If he doesn’t want you sexually, he will ignore sexual interaction with you.
But, that’s not the only sign.
If a man is not sexually attracted to you, he won’t give you the needed affinity and attention.
Keep in mind that this isn’t a sign that he isn’t interested in you. A lot of certain internal and external issues lead him to withdraw himself in this aspect.
To define whether your partner, boyfriend, or husband doesn’t want you sexually, here are 11 crucial signs to define it:
1. He’s constantly emotionally distant and doesn’t flirt at all
In general, a guy likes to flirt, especially with a woman that he likes or loves.
If a man once doesn’t want to Netflix and chill and have a pillow talk, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you sexually.
Hence, if you notice a sudden change in his behavior where he is no longer interested in deep connections and flirting, this might be an issue.
When he doesn’t want to be linked with you romantically, he’ll never open up to you about his life or even sexual desires or fantasies.
If you sense this coldness from him for more than one month, it’s better to talk to him or a relationship coach.
2. He avoids ‘Time Alone’ with you
Not wanting to be alone with you is a bad sign, especially if you’re married.
He might do it for many reasons. If you just met, he might be shy and not ready to get intimate with you.
On the other hand, if you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you might have lost the spark at this moment and might be struggling.
This type of coldness might be a part of his attachment style too.
The psychotherapist Adam Lane Smith claimed that if a person doesn’t work on his previous trauma, it will be hard for him to express his feelings.
Now, you might help him if he’s willing to work on his attachment style.
Otherwise, if you only insist to change this situation, it won’t work. You’ll end up being hurt and drained.
3. He doesn’t want to hold you or cuddle after sex
If the duration of your sex is short and he gets distant as soon as you’re done, he doesn’t want you sexually.
He will become so distant out of nowhere and find an excuse to not stay close to you.
Even what you have experienced together that moment might seem like a distant memory and something forced.
If you notice that he acts all arrogant
If he’s intimate for a few seconds, doesn’t mean that wants you sexually.
He might do it just to quench his desires.
4. He doesn’t initiate or cooperate in being intimate with you
The main sign that your husband doesn’t want you sexually is when he slowly withdraws or refuses to do anything sexual with you.
Other reasons such as his attachment style and his sexual desires impact the way he initiates sex or not.
Hence, if you have been just dating, don’t take this as a sure sign of a lack of sexual attraction.
Sometimes, a man just like a woman needs to build up emotional attraction before sleeping with someone.
Especially, if he’s a fearful-avoidant. He can’t stand the fact of being too close to you.
If you notice that he likes you but is taking it to step by step, try to understand his boundaries and let him know about yours too.
5. You don’t lock eyes and there’s a lack of enthusiasm during intimate moments
If a guy is sexually attracted to you, he will show his enthusiasm during sex.
Being more laid back might be his preference or his personality.
But, when your boyfriend or partner doesn’t want you sexually, you’ll notice that something is off.
- He avoids talking dirty to you or flirting with you;
- He seems distracted and like he’s not present at the moment;
- You notice that you’re always done fast and he seems dull and not content;
- He is never taking the lead during intimate moments;
Now, it’s important to talk with your partner and how you feel. Try to approach this issue while being open-minded.
If talking isn’t helping then try to focus on trying new positions and building emotional attraction by working with a sex therapist.
6. He constantly criticizes your sexual interaction
When a partner has found someone new or isn’t attracted to you anymore, picking on you might start to become a habit.
He thinks that this is the key to parting ways with you without making him look bad or feel guilty.
I was in a three-year relationship and everything started falling apart when I couldn’t keep up with his sex drive.
He never communicated this with me and I never asked what was wrong.
Thus, I advise you to talk before you conclude ending the relationship.
Seek professional help before everything because venting to friends and family will mix things up. You won’t be subjective.
7. He doesn’t want to explore together new sex position
If he is resistant and isn’t enthusiastic to try new things then either he’s feeling uncomfortable or is not interested in you sexually.
Indeed, if you haven’t communicated your needs and fantasies with him yet, you’re just making an assumption.
Hence, if you did it already and he constantly refuses to try new intimate, the sex is short and he rarely flirts with you, then he has lost the spark.
~In this case, it’s better to take a step back and not put pressure on him.
~It’s better to compromise and try to learn more about his attachment or love language.
~To get a grip on these two characteristics, you might read the book The Power of Attachment and 5 love languages.
8. He doesn’t talk dirty or try to get your attention to attract you
It’s important to know that not every man expresses feelings of attraction in the same way.
