The comfort of a Friday night can easily be disrupted by the sound of receiving a text, and not just any text: It’s a text from your ex.
You’re now faced with a tempting, challenging, and tricky situation. It’s something a lot of us have been through.
Some reply without thinking, some choose to ignore the situation altogether, while some others get stuck in the loop of overthinking.
It’s that buzzing question that makes sleep difficult:
“Should I reply to my ex or not?”
A comfortable night with a fulfilling sleep just turned into a sleepless one. It’s not pathetic, it’s normal, and it’s common.
If you’re seeking peace of mind, I’ve got some answers for you…
Should I reply when my ex texts me? Here’s when you should reply when your ex reaches out to you!
There are a lot of factors you must consider and reconsider before responding to your ex’s text.
For some, it can be a difficult decision, while for others it can be something easily solved.
If you’re struggling to find an answer to your question, then here’s something that might help you out a little.
Here’s when you should respond to your ex:
– They congratulate you on something.
Whether you respond to your ex or not depends a lot on the reason why they texted you in the first place.
A simple thank you for their kind message will do the work for the sake of the respect you have for each other.
As long as you’re okay with the flow of the conversation and it isn’t affecting your healing process, saying thank you to a congratulating message is normal.
Thank them in a friendly manner and make sure to not lead the conversation anywhere else if you’re not up for a discussion about the past.
– You broke up on good terms.
Replying to an ex’s text also depends a lot on how you broke up with them.
If there was no fighting, cheating, abuse, or those kinds of things involved in the breakup, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t reply to your ex.
Maybe things between you two just didn’t work out and you handled it like adults without getting into rough arguments.
This is often called conscious uncoupling. And it’s a healthy way of detaching from a connection that is no longer serving you any good.
So, if you broke up on good terms, and care and platonic love are still in the picture, then replying to your ex’s text is a reasonable decision.
– You think it’s time to get back together, yet you don’t have unrealistic expectations about the situation.
There can be a lot of reasons why you and your partner broke up.
– Maybe you didn’t have time for each other.
– You wanted different things out of life.
– Or life imposed you just go your separate ways.
Perhaps you regret breaking up with your partner, you think you’re more compatible now, or things have just fallen into their places.
Regardless, you made up your mind and you think it’s time to get back together.
It’s very common for people to get back to their exes.
However, you have to keep your expectations realistic and not have high hopes of receiving a text from your ex.
Respond to your ex, and see where the conversation heads from there on. Avoid forcing the conversation or the situation in a particular direction.
As much as it can sound good to be back with your ex, you should not rush things.
You should wait and think if getting back together is the best idea.
Respond yet take it slow and easy, see if you’re both on the same page about this.
– You’re both into the idea of a friendship.
A friendship with an ex can often be difficult to maintain. However, it’s not impossible.
It’s usually when you break up on good terms that you can remain friends with one another.
If the idea of a friendship is something you both agree to, then responding to your ex’s text is not a bad decision.
It depends on what your ex texted you, however, if you’re keeping it platonic you’ll be good to respond.
As long as your hearts and feelings aren’t being dragged upon a concrete floor, and your communication is maintained on healthy levels, then responding to each other’s texts is not the wrong thing to do.
– You have children together.
It’s not beneficial nor healthy for your children if you teach them what love is through hatred and toxic communication.
As long as your ex-partner wasn’t abusive and as long as your and your child’s safety aren’t threatened by your ex, then responding to their text is required in such a situation.
The kid(s) is your partner as well, and denying them the right to communicate with you or the kid(s) isn’t fair to your ex-partner or your kid(s).
So, in this case, you should respond to your ex.
– You took your time to think this through and concluded that responding is a rational decision.
You’re more likely to make rational decisions when you take the time to think things a bit and have a calm emotional and mental state while you’re thinking about the issue.
Respond to your ex if you took your time and concluded that this is the rational decision to make in this situation.
Keep in mind that it is rational as long as you’ve considered your well-being and your ex’s feelings as well accordingly to your situation.
– You want to make it clear that you don’t want to keep in contact with your ex.
