A healthy relationship enhances the sense of partnership and belonging, especially if both partners are sincere.
When lying is involved, the base of the relationship gets shaky and so do its values and strengths.
Studies show that men lie more than women. They’re less trustworthy than women.
Lying can bring relationships to their end slowly or rapidly because, at the end of the day, truth is among the crucial things we seek.
There’s no direct way to tell whether someone is lying or not. However, if you take a close look at the signs he’s showing, you can find out if he’s lying.
Analyzing his behavior, body language, speech, and approach, here are 19 signs he’s lying:
1. His eye contact becomes unusual.
Some of the most significant cues you can get through body language is eye contact.
And one of the main signs he is lying when confronted is that his eye contact becomes strange.
He avoids eye contact, stares for too long, and his blinking becomes unusual (he blinks compulsively or doesn’t blink at all).
Avoiding eye contact is a subconscious response to the situation(s) as a way of “not facing the truth” or not letting you get to him.
Staring for long periods is another subconscious response to the situation(s) to make his story more convincing.
2. His body, especially his feet, points at the door.
According to Training Express, when a person’s feet are pointing at the door, it can be interpreted as an urge to want to leave.
It’s a body’s self-defense movement when sensing ‘high risk’ or ‘stress’.
In this case, lying puts him in a stressful situation, and it puts him at risk of being exposed or shamed.
He can’t wait to leave and have relief from the tension, discomfort, and stress he’s experiencing.
3. He makes a long pause or forces a laugh before responding.
If he doesn’t typically take a long time to respond in normal situations, but at the time of confrontation he is, then he could be lying.
Liars tend to take their time when responding, especially if you ask about something they didn’t think through beforehand.
The rush of emotions and the urge to make his story seem believable can make him force a laugh before he responds to your question(s).
That is so that he can gain time to think the story through or to give you the impression that your question(s) and concern(s) are absurd and unnecessary.
He sets a base for what he has to say next, which can make it more believable since you’re already doubting the weight of the issue you’re addressing.
Trust issues are one of the factors that slowly break a relationship to pieces. It is something to work on and something that heals with time, effort, and therapy.
Talk to a professional, talk to your relationship hero, now.
4. His way of talking becomes odd.
According to psychology, when we lie we are exposed to various impulses, emotions, stress, and nervousness, so much so that it overwhelms us.
If he’s lying when confronted, he’ll be under so much stress that it becomes difficult for him to keep control of every cue he’s giving, including verbal language.
And in turn, his way of talking and verbal expression becomes odd. He could
- use an excessive amount of filling words such as “um”, “sorta”, “kinda”, etc;
- stutter due to the lack of focus on the impression he’s giving on the outside;
- breathe and swallow abnormally due to the high stress he’s experiencing.
If he’s not the type to do this in a normal situation then he’s either lying or he’s feeling attacked and stressed that you brought up the situation.
5. He pretends he has no clue about what you’re talking about.
Pretending not to know what you’re talking about, or what you’re trying to address, has been defined as a common manipulative behavior of liars.
Logically, this can seem to be a good way of escaping the discussion leaving you with nothing else to argue further.
One of the ways to tell that he’s lying is to see how willing he is to reassure you of the truth and to observe his reaction to what you’re addressing.
It’s also a way of making you question your reality and the weight of what you’re addressing.
This behavior tends to fall in the toxic and gaslighting spectrum due to its highly negative effects on the receiver.
6. The pace of his speech changes, and his tone changes inconsistently.
When he’s lying, he’s more likely to be focused on the story and its details.
However, because he’s very focused on that, and under stress about it, he might not be aware of the changes in his tone and the pace of his speech.
He’s trying to make the story more believable to you, so subconsciously he raises his voice or lowers it making his speech highly inconsistent and incoherent.
7. You can tell he’s very nervous and under high stress.
When the body is aware of the possibility of getting caught in something that could lead to shame or guilt, it automatically becomes exposed to high stress.
That could make him display nervous behavior such as
- sweating and/or blushing; etc.
That stress and nervousness manifest through unusual behavior such as self-grooming, fidgeting, and uncontrollable hand gestures.
8. He forces his ‘relaxed’ posture.
Forcing a relaxed posture is more of a conscious thing he could do when he’s lying.
