Exploring male psychology: 9 stages &22 things that go in a guy’s mind during the ‘No Contact Rule’
Men and women just aren’t made the same. One might start from Adam and Eve to Pam and Jim.
What I want to say is that a male’s and female’s mind works differently from one another. Especially when it comes to incorporating thoughts and feelings. Or, maintaining/ managing oneself during a breakup.
That’s what leads us to the question: What goes through a guy’s mind during No Contact?
Mind reading is not an option here but you might be able to know some stages that he goes through and what he is thinking during that period, just by the time you read this article.
If you or your ex think that there is a chance for reestablishment in your relationship, then the No contact rule will help to get him back to you, step by step!
If you use The No Contact rule on a male dumper these are the 9 stages that one will go through!
1. At the beginning of the process he feels independent, free and unbothered
When you start to use the No Contact rule with a dumper, during the first days he feels free and independent.
He will enjoy his first week as a single man. At this time he thinks that he got the weight off his shoulders and you being not present in his life won’t be such a problem for him.
2. He is curious and will wonder what you are up to
After being “free” and feeling like himself now he turns into a curious cat. I mean man, curious man.
The No Rule Contact will help you see if the strings are attached in your relationship.
If he doesn’t hear anything from you, no calls or texts in two weeks he will start to worry.
The information gap that you have created will make him fill in the gaps.
Because from a male’s perspective you should be crawling back to him after a week and even maybe beg him to come back. Or even post a desperate status or story on your social media.
Since he hasn’t any information, he creates his own stories. He starts to be aware that something happened!
3. After having no answer from you he is confused
When two weeks are passed he now wonders if he should reach out to you indirectly or directly just to know why you haven’t called or texted yet.
Now he will sense that you cut him off and that he will find a way to ask your friends, like a picture of you, or he might even text you.
The moment you don’t answer his curiosity raises more!
4. He is afraid and way too proud to face his mistakes
The moment you don’t answer or interact with him, he will start wondering what’s going on.
At this point, he won’t bother to reflect on his behavior. What he can change or not be near you again. He will start to suspect that maybe it might be how he parted ways with you, yet he will somehow shift the blame to you too for this distance.
He isn’t still ready to know and doesn’t want to know that his decision affected your distance!
5. He is scared that he has lost you
He will stop and reminisce about you and the whole relationship. A man has this type of conception that if a person loves you he or she will do something to try and fix things or mend the relationship.
But he doesn’t include himself in this matter.
While you are implementing the No Contact Rule, he expects that you should start doing something to try and reach out to him.
The moment he realizes that you’re not doing it, he is aware that he might have lost you and reflects deeply on his decisions.
Note
If he is interested in mending the relationship with you, he will break the No Contact rule and try to talk to you. If not, then you’ll know whether he is still undecided or has already moved on.
6. He believes that he has gone out of control
Since he has no idea what’s going on and how to manage this situation, he goes a little bit crazy.
He will feel like this during the end of the second or third week. Now that you aren’t present in his life will make him go nuts. For a couple of reasons.
First, he is used to a female presence and attention, and now that he doesn’t have your attention, he feels inferior. And inferiority leads him to anger.
Second, he is aware that he has strong feelings for you and he regrets his decision. Now, he wonders if he can win you back.
His final words and behavior are hunting him now!
*Side note: Being angry/confused and out of control makes him say or text things he doesn’t mean! Sometimes he might say/text negative things about you.
7. He starts to interact with other people for a short period
If your ex finds you as a potential partner or someone that he sees a future with during this period, he will start a mini project called “Seeing other people.”
He will do it just to make sure of his feelings and whether he considers you as a long-term partner and not just a fling. The moment he realizes that other women aren’t girlfriend or wife material to him, he will call or text you and tell you the way he feels.
I am not saying that all men do this, some are shy or even way too proud to tell you that you are the one. Some might do it just to make you jealous and tell you that he’s going to win this break-up.
But that guy that wants to be again involved in your life will let you know.
8. He will stop and reflect!
At this stage, he will stop and reflect on his decisions, your behavior, and this relationship. He will seek the answer if this relationship had some sort of balance.
Now all he is going to check is whether there were more times that you had useless arguments with one another, whether you had fun, and knew how to prioritize your feelings over any dumb argument or fight.
All these will run through his head during the No Contact Rule while he is deciding whether to go on with the relationship or not.
9. He faces the truth and accepts the fact
All men can’t reach the final stage. Some of them will be stuck at one or others will jump from one to another but not in a chronological way.
But, if your ex reaches the final stage, he is now all clear whether he wants to be your friend, he wants to continue with the relationship, or now he is more than sure that he needs to move on to another partner.
The final stage can be reached after three or more weeks. It depends on how long it takes your ex to reflect on your breakup, mend your relationship and choose what is his next step toward you.