Another solid reason to respond to your ex is to let them know that you no longer want to keep in contact with them.
Instead of keeping your ex full of hope and expectations, sometimes it’s best to cut the thread and stop leading them on.
It can be very painful for them at the moment, but at least you’ll save them from a long-lasting pain that lingers along with the illusionary hope that someday you’ll get back together.
So, yes, you should respond to your ex if you want to make it clear that you no longer want to keep in touch with them.
When shouldn’t you reply back to your ex’s message?
There are situations, conditions, and circumstances in which you should reply back to your ex, though there are others in which you shouldn’t.
You’re faced with the difficulty of making a decision that’ll affect you one way or the other.
It can feel as if you’re standing on shaky ground while your relaxed ex is on the other side waiting for your response.
Well, let’s see the other side of the spectrum, shall we?
Here is when you shouldn’t reply back to your ex:
– They were abusive and manipulative.
Abusive partners tend to have a hard time swallowing the fact that you left and you’re free from their power and control.
This is why they’ll give you a hard time as well. They might text you and not leave you alone despite your demands for space and calm.
If the relationship was toxic or abusive it’s difficult to find happiness in that same place that caused you to lose it.
The best thing you can do is stay as far away as possible from that person and try to heal yourself.
It’s difficult to escape the manipulation and it’s difficult to not look back, but you should not respond to your ex if they were abusive and manipulative.
– Late-night texts that obviously call for a sex talk.
If your ex texted you late at night, it’s probably because they’re lonely and are in need of a moment of sexual relief.
Without devaluing your personality and character, a late-night text often translates to an “I’m starving for sex and you’re the only one who might give me what I’m looking for.”
This is why, generally, replying to a late-night text from your ex is not a bright idea.
Without any intention to underappreciate the value of your personality – You’re not their first option, you’re their last option when they’re bored.
Challenging situations often require different perspectives, and in a lot of cases, a professional perspective can do wonders.
While each of us faces the difficulties of our own reality, we do our best to make the right decisions.
A different perspective for the sake of your well-being is just a click away!
– If you’re in a relationship and your current partner isn’t aware of your conversation with your ex.
It can seem as if you’re doing this behind your partner’s back. It’s never taken well nor considered an honest gesture.
If you didn’t keep friendly contact with your ex and now you’re getting this text out of nowhere, then consider not replying.
Replying to an ex that showed up out of nowhere because they miss you can be disrespectful to your partner. Especially if you’re hiding this from your partner.
When you’re dating someone you should take their feelings into account as well. Especially if your ex still has feelings for you.
If texting your ex is something you know would upset and sadden your current partner, then hold yourself from replying to your ex.
Consider the connection you have with your ex, the connection you have with your partner, and your partner’s feelings on this issue.
– If your ex is in another relationship.
Your ex texting you while they’re in another relationship isn’t a good sign to begin with.
Of course, it depends on what they’re texting you for, however, the intentions aren’t pure in most cases.
If they don’t have a strong reason why they texted you while in a relationship with another person, then you shouldn’t reply.
Let the weight of guilt fall on your ex’s shoulders. The person they’re with also deserves better. And you’re conscious enough to not reply to such a provocation.
– The breakup was chaotic and unreasonable.
A chaotic and unreasonable breakup can be hard to recover from.
If you’re trying to move on and get over your ex-partner’s misbehavior, then responding to their text isn’t the brightest idea!
Think about what’s best for you, and make the right decision by not responding.
Responding could only do you harm, especially if the breakup is fresh. It would interrupt and disrupt your healing process.
A simple reply can be enough for another long and chaotic conversation to begin. Hence getting you to turn back to the beginning of hurt and pain.
If you want to avoid that, avoid responding to your ex.
– Your intentions regarding your response aren’t genuine.
Ingenuine intentions could be the desire for your ex’s attention, ‘a chance to get revenge’, or anything else that isn’t heartfelt.
If your reasons to respond back to your ex would affect any of you negatively, then it’s the best idea to not respond to your ex at all.
A mal intention can also be thinking of leading them on or simply keeping a friendship for the sake of them witnessing your good life without them.
If not a sincere response, it’s better for you to not respond at all.
