There are so many misunderstandings when it comes to a relationship and a connection with an emotionally unavailable man. Some have learned the lessons the hard way, some have stayed away from such ‘lessons’.
Well, a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can be slightly mercurial or hectic. It can get overwhelming for both of you.
Once he’s in love, things start to shift a little. They shift more into the calm and stable side, though not entirely.
Before we get into understanding the signs he shows when he’s in love, it’s time to first tackle up some pretty common questions:
What is an emotionally unavailable person?
A person that’s constantly struggling to show and express emotions, create emotional connections, and/or deal with emotions is an emotionally unavailable person.
Is it possible for an emotionally unavailable man to fall in love?
Yes. An emotionally unavailable man is capable of feeling emotion, is capable of love, is capable of emotional attraction, and is capable of care.
The problem is that an emotionally unavailable man has a hard time dealing with, working, and expressing emotion. He fears emotional connection.
Just because he has such difficulties in sorting it out, doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling it, or that he’s not capable of it.
An emotionally unavailable man can fall in love, can love, but his way of expressing it will be different from a man that loves you and knows how to show it.
13 signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you:
1. He’s wanting to change (i.e. work harder on himself)
Being emotionally unavailable in a relationship affects not just the one being in that state of being, it affects both partners. This means, his emotional unavailability affects you too; it affects you negatively.
Now, when an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you, he notices his negative effect on you. When he’s in love, he doesn’t want to affect you negatively, hence he’ll make an effort to start doing something about it.
He will want to change, and work on himself, find the problem and solve it.
Love releases hormones on your brain, hormones that affect your mood positively. He’s going to be more positive, more optimistic, and he’s going to believe that he’ll turn into a better version of himself.
2. He talks to you about what troubles him
Men in general, due to societal norms, have a hard time opening up and showing vulnerability.
Once in love, even an emotionally unavailable man will be affected by the love’s side effects’ such as lack of judgment towards the person he’s in love with.
Because he lacks judgment towards you, one of the signs that an emotionally unavailable man loves you is that he sees you as a safe space to which he can open up.
He’ll feel like you’re a safe space where he can talk about what troubles him. He feels free to share with you; To share stories that aren’t so pretty.
He’ll see you as a safe space, he’ll open up…
3. He’s uneasy with the idea of you being sad
Love is expressed differently in each of us as individuals. Some have stronger ‘symptoms’ while some have lighter ones.
However, a general way that love manifests through is the need and desire to see the other person happy.
Hence, this is one of the signs that an emotionally unavailable man is falling in love with you. Your presence will affect him because he’ll be attentive, he’ll notice.
Once you’re sad, it affects him too. Love is a beautiful thing to experience, even that’s an understatement. But there’ll be compassion, passion, empathy, joy, and sadness felt by both sides.
You’ll affect him in that way; He’ll be sad when you are. He’s uneasy with the idea of you being sad. He hates to see you hurt.
4. He’s more present in your life
Again, once he’s in love with you, his life and his behavior will be affected by your presence.
Whether you need him to be there or not, he’ll be there for you just in case. Even though the idea of a relationship or emotional connection in the romantic realm can be scary for an emotionally unavailable man, he’ll hate not being able to help you and be there.
Keep in mind that we’re talking about love, which is a very strong feeling. Now, despite the use of logic to overcome it, love often wins the battle.
When an emotionally unavailable man’s logic loses the battle with the strong feeling of love, he’s there for you to support you, he’s there when you’re lonely, he’s there when you need a shoulder to cry on.
5. He tries to make you happy
His actions can be various: small, or huge. He’ll take action when it comes to your happiness. He’ll do anything to see you smile and be joyful.
He knows what makes you happy, and that alone is of big importance to him. He’ll do that: he’ll do what makes you happy, what makes you smile, and what makes you joyous.
He could do things like getting your favorite stuff from the grocery store on the way to your place or getting you a scarf with your favorite color, a bracelet because you mentioned how much you love bracelets, etc.
