Men and women tend to react differently to the breakup and even to the No Contact Rule.
What I want to say is that a male’s and female’s mind works differently from one another.
Specifically when it comes to incorporating thoughts and feelings.
That’s what leads us to the question: What goes through a guy’s mind during No Contact?
Decoding a male mind and his feelings can be a hard mission but not impossible.
Just by the time you finish reading this article, you will be able to know how he feels during the NC.
What he will think and how he will react, all depend on his personality, attachment style, and your breakup.
Here are 9 stages that a man goes through during the No Contact:
1. He feels unbothered, free, and independent
When you start to use the No Contact rule with a dumper, during the first days he feels free and independent.
He will enjoy his first week as a single man. At this time he thinks that he got the weight off his shoulders and that you being not present in his life won’t be such a problem for him.
The moment that he initiates the breakup, he feels like he is a free man.
Well, to be honest day 1 and day 2, he might not even notice that you are using this rule.
He will enjoy his first week as a single man. He will embrace this life for a week or so and then will start to worry.
At that moment during the first days of No Contact, he is thinking nothing.
Loneliness and anxiety of the breakup don’t hit the dumper right away, it some time to process his feelings.
Now, he is in that phase when he thinks and feels that he made the best decision.
Whereas, if he’s the dumpee then during the first weeks when he starts the NC he is hurt and angry.
2. He is curious about your post-breakup life
After being “free” and feeling like himself now he turns into a curious man.
That’s the moment when he is starting to process everything that’s happening.
He starts to sense that maybe you might be gone forever.
The No Rule Contact will help you see if the strings are attached to your relationship.
If he doesn’t hear anything from you, no calls or texts in two weeks he will start to worry.
The information gap that you have created will make him fill in the gaps.
From a male’s perspective, you should be crawling back to him after a week and even maybe beg him to come back.
Since you don’t provide him with he hasn’t any information, he creates his own stories. He starts to be aware that something happened!
3. He is confused and lonely
During the second week, that’s when the anxiety and loneliness hit him.
This is the stage when he starts to think more and more about you.
Now, he starts to reflect on his actions and what impacted his reaction.
He is confused why you haven’t made a single attempt to text or even call him.
You are worried about what he thinks when you don’t contact him.
Well, your ex starts to ponder his decision and whether he should initiate a conversation.
This doesn’t mean that he wants you back or wants to rekindle the relationship.
He is thinking about whether to contact you directly or indirectly. Confusion is a huge part of his mind right now.
Now he will sense that you cut him off and that he will find a way to ask your friends, like a picture of you, or he might even text you.
A guy realizes that he misses you after three weeks when loneliness becomes part of his life.
4. He is afraid and way too proud to face his mistakes
A study finds out that men tend to experience more pain during a breakup.
That when the relationship doesn’t work or he is dumped, his ego will be bruised.
The moment you don’t answer or interact with him, he will start to be mad at you and himself.
The first thing that he would do is reflect on himself and deny his mistakes.
The second thing he will do is to prevent himself from reflecting and blaming you.
He isn’t still ready to know and doesn’t want to know that his decision affected your distance!
If he allows himself to reflect then he is thinking about what you made you do to initiate the breakup or vice4 versa.
Either way, he just doesn’t want to admit that you are slowly detaching from him.
5. He starts to be a bit persistent and obsessive
He will stop and reminisce about you and the whole relationship.
Your detachment and resistance will trigger him more to contact you.
A man has this type of conception that if you love him, you should contact him first.
Especially, if your ex is stubborn and has an avoidant attachment style then he won’t initiate contact.
He feels good on his own and is independent even after the breakup.
While you are implementing the No Contact Rule, he expects that you should start doing something to try and reach out to him.
The moment he realizes that you’re not doing it, he is aware that he might have lost you and reflects deeply on his decisions.
Whereas, the anxious type will need your validation and attention at this stage.
He will do everything to reconnect, even though his reasons for reconnection might be loneliness and anxiety.
In this case, he will send multiple texts, will call from time to time, or even interact on social media.
