The post-breakup period is the hardest one.
You are left in a state where you want to feel better, improve yourself and get your ex back.
At this time, you will feel confused, anxious, lonely, and act based on your emotions.
To get a grip on this situation and navigate it in the best way, you should use the No Contact Rule.
Going No Contact means that you are going to heal yourself and transmit new energy.
Instead of begging, pleading, and flinging new partners into your ex’s face, you need to grow distant.
It doesn’t mean to use this rule as a tool of manipulation to get your ex back.
That means that you will transmit that new energy and create scarcity. That’s proven by 70% to 90% of No Contact Rule success stories.
To get a better idea of it have a look at 13 tips on How to Go No Contact with your ex
1. Start to detach slowly from your ex
The first step that you should take to go No Contact with an ex is by embracing the process of grieving.
Try to recognize what are you feeling and why you are feeling that way.
The best way to get a grip on your emotions is by writing in your journal.
Second, write a letter to your ex and write what you would say to him right now.
You must set the right mindset. By letting your feeling out, you are going to resist the urge to contact your ex.
Now all the focus will be led toward yourself. This way, you will slowly make the first step of entering the No Contact Rule.
2. Mute or block your ex on social media
When you want to go fully No Contact and not stalk your ex then you should mute or block them.
You need to block your ex only if the relationship was toxic and they try to manipulate you still.
Also, if you need that space to breathe and focus on yourself and can’t condemn yourself, you can block them.
Otherwise, to not see anything that they post, you can mute their profile or shut down your social media.
Instead of going to your social media, take a book that you want to read or go to the cinema.
3. Avoid meeting your ex accidentally on purpose
You can start the No Contact Rule with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend when you change your routine.
Avoid visiting the same restaurants, cafes, beaches, or any place that you know your ex is going to be there.
I know that after the breakup everybody longs to go back with their ex and be happy again.
This happens because you are anxious and lonely after the breakup, you just need their presence.
Their presence will make you feel loved and worthy all over again.
Thus, to avoid it, you need to discover new places and hang out with other people.
4. Keep away from posting melancholic stuff
After the breakup, you need something to cope with and people choose different things to do it.
Some might choose to ease the pain by drinking, gambling, listening to sad songs, or posting on social media.
This is the easiest thing that one might do since everyone is exposed to social media.
Hence, since you might be thinking with emotions and not clearly, you should delete your social media for a while.
I know that this has nothing to do with your ex, it has all to do with you.
Thus, before trying to convince them to regret their decision, you need to spend some time on your own.
5. Surround yourself with positive people
What is going to help you in maintaining the No Contact Rule is surrounding yourself with positivity.
That’s quite crucial because from time to time, you will feel lonely and sad.
Being close to friends and family and spending more time with them will help with not focusing on your ex.
You can vent to your friends and family or join any break-up supporting group.
Now, their positivity and compassion will remind you how lovable you are. It will remind you that you are not alone.
Do any activity with them that will help you focus on yourself and your happiness.
You will start to notice the changes even after a week.
It will help you decide on whether you stay friends with your ex, rekindle your relationship, or even end it entirely.
6. Enjoy some time on your own
Accepting solitude helps a lot in following the No Contact Rule properly.
By spending time on your own, you will get to know yourself deeply.
In the beginning, you will have to fight intrusive thoughts. Hence, later on, after a few weeks, you will start to enjoy your freedom.
This is another way of reminding yourself of the good things in life.
The things you once appreciated but forgot because of devoting your time and attention elsewhere.
To execute this step better, you need a coach that will deal specifically with your situation.
The professional coaches from Relationship Hero will help you to go through the stages of a breakup.
Other than this, they will make a specific plan so you can achieve the point when you feel good on your own.
7. Change your everyday routine
You can stick to the No Contact Rule only by making changes in your life.
Your daily pattern has already changed since the breakup. Now, you need to enhance the change.
Do not include your ex in your daily routine.
If you know that you two ate breakfast together at home or some certain restaurant, then go to a new place.
Challenge yourself to eat something else, and try new dishes and new restaurants.
Being close to new things slowly withdraws you from your ex and your thoughts about them.
8. Set a life goal that you want to achieve
When you are dating or in a relationship, your focus will be on making it work.
Thus, somehow, you will put some of your dreams and needs on hold when you try to live this symbiotic life.
