Whether he’s a married man, a single man, a good good friend, he’s a man after all.
He can’t escape nature’s design, and he definitely can’t escape feeling those feelings for realsies, no matter how much he’s fighting them.
If you’re having a feeling about it, he might just be fighting his feelings for you.
Fighting feelings means feeling something particular and not wanting it to happen, so you internally fight them by forcing yourself to not feel them.
So, fighting feelings for someone is not the best position to be in.
There are valid reasons behind such behavior, and they’re not the best thing to be motivated by either.
Despite the reasoning behind it, there are ways through which you can tell if he’s fighting his feelings for you or not.
14 valid signs he is fighting his feelings for you:
1. He seems to be interested but feels emotionally & romantically distant
You even feel it in your gut that he has feelings for you.
However, there’s something wrong with it. He seems to be finding ways to hide it.
– He’s protective of you. It’s in his genes, and he does it as something automatic when he has feelings for you, naturally.
He’ll be protective when you need to be protected and when you’re ‘helpless’.
– He gets jealous. You can tell when he does. It’s those moments when his facial expression changes when he’s not very into the idea of you mingling with another guy.
– He finds excuses to talk to you. He’ll do this a lot when he’s fighting his feelings for you.
When he has feelings for you he’ll want to be in your presence, want to be near you, hears your voice, and looks into your eyes.
All of a sudden he couldn’t find someone else in his group that knows the answer to the “When’s the next meeting?”.
– He seems to be investing, organizing dates, but isn’t giving much emotionally. He is feeling the feelings indeed. But he’s also fighting the feelings.
He won’t feel the best nor the safest to give much emotionally, as that is one of the pure expressions of ‘THE feelings’. He’ll surely be careful in that part!
2. You feel both adored and ignored
When a man is fighting his feelings for you (whether he’s married or not) he will be far from stable.
It’ll reflect a lot on the way he behaves when around you, but also on the way that he treats you.
– His behavior towards you changes quite often. He’s giving off these mixed signals.
He seems to be adoring you in one second and seems to be ignoring you in the other.
The cause behind such behavior could be that he ‘forgets’ to act on the process of fighting and hiding his feelings for you when he’s adoring and complimenting you.
Once he’s aware of what he’s doing, he gets back to playing it cool by finding ways to ignore you ( or to seem to be doing so).
– It’s clear he admires you, but then again he doesn’t give in entirely. He won’t be able to keep the act up all the time, of course at times he’ll forget to do so.
You notice that it is clear that he has admiration for you, but it is also clear that he’s not willing to give in to that feeling.
He wants you, it’s obvious. And if you already share some type of connection, he’s just not ready to ‘put a label on it’.
He could be scared, perhaps confused about his feelings too, whatever his reason is, the fact that he wants you is clear, it’s just the relationship that is uncertain.
– This is his way of controlling the relationship and his feelings for you. When he has strong feelings, and perhaps is scared, or overwhelmed by them, he’ll fight those feelings by not getting very ‘involved’ with you.
At least for the moment, a relationship is not on the table.
– You shared moments, but he’s clearly denying his feelings for you. For whatever reasons he’s fighting his feelings, when he fights them, he’ll find ways to deny them even at the moments when it’s clear and obvious.
4. You clarify what you want from the connection, he doesn’t
You’re clear about your intentions, and where you see the connection going, while he feels uncertain, and doesn’t give an exact nor clear response.
– He can’t meet your ‘needs’ but he doesn’t really let go. He knows exactly what he’s feeling, the problem is that he is in denial and is trying to fight it.
So, he feels the need to stay close to you, but not exactly clear where and what you’re doing with the connection.
He could be scared of what he’s feeling, hence fighting those feelings might just seem (to him) the only reasonable thing to do.
5. He shuts down: doesn’t open up
A lot of men do this when their ego is hurt, threatened, or just not feeling the best in some form.
In this case, it’s like you put a spell on him, and he’s doing his best to convince himself he’s not under it. You cannot blame him.
He’ll have a hard time opening up.
– When men are overwhelmed and threatened, they shut down. Yes, this is a thing.
You can ask your guy friends, and they’ll confirm it for me. When his ego is touched in some type of way, he’ll shut down, and will need his time to figure out what’s going on.
He’s very likely to fight it until he realizes that what he’s feeling it’s inescapable.
You can tell by the way he looks at you, he smiles, or when he tilts his head when he listens to you when he looks at your lips and your eyes.
His body posture will be more open and pointed in your direction.
For example, his feet will be pointing at you, his body will be headed towards you, he’ll make eye contact, and he won’t ‘block’ you away with other stuff.