Note
If he is interested in mending the relationship with you, he will break the No Contact rule and try to talk to you. If not, then you’ll know whether he is still undecided or has already moved on.
6. He believes that he has gone out of control
Since he has no idea what’s going on and how to manage this situation, he goes a little bit crazy.
He will feel like this during the end of the second or third week.
Now that you aren’t present in his life will make him go nuts. For a couple of reasons.
First, he is used to a female presence and attention, and now that he doesn’t have your attention, he feels inferior.
Inferiority leads him to anger.
Second, he is aware that he has strong feelings for you and he regrets his decision. Now, he wonders if he can win you back.
His final words and behavior are hunting him now!
*Side note: Being angry/confused and out of control makes him say or text things he doesn’t mean! Sometimes he might say/text negative things about you.
7. He starts to mingle again
If you haven’t broken the No Contact Rule still, he will go into defensive mode.
Now, he will cope with the breakup and your detachment by dating other people.
He will do it for a couple of reasons.
- He becomes a part of a rebound relationship because he wants to take revenge.
- He wants to make sure of his feelings and sort them out.
- He wants to feel the joy at the beginning of the breakup
- He wants to convince himself that he made the right decision.
- He wants to make you jealous.
Usually, a controlling partner will play mind games with you and make you jealous.
He does this during No Contact just because he wants to find a way to get in touch with you.
8. He will stop and reflect!
At this stage, he will stop and reflect on his decisions, on your behavior, and on this relationship.
He will seek the answer if this relationship had some sort of balance.
Since you are not answering him at all, you will see the impact of No Contact.
Right now, the No Contact will start to work when he reflects on the relationship properly.
At the very start of the breakup, he was feeling powerful but now he’s not.
By distancing yourself and not begging and pleading, you made him reflect.
In this stage, he will decide whether he has a chance to reconcile or move on.
9. He faces the truth and accepts the fact
All men can’t reach the final stage.
Some of them will be stuck at one or others will jump from one to another but not in a chronological way.
When he reaches the final stage, he will be a completely different person.
At this exact moment, he will know whether he wants to stay friends, reconcile, or move on.
Of course, this doesn’t depend only on his actions and wishes.
It also depends on you and how you enhance yourself during the NC.
It’s important to know that not every man reaches the final stage the same.
For someone, it might take three weeks whereas for others might take up to six months.
This all depends on the fact of how badly the breakup impacted him and on his personality.
Different time frames during No Contact: What is he thinking during NC?
The No Contact happens through different time frames and everyone reacts to it differently.
Even what he is thinking during these days until you finish will depend on his feelings about you.
~Day 3 and 5 of no contact
Days 3 and 5 of No Contact can be the hardest days for you but not for him.
In the first days, No Contact can mean some sort of relief. How long this feeling of relief will last depends on how he feels about you.
Now he is completely centered on having fun and enjoying his freedom.
While he is enjoying his space and time, his thoughts can be around hanging with friends.
- “I am so relieved right now.”
- “I will try to enjoy my space and time as much as I can.”
~Day 7 and 9 of no contact:
When he reaches day 6 or 7 or 10 of not having any type of connection with you, his mind will be triggered a bit.
Still, he might now think a lot of you but for a few seconds, you will cross his mind.
Even though he is still enjoying and adjusting to his freedom, his feelings start to stir a bit.
- “Why hasn’t she called or texted me yet?”
- “What has she been up to lately”?
- “Has she been thinking about me?”
- “What I have done?”
~After two weeks:
It is the beginning of reflection since it will continue for a few weeks until he reaches the final destination.
Although there might be a slight reflection, he doesn’t focus his energy and thoughts fully on you.
At some point, he just starts to feel your absence but is still content with his decision.
- “Were her feelings towards me real?”
- “What on earth did I do since she hasn’t checked on me even once
- “Am I better off her or is she the one for me?”
- “Was I just playing games and now she doesn’t want me back?”
After 30 days of no contact:
30 days of not hearing from you is a time that helps in creating the needed distance that makes him reflect.
