The No Contact is an effective method to heal from a toxic relationship and create healthy boundaries.
Sure, it will hurt and you will deal with indecisiveness because you are breaking a daily pattern.
But, when you go no contact with your narcissistic ex which means no texting/calling, you pull yourself out of negativity.
Most of the time, a narcissistic ex tries to pick up the relationship from where they left off and play the victim.
The most important thing to do is to stay calm, take a step back and not communicate with them.
Defining wrong reasons to go No Contact with a narcissist ex: Will it work?
You should avoid using the No Contact rule to teach your narcissistic ex a lesson.
The crucial aim of using No Contact with a narcissist should be for you to escape from a toxic relationship and break that cycle.
If you’re using the NC rule to allow him to reflect on his mistakes, stay friends with him or take revenge that will not work.
The moment that you start to use this rule with a narcissistic ex, you should know that their ego and self-esteem will be attacked.
Due to restricted communication, your ex will feel helpless and that they’re slowly using control over your life.
Therefore, they might try to manipulate you again and you might not be able to work on your feelings.
Whereas, if you use No Contact just to heal yourself, not try to fix them and move forward, this rule will work!
Here are 10 things a narcissist does when you start to use No Contact with them:
1. They will convince others that you’re the bad person
A narcissist might use specific tools and tactics to induce others with negative thinking.
To gain power, a narcissistic ex will try to convince others that you are the one who harmed them.
At this point, a narcissist might even tell lies and create false stories about you. Thus, your ex has already created and put to work the victim mindset.
In this case, you will need the help of a specialized coach to deal with it.
Most of the time, their behavior will make you miserable. You’ll deal constantly with intrusive thoughts.
They will help you to understand the way a narcissist thinks and what to do.
You will develop a particular plan, especially for you to get out of this situation easily.
2. Sends gifts to “apologize” for their mistakes
Right when you’re starting to forget about them and heal, your narcissistic ex will come back into the scene sending you gifts to apologize.
This is his or her way to ring the bell to tell you that they exist, and in a way, they’re in pain to see you independent of their presence.
A narcissist needs that source of admiration and attention. In this case, that source is you.
3. They will label inaccurate the way or reason you broke up
Unlike an emotionally stable ex, a narcissist will constantly state that there is no good reason for breaking up with him or her.
During No Contact, an emotionally stable ex won’t send you a hundred texts or leave voice mails asking you for explanations regarding the breakup.
A narcissistic ex will constantly deny the fact that you broke up with them.
This is the reason why they keep constantly coming back to you.
When you go No Contact with a narcissist ex, make sure that you eliminate any type of subtle contact with them.
- You can change your number;
- Change your entourage;
- Change your location and remove things that remind you of them;
Thus, you will avoid easy reminders that might turn into enormous issues later on.
4. They will pretend to be sorry for their wrongdoings
Usually, after the breakup, an emotionally stable ex would beg and plead at the beginning of the breakup.
After going No Contact they would try to focus more on themselves in both parts.
On the other hand, a narcissist during no contact will try to constantly beg and plead falsely.
They will do it to just manipulate your feelings and thoughts.
That’s because the no-contact effect on narcissists has a huge role, they just can’t take no for an answer.
They don’t want to let you move on, so they’ll use your weakness against you.
6. They try to mess with your feelings and make you confused
It is one of the narcissist specialties: to play games with your feelings and thoughts.
Once they have done everything to pull you away from them.
A narcissistic ex will go from gaslighting, hurting you verbally or at times even physically to being the sweetest person alive.
As your thoughts and feelings might be mixed, your ex finds joy and pleasure in this game.
6. They might become irritated and disgrace you
How does a narcissist handle rejection and No Contact?
Rejection and distance might arise rage and irritation in a narcissist.
They will take it personally and put their defensive mode on.
With no contact, your narcissistic ex is left without an option to have you under his/her control.
For him or her, it seems that now without touching you or having you near is no hard way to have you in ‘their hands’.
Going through these things creates a huge amount of anger in your ex and their next tactic is to blame you for everything.
They might use exclusive and hurtful language toward you. They aim to hurt your ego, pride, and your self-esteem.