He’ll also touch you more often and he won’t mind you invading his personal space.
– He doesn’t give off any signal verbally, he might even deny it. If he’s fighting them on the inside, he’s not going to consciously admit anything about it, he might even deny it.
Though he’ll give hints and he won’t know it. He’s trying to hide something that can burst out at any time, he won’t be able to control it for long.
7. The chemistry is there, he still is pulling back
It is something he feels, something he can’t always control and be aware of to keep it under control.
It’s also about his behavior towards you: There’s chemistry between both of you, and it’s crystal clear that both of you notice it.
– He pulls away when things get potentially close. Of course, he will.
Otherwise, his feelings would win over, and there’d be room for the spark to light up the connection and move this further on. Of course, he’ll pull away.
8. He seems to be very careful and reserved around you
When he’s fighting his feelings for you he’ll be careful with his words and his actions towards you.
He’ll do everything he can to not let his feelings win over him and not do what he’d do if he was open about his feelings for you.
– You can tell he’s holding himself back from it. It is obvious already. You might take his behavior as weird too, at times it could get confusing, and your interactions just maybe slightly awkward.
Perhaps he’ll try to avoid eye contact, or once he sees you two got too close he’ll find ways to get back to that ‘coolness’ state.
9. He has a hard time saying no to you
Whatever your relationship/connection is, or whatever level of communication is involved between you, when he has feelings for you he will have a hard time saying no to you, even if he’s trying to fight those feelings.
You ask about things, or about a place to go together, he can’t say no. Remember at the beginning of the article I mentioned him trying to conquer those feelings?
He wants to be around you, he wants you, but he’s fighting it. In this case, saying no to you would threaten him a bit.
He’ll feel that by saying no to you or showing forms of rejection in some type of way, he’ll push you away and will be far from your presence.
Things won’t add up for him, even though he’s trying real hard to fight the obvious.
10. His care and genuinity are sincere but inconsistent
He’ll care and be genuine as long as he’s got feelings for you even if he’s fighting them.
Since for whatever reason he doesn’t want to feel what he’s feeling, the care and genuinity will be present but will be inconsistent.
– His care and affection aren’t obvious, instead, they’re done ‘secretly’. He’ll do little things that he knows will make you happy.
He will pay attention to details and will remember what makes you joyful. He’ll do such things, but not so openly so that you find out his little secret.
– He shows little acts of kindness, but not in a consistent manner. He’s thoughtful and kind and caring, perhaps even loving, but not all the time.
That would mean commitment and expression of feelings, and that is exactly what he’s fighting.
11. He asks personal questions
He wants to know where you’re at emotionally, so the questions will just flow.
– He wants to know more about you. Again, it’ll flow naturally in the conversation, and the questions will go perfectly well-fitting and complete your conversation.
– He does it out of pure curiosity, he’s interested in you. The questions will flow out of pure curiosity, not just parts to fill in the awkward silence.
Clearly, he’s not in the position to play that game. He’s too innocent to notice this. He’ll be asking questions, naturally, unconsciously.
12. He shares things about himself with you
“Oh, I do this/that too!” Or just simple general things that go along with the conversation.
You say something, or tell something about yourself, and as a human to human (with the attraction between them), he’ll share things about himself too.
– He won’t share everything. Remember, he’s fighting something inside, so he’ll be careful with exactly what he shares with you.
– He often does this unconsciously as a way to impress you. Him having feelings will make him want to make you have feelings too.
So he’ll do it without knowing that he’s doing it.
He’ll show you how awesome he is, and how much of a good partner he’d be… without knowing he’s doing it! Nature really did her thing with us, didn’t she?
13. He shows off as way too confident
Since he’s fighting all the lava made out of dirty thoughts, happy thoughts, romantic thoughts for you, he’ll try to cover it up with confidence.
– He might get slightly arrogant too. He’s dealing with something inside his pretty mind, and won’t have a clue that he might overdo the covering up.
Feeling feelings for someone is a little bit like being weak when it comes to that someone.
So in order for him to not be weak, he’ll do his best to be confident, which at times slips out of hand, and all of a sudden he’s arrogant. Thank you mother nature!
14. He’s nervous around you
I know that these last two signs contradict one another a little. But I have a point!
He can’t control it, he’ll be nervous and will try to fight it through confidence, and at times arrogance too.
– He justifies his behavior to you. Let’s just say he said something he shouldn’t have said. He’ll justify it when he has feelings for you and it’s fighting them.
– He might also justify the good and thoughtful little gestures he does around you. This way he denies it to himself and to you.