He will either decide whether he needs to come back or what he needs to do.
Otherwise, if he is a stubborn partner or has already lost feelings for you, he won’t initiate contact.
- “I must have totally hurt her”
- “Before I go crazy making assumptions, I am going to text her first”
- “Was I happier then or now?”
- ”Never mind, I will find another one.”
- “Maybe she doesn’t like/love me anymore.”
30+ days of no contact:
When more than 30 days are gone without any contact, he will have that urge to know what has happened to him.
Have you totally moved on or do you still want to be with him?
In this case, If you do not hear from him try to reach out and know where your relationship stands.
If your ex doesn’t initiate any type of contact even on the 6th week of No Contact or more, that’s no good.
Maybe this distance has made him reflect more and now he doesn’t want to be a part of the relationship.
Sometimes, he might realize that he is no good for you.
On the other side, he might have thought that you have moved on completely and never bothered to take the first step.
- “Now she must have totally forgotten me and moved on”
- “I should call her and apologize and see what she is up to”
- “She has found someone new” “Or maybe she went back with another ex”
- ” I am over this, can’t bear it anymore.”
- “ I should consider the fact to move on from this relationship and search for something else”.
- “I guess I am the winner of this break-up, I am going to make her contact me first”
- “I am better without her anyways”
What he thinks when you don’t contact him…
When you don’t contact a man during No Contact when he broke up with you, he will be relieved.
~That’s because a dumper doesn’t bother you too much for your absence right after the breakup.
It takes some time for him to adjust to the new feelings and sort them out.
~Whereas, if you dump him then he will think that you have already moved on.
It gives them this type of impression that you have already created a new life without them.
Also, if you contact your ex during the NC and beg and plead then he won’t be pleased either.
Especially, if you contact him during the first week of the No Contact.
If the breakup was relatively bad and both of you worked on yourself, he will reach out to you.
He will take this time to empower himself and reflect positively on the relationship.
Experts’ advice on what to do while wondering what he’s thinking!
What I recommend you to do during the No Contact Rule is to be strong and focused on yourself.
Most precisely focus on enhancing yourself and knowing what you expect and want from this relationship.
Stop thinking about what your ex is doing or thinking: Focusing on him will lead you to make undesirable mistakes that will make you look all needy and clingy.
Do not interact with him (no texting, calling, liking posts or so). Interacting with your ex even indirectly will not help you at all.
That’s because you will start to do things according to the way he is behaving or what he is doing.
Avoid fantasizing about things and be real. Romanticizing your ex and the relationship isn’t the best choice.
Instead of creating fake scenarios with someone else or having false hope, focus on yourself.
Do not jump immediately into another relationship just to make him jealous.
While focusing on yourself and letting go of things that you can’t control, you gain different confidence.
Does the No Contact Rule work on a man?
Whether the no contact will work on a man or not depends on how strict you are and on his personality.
Despite this, what defines whether NC will work on him is what he feels for you.
Men respond totally differently to the NC rule than women do. But, the distance will make him value what he had!
Being mysterious and away from him for some time can help rekindle things.
Keeping their distance from him will make him happy, angry, and confused, reflecting on his decisions.
Keep in mind
Females use the no contact rule to see if a man will change.
They want to check whether they have a chance to establish a good relationship together. Women don’t want to use it as a controlling tool.
Most guys use the No Contact period on women as a self-centered way to see if she will feel needy of him and get her back.
FAQ: Will I be able to tell what he is thinking during the No Contact rule?
1. How long does it take for no contact to work on a man?
It totally depends on how bad the breakup was and how long you’ve been together. Apply to that also the personality of your ex.
The male mind after no contact isn’t the same as that of a woman. It will take up to two/three weeks to notice that you’re absent in his life.
The moment that he feels the urge to text or call you or even interact with you, that’s the moment you know the NC rule has started to work.
2. Will my ex forget about me during the NC period?
The definitive answer is No, your ex won’t forget you during this period.
Being distant for some time will increase his curiosity. What you’re doing or who you’re hanging out with?
