It’s ok to tell him that you miss him unless doing it impacts you or him negatively.
So, if you feel that you need to apologize or enforce your bond, then telling him you miss him is completely fine.
But, if you tell him that you miss him just to boost your ego and string him along then that will fire back at you.
Here are 13 reasons whether you should tell him that you miss him or not:
1. You should tell him that you miss him to connect more
Honesty is one of the main pillars that need to be applied to strengthen your bond with your boyfriend or husband.
If you’re in a long-term relationship then you need to nourish your emotional attraction from time to time.
And when you’re in a long-distance relationship, you need to put more effort into expressing your feelings.
Because you’re not together constantly and if you don’t express how you’re truly feeling then the relationship might start to fail.
2. Reminisce on good times with him
Reminiscing good memories helps you to express your feelings and at the same time you won’t feel desperate or needy.
Even if you’re in a healthy relationship, it’s important to let your boyfriend or husband how he impacts you.
If you were at a restaurant and he made you laugh a lot then you can let him know about it.
“Hey Josh, remember how we laughed at Chateau Marmont’s until our belly hurt? I miss you.”
Yet, if you find it difficult to put your feelings into words then you can work privately with a relationship coach to get a grip on this situation.
3. To let him know that you’re thinking about him
Not all relationships are the same and sometimes you might be in a relationship with a guy who needs constant validation.
And that’s not a bad thing. On the contrary, it helps you to revive your relationship by bringing new things.
For example, if he has an anxious attachment style then he will need constant validation of your feelings for him.
The psychotherapist Isabel Kirk claims that validation is making someone comfortable in sharing feelings with you.
You can text him at the end of the day or in the morning saying: “I miss your smiley face.”
4. To express your remorse feelings
I had been in a three-year-old relationship and as stubborn as I am, I hurt him but refused to let my guard down and apologize.
At that time, I thought that would make me feel weak and that I was letting myself down.
On the contrary, after venting and talking with a therapist, I learned a lot.
By apologizing to him, I would turn a new page and get him to see the real version of me.
So, if you and your ex or partner are going through a tough time, choose to step back, reflect, and let him know how you feel.
5. You want to upgrade your relationship
Starting to date exclusively doesn’t only depend on him.
If you want to have a serious relationship with him then showing feelings will help you strengthen and deepen your connection.
- Start by being vulnerable with him. Take it step by step.
- Find the right time and place. Saying all the time “I miss you” might lose its meaning because it will be overused.
- Use more I in your sentences, and send him a surprise text. “I’ve been quite busy today but you’re running hella errands on my mind.”
6. You want to rebuild trust
Trust cannot rebuild in a blink of an eye, and cannot be rebuilt only by saying sorry.
But, if you need to do it you can apologize and let him know that you miss him and how he impacts your life.
Otherwise, if you just tell or text him that you miss him, will only annoy him and make him angrier even more.
Yet, whether he’ll react positively or not depends on your actions and how he’s feeling right now.
If he wasn’t able to process the hurt or the breakup until now, maybe for him it will take a longer time to heal and trust you again.
7. If you were just a fling
When you tell him that you miss him, you should reflect first on the nature of your relationship.
Telling him that you miss him when you’re a fling isn’t always wrong.
But, if he made it clear and just told you that he doesn’t want anything serious then this might be wrong.
You shouldn’t tell him that you miss him in this case because it might be misinterpreted. You won’t be able to set boundaries and will end up getting hurt.
8. When you’ve been on one or just two dates
Indeed, it’s not easy to not get overwhelmed by the first date, especially if you feel a deep connection with this guy.
But, if you immediately text him and tell him that you miss him, will pull away immediately.
At this stage, it’s early to express too many feelings. As the author John Gray explains, the first stage of dating is initial interaction and attraction.
One of the rules of the first date is to relax and be yourself!
So, instead of being immediately all over him, take a step back, and control your thoughts and feelings.
9. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist
Expressing your feelings when in a relationship with a narcissist can be risky.
He might take those words and use them to control you or even harm you.
So, if you notice that your date, boyfriend, or husband is controlling, try to choose the words when you express your feelings.
You might say something like: “It was nice spending time in the lake yesterday.”
Yet, if you don’t feel comfortable expressing your feelings in this case, try to seek a therapist’s help.