It’s a way of trying to convey the truth in what he’s saying because “he’s not stressed because he’s telling the truth.”
However, because this posture is forced, his subconscious self will give clues that something about this is off.
When feeling ‘endangered’ the mind subconsciously leads the body in a ‘fight or flight’ mode which will help the body avoid or participate in a confrontation.
9. He gets very defensive and minimizes the problem.
One of the most significant characteristics of a liar is getting very defensive and attempting to minimize the weight of the problem.
He knows he messed up, but he feels he can get away with it by reacting and handling the situation “just right.”
- He gets angry and looks mad in an attempt to turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty for bringing up the issue;
- He might say “Are you kidding me? Is that what is concerning you?!” as a way to convince you that the issue you’re addressing is ridiculous.
- He brings up other problems to distract you from the main issue, avoid responsibility, and make you feel guilty.
This is a behavior used as a tool to manipulate you into believing that he’s innocent and that you shouldn’t have brought up the issue in the first place.
Or, to convince you that the issue you’re bringing up lacks importance, it’s of low significance, and that you’re magnifying a “small deal.”
10. He accuses you.
One of the ways that liars commonly get away from confessing the truth is by accusing you of something you did. Something else that doesn’t have to do with the current situation.
This way, the focus and attention of the conversation get pointed at you instead of at him, he gets a break and doesn’t have to—technically—lie.
This is a way of changing the direction of the conversation by making you focus on defending yourself rather than asking him to tell you the truth.
11. He slips something that consists of truth.
He knows the truth, but he also is aware that he’s hiding it.
Since he’s very focused on the line of the story, a simple question to interrupt it might make him slip something by accident.
An example that illustrates this point quite fairly is when Amber Heard accidentally admit that she was responsible for ‘leaking’ news of her divorce:
He’ll either correct himself right away with a raised tone, or he’ll be unaware that he said something that doesn’t add up with his story.
12. He gets very cynical – E.g. “I didn’t go to the stupid event!”
Liars tend to exaggerate negative expressions when they’re lying. You can notice that through his choice of words to describe something in particular.
Examples of such exaggeration could be “I didn’t go to the stupid event” or “I was texting with my dumb brother”
This is often done as a way to distract you by his ‘angry’ behavior, and exaggeration so that he can seem more believable.
13. The storyline is chaotic and things don’t add up.
Getting away with a lie takes a lot of effort, intelligence, and manipulation.
It takes a solid calculation of everything: body language, story, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc.
Because he’s lying, he’s also under the effect of fear of getting caught which can lead him to feel anxious and stressed.
Hence, when he’s lying his story can seem inconsistent, and incoherent, and he might even respond about things you didn’t ask him about in the first place.
For example, he’ll say he arrived at his friend’s house at 2 pm, but the next time he talks about it he’ll say it was 5 pm.
Such incoherence is due to the anxiety and stress he’s experiencing because of the fear of getting caught.
14. He covers his mouth or presses his lips while talking.
When your body isn’t following up with what you’re talking about, you’ll automatically move in ways that confront what you’re saying.
In this case, covering the mouth is a way for the body to cover the truth, or stop itself from saying things it’s not supposed to say or that don’t coordinate with the truth.
Pressing the lips after telling a lie is another common manifestation of body language under the stress of keeping up with a lie.
It’s the body automatically reacting to the conscious. He said something that isn’t true, and his body knows it.
15. His way of telling the story lacks self-reference.
When he’s lying he avoids acknowledging anything by focusing on preventing self-reference.
For example, he doesn’t use “I saw”, or “I didn’t”, instead he uses phrases such as “I’m sure I [did something]”
- Unless he’s convinced himself of what he’s lying to you to be true, he’ll have difficulties acknowledging anything;
- He might also have difficulties referring to the situation from his point of view;
- He’s very vague and indirect.
Liars do this so that they don’t technically lie. They avoid details that make their narrative be defined as false one.
For example, if he is lying about a text he sent, he could say something along the lines of “I looked at my history and it didn’t show any texts sent to that woman”
In this case, he could be telling the truth, he might have looked at the history and found nothing. But that is because he deleted everything prior to that.
According to him, he’s not lying to you. And technically, he’s not.
16. He’s saying a lot of things, but nothing really makes any sense.
You can tell a man is lying about cheating or other issues if he doesn’t directly answer your questions or concerns.