But if you follow a long period of No Contact such as 40+ days or more that will give your ex mixed signals.
When you don’t contact a guy for more than 2 months then he will get this as a sign of moving on.
The 30 days rule of psychology is the best one to follow.
Since it gives you and your ex the time to reflect and search if you still have feelings for one another.
A male’s mind is not that simple to decode because it functions way different from that of a woman’s mind.
To get a grip on this situation, try to focus more on yourself than what he’s thinking during No Contact.
When you’re nourished, you will see that a new version of you will either attract or inspire you to move on.
Sincerely,
Callisto Adams
Abby
Hello
5th June 2022, 6:30
I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now after knowing him for 5 months everything was all good when we were friends, we never urgued or anything but right after we got into a relationship we started to have small urguments but we handled that so well and continued our jounery. My boyfriend is found of taking small matters too serious but regardless he is so loving and caring. Well i also have this problem of being too curious with things and i like asking alot of questions and normally this guy is usually uncomfortable expressing things when i ask but when he feels like telling something he says it . Fast forward, i like to ask alot of questions redarging his property as in how much he bought them and all that and even though he felt uncomfortable to tell me but he eventually tells untill he got really mad as to why i like to asking things concerning his property and i gave my own reason of being curious and wanting to know thus but he he couldnt buy that reason and demanded for a solif reason and gave me a week to contemplate abd i still gave him my genuine reason of curiosity and he ended up breaking up with me and my reply was i respect your decision but since then i have not been myself i need him like alot he is the only man that i see myself with in the future, he is everything but i dont know if the no contact rule would work with the way things ended i need your help
Iv been someone 3and half years with build up of him being jealous over that time we met on my relationship split of25yrs loved each other crazy. But his jealousy spiked and he decided to call it im gutted have done nothing what should i do
I was with my ex for 3 years, we were really happy, we got a house together but because he has a terminally ill dad that lives 2 hours away he had to spend some days off the week there, also his kids lived in same area so he would divide his time between us all, he hasn’t work since being let go 2 years ago due to covid, so at least there wasn’t that added pressure. He took his kids back to their mum and went to stay with his dad, at then had a bit of an argument on the phone, this was unusual coz we normally don’t argue, but since then he has decided that even though he is still in love with me it has all gotten to much and he’s finished, he said he doesn’t want any contact, i feeling utterly devastated and like someone has died, there was no signs before this that he was unhappy in fact we were speaking about marriage etc, this is very out of character for him
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months, I took things very slowly in the beginning and didn’t want to rush into anything serious too fast, because my father is battling stage four cancer and I will be traveling to be with him a lot in the near future and possibly for long periods of time. When it came to the evolution of our relationship I felt that things were going at exactly the pace that was comfortable for me given my current situation. Things were going really good and I finally started to open up more, trusting him more, feeling that there was a real connection and a future for this relationship. About a week ago we had a disagreement for the first time, about something completely stupid, about my choice of buying a house and terms of the loan and what would be smarter in my situation. It was unpleasant, especially because I was to close on the deal the next day. We tried to hash things out again the next day, come to an understanding, but no luck. I decided to take a pause, thought it would be good for both of us. We didn’t talk for two days and then picked up conversation as normal, letting go of the argument and made plans for Saturday. On Saturday he came over and we had a very good conversation, he brought a few things up about the argument we had and what bothered him most, I received the feedback and I felt that this was a great conclusion and more importantly foundation to a heathy relationship, where two people are able to have uncomfortable conversation and be open with each other. We then went out and things were as they have been, smitten, romantic, lovely. After the evening event he abruptly says I am completely beat, is it ok that I just go home. Of course this was confusing for me, I though we were good. He went to his, I went to mine. The next day I received a text message saying he doesn’t feel the same for me, as I do for him, that he’s sorry he couldn’t say it to me last night and he’s done. I haven’t answered his text and am completely heartbroken and don’t understand what actually happened. What do I do?
After 30 days, should I contact first? Or always let him be the one that contact me?
How does all this apply to attempting to get back a married man in an affair?