What is he thinking during no contact?
Day 3 and 5 of no contact:
In the first days, No Contact can mean some sort of relief. He just doesn’t think how this whole situation will make him feel in the following days.
1. “Well, now I am free and ready to explore new things”
2. “Who said that ending things would make me sad and miserable” “I feel the contrary.”
Day 7 and 9 of no contact:
When he reaches days 7 and 9 of not having any type of connection with you, his mind will be triggered. He will start to worry whether he has crossed your mind.
1. “Why hasn’t she called or texted me yet?”
2. “What has she been up to lately”?
3. “Has she been thinking about me?”
4. “She hasn’t posted anything since we broke up”
After two weeks:
After two weeks of no contact, he will be able to know the value of your relationship. It is the beginning of reflection since it will continue for a few weeks until he reaches the final destination. That of deciding what he is going to do.
1. “Were her feelings towards me real?”
2. “What on earth did I do since she hasn’t checked on me even once?”
3. “Am I better off her or is she the one for me?”
4. “Was I just playing games and now she doesn’t want me back?”
After 30 days of no contact:
30 days of not hearing from you is a time that helps in creating the needed distance that makes him reflect. He will either decide to move on or come back to you.
1. “I must have hurt her”
2. “Before I go crazy making assumptions, I am going to text her first”
3. “I was a happier and better person in her presence”
4.” I realized I can go on without her but I need her as my friend” “ I don’t want to lose her completely”
5. Maybe she doesn’t like/love me anymore.”
30+ days of no contact:
When more than 30 days are gone without any contact, he will have that urge to know what has happened to you. Have you moved on or do you still want to be with him? In this case, If you do not hear from him try to reach out and know where your relationship stands.
1. “Now she must have forgotten me and moved on”
2. “I should call her and apologize and see what’s she is up to”
3. “ She has found someone new” “Or maybe she went back with another ex”
4.” I am over this, can’t bear it anymore.”
5. “ I should consider the fact to move on from this relationship and search for something else”.
6. “I guess I am the winner of this break-up, I am going to make her contact me first”
7. “I am better without her anyways”
What do experts recommend doing while you wonder what he is thinking during the No Contact Rule?
What I recommend you to do during the No Contact Rule is to be strong and focused on yourself. Most precisely focus on enhancing yourself and knowing what do you expect and want from this relationship.
Stop thinking about what your ex is doing or thinking: Focusing on him will lead you to make undesirable mistakes that will make you look all needy and clingy.
Do not interact with him (no texting, calling, liking posts or so). Interacting with your ex even indirectly will not help you at all. Because you will start to do things according to the way he is behaving or what he is doing.
Avoid fantasizing about things and be real. Instead of creating fake scenarios with someone else or having false hope, focus on yourself. Do not jump immediately into another relationship just to make him jealous.
While focusing on yourself and letting go of things that you can’t control (i.e. thoughts) you will give him and you time to know how to continue with this relationship.
Does the No Contact Rule work on a man?
Whether the no contact will work on a man or not depends on the type of relationship you have or the reason that the two of you broke up.
It is important to highlight if he still has strong feelings for you or not and if he still sees you as a long-term partner?
One of the signs that you know if the no contact rule is working on a guy is when you rekindle the attraction.
Men respond differently to the NC rule as women do. But, the distance will make him value what he had!
Being mysterious and away from him for some time can help rekindle things but what’s important to notice is the way he broke up with you.
A mature guy and the one who has true feelings for you will ask you for some space and if he really feels for you the No Contact rule will work easily.
That is why keeping a distance from him and not interacting after a few days will make him happy, angry, confused, reflect on his decisions, and finally have a conclusion for your future relationship.
Keep in mind
Females use the no contact rule to see if a man will change and whether they have a chance to establish a good relationship together. Women don’t want to use it as a controlling tool.
Some males might do this too but most guys use the No Contact period on women as a self-centered way to see if she will feel needy of him and get her back.
Does the use of the No Contact Rule on a man make him miss you?
The answer is yes. Keeping the distance will make your ex miss you. Take it this way: Radio Silence will make him reflect on your value and presence. If you matter to him or not, it will make him recon what made him like or fall in love with you!
A man likes to be needed even after the breakup but if he doesn’t want to be chased or pursued all the time as women do. A man likes to go after things that he wants when he wants to and when he feels ready.
This way you will keep him interested and make him miss you. Just by being all mysterious and not clingy. But, yet, give him enough space until you are nourished yourself and when you feel ready to face his final answer.
On the other hand, if you are searching for the answer to whether he will get back to you that all depends on the way things ended.
FAQ: Will I be able to tell what he is thinking during the No Contact rule?