He’s attentive to your needs, and he’ll find his ways to fulfill them. Now, he might not be consistent at it, because again, he’s emotionally unavailable and this way of expressing and/or receiving can be overwhelming to him.
6. He reflects your mood
He’s not in touch with his emotional state or his ways of expressing and dealing with his emotional state that much. And being in love won’t be much of a help to that.
It can be overwhelming for him. The reason for that is because he’s already having trouble within himself, with perceiving and giving off the ‘right’ emotions at the ‘right’ timing.
His being in love will contribute more to this confusion. Your mood will affect his mood as well.
Even if he’s having trouble defining what/why/when he’s feeling, he’ll be able to reflect the mood and emotions that you show to him. As, again, you influence his life and behavior since he’s in love with you.
7. He gets distant at times
This is another common reaction to love by emotionally unavailable men. I did explain a little bit how love affects their lives and behaviors.
It can get truly overwhelming for him. Overwhelming to a point where he needs a break, he needs some time off: He even pulls away.
His fear and confusion add up to his overwhelmed state of mind and emotion. He’s uncertain, scared, and confused.
Oftentimes, when emotionally unavailable men fall in love with someone, they’re not very keen to notice or be aware of it.
So, he’ll notice changes in his mood, his behavior, his way of seeing you, and this can give birth to feelings such as fear, uncertainty, and confusion leading him to get distant from you.
8. He’s careful when it comes to you
He’s experiencing a lot right now. He’s having to deal with a lot of stuff that’s affecting him emotionally, something he’s not very capable of handling well; But, he won’t do to hurt you.
He’s careful when it comes to you. Love has that effect on most people.
He’ll be gentle, caring, and careful with you. He’s able to feel emotion, he’s just not good at processing and defining it.
He’ll see you sad after he did something he did, next time he’ll be careful: he won’t do it again because he’s aware of his action’s negative impact on you.
Making you sad, or hurting you would cause him to feel even more overwhelmed. So, by being careful with you, he’s also being careful with himself (let it be consciously or subconsciously).
Now you’ve got a special place in his heart. It’s time for him to introduce you to other people that are important in his life.
This is not the exact behavioral pattern for every emotionally unavailable man in love out there, but it happens.
Love somehow makes them a bit more open to the idea of being optimistic when it comes to relationships. Of course, it has its overwhelming sides to it and its ways of messing up his head, but a lot of times, he’ll know your place in his life.
He’ll be ready to take the next step and show his people what he’s found to love and to be loved by.
10. It’s not just about sex anymore
He cherishes time with you; The time you spend talking and being around each other.
While emotionally unavailable men try to escape their feelings and thoughts with only physical pleasure, once they’re in love, the tables start to turn a different way.
He sticks around for more now. He’s not in just for the sake of sex anymore. He’s in love with you. Of course, this behavior may not be consistent, but he will make it clear through his actions that he’s not in just for sex anymore.
11. He takes his time to listen and look at you
It’s how love generally works. He’s into this trance of curiosity, awe, wonder, confusion, all mixed up together.
Once he’s there and once he’s in for the real deal (a relationship) after falling in love with you, he will take his time to listen and to look at you (it’s part of the love’s ‘side effects’).
He’ll listen to what you have to say with curiosity, with wonder, and will look at you with awe. Even if he’s not quite understanding what’s going on, he’s part of this process.
Your thoughts and opinions intrigue him, your presence makes him want and have more of it. He’ll be attentive to detail, to your expressions, your ways of doing things, and your ways of carrying yourself.
12. He tries to find solutions to your problems
Well, part of your problem is his behavior too…
Once he sees you struggling, you’re in pain because of something particular, he’ll try to find solutions to the problems causing you to feel that way. At the very least he’ll try to be there for/with you.
Emotionally unavailable men have a hard time connecting, and expressing themselves, especially in romantic relationships. But love is leaving its traces on him and his behavior.
He won’t do to see you hurt, he’ll either find a way to help you and make you feel better, or he’ll go someplace where he can’t see you in such conditions.