He might be shy and not like to talk dirty to you.
Hence, if he has a flirty personality and doesn’t mind talking dirty then it’s a bit concerning.
Instead of pushing him behind the wall, try to talk dirty to him and check how he finds it.
If he doesn’t want you sexually, he will be bothered by it and request you to cut it.
If you’re already in a long-term relationship, it’s better to be patient and talk to him about this issue when he feels ready to discuss it.
9. Your physical appearance doesn’t catch his eye
This is one of the most fundamental signs that your boyfriend, husband, or partner isn’t attracted to you sexually.
If you change your appearance, act, and look sexier but he doesn’t notice, it means that his mind is wandering somewhere else.
- You’ll notice that he’ll never give you compliments;
- He never gets silly or excited to see you in a tighter or more revealed dress or outfit;
It doesn’t always mean that a person might be sexually attracted to you just because of your physical appearance.
So, rather than blaming yourself for your appearance, try to communicate this with your partner and get his opinion.
10. He watches porn all the time
If he watches porn all the time and rejects having sex, this doesn’t mean that his libido has decreased.
He might be used to short-term relationships.
And getting this type of joy from one person in a short time and then immediately seeking something new
There’s nothing wrong with watching porn until that doesn’t interfere with your sexual life.
But, if he lost contentment in having sex with you, cuddling, or trying new things, it means that he’s slowly losing interest in you (sexually).
11. He gets angry and annoyed when you try to flirt or be sensual with him
A guy who is attracted to you and wants you sexually would dream of the moment to connect with you.
But, when he doesn’t want you sexually but is just stringing you along, he will act very rude when you flirt with him.
He will give you many mixed signals because he will never admit that he isn’t seeking a romantic relationship with you.
For example, if you use subtle words and initiate cuddling or kissing him hard, he will back up and constantly give mere reasons.
What to do if he doesn’t want you sexually? Can you change it?
The most important thing to do when he doesn’t want you sexually is to keep calm and think clearly.
Indeed, it’s hard to accept the fact that your husband or partner isn’t enthusiastic or doesn’t want to interact with you sexually.
1. Change your routine of flirting.
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, a guy will lose the spark because of the same routine.
It might happen to you too, that’s why you need to change your routine.
Don’t always be the one who initiates sex or over-flirts with him.
Try to balance emotional attraction with sexual attraction.
2. Try to understand and reflect on the progress of your relationship and sexual interaction.
It’s important to be attentive to how your sexual life has progressed since the beginning of your relationship.
Because, if you’re transparent with yourself and your partner, you’ll find the problem sooner.
For example, age is also a huge factor in sexual attraction and performance.
A man might explore what he likes to do sexually even when he is in his 30s, 40s, or 50s.
He might not perform sexually as well as he was in his 20s and he might be embarrassed about this.
Thus, try to make him feel comfortable and talk to a sex therapist to help him increase his sexual performance and desires.
3. Don’t put too much pressure on him.
Let things flow naturally and let sexual attention be built slowly.
If he doesn’t feel sexually attracted to you at this moment, take a bit of a break.
Yet, don’t stop flirting with him totally, just give him some space to breathe and initiate sexual interaction whenever he feels ready to do it.
5. Communicate with him.
Communication is the key to helping him discover his sexual desires and wants you sexually again.
Ask what could be changed in your sexual routine so he could feel comfortable and excited at the same time.
To do it, you can read the book “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix.
In this book, the author shows how you can improve attraction in a long-term relationship and make it a source of everlasting love.
6. Try couple therapy.
Personal sex therapy isn’t the only solution for this case.
You need to understand each other’s needs and work together to find the middle ground.
Indeed, it isn’t something easy to do because you might not feel comfortable opening up to your partner about your sexual insecurities.
But, if both of you put effort to work on yourselves and give support to one another, slowly things will get better.
Final Thoughts: How do you tell if he doesn’t want you sexually?
You can notice that he doesn’t want you sexually when he refuses to participate in any type of sexual activity or create intimacy.
The lack of physical touch and emotional intimacy are two of the crucial signs that he doesn’t want you sexually.
Yet, that doesn’t mean always that he isn’t interested in you or doesn’t love you.
This is just the phase after the honeymoon phase or the phase before dating when he isn’t attracted to you sexually at all.
Still, don’t beat yourself up about this. Chin up, reflect, and work on your sexual needs, skills, and boundaries.
You got this,
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