– If you don’t want to respond.
If you don’t feel like getting back in touch with your ex, you’ve got every right to not respond to their text.
Don’t respond if you’d only respond out of pity for your ex.
If contact with them would set you back on your journey of healing, then it’s a better idea if you’d prevent yourself from texting your ex back at all.
– You didn’t take your time to think things through.
If you didn’t take your time and you’re rushing to respond, take a step back and don’t write a reply yet!
When you’re emotionally overwhelmed, which is very likely in such a situation, you tend to make irrational decisions.
This is why it is very important to take your time and calm down before making a decision when you’re emotionally overwhelmed at the moment.
If you didn’t take your time to think about this and calm down a bit then you shouldn’t respond to your ex. At least not yet.
– You sense that your ex is trying to manipulate you to respond.
Some people use manipulative tactics to make others feel pressured to respond.
If you happen to feel pressured to respond, or if you sense manipulation through your ex’s text message, then simply don’t respond to your ex’s text.
This can be a very challenging action to take, especially if your ex has been manipulative throughout the relationship as well.
It takes determination and emotional strength to overcome that passive pressure you feel, but it’s something that can be done, and something you’ll thank yourself for going through without falling prey to that manipulation.
How to reply when my ex texts me?
If you made the decision to reply to your ex’s message, now you’re faced with another difficulty…
What to text back to your ex? Or how to approach them through your text?
You might forget what happened between you two and you’ll get caught up in the moment and reply without thinking.
So, take your time, let it sit for a while.
There are a lot of ways you can reply when an ex texts you.
Here are some tips on how to respond to the most common texts that exes send:
– If you no longer want any contact with them…
These should be straightforward answers for the best for both of you. You don’t want to drag them any further.
If you want them to move on and leave you alone you can send them something like this:
- “I’m sorry [name]. I respect you and I understand your pain, but I can’t go back with you. I wish you all the best.”
- “Hi [name]. I’ve been trying to take my time to heal, and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t reach back to me. This would be for the best of us. I hope you’re well, and I wish you the best.”
- “I really appreciate your concern and care, however, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep in touch. I hope you’ll understand me. I wish you joy in your journey ahead.”
- “Please do not text me again. I’m sorry to be so straightforward but I’m really trying to move on and heal. I’d appreciate it if you’d respect my decision and not text me again.”
- “I don’t think that being friends would work for us. I care for you and your well-being that’s why I think none of us would be able to handle the destructive effects of a friendship. I’m sorry [name]. I wish you the best.”
Choose what suits your situation the best. Consider your feelings but also your ex’s feelings before you press send.
As long as you have that in mind, you’ll make the right decision.
– If you’re looking for a friendly reply or an “I want you back” reply to your ex…
If there are no hard feelings left between the two of you, and you think that texting them something friendly or even getting back to them is a good idea, then I’ve got something for you as well!
Here are a few friendly or loving texts to respond to your ex:
- “Oh hi, [name]. It’s good to hear from you again. I’m good, how have you been?”
- “I thought about us too, and I’d love to see you again. I’m free this Friday.”
- “I’d love to be friends with you, [name]. We didn’t get along as a couple, but you’re definitely an interesting person I’d like to keep around haha!”
- “I’m so glad you texted me. I miss you too…”
- “It’s good to hear from you. I’ve been doing ok. How have you been, is everything ok?”
Again, see what suits your situation the best. See how you’d respond from your mind and heart.
Keep in mind though, don’t twist the meaning of an “I want you back” text and a “Yes, I’m good with friendship.” text.
Another thing to consider before jumping to a conclusion: Why is my ex texting me?
Your ex might text you for different reasons. Some of the most common ones to mention are,
- Friendship
- Closure,
- Attention,
- Selfish benefits,
- Fulfillment of sexual needs,
- They want to get back together, etc.
Despite the number of reasons your ex might have for texting you, you should consider the reasons why you’re exes before responding to their text.
Choose what’s best for you and your wellbeing, you can always consult with your therapist or a trusted friend before you make a decision on whether responding is a good idea or not.
Take care,
Callisto
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