The No Contact rule is the most famous method to deal with breakup pain and create healthy boundaries.
When you start to implement this rule, you should cut all communication with your ex.
To begin your healing journey properly by using this rule, you need to mute or block your ex on any platform or way.
This means that you should avoid meeting them “accidentally” or hanging on purpose with mutual friends.
Any little interaction will prevent your healing journey and you will need to start it all over.
Following this rule properly, allows you to balance your emotions and thoughts.
Therefore, by doing it you will heal from a previous toxic relationship and move forward.
Based on multiple reliable sources and studies, the No Contact rule is productive in most cases, respectively in 70-90% of cases.
Moreover, in this article, we will discuss 13 main steps on how to implement The No Contact Rule properly.
1. Consider being in touch with your feelings and thoughts
The first step that you should take to go No Contact with an ex is to welcome and acknowledge the process of grief.
One of the benefits of No Contact is that helps you get in touch with your inner feelings and thoughts.
You need to know and accept what you’re feeling in reality, to disconnect from it.
Journaling helps a lot to release your emotions and replace negative thoughts and feelings with positive ones.
- Self-care is the key to getting in touch with grief and loss because you will let all those negative emotions out.
You will write down your anger, happiness, madness, and everything that is hurting you.
- Second, write a letter to your ex and write what you would say to him right now.
You should work on creating the right mindset and not develop a fixed mindset.
This is how you will process what is happening by working on your consciousness.
Emotional healing will start to work only when you completely distance yourself from everything that has to do with them.
Otherwise, as this research by Daniel Wegner states: The more you try not to think or talk about someone, you’ll end up thinking more about them.
If you’re missing them then you should allow yourself to cry or shout and let your feelings out.
Now you will slowly change your mindset from your ex to you. This way, you will slowly make the first step of entering the No Contact Rule.
Also, you will leave your ex to reflect on his own and this will precipitate nostalgia.
2. Get off any online platform
Above all, this rule will help you detox yourself from all that past toxicity.
Because as this study claims to initiate any type of interaction with your ex after the breakup can cause emotional distress.
Therefore, the No Contact Rule will help you to pull away from all negative feelings and thoughts.
- To do it, you need to distance yourself from your ex and work on your emotions.
- Try to mute them on social media or even delete their number.
However, depending on your attachment style, you will either initiate contact with your ex or isolate yourself.
If you have an anxious attachment style then you will tend to check their social media all the time.
Instead, of checking their profile on Facebook or Instagram, you can mute or block them and focus on another activity.
Think about reading, watching a movie, exercising, or meditating as activities to release your pain and emotions.
Now, while you’re being distant, the impact of reactance theory will be marked. Your ex will want what they don’t have, which is your presence in their life.
3. Avoid meeting your ex accidentally on purpose
If you want to implement this rule properly then you need to change your routine.
From now on, you should visit new places and hang out with a different crew.
I know that after the breakup everybody longs to go back with their ex and be happy again.
This happens because you are going through a hard time that triggers anxiety and loneliness.
And even the slightest contact with them will make you feel loved and worthy all over again.
Hence, not interacting at all with your ex will create scarcity.
He will be eager to know what is happening with you.
Besides, gaining self-confidence and maintaining distance will attract your ex more.
4. Keep away from posting melancholic stuff on social media
After the breakup, you need something to cope with and people choose different things to do it.
Some might choose to ease the pain by drinking, gambling, listening to sad songs, or posting on social media.
This is the easiest thing that one might do since everyone is exposed to social media.
Hence, since you might be thinking with emotions and not clearly, you should delete your social media for a while.
I know that this has nothing to do with your ex, it has all to do with you.
Thus, before trying to convince them to regret their decision, you need to spend some time on your own.
- Not using social media and surrounding yourself with positive people and living life, will help you gain self-respect.
- When you accept what you’re feeling and start to enjoy life on your own, it will not be hard for you to see your ex move on.
Once, you are away from the source that makes you feel miserable and needy, you will find your path to healing.
5. Surround yourself with positive people
What is going to help you in maintaining the No Contact Rule is surrounding yourself with positivity.
That’s quite crucial because from time to time, you will feel lonely and sad.
As Joe Dispenza claims when you think of bitter past experiences, the body is being conditioned into fear and anxiety.
Therefore, being close to friends and family and spending more time with them will help with not focusing on your ex.
You can vent to your friends and family or join any break-up supporting group.
Now, their positivity and compassion will remind you how lovable you are. It will remind you that you are not alone.
Do any activity with them that will help you focus on yourself and your happiness.
You will start to notice the changes even after a week.
It will help you decide whether you stay friends with your ex, rekindle your relationship, or even end it entirely.
- Finding new hobbies and activities or hanging out with different entourage, will help you connect with your authentic self.
