Wishing your ex a happy birthday isn’t just a simple act of kindness.
The subtext that lies behind this simple message has the whole power to this situation.
Whereas, whether you should text your ex a happy birthday or not depends on the terms you left on.
The situation will be less complicated if you know beforehand the reason why you want to wish your ex a happy birthday.
Don’t wish them a happy birthday out of the blue.
If you haven’t been talking with your ex for some time, wishing them a happy birthday would stir up your past.
Be reasonable, learn to trust your guts, and….
Check these 9 reasons why you should and shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday!
1. Don’t text your ex happy birthday when using No Contact
Should I wish my ex a happy birthday during No Contact? The answer is definitely no!
Texting your ex happy birthday while in no contact will probably piss them off than make them happy.
This period of distancing will serve as a period to focus on yourself and heal.
The moment you wish your ex happy birthday during No Contact, you’ll end up being ignored.
There are some cases when exes reply, but their reply is short, cold, and neutral.
If you can’t fight the temptation and you wish them a happy birthday, you’ll regret it along the way.
All the progression that you’ve made until that day, will be gone.
Your feelings and emotional being will be shabby after it.
2. Don’t wish your ex happy birthday if you were dumped
Wishing a happy birthday to your ex who dumped you is completely another situation.
If you do it, you will sound desperate and in need of their attention.
In this situation, you give the upper hand to your ex.
This isn’t just a simple “Happy Birthday” text message. There is nothing neutral, the moment you text first the one who dumped you.
If you had a hard breakup and there is no room for improvement, texting your ex a happy birthday is not an option.
I know that it is quite easy to be triggered to text them, especially when you’re dumped. Yet. you should ask yourself why you want to do it.
If you still have feelings for your ex and you were dumped, you’ll end up being hurt because of their response.
Since, in this case, you’re texting them because you want your ex back, you’ll fantasize about the answers/reply.
Note: You should set some boundaries for yourself. You can do it by shifting the focus from your ex to yourself.
3. Wishing your ex HBD if you’re on good terms
Even if you wish your ex a happy birthday when you’re on good terms that can have its impact on them too.
If they still have feelings for you then they might take this message as the start of your comeback.
Yet, if you decided to stay just friends and the relationship is just platonic, they would take it as a neutral text.
Continuing a platonic relationship you won’t be included romantically that much in it.
That’s why this text message won’t hurt you and leave you miserable.
Make sure that the text message is short and neutral.
You shouldn’t be too vulnerable and include compliments that would cross the line.
4. You shouldn’t do it if you’re fantasizing about your ex
When you’re not over your ex yet, you tend to create false hopes.
You create that bubble in your head thinking that there are chances for your ex to come back.
You create these images because you either miss them emotionally or sexually.
This means that you can’t break this cycle which can lead you toward obsessing over your ex.
In this case, you want to wish your ex a happy birthday to prove your obsession.
You want to prove that they need you or there is a second chance for you.
On the contrary, you’ll end up accepting no answer or not the answer you wanted to hear.
5. Avoid wishing a happy birthday if you’re trying to move on
If you’re working on moving, wishing your ex a happy birthday will hinder your healing process.
You won’t be able to focus on yourself once you don’t grieve.
I recommend you to stay silent on your ex’s birthday until you know what you want from this relationship.
Otherwise, the consequences will be
- You’ll be stuck in the past;
- You’ll end up prioritizing once again our ex and your relationship instead of yourself;
- You’ll be constantly thinking about what your ex is doing;
- You’ll want to know if your ex is thinking about you after receiving the text;
Not wishing your ex a happy birthday when working on yourself will get noticed by your ex.
This will make them even more curious about you. They want to know what you’re up to.
6. Don’t do it if contacting them would make you feel miserable
If your relationship was complicated and toxic then you shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday.
When you still need to get your abusive ex’s attention, you’re already used to their behavior. You just can’t get out.
As this research explains the Stockholm Syndrome you develop feelings for your ex even after being abused.
It’s pretty understandable. You want them to give a signal with your text and them to reconsider their decision.
Wishing your ex a happy birthday, you will give your ex the wanted attention.
This way, you’ll give them power over you. Now your ex has a reason to cling to you.
He or she will start to draw you back to themselves and the past.
7. Do it if you talk once in a while with one another
If after the breakup you didn’t hold grudges and talk once in a while then you should wish your ex a happy birthday.
Maintaining a simple contact with your ex, in this case, will show maturity.
Wishing them a happy birthday won’t create a wrong idea.
You’ll only appreciate your ex for being a part of your life.
This won’t dim either your light or theirs.
It won’t hinder your progress since you don’t hate one another and you’re not stuck in the past.
You should wish a happy birthday to your ex if
1. You appreciate them for shaping you as a person;
2. You consider them as a great life lesson, even though you weren’t compatible to form a relationship;
8. If you have moved on, you should craft that text!
Once you accept the reality of your relationship, you’re ready to act differently.
You can wish your ex a happy birthday when you’re healed because you won’t have any bad/hidden intentions.
In this case, you won’t end up fantasizing about your future or being obsessed with your ex.