13. You can tell he’s trying
Love and other ‘positive’ feelings, in general, have a positive effect on most people. However, an emotionally unavailable man will be facing one of his big fears once he falls in love.
This can cause him to feel lost, to pull back, to struggle with such overwhelming feelings that he fears and fears.
But you’re now precious to him. He will try to keep stability and balance in the relationship, even though it’ll be difficult for him to do so.
He’ll be honest and sincere with you, he’ll love spending time with you even though this can be overwhelming to him: he’ll try.
How to connect with an emotionally unavailable man?
Connecting with an emotionally unavailable man is possible. It takes time, effort, compassion, and compromise. Like, a lot of them. But it is possible.
Understanding is key when it comes to creating a connection. You have to see and hear each other deeper than what’s on your surface.
5 tips on how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man:
1. Try to see him without judgment. He’s already judged, called out for his behavior that got misunderstood so many times, he’s tired and used to judgment.
If you want to connect with an emotionally unavailable man, you’ve got to see him as he is. Hear him when he talks, when he communicates to you. Listen and see him without judgment.
Try to understand where he’s truly coming from.
2. Listen to him. An emotionally unavailable man longs to be heard. He’s been running from feelings people run after.
Listen to him when he needs to talk or express something. Try to not interrupt him when he’s in the middle of explaining something or telling you something. Simply, listen.
3. Make yourself a safe space for him. One of the most common characteristics of an emotionally unavailable man is the fear of emotions and feelings.
If you push him into talking about it or push him into it, he’ll notice and won’t recognize you as a safe space.
He needs a person resembling a safe space in which he can freely be himself without fearing your next moves or words.
4. Be there for him. He needs someone close to be there for him even if he doesn’t admit it.
Being there for him when he needs you creates room for connection. You’re there to listen, to see him as he is without judgment, you resemble a safe space to him.
It’s what he needs to feel calm and stable, making the perfect conditions for a connection to arise between you two.
5. Don’t pressure him into a relationship. Pressuring him into something he’s not ready for will push him away from you instead of making room for you two to connect.
He needs time to slowly get used to you and your presence for him to feel like he could be part of a relationship. On the other hand, you pushing him into it, rushing things and such will scare him off.
Give him time, and let your connection slowly build up without rushing it, or putting pressure on him about it.
What to say or text to an emotionally unavailable man?
Communication plays a tremendously crucial role when it comes to connecting with him.
You don’t have to go out of your way to say and text the very perfect things for him to feel something or feel a connection with you.
Keep in mind to stay true to yourself while you’re being mindful of your words and actions towards him.
It’s true, men are often difficult to understand and deal with. That’s why I’ve compiled a list of 15 texts that’ll help you out in any situation with any man you’re dealing with, and it’s yours to download completely free of charge.
Here are 4 specific things you can say or text to an emotionally unavailable man:
“I understand you.” He needs to hear or read this. If you truly understand him, let him know. It makes room for connection, and it makes him feel heard.
“Show me how to help you.” A relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can get complicated due to his behavior and state of mind.
By saying or texting this to him, you show him you’re willing to help him. You give him a chance to communicate with you.
“I’m here for you.” By saying or texting this to him, you’ll remind him of a safe space in which he can be. You’ll allow him to express more of himself, to feel freer when around you, and to communicate.
“I have to let you go…” It can get overwhelming and toxic to the point where you can’t keep up with it. A relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can get complicated, and often can make you forget about your wellbeing.
Don’t be afraid to say these words when you need to. If you’re not being treated the way you deserve to be treated, if your boundaries are crossed, and you feel like the relationship has come to an end, then say it to free yourself from it.
Wrapping it up!
Love can do wonders but not impossibilities possible. He will be gentler and more caring, but he’ll also be distant and pulsive.
Some of the most common signs that an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you are his will to work on himself, reflecting your mood, getting distant from time to time, taking his time to listen, and him trying to make this work.
Keep in mind, love can do wonders indeed, but it can’t turn impossible things into possible ones.