Only by challenging yourself, you will find yourself progressing and finding your true potential.
Otherwise, if you keep begging your ex to come back and hang out with them your mental and emotional health will get worse.
6. Enjoy some time on your own
If you accept solitude that will help you a lot in following the No Contact Rule properly.
By spending time on your own, you will get to know yourself deeply.
- Consider going on walks by yourself.
- You can drink coffee or eat in your favorite restaurant.
- Despite this, you might go to the theatre by yourself.
In the beginning, you will have to fight intrusive thoughts. Hence, later on, after a few weeks, you will start to enjoy your freedom.
This is another way of reminding yourself of the good things in life.
Consider showing yourself things you once appreciated but forgot because of devoting your time and attention elsewhere.
When you distance yourself from your ex, you will go through the five stages of grief and you will slowly accept reality.
If you need extra help to be subjective about your breakup, you should consider a coach that will deal specifically with your situation.
The professional coaches from Relationship Hero will help you to recover from the breakup efficiently.
They will make a specific plan so you can feel good on your own and accept what’s gone.
7. Change your everyday routine
You can stick to the No Contact Rule only by making changes in your life.
Your daily pattern has already changed since the breakup.
Now, you need to avoid including your ex in your daily routine.
If you know that you two ate breakfast together at home or some certain restaurant, then go to a new place.
Challenge yourself to eat something else, and try new dishes and new restaurants.
Being close to new things slowly withdraws you from your ex and your thoughts about them.
8. Try to work on solving the fight or flight mode
When you start using the No Contact rule it’s pretty normal to have anxiety and deal with hurt and confusion.
That happens because you interrupt a pattern that was going on for some time and you need to adjust to change.
Going through a breakup is the same as dealing with addiction. This process is the same as having a substance addiction and becoming sober.
It takes time to detach yourself from the past, from your ex, and avoid numbness.
To avoid post-breakup numbness, you need to look for things that make you happy at the moment.
Look for anything that you can do so you can improve yourself.
If it is a short run to the coast or driving alone then do it.
Just look for things that give you enjoyment and fulfillment right now.
- Keep track of your progression. Write down every day a simple step that you want to take.
You don’t need to focus on whether this rule will work on your ex or not.
To understand better if this rule is going to affect your ex depends on their attachment theory. John Bowlby explains it in detail.
This psychologist stated that attachment styles will be activated during the breakup or when the life routine is changed.
This rule has a different effect on everyone. That depends on their attachment styles, past experiences, or psychological traumas.
9. Remind yourself why you need to be distant
To use the No Contact properly, you need to have a reminder of why you are doing it.
Consider reflecting on the negative aspects of the relationship and what caused this breakup.
Despite this, it is important to remind yourself to reflect on your flaws too. Look closely, at what flaws you could work on.
This way, you will be able to remind yourself every time why you are being distant.
On a small piece of paper write down a reason to read when you feel the urge to go back.
Otherwise, if you keep romanticizing the relationship, you will end up breaking the No Contact Rule.
10. Set your own boundaries
In essence, the No Contact Rule is a form of psychological egoism. You set your boundaries and focus to heal yourself.
Respect your ex’s decisions and at the same time create yours.
The salvation of the relationship can’t be made while being constantly in your ex’s presence.
- You need to step back and reflect on what you need at this moment while grieving.
Give yourself and your ex some time to reflect.
If you live in the same place as your ex then you need to create your own space within that place. Talboundaries.k to them shortly just to communicate your needs and
If you are financially stable then look for a place to stay or even go to your friends or family.
~On the other hand, if your ex reaches out to you is important to still stick to your boundaries.
Take a step back, and ask yourself how you felt when the breakup happened and how you feel now.
You will sense a major change and your feelings will change too.
If you break the No Contact without healing then you will put your ex on the pedestal once again. You will ruin everything that you have achieved until now.
11. Get rid of things that are related to your ex
Being exposed to people or things that are connected to your ex, is hard to deal with.
Even the simplest things or the smallest ones can trigger your post-breakup loneliness and anxiety.
Especially, when you start to use the No Contact after a long-term relationship.
- If you still have gifts and other things from your ex, put them in a box and leave them somewhere else.
- Avoid hanging out with mutual friends that remind you of him (for some time).
- Change your environment. You might change your room decorations to give it a fresh start.
No Contact is not about forgetting totally your ex so you can move on or start fresh.
It is about creating some space so you can learn to be by yourself and love yourself.
- As soon as you create a distance from all of the elements that cause intrusive thoughts, you will start distancing.
- This distance will trigger your ex’s feelings and thoughts. Your absence will make him reflect on your relationship differently.
- The lack of interaction will help you or your ex move on, maintain a platonic relationship or rekindle the romance.