7. Your ex might try to get too close to you
The No Contact rule is taken as revenge from a narcissist. Yes, they view this rule as some sort of punishment.
This is the reason that they appear everywhere. They just want to have again everything under their control.
In this situation, they are quite sensitive and want the world to revolve around them.
During No Contact, a narcissistic person will stalk you in person or through social media.
Once you block him or her on social media or even their number, one thing that your ex will do is show up at every place that you are present to reach out to you.
Be careful, if you feel uneasy and threatened by their actions seek help. Whether from a therapist, your family/friends, or even from any legal office.
8. They might try to convince you that you have accused them wrongly
One of the 6 things that a narcissist does during No Contact tries to convince you that you’re the problem.
A narcissist won’t let you hit the dumper’s stage and conclude by yourself whether you have made the right decision.
They don’t want you to be at peace with your decision and keep interrupting directly or indirectly your healing process.
More precisely, they try to convince you through begging, giving you gifts, love-bombing you, or manipulating your friends.
“One of our clients dealt seemingly with her narcissistic ex when he hoovered over after 6 months to convince her to come back.
Every day he would apologize and leave voice notes. In the meantime, he would give her gifts and send love letters to her office.
On the other hand, he acted like he was the most damaged one in this relationship. If she didn’t go back he said that he might even harm himself.”
All these little hidden elements that clash with one another are hints.
It means that he started out being all caring and loving her the most then switched to being a victim.
9. Your ex is going to pretend that they are the one who ended the relationship
A narcissist can’t admit that they have been defeated.
Yes, going no contact with a narcissist hurt them. That’s because they do not have the power to have full access to you.
They live for power and make you live by their rules.
Instead of accepting this fact and moving on, your ex will inform everyone that they broke up with you.
This person will share your deepest secrets with them and embarrass you in their eyes.
They will create lies that will make them feel powerful and have you under their control.
10. They form a rebound relationship and might ignore you
A narcissistic person is very likely to seek revenge and hurt you.
No Contact for 90 days, 4 months, 6 months, less or more, with a narcissistic ex, can make them jump immediately into another relationship.
With a sole purpose: to hurt you.
They don’t want you to have time to heal and move on.
By putting their defenses on, your ex plays mind games with you, showing that he or she was doing good on their own.
Nevertheless, a narcissist ex will go for 90 days of No Contact and “respect” your boundaries as a part of the game.
~They will come back after 90 days to try their reverse psychology. They won’t try to build up healthy communication.
They will come back to love-bomb you and hoover. It might feel like a dream and it might look like they changed.
Hence, they act like that just to take control of the situation once again.
~Also, if you go No Contact for 6 months with a narcissist, they will return to you.
They will wait 6 months and then contact you just to try and manipulate you again and hinder your healing process.
Remember that a narcissist won’t ever apologize and admit their mistakes genuinely.
He will just come back to just use you and then leave you again.
How does a narcissist feel when you don’t beg and plead?
A narcissist will feel small, powerless, neglected, and confused when you don’t beg and plead.
Since a narcissist is designed to manipulate your feelings and thoughts, having no control destroys them.
On the other hand, some narcissists will take this as an answer to continue and check on you.
This will feed their ego, and they will feel like they need to make a stronger plan to manipulate you.
One of the things that narcissists do when you go No contact with them is try to regain power.
They feel challenged and want to prove to you that they can still get you back.
At the same time, they are angry, panicked, and frustrated. This is all a result of not being able to control the situation.
At this moment, they will be thinking about whether to contact you or not.
They might build a huge wall between you or constantly contact you.
There is no in-between and they start to create stories about you.
They will make themselves victims no matter what and you will be the villain in their story.
Instead of working on themselves as the No Contact rule is, they will take it as a plan to get revenge.
That’s why you should stay calm and follow a plan to not break the No Contact Rule.
Does no contact hurt a narcissist?
No Contact doesn’t hurt a narcissist.
What hurts her or him is the way that you can move on without them and be independent of their presence: it hurts their ego.
What hurts a narcissist is that he or she doesn’t have that power over you anymore.
