you be and breathe.
He wants to see you a lot but also gives you the personal space you need.
He expresses his love to you whenever he can, giving you all his undivided attention.
Being crazy about someone, to the extent that you don’t invade their privacy or don’t make them feel like you’re suffocating them, is okay.
– He supports your ideas rationally.
He’ll support your ideas, and he’ll listen to what you say, but he won’t write with golden letters the things you say.
He agrees with what you say, but he also expresses his opinion when he disagrees without imposing it on you.
– You catch him staring a lot.
Even though he might not say it with words, his body language will tell you a lot of things you want to know.
He’ll stare at you a lot while you’re talking, not talking, or just doing simple things you normally do.
– He laughs at your jokes.
If you know that you suck at making jokes, and he still laughs when you make them, he’s definitely into you.
Someone who is not interested in you will laugh if the joke is very funny, right?
Well, someone who is obsessed (in a good way) with you will laugh at the most boring jokes you tell.
So, if he’s already laughing at your jokes, he’ll be melting to the good jokes you’ve got to text him.
– He keeps pictures of you as a prized possession.
One could argue that this isn’t healthy either way, however, it isn’t harmful to any of you, hence it cannot be considered toxic.
Keeping pictures of you as a prized possession is more of a sign of love.
You’re dear to his heart and precious to him. Of course, the pictures of you are a prized possession of him!
– He sees you as a priority.
You’re one of his top priorities, you mean a lot to him.
He’s not possessive, he’s protective. He wants to be there for you, he loves you, and he cares for you.
Why is he obsessed with me?
His obsession has more to do with his personality, and mental state, and nothing much with you in reality.
Here are some of the most common reasons behind his obsession with you:
- Insecure men with low self-esteem could be drawn to you because they feel a particular sense of comfort with you;
- You’re independent and confident and he finds you intriguing and challenges himself to conquer you;
- Attachment disorders;
- Personality disorders;
How do I get away from unhealthy obsession? What to do when a guy is obsessed with you?
This is not easy to do because people who are obsessed usually don’t take no for an answer and are still after you.
Despite the trickiness of the situation, you can get out of it effectively.
Here’s what to do if he’s obsessed with you:
– Set your boundaries firmly: Be kindly direct and tell him that this is unhealthy for you.
By letting him down easily, you tell him, kindly, that he might need help to change his obsessive behavior.
Softly telling him may soothe his attitude and may encourage him to seek help.
To have this calm and soft approach you need to use more “I” statements and be respectful when you make your points.
You want to be direct with your point while being polite to them so that the situation doesn’t agitate any further.
Let him know that his behavior toward you is not making you feel good and you want to stay by yourself.
Wait a little bit until you feel like he’s ready to cut all ties.
Things can get messy if you cut everything all at once because he might get angry and do bad things out of his emotional state.
– Take safety measures: If necessary, cut all ties with him and change your routine.
Cut all contact and all ties with him if you sense you’re in danger or if you attempted to discuss this with him peacefully.
Block his phone number and block him on your social media so that he doesn’t have access to reach out to you.
Don’t do things you always do for a while, especially if he’s familiar with your routine.
Avoid going to places you normally go, especially the ones you’d bump into him.
Contact the authorities if you sense you’re in danger.
– Rely on your support system: Seek help from a friend, family, or a professional.
Unfortunately, obsession often manifests through forms of abuse as well.
Help from a trusted and reliable source is always welcomed in these cases. Even more so, if you feel like you’re in danger.
Make a detailed plan and make your escape as safe as possible if you live with him. Stay around trusted people.
Take care of yourself by practicing therapy, yoga, exercise, or other hobbies. You’ve got this!