Signs he is fighting his feelings for you over text
He’ll fight his true feelings in the flesh, but he’ll also do that over text.
Now you already know the signs in real life. Some of them apply when it comes to texting too!
Here, 10 solid signs he’s fighting his feelings for you over text:
1. He’s careful with what he sends over text.
2. His texting isn’t consistent.
3. He’ll drop a compliment here and there, but not be consistent with it.
4. He won’t be rude to you, nor ignore your texts for too long periods of time.
5. He’ll send you things to make you laugh.
6. He’s respectful but doesn’t give too much of himself in the conversation.
7. He takes his time when texting.
8. He asks and answers questions.
9. He withdraws when the text conversation gets interesting.
10. He might sound arrogant in his texts.
Keep in mind:
What to do when he is fighting his feelings for you?
I know that urge you feel when you want to just make him confess already. “It’s not that difficult, damn it!”. Well, it is difficult. It’s not just going with the flow.
Here’s what you can do when he’s fighting his feelings for you:
1. “I’m getting feelings of uncertainty from you. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
A good, and honest conversation could be a very good start. If you’ve been in a relationship, romantic or platonic, doesn’t matter, and you sense that this is the case for you, then a simple line will do the work:
“I’m getting feelings of uncertainty from you. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Can we have a moment and talk?”
You start off by sincerely expressing the uncertainty that you’re getting from him.
Noting that you’ve been noticing him acting differently around you and so. Be careful to not do it in a way that could feel and look like it’s ‘attacking’.
If you have an attacking approach to it, he’ll be defensive about it, and most probably you won’t get an honest answer.
So have a calm and respectful approach. You’re trying to understand, rather than win the debate.
2. Resemble a safe space for him, a place in which he can be free to express his feelings and vulnerability.
He might be seeing you as superior and considering himself inferior in your presence.
That’s why making yourself a safe place for his vulnerabilities will eventually help him feel safer with what he’s feeling for you.
3. Don’t overwhelm him with information – Don’t pressure him.
If he seems to not be ready to talk about it, then don’t push it further. It’s more likely to scare him away and make him fight his feelings even more than he already is.
Why is he fighting his feelings for me?
There’s a reason why he is holding his feelings back. It is more likely to be an internal issue he hasn’t solved yet, the situation you’re in, or the social environment surrounding you.
Let’s see why is he fighting his feelings for you:
1. A defense mechanism.
If this is the case, then it is most probably a cause of past experiences that weren’t very delightful, that lead him to now be more closed off, and be more careful when it comes to expressing his feelings towards people.
2. A need to be in control, or feel empowered.
His behavior is making you wonder, is making you question, perhaps even your own worth.
This is a way that a lot of men use to be in control and/or feel empowered as they see the expression of feelings as a form of weakness.
3. He’s not open to being vulnerable.
Again, the idea of being vulnerable is terrifying to some men.
In our society, we’re taught that men should be strong. Well, nobody took their time to define ‘strong’ so we see vulnerability as a sign of weakness now.
A lot of men hold themselves back exactly because of the fear of rejection. This is very common, especially in the contemporary days of love life.
Being scared of rejection makes a lot of men project the thought of ‘she would never like someone like me’, hence he’d try to fight those feelings and keep the situation ‘under control’ and not get rejected.
5. He’s not ready for a relationship.
Whether it was something that happened in his life very recently, or it hasn’t been long since the last relationship he had, there are plenty of reasons why one wouldn’t feel ready for a relationship.
For him, the best option would seem: to fight his feelings.
6. He’s married or in a relationship with someone else.
He’ll fight those feelings in order to feel clean, and not guilty of doing or feeling something at the wrong time and wrong situation, something that he’s ‘not supposed to do’.
7. You’re with someone else and he doesn’t want to interfere.
Another wrong timing and wrong situation. He’ll fight what he’s feeling, and most probably will try to hide his feelings.
What are the signs your ex is fighting his feelings for you?
When he’s moved on from you and the feelings for you, he’ll be cool, and won’t make attempts to get your attention, your presence won’t have any impact on him.
On the other hand, when he hasn’t moved on, and when he’s fighting his feelings for you, your presence (or even the thought of your presence and opinions) will affect him.
You can’t exactly tell that if you don’t see each other. But there are some signs you should keep an eye on,
1. He’ll pretend he moved on right away.
2. He’ll post on his socials indirectly telling how much of a good time he’s having without you.
3. It’ll be way too obvious when he plays it cool whenever he sees you.
4. He gets watery eyes when he sees you.
5. He pretends to not see you.
Whether the relationship ended on good terms or not, these signs will apply to both situations.