12. Do not answer their breadcrumb
I know that after the breakup you feel heartbroken and deal with insecurities.
You don’t have your ex’s attention and love anymore, you might even notice that they are moving on too.
That’s why you will be ready to get the attention of your ex again.
You need their validation to start and feel good and confident again. You feel this heavy urge to get their attention once again.
- If you want to follow the No Contact Rule you should not send or accept mixed signals.
Sending or receiving mixed signals will only prevent the effect of No Contact.
In this situation, our experts advise you to need to react and mirror your ex’s behavior.
- Do not answer their calls or texts until they make their intentions clear.
- Try to change your number and delete his number.
- Be straightforward with them and tell them what you think or feel.
13. Trust yourself and the process
You need to prepare for the No Contact Period is not going to be easy. It will be painful.
Some days, you would want to hug them for a second or just hear their voice.
The other day, you will thank yourself for staying distant and getting to know yourself better.
I know that the person who once was very familiar, who presented a source of love to you, now feels strange.
They’re there, but you can’t reach them. It’s painful. You think that this distance will make you lose your ex permanently.
On the contrary, this is an opportunity to go and learn more about yourself and your ex.
Remind yourself that you’re doing this for yourself, and you’ll make it just like millions of people did.
Know that everyone has a different breakup and everyone recovers differently.
e anxiety and loneliness is to create your boundaries while using this rule.
A few challenges you might encounter while implementing the No Contact Rule!
There are multiple challenges that you will encounter while you use the No Contact Rule.
Especially, if you are in a long-term relationship, the first days of No Contact won’t be easy.
1. You will feel the urge to break it and contact your ex because you need their presence.
That’s what this rule does to you. One of its benefits is that it teaches you discipline and to control your emotions.
You will slowly detach from the source of pain and connect with yourself and with what makes you feel alive.
To avoid breaking the No Contact rule, you will need to do a few things.
~Remind yourself why you have started doing No Contact.
~Change your entourage, your number, and your daily habits.
~Think of No Contact as a healthy habit that you have to do daily and learn each day more about it.
2. It will look like your ex is progressing more than you.
When you start detaching from your ex, the anxiety and loneliness that you will go through will make you ruminate.
You feel like you have not reached your aim and your ex has fixed their life in a minute.
This seems not fair to you but this isn’t reality.
In this case, you are winning because you are working on your feelings and you are rebuilding your self-confidence.
3. You will feel unloved at times and not understood. These two feelings are quite normal and trust me you will feel like this from time to time.
Even using the No Contact rule, the healing process won’t be linear, that’s a bumpy road for sure.
To get a grip on this situation, you need to embrace what you’re feeling and surround yourself with people who you love.
Find people who you trust, a friend, a family member, or a therapist that will help you with venting.
4. You will find even the smallest reason to contact your ex.
If you have a child together or you work together, you will feel the urge to talk to them about anything.
In this case, you will use the limited No Contact. You don’t need to block their number or on social media.
Just keep limited communication, ask them for anything money or the kids and that’s it.
To be able to manage it, just keep one way of communicating with them. This means that you can either have them on social media or you can just text them.
Keeping them on multiple platforms will only do damage to you.
Personal stories of the ones using No Contact
You might feel lonely as you go through the breakup and think that no article or source will help you.
Don’t worry, everyone here and anywhere is going through almost everything you’re going through.
Indeed, each experience is different but the principles of this rule are the same.
Here is how one of our clients felt and what they did during the No Contact Rule.
“I had a really bad breakup when I asked for your help a year ago.
I started to do no contact two times before realizing what this rule is all about.
I thought that I need to go silent, so I can play hard to get and attract again my ex.
Yet, this is not what this rule is about, that’s what you taught me.
When I start to cut all the things that connected me with the past, that’s when I started to heal.
Just wanted to say that I am going almost a year in No Contact and realized that this peace is all I need.
Learning to love solitude and solace helped me to know myself on a deeper level.
Thank you, dear Callisto.
Also, people around the internet have been sharing their experiences regarding No Contact.
Here is the unique experience of the YouTuber HUMBOWL that highlights his
journey and how this rule impacted him.
He states how he realized that this rule is not created to get your ex back.
This rule is delayed gratification. It helps you find a motive in your life, draw boundaries, and mostly to love yourself.
In conclusion, there is a misconception about the No Contact rule: people believe that is the key to bringing their ex back.
Well, firstly, this rule will help you or your ex to get used to each other’s absence and love yourself.
It helps you to stop being codependent and value yourself more.
Once you learn how to value and love yourself, you will react to any type of relationship differently.
Now, when the No Contact Rule ends, you won’t be the same person because you know how to manage your emotions and thoughts.
This is the power of the No Contact Rule: to learn how to accept yourself and be a person of hight-value.
You can do this,
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