10. When you have to respect your boundaries
There comes a time when the period after the breakup becomes overwhelming and you want to connect with him once again.
You might have feelings for him and he might have feelings for you too.
But, if he was the one that kept hurting you constantly and you were using No Contact to heal, you shouldn’t tell him you miss him.
Don’t feel bad if you do it because healing isn’t linear. But, try to reflect on your mistakes and check what went wrong that you stopped distancing.
11. When you’re not sure of your feelings
If you aren’t sure of what you feel about him, you shouldn’t tell him constantly that you miss him.
The moment that you express your feelings, that will immediately mean that you’re developing strong feelings for him.
If you need to boost your ego and just get his intention then it’s better to not tell him that you miss him because that will only lead him on.
Confusion will arise if your feelings change in an instant and you or he, or both of you will be hurt.
12. You aren’t dating exclusively
When you’re just in the talking stage, you should reflect on his interaction with you before telling him you miss him.
You should define your intentions and his interaction because otherwise, you might come on as too strong and needy.
- If you were the only one that constantly initiated texts, calls, or dates then you should take a step back.
- He might not be fully interested in you and is better to understand his intentions.
- It might look like “I miss you” is just a simple word and won’t harm anyone. Yet, saying it before clearing up the smoke, will lead you to an unstable relationship.
13. If he has dumped you
If you were dumped and he was the one that ended the relationship, there is no reason in telling him you miss him.
In this case, it’s better to give him some space and let him and yourself reflect on your lives.
Try to disconnect from him, I know that it’s not easy but constant interaction with him won’t give you the answer that you’re looking for.
Try to pin down the pros and cons of this relationship. Also, ask yourself why you want to contact him.
To get out all the feelings that are keeping you back, you can write a letter to your ex and move forward.
What you should consider before telling him that you miss him?
Before jumping immediately to tell him that you miss him, reflect on the reason that you want to do it.
If it’s a selfish reason then you shouldn’t keep his hopes up or string him along.
~But, if you have genuine feelings for him and he is on the same page, then take a minute to think about how he makes you feel.
~Hence, before telling him that you miss him, you should check the timing and his emotional state.
If he’s dealing with personal issues then it’ll be harder for him to perceive the right message.
He might misunderstand it or it might impact him negatively because he might think that you need him and he can’t be there for you right now.
~Lastly, check if you have ever been vulnerable with him. If this is your first time opening to him, try to use a light tone and your humor to break the ice.
What to do if he doesn’t feel the same way? Or doesn’t give the wanted answer?
If he doesn’t answer positively or avoids the conversation then try to take it step by step and not put pressure on him.
Especially, if you’re not in a relationship with him then it’s better to respect his boundaries.
But, if you’re in a relationship then you might give him some space and then talk about how you feel or how his behavior impacts you.
1. Embrace reality
Give yourself some time to embrace it all. No one can accept easily rejection or an unwanted answer.
So, if he doesn’t answer like you wanted to, give yourself some time to understand what’s happening.
You can trick your brain into thinking something else, but you won’t trick your heart into feeling something else.
2. Communicate honestly
If you’re in a relationship then try to be honest with your partner. I’m not implying to put pressure on him but find the right time to express your feelings.
Ask him if there’s something that’s bothering him lately or that should be improved.
Be open to being criticized and talk about your feelings, because this is the only way to pin down the issue and bond with one another.
3. Try to work on your attachment issues
It’s easy to obsess over someone who doesn’t want you back or doesn’t give you the same attention and love.
So if you have anxious attachment issues then try to reflect on your behavior.
You can talk to a therapist or read the book “Attachment Theory in Practice” by Susan M. Johnson.
You should also write down how you feel and what you do to express those feelings and keep track of it.
Only, by working on your feelings, you’ll be able to reflect on your attachment style.
The end: How to know when I should tell him that I miss him?
Knowing whether you should tell him that you miss him or not depends on your relationship dynamics and how both of you feel.
Yet, there are still a lot of factors that will impact your decision.
First, checking his availability is important. You might not be on the same page at the moment, especially if you’re just talking to him or newly dating.
So, if you want to tell him that you miss him to dust all your doubt away or get closure, there’s nothing wrong with doing that.
Just be yourself and deliver the message without putting yourself down or letting him cross your boundaries.