Whether he’s a married man, a single man, a good good friend, he’s a man after all. He can’t escape nature’s design, and he definitely can’t escape the standards of feeling those feelings for realsies, no matter how much he’s fighting them.
It’s not the best position to be in: Fighting feelings for someone. There are solid reasons behind such behavior, and they’re not the best thing to be motivated by either. So, put your seatbelt on, I’m about to spill facts right now!
Why is he fighting his feelings for me?
A protective mechanism.
If this is the case, then it is most probably a cause of past experiences that weren’t very delightful, that lead him to now be more closed off, and be more careful when it comes to expressing his feelings towards you.
A need to be in control, or feel empowered.
His behavior is making you wonder, is making you question, perhaps even your own worth. This is a way that a lot of men use to be in control and/or feel empowered as they see the expressing of feelings as a form of weakness.
He’s not open to being vulnerable.
Again, the idea of being vulnerable is terrifying to some men. In our society we’re taught that men should be strong, and this, and that. Well, nobody took their time to define ‘strong’ so we see vulnerability as a sign of weakness now.
A lot of men hold themselves back exactly because of the fear of rejection. This is very common especially in the contemporary days. Being scared of rejection makes a lot of men project the thought of ‘she would never like someone like me’, hence he’d try to fight those feelings and keep the situation ‘under control’.
He’s not ready for a relationship.
Whether it was something that happened in his life very recently, or it hasn’t been long since the last relationship he had, there are plenty of reasons why one wouldn’t feel ready for a relationship. For him, the best option would seem: fighting his feelings.
He’s married, or in a relationship with someone else.
He’ll fight those feelings in order to feel clean, and not guilty of doing or feeling something at the wrong time and wrong situation, something that he’s ‘not supposed to do’.
You’re with someone else and he doesn’t want to interfere.Again, another wrong timing and wrong situation. He’ll fight what he’s feeling, and most probably will try to hide his feelings.
Now back to 14 signs on ‘How do you tell if a guy is scared of his feelings for you?’
1. He seems to be interested but feels emotionally & romantically distant
You even feel it in your gut that he has feelings for you. However, there’s something wrong with it. He seems to be finding ways to hide it.
He’s protective of you. It’s in their genes, and they do it naturally. He’ll be protective when you need to be protective, and when you’re ‘helpless’.
He gets jealous. You can tell when he does. It’s those moments when his face expression changes when he’s not very into the idea of you mingling with another guy.
He finds excuses to talk to you. Oh he’ll do this a lot. He’ll want to be in your presence, and want to be near you, and hear your voice, and look into your eyes. All of a sudden he couldn’t find someone else in his group that knows the answer to the “When’s the next meeting?”.
He seems to be investing, organizing dates, but isn’t giving much emotionally. He is feeling the feelings indeed. But he’s also fighting the feelings. He won’t feel the best nor the safest to give much emotionally, as that is one of the pure expressions of ‘THE feelings’. He’ll surely be careful in that part!
2. You feel both adored and ignored
When he’s fighting his feelings he will be far from stable, hence it’ll reflect a lot on the way he behaves when around you, but also on the way that he treats you.
His behavior towards you changes quite often. He’s giving off these mixed signals. He seems to be adoring you in one second, and seems to be ignoring you in the other.
The cause behind such behavior could be that he ‘forgets’ to act on the process of fighting and hiding his feelings for you when he’s adoring and complimenting you, and once he’s aware of what he’s doing, he gets back to playing it cool by finding ways to ignore you (seem to be doing so).
It’s clear he admires you, but then again he doesn’t give in entirely. He won’t be able to keep the act up all the time, of course at times he’ll forget to do so. You notice that, it is clear that he has admiration for you, but it is also clear that he’s not willing to give in to that feeling.
3. He seems to be wanting you, but not a relationship with you
He wants you, it’s obvious. If you’re in a relationship, he’s just not ready to ‘put a label on it’. He could be scared, perhaps confused about his feelings too, whatever his reason is, the fact that he wants you is clear, it’s just the relationship that is uncertain.
This is his way of controlling the relationship and the feelings for you. When he has strong feelings, and perhaps is scared, or overwhelmed by them, he’ll fight those feelings by not getting very ‘involved’ with you. At least for the moment, a relationship is not on the table.