If you want to start No Contact after the breakup, you need to have something new to focus on.
Look for anything that you can do so you can improve yourself.
Write a few things that make you feel fulfilled. Use your passion to keep you focused and keep you going on with your life.
Keep track of your progression. Write down every day a simple step that you want to take.
Taking small steps, you will be busy all day and achieve your goal slowly. Try to live your life day by day.
These simple steps will keep you going further with the No Contact.
9. Remind yourself why you need to be distant
To use the No Contact properly, you need to have a reminder of why you are doing it.
Write down the negative aspects of the relationship and what caused this breakup.
Despite this, it is important to remind yourself to reflect on your flaws too. Look closely, at what flaws you could work on.
This way, you will be able to remind yourself every time why you are being distant.
On a small piece of paper write down a reason to read when you feel the urge to go back.
Otherwise, if you keep romanticizing the relationship, you will end up breaking the No Contact Rule.
10. Set your own boundaries
In essence, the No Contact Rule is all about setting boundaries so you can heal yourself.
Respect your ex’s decisions and at the same time create yours.
The salvation of the relationship can’t be made while being constantly in your ex’s presence.
You need to step back and reflect on what you need at this moment while grieving.
Give yourself and your ex some time to reflect.
If you live in the same place as your ex then you need to create your own space within that place.
If you are financially stable then look for a place to stay or even go to your friends or family.
11. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex
Being exposed to people or things that remind you of your ex, is hard to deal with.
Even the simplest things or the smallest ones can trigger your post-breakup loneliness and anxiety.
Especially, when you start to use the No Contact after a long-term relationship.
- If you still have gifts and other things from your ex, put them in a box and leave them somewhere else.
- Avoid hanging out with mutual friends that remind you of him (for some time).
- Change your environment. You might change your room decorations to give it a fresh start.
No Contact is not about forgetting totally your ex so you can move on or start fresh.
It is about creating some space so you can learn to be by yourself and love yourself.
As soon as you create a distance from all of the elements that cause intrusive thoughts, you will start distancing.
12. Do not answer to their breadcrumb
I know that after the breakup you feel all heartbroken and deal with insecurities.
That’s why you will be ready to get the attention of your ex again.
You need their validation to start and feel good and confident again.
That’s why you might take mixed signals as their request to come back.
If you want to follow the No Contact Rule you should not send or accept mixed signals.
Sending or receiving mixed signals will only prevent the effect of No Contact.
If your ex calls and texts you complex text or simple ones just like “Hi”, he just wants to taste the waters.
When an ex wants to come back, they will ask for forgiveness and are persistent.
13. Trust yourself and the process
You need to prepare for the No Contact Period is not going to be easy. It will be painful.
Some days, you would want to hug them for a second or just hear their voice.
The other day, you will thank yourself for staying distant and getting to know yourself better.
I know that the person who once was very familiar, who presented a source of love to you, now feels strange.
They’re there, but you can’t reach them. It’s painful.
Hence, this is an opportunity to go and learn more about yourself and your ex.
Remind yourself that you’re doing this for yourself, and you’ll make it just like millions of people did.
Know that everyone has a different breakup and everyone recovers differently.
What is the No Contact Rule?
The No-Contact Rule is a period after the breakup when you slowly detach yourself from your ex.
This means that you cut all the contact with your ex and focus only on your self-improvement.
Your aim with No Contact is not to negatively impact your ex or take revenge on them.
You set boundaries so you can move on from all the heartbreak.
Whereas ghosting is cutting contact with someone without a reason.
You do it because the other person doesn’t meet your needs or something happens along the way.
Ghosting gives mixed vibes to the other person. They are left with a lot of unanswered questions.
The same applies to silent treatment, which is a toxic method to manipulate your partner.
You or your partner will stop to talk with each other just to punish you for your deeds. This will be going on for days, weeks, even months.
No contact isn’t a manipulative technique. This rule will help you to overcome all your insecurities and know what you want in a relationship.
You will give your ex time to reflect on you and their decisions.
When to use the No Contact rule?
You should use the No Contact rule after the breakup when you don’t know how to react or even how to deal with it.
The best way to overcome anxiety and loneliness is to create your boundaries while using this rule.
1. When you feel messed up and you want to find a way to re-establish yourself and your relationship.
After the breakup, you need some type of motivation to find the will to move on.