1. What is the worst part about No Contact?
The worst part of the No Contact Rule is when you do it and expect immediate outcomes. The one important result that comes out of No Contact should be nourishing yourself and focusing more on how you can make yourself better.
Then, if you reach that point, you will be able to tell whether continuing this relationship is the right choice and it will be easier for you to face the reality in the end.
2. How long does it take for no contact to work on a man?
It depends on how bad the breakup was and how long you’ve been together. Apply to that also the personality of your ex.
The male mind after no contact isn’t the same as a woman. It will take up to two/or three weeks to notice that you’re absent in his life.
The moment that he feels the urge to text or call you or even interact with you, that’s the moment you know the NC rule has started to work.
3. Will my ex forget about me during the NC period?
The definitive answer is No, your ex won’t forget you during this period. Being distant for some time will increase his curiosity. What you’re doing or who you’re hanging out with?
But if you follow a long period of No Contact such as 40+ days or more that will give your ex mixed signals.
When you don’t contact a guy for more than 2 months then he will get this as a sign of moving on. The 30 days rule of psychology is the best one to follow. Since it gives you and your ex the time to reflect and search if you still have feelings for one another.
A male’s mind is not simple to decode but what you can do to have a better clue of how a male’s mind works during the NC rule is to follow the 30 days of no contact and see what happens!
Do let me know your questions or stories in the comment section below.
Callisto
Abby
Hello
5th June 2022, 6:30
I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now after knowing him for 5 months everything was all good when we were friends, we never urgued or anything but right after we got into a relationship we started to have small urguments but we handled that so well and continued our jounery. My boyfriend is found of taking small matters too serious but regardless he is so loving and caring. Well i also have this problem of being too curious with things and i like asking alot of questions and normally this guy is usually uncomfortable expressing things when i ask but when he feels like telling something he says it . Fast forward, i like to ask alot of questions redarging his property as in how much he bought them and all that and even though he felt uncomfortable to tell me but he eventually tells untill he got really mad as to why i like to asking things concerning his property and i gave my own reason of being curious and wanting to know thus but he he couldnt buy that reason and demanded for a solif reason and gave me a week to contemplate abd i still gave him my genuine reason of curiosity and he ended up breaking up with me and my reply was i respect your decision but since then i have not been myself i need him like alot he is the only man that i see myself with in the future, he is everything but i dont know if the no contact rule would work with the way things ended i need your help
Iv been someone 3and half years with build up of him being jealous over that time we met on my relationship split of25yrs loved each other crazy. But his jealousy spiked and he decided to call it im gutted have done nothing what should i do
I was with my ex for 3 years, we were really happy, we got a house together but because he has a terminally ill dad that lives 2 hours away he had to spend some days off the week there, also his kids lived in same area so he would divide his time between us all, he hasn’t work since being let go 2 years ago due to covid, so at least there wasn’t that added pressure. He took his kids back to their mum and went to stay with his dad, at then had a bit of an argument on the phone, this was unusual coz we normally don’t argue, but since then he has decided that even though he is still in love with me it has all gotten to much and he’s finished, he said he doesn’t want any contact, i feeling utterly devastated and like someone has died, there was no signs before this that he was unhappy in fact we were speaking about marriage etc, this is very out of character for him
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months, I took things very slowly in the beginning and didn’t want to rush into anything serious too fast, because my father is battling stage four cancer and I will be traveling to be with him a lot in the near future and possibly for long periods of time. When it came to the evolution of our relationship I felt that things were going at exactly the pace that was comfortable for me given my current situation. Things were going really good and I finally started to open up more, trusting him more, feeling that there was a real connection and a future for this relationship. About a week ago we had a disagreement for the first time, about something completely stupid, about my choice of buying a house and terms of the loan and what would be smarter in my situation. It was unpleasant, especially because I was to close on the deal the next day. We tried to hash things out again the next day, come to an understanding, but no luck. I decided to take a pause, thought it would be good for both of us. We didn’t talk for two days and then picked up conversation as normal, letting go of the argument and made plans for Saturday. On Saturday he came over and we had a very good conversation, he brought a few things up about the argument we had and what bothered him most, I received the feedback and I felt that this was a great conclusion and more importantly foundation to a heathy relationship, where two people are able to have uncomfortable conversation and be open with each other. We then went out and things were as they have been, smitten, romantic, lovely. After the evening event he abruptly says I am completely beat, is it ok that I just go home. Of course this was confusing for me, I though we were good. He went to his, I went to mine. The next day I received a text message saying he doesn’t feel the same for me, as I do for him, that he’s sorry he couldn’t say it to me last night and he’s done. I haven’t answered his text and am completely heartbroken and don’t understand what actually happened. What do I do?
After 30 days, should I contact first? Or always let him be the one that contact me?