You shared moments, but he’s clearly denying. For whatever reasons he’s fighting his feelings, when he fights them, he’ll find ways to deny them even at the moments when it’s clear, pure, and obvious.
4. You clarify what you want from the connection, he doesn’t
You’re clear about your intentions, and where you see the connection going, while he feels uncertain, and doesn’t give an exact answer.
He can’t meet your ‘needs’ but he doesn’t really let go. He knows exactly what he’s feeling, the problem is that he is in denial and is trying to fight it. So, he feels the need to stay close to you, but not exactly clarify where and what you’re doing with the connection.
5. He shuts down: doesn’t open up
A lot of men do this when their ego is hurt, or threatened, or just not feeling the best in some form. In this case, you put a spell on him, and he’s doing his best to convince himself he’s not under it. You cannot blame him. He’ll have a hard time opening up.
When men are overwhelmed, and threatened, they shut down. Yes, this is a thing. You can ask your guy friends, they’ll confirm it for me. I explained that when their ego is touched in some type of way, he’ll shut down, and will need his time to figure that out.
You can tell by the way he looks at you, he smiles, or when he tilts his head when he listens to you, when he looks at your lips and your eyes.
His body posture will be more open, and more in your direction. For example his feet will be pointing at you, his body will be headed towards you, he’ll make eye contact, he won’t ‘block’ you away with other stuff. He’ll also touch you more often, and won’t mind you invading his personal space.
He doesn’t give off any signal verbally, he might even deny it. If he’s fighting them on the inside, he’s not going to consciously admit anything about it, he might even deny it. Though, he’ll give hints and he won’t know it. Come on!
He’s trying to hide something that can burst out at any time, he won’t be able to control it for long.
7. The chemistry is there, he still is pulling back
It is something he feels, something he can’t always control and be aware of in order to keep it under control. It’s also about his behavior towards you. There’s chemistry between both of you, and it’s crystal clear that both of you notice it.
He pulls away when things get potentially close. Of course he will. Otherwise his feelings would win over, and there’d be room for the spark to light up the connection and move this further on. Of course he’ll pull away.
8. He seems to be very careful and reserved around you
He’ll be careful with his words, his actions towards you. He’ll do everything he can to not let his feelings win over him and not do what he’d do if he was open about his feelings for you.
You can tell he’s holding himself back from it. It is obvious already. You might take his behavior as weird too, at times it could get confusing, and your interactions just maybe slightly awkward.
Perhaps he’ll try to avoid eye contact, because you can tell he’s melting. Or once he sees you two got too close, he’ll find ways to get back to that ‘coolness’ state.
9. He has a hard time saying no to you
You and him, whatever your relation is, or whatever level of communication is involved between you, he will have a hard time saying no to you.
You ask about things, or about a place to go together, he can’t say no.
Remember at the beginning of the article I mentioned about him trying to conquer those feelings? He wants to be around you, he wants you, but he’s fighting it. In this case saying no to you would threaten him a bit. I’ll explain:
He’ll feel that saying no to you, or showing forms of rejection in some type of ways, he’ll draw you away, and will be far from your presence. Things won’t add up for him, even though he’s trying real hard to fight the obvious.
10. His care and genuinity is sincere but inconsistent
Of course he’ll care and be genuine as long as he’s got feelings for you. Since for whatever reasons he doesn’t want to feel what he’s feeling, the care and genuinity will be present, but will be inconsistent.
His care and affection aren’t obvious, instead they’re done ‘secretly’. He’ll do little things that he knows will make you happy. Will pay attention to details, will remember what makes you joyful. He’ll do such things, but not so openly so that you find out his little secret.
He shows little acts of kindness, but not in a consistent manner. He’s thoughtful and kind, and caring, perhaps even loving, but not all the time. That would mean commitment, and expression of feelings.
11. He asks personal questions
He wants to know where you’re at emotionally and so. The questions will just flow. Though, I won’t guarantee that he doesn’t have a list of questions written specifically for you. I won’t take that risk, I won’t guarantee you, Erica!