During No Contact your ex won’t have the same attention from you and that makes your ex go crazy.
On the other hand, a narcissist is bored because for now he or she doesn’t have anyone to use as a source of getting attention.
And what keeps eating inside the narcissist is the feeling of guilt. The feeling of guilt comes from somehow losing the war that they have already set for you.
I broke the No Contact Rule with a narcissist… 5 tips on how to handle this situation!
Keeping No Contact with a narcissistic ex is surely a difficult task! That is due to their need for control, and their incredible ability to get what they want.
A narcissistic ex pushes you towards breaking the No Contact. Your ex might use the method of hoovering to make you go back to him or her.
Here are 5 tips on how to handle this situation:
1. Don’t panic and rush into that relationship immediately. Even though you have broken No Contact and you weren’t supposed to do that, don’t feel scared and overwhelmed.
All you have to do is remind yourself why you started No Contact first. Even though you might have accepted your ex’s gift or replied shortly, go back again to being distant.
2. Make a distinction between real love and false love. Try to read more about feelings and emotions that someone who loves you truly might express towards you.
3. Read more about No Contact and how that works with a narcissist. Or you might ask for some therapist’s help, which will lead you to an accurate decision of how to react.
4. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for going back again to the place that you once were.
Accept the fact that you will learn persistence with time.
You will be able to fight the urge to go back into their trap once you move away from everything that connects you with them.
In addition, try to seek professional help from a therapist or a relationship coach.
It will help you to not turn yourself into a manipulative ex too.
Otherwise, if you use No Contact to hurt them then you will end up in a vicious circle and you’ll hurt yourself too.
5. When you break no contact, even for the second or third time, don’t feel ashamed. It’s understandable to feel the urge to break the No Contact, especially while dealing with the evil genius games of a narcissist.
The best thing that you can do is realize that you don’t share the same feelings anymore.
Make sure that now you know that your feelings about your narcissistic ex aren’t the same anymore. Now even you as the victim don’t feel that pleasure of getting back!
FAQ: Does the way a narcissist reacts during No Contact impact the way I heal?
1. Do narcissists panic and wait for you to break the No Contact?
Yes, narcissists panic and wait for you to break the No Contact. That’s not because they miss your presence, it’s a harsh thing to accept, but it’s true.
Considering a narcissist’s need for control, admiration, and validation, they’ll do what it takes to get it back. They’ll refuse to blame themself, and use their ways to blame you.
By no contact you have banned your ex from conquering, hurting, and punishing you. They’ll panic because they want their power back.
2. Should you tell a narcissist that you’re doing No Contact?
Telling a narcissist that you’re doing No Contact might be more harmful than doing good to you.
Instead of letting your narcissistic ex know that you’re doing No Contact, you can take action and initiate the No Contact.
You can start by blocking your narcissistic ex on any platform, blocking their number and if you can’t do it at least you might change your number. These are signs that will give your ex a hint that you want to be distant.
3. Can I use the gray rock method instead of the No Contact rule with a narcissistic ex?
You might use the gray rock method on your narcissistic ex the moment that you know you’ll be able to control your emotions and thoughts. And reply very shortly.
The gray rock method is suitable if you have a child together with your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend or ex-husband.
Being careful and aware can work. But if you don’t have a strong reason to keep in contact, then the best way to heal is No Contact at all.
My older sibling are narc and gas lighters that did terrible things to get my dad inheritance until he passed from the mistreatment and all he left me they stole I have forgiven them but want no dealings with them but other family members don’t feel the way I do because they wasn’t here and no money was left for them how do I heal when other family members don’t understand
What if you went no-contact during the idealization phase? I found out he was online cheating on me (asking his ex for nudes) while we were together. We were together only for 6 months but I was deeply convinced he was in love with me. It is hard to believe 100% that he is a narcissist because we never got to the devalue stage. He keeps trying to reach me via his friends as I blocked him on every possible platform and we don’t live together. He keeps telling them how much he loves me and respects me. I never confronted him because the evidence of his cheating came from his ex, and he threatened her safety severely if she ever told me. Not being able to confront him and just directly going no-contact has been quite hard on me.