- use too many words with the same meaning before concluding anything;
- repeat your words before responding to you;
- That seems to say a lot, but you don’t really get the point he’s trying to make.
For example, if he’s lying he’s likely to say something like “I want to be honest with you, and I know I told you this before, but I’m honestly […]”
If he’d been telling the truth he’d be a bit more straightforward with his speech. For example, “I didn’t do that, and I never would.”
If he’s lying he’ll exaggerate his words and his way of expressing himself. That—as you may have already understood—distracts you from the main issue.
17. He never does what he says he’ll do.
One of the main signs of dishonesty in a relationship is not keeping up with your words.
You might be dealing with a liar if he says he’ll do or commit to something and never does it.
You can consider this if this is something he does consistently.
- He doesn’t keep up with his promises. This relates to his sense of responsibility and accountability for his actions and words.
- If he’s not able or capable to remember and keep his promises, he could be breadcrumbing you into the relationship.
It is a manipulative tactic that allows him to keep you around by giving you a false idea of what the future with him could look like by giving you empty promises that he never plans to keep.
18. He seems to like his internet history clean.
What one does with their personal stuff it’s their business.
However, it’s not very common for people to actively delete their search, browsing, and chat history on the internet.
If you’ve been having issues with doubts such as online infidelity, then he might be lying to you if all of a sudden he started ‘preferring’ his internet history to clean.
He could be hiding something from you if he’s not open to reassuring you regarding your insecurities or suspicions about his fidelity.
19. Your gut is sensing that something is off.
Just like he’s subconsciously giving off signs that he’s lying, you too, are subconsciously receiving signs.
Usually, sensing that there’s something off, immediately, is one of the signs that your boyfriend or husband is lying to you.
It’s a hunch you get, and it feels as if you can swear something is going on because of his odd behavior that just changed so suddenly.
How to catch him lying while confronting him?
We all know what it feels like when you know someone is lying but they won’t admit it.
If it’s a loved one, it breaks our hearts and it shakes our trust to its core.
It’s not about the fact that you’re being ‘fooled’, it’s about the fact that he’s actively choosing, every minute, to deceive you from the truth.
If you feel like taking the matter into your hands, then here are the ways you can catch him lying:
- Ask him questions in a non-chronological order about the event or situation he’s lying to you about;
- Avoid making him feel attached. Feeling attacked can make him very defensive, and in turn, it can make him reluctant to tell you the truth;
- Ask him the same questions but put it in other words. He’s more likely to slip up when answering the same question a few times;
- Ask him questions that he might not expect to be asked about the particular event or situation;
- Get on his side and be overly kind to him. This can make him feel very guilty, hence he’s likely to confess to relieve himself from the weight of this emotion;
On the other hand, you can get rid of your doubts by doing a quick search about him!
If you suspect that your partner is having an online dating profile, then you don’t have to go through much to find out. Social catfish exists for this reason: a confidential and effective search within minutes!
You’re not paranoid, he’s lying to you if…
If he lied to you before, or if you catch him lying about small things, if he’s behaving suspiciously, then you’re not paranoid.
A person who doesn’t have a problem lying about small things is someone who is more likely to lie about bigger issues as well.
It’s the “I can get away with this” mindset that pushes the majority of people to lie about things.
This can reflect a lot on his ethical and moral values, accountability, and sense of responsibility.
There are people capable of lying, and cheating, without ever getting caught. They don’t ever feel the responsibility or the weight of their behavior.
So no, dear reader, you’re not paranoid. You’ve seen and heard things before, and he paved this road for you.
When in doubt, you can always consult an expert at any given time!
Conclusion – Is there a way to straight-up tell that he’s lying?
No, there is no way to tell straight-up if he’s lying.
But the non-verbal cues one can give while they’re talking are just as expressive as their verbal expressions.
In this case, if you’re looking for signs of a deceitful man, his body language can be one of the factors to help you shine a light on the truth.
Usually, liars are focused on their story and verbal presentation. That makes them neglectful of their body language, and this is often where they slip up…
If he’s trying to cover, bend, or hide the truth verbally, his body language won’t follow up with what his mouth is saying.
Follow your gut, your senses, and your logic. Always keep in mind how a loving and sincere partner would react to your concerns.