Having a healthy mindset after the breakup matters.
You’ll wish your ex a happy birthday because you want to show appreciation.
In this situation, you’re not either texting them to get any of these:
~ Attract your ex’s attention;
~ Want to hurt them or feel miserable;
~ You don’t want anything in return (feelings or communication);
9. If this person doesn’t want your presence
If your ex has informed you to not contact them, then wishing a happy birthday would be inappropriate.
You should respect the boundaries that your ex has set.
Since texting or wishing your ex a happy birthday in this case, will have these outcomes.
1. You’ll open old wounds.
2. You’ll end up hurting yourself or your ex more.
3. You will lose self-respect.
4. You’ll seem obsessed with your ex.
5. Lingering will mix your thoughts and send mixed signs too.
The reason why you want to reach out to them on that day is that you would like the same in return.
It would mean a lot to you if they would reach out to you on your birthday or any other special occasion.
Yet, this isn’t the right time to do it.
How to wish your ex happy birthday: A few tips to succeed at it!
There is no perfect way to wish your ex a happy birthday.
It might seem like rocket science crafting a text to wish your ex a happy birthday, but it’s much easier than that.
Before writing a birthday text to your ex, you should consider a few things:
- Why do you want to text your ex a happy birthday text?
- Would you like to open too much only via a text;
- Don’t add romantic elements that will disturb your ex;
- There is nothing wrong to be a little flirty if you’re on good terms;
- Don’t make the text message to be only about you. It’s their special day!
Here are a few text examples:
1. Wish your ex a happy birthday if there is room to reconcile.
“I know I’ve made terrible mistakes in the past, but you deserve the best of wishes today.”
Note: The text is simple, heartfelt, and not too vulnerable. It will give the perfect message to your ex.
2. If you want to get your ex’s attention back.
“Happy birthday to the one who likes chocolates more than life.”
Note: what will attract your ex’s attention is the detail that you remember about them.
3. If you just want to stay on good terms and show appreciation.
“ Hey, happy birthday. Wish you a blessed birthday.”
Note: This text is pretty simple and doesn’t cross any boundaries. You should be careful not to add a romantic shade to it.
4. If you still communicate a bit.
If it’s bugging you about how to say happy birthday to your ex in this case, be straightforward.
Be honest and don’t add words that might give the wrong idea or impression to your ex.
“Happy birthday. May you live to be 100. Have fun!”
Note: This text is short and you can keep your communication as it is. With time you’ll be able to understand if things will go in a different direction.
I texted my ex happy birthday and no response!
If your ex chose to not reply to you on their birthday, that could mean a couple of things.
– One of the first things that might come into your mind is that your ex has moved on.
Well, this is true. If an ex moves on then they would not reply or they would ignore your message.
They’re giving you a message and a sign that they are over you already.
You might notice this only if your breakup was a messy one and they lost feelings for you, or you hurt them badly.
– Your ex is not ready to communicate with you. If your ex was left miserable and hurt by you, it would take some time for them to get up on their feet.
Especially, if you send this text message a few months after the breakup.
Even a happy birthday text will cause them anxiety and pain.
In this case, they don’t want to complicate it even more for you and them too.
– They’re stubborn and want to be chased by you. Some people choose to be stubborn in this case so you can value them more.
They take it as a form of resistance and self-respect.
– Your ex is still confused. If your ex is still in a dilemma about your relationship then they won’t answer.
In this case, it doesn’t mean that your ex has lost interest in you. They just need some more time to process their feelings and the future.
– They don’t want to lose their peace of mind. If your ex has been using the No contact rule and working on themselves then they would not reply.
They do it because they don’t want to lose something that took a while to create or achieve.
What happens when you don’t wish your ex a happy birthday?
It depends on how things ended. Whether your ex still has feelings for you and wants you to contact them.
These elements define what will happen and how your ex will react.
~If your ex is hurt by you then they won’t want to hear from you.
Even getting the simplest text message for their birthday will bring the pain back to them.
If they’re using No Contact then they would carry on with it.
Yes, they’ll wonder why you haven’t contacted them on this day, but they will continue with their healing.
~ If you have ended up as friends or on good terms they will think that something is wrong.
They would be worried that they did something that changed the interaction.
Since this is their special day, your ex would want special attention even from you.
~ If your ex was never in love with you and doesn’t want you. In this case, they wouldn’t bother if you texted or wished them a happy birthday.
It wouldn’t make any difference to them.
~ If your ex has already moved on. If your ex has already healed and turned another page in their life, they wouldn’t notice it.
Especially if a few years have passed.
After all, do you wish your ex a happy birthday?
You do wish your ex happy birthday only when you’re on good terms and you’re over the breakup.
Otherwise, wishing an ex happy birthday just to remind them of their presence and to make them miss you, won’t work.
This will only remind you of old wounds and it won’t send that type of sign to your ex.
If you dumped your ex, wishing them a happy birthday will leave them hurt and fantasizing about you.
Balance your situation by asking yourself why you’re doing it and what are the outcomes.
Best,
Callisto
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