He wants to know more about you. Again, it’ll flow naturally in the conversation, and the questions will go perfectly well fitting and completing your conversation.
He does it out of pure curiosity, he’s interested in you. The questions will flow out of pure curiosity, not just parts to fill in the awkward silence. Clearly, he’s not in the position to play that game. He’s too innocent to notice this. He’ll be asking questions, naturally, unconsciously.
12. He shares things about himself with you
“Oh, I do this/that too!” Or just simple general things that go along with the conversation. You say something, or tell something about yourself, and as a human to human (with attraction between them), he’ll share things about himself too.
Not just everything. Remember, he’s fighting something inside, so he’ll be careful with exactly what he shares with you.
He often does this unconsciously as a way to impress you. Him having feelings, will make him want to make you have feelings too. It’s our nature, and this has been obvious enough during the history of mankind. Let’s just not ignore this, okay?
So he’ll do it without knowing that he’s doing it. He’ll show you how awesome he is, and how much of a good partner he’d be. WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S DOING IT! Nature really did her thing with us, didn’t she?
13. He shows off as way too confident
I just introduced you a bit to that need to show one another how amazing, and how compatible ‘I am with you’. But besides that, since he’s fighting all the lava made out of dirty thoughts, happy thoughts, romantic thoughts for you, he’ll try to cover it up with confidence. Way to go, fella!
Perhaps he gets slightly arrogant too. He’s dealing with something inside his pretty mind, and won’t have a clue that he might overdo the covering up. Feeling feelings for someone is a little bit of being weak when it comes to that ‘someone’. So in order for him to not be weak, he’ll do his best to be confident, which at times slips out of hands, and all of a sudden he’s arrogant. Thank you mother nature!
14. He’s nervous around you
I know that these last two signs contradict one another a little. But I have a point! He can’t control it, he’ll be nervous and will try to fight it through confidence, at times arrogance too.
He justifies his behavior to you. Let’s just say he said something he shouldn’t have said. He’ll justify it. He might also justify the good and thoughtful little gestures he does around you. It could also be a way for him to justify his own behavior to himself too, through doing exactly that with you.
8 signs he is fighting his feelings for you over text
He’ll fight his true feelings in the flesh, but he’ll also do that over text. Now you already know the signs in real life. Some of them apply when it comes to texting too:
1. He’s careful with what he sends.
2. His texting isn’t consistent.
3. He’ll drop a compliment here and there.
4. He won’t be rude to you, nor ignore your texts for long periods of time.
5. He’ll send you things to make you laugh.
6. He’s respectful but doesn’t give too much of himself in the conversation.
7. He takes his time when texting.
8. He asks and answers questions.
Keep in mind:
What to do when he is fighting his feelings for you
I know that urge you feel when you want to just make him confess already. “It’s not that difficult, damn it!”. Well, it is difficult. It’s not just going with the flow, right?
Talk about it
A good, and honest conversation could be a very good start. If you’ve been in a relationship, romantic or platonic, doesn’t matter, and you sense that this is the case for you, then a simple line will do the work:
“I’m getting feelings of uncertainty from you. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Can we have a moment and talk?”
You start off by sincerely expressing the uncertainty that you’re getting from him. Noting that you’ve been noticing him acting differently around you and so. Be careful to not do it in a way that could feel and look like it’s ‘attacking’. He’ll be defensive about it, and most probably you won’t get an honest answer.
So have a calm & respectful approach. You’re trying to understand, rather than win the debate.
FAQ about him fighting his feelings for you
What are the signs your ex is fighting his feelings for you?
When he’s moved on from you and the feelings for you, he’ll be cool, and won’t make attempts to get your attention, your presence won’t have any impact on him. When he’s fighting his feelings for you, or has feelings still but isn’t fighting them, your presence (or even the thought of your presence and opinions) will affect him.
You can’t exactly tell that if you don’t see each other. But there are some signs you should keep an eye on:
1. He’ll pretend he moved on right away.
2. He’ll post on his socials indirectly telling how much of a good time he’s having without you.
3. It’ll be way too obvious when he plays it cool whenever he sees you.
4. He gets watery eyes when he sees you.
Whether the relationship ended on good terms or not, these signs will apply to both situations.