Using the No Contact Rule after being dumped, shifts our mindset from ‘worrying about getting your ex back’ to ‘ levitating yourself’.
This is what hits the dumper after some time.
Not having your attention and presence raises their curiosity and leaves room to miss and be attracted to you once again.
2. You want to end things for good with your ex. The No Contact Rule is the best one that gives you the chance to focus on what a good relationship is.
If you are part of any toxic relationship, using No Contact will help you in the healing process.
You will create that distance that will help you detach yourself and slowly free yourself from that relationship.
3. Avoid using the No Contact rule after a breakup if you have kids or businesses together.
In this case, you can’t use this role because you have a reason to keep the contact.
You can use a simple way of talking together, just to inform one another about your work.
Be careful to not add too many personal details because then you will send mixed signals.
How long to go No Contact after a breakup?
No Contact lasts that long as you are able to heal and be punctual with the recovery plan.
– The length of the No Contact Rule is based on the length of your relationship. That’s because it takes more time to reflect on a relationship that you spent more time on.
– Take your time, it can be from a week to months, to years. Whatever your decision is, it’s important that you communicate that to your ex-partner.
Let them know you won’t be responding or initiating conversations.
~ It all depends on the type of relationship and how long it takes for you to heal but first choose the 30 days.
During the first 30 days, you will have the chance to recollect yourself and heal.
30 days No Contact rule is like a pivot for knowing your pain and coping with it.
Also, it is a period when your ex just starts to either notice that you should outgrow his or her mistakes and ponder their decision.
~ In case you had a terrible breakup then the No Contact will take longer. It might take 45+ days up to 60 or 90, or more.
Due to these circumstances, one cannot heal for a short time and reflect on whether to be in that relationship once again.
That is why No Contact lasts longer while you decide to end the relationship or redeem it.
Extra articles to help you use the No Contact Rule properly!
To have a success story using the No Contact rule, you need to use it properly
Here are some extra articles that will help you create an idea of what steps you should take.
It starts with the one you are just reading and then it continues with understanding your ex’s psychology.
1. Male and female psychology during No Contact.
Male psychology and female psychology is different when it comes to using No Contact.
Understanding differences and similarities will help you to reflect differently.
Knowing what your ex might think gives you a clearer vision of what to do next.
2. After you know what your ex might think during this period, it is time to know what they will feel.
Depending on the gender but also on their personality, men and women will react differently to NC.
To know that, you should continue to read the article – Does my ex miss me during No Contact?
3. Then you need to analyze your situation. You need to check if this rule is working for you.
You can do it by learning to read the signs by reading this article: Signs the No Contact Rule is working.
4. Dig a little deeper and reflect on your specific situation.
Know what to do exactly according to your situation.
•No Contact Rule after being cheated on
•No Contact Rule after divorce
5. Your ex’s behavior sometimes can be quite complex.
Here is the article that you should read if he unblocks you but doesn’t communicate yet.
•He unblocked me but No Contact yet!
6. Learn how to act if your ex doesn’t contact you at all during this period.
How an ex reacts to this rule depends on their personality and how they are dealing with the breakup.
To know what to do depending on your ex’s type, you should read this article:
•What if my ex doesn’t contact me during No Contact.
Keep in mind that every situation is unique. People behave differently from one another and deal with emotions differently too.
Hence, after reading these articles, you will be able to understand this rule on a deeper level.
FAQ: Will I heal or reattract my ex while using the No Contact Rule?
1. Should I announce no contact or just silently go no contact?
There is no golden rule that tells you if you should tell or not tell your ex for this rule.
It all depends on your role in the relationship and if you have initiated the breakup or not.
If you are the dumper then yes, you should give your ex a closure and an explanation of why you will use this rule.
If you are dumped then it is not your responsibility to announce to your ex whether you are going to use the No Contact Rule.
2. What if my ex contacts me while being in No Contact?
It is completely a different thing if your ex texts or breaks the silence first after the No Contact.
If your ex contacts you while being in the No Contact Rule, then do not respond. This is for your good and healing.
Responding will contribute to holding you back or even getting you to start from the very beginning.
Especially if your ex texts something like: I am sorry for all of it but I’ve changed!
Keeping the distance from your ex is a technique to change or heal yourself and your partner.
But, it doesn’t work for everyone the same. You can use it the way you feel that it will adjust the best to your situation!
Love,
Callisto Adams
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