Being cheated and cheating is a broad and also sensitive topic. Coping with the pain that carries the breakup after being cheated on, differs a lot from the pain of a casual breakup.
Relationship affairs cause a lot of confusion and pain. It is that period that might hurt your pride, you wake up blaming yourself, your self-confidence is crushed, and sometimes it feels like there is no way out.
Dealing with the pain after he or she has cheated on, might make you quite self-destructive. Therefore, using the No Contact after being cheated on neutralizes the pain and the situation.
While having no interaction at all with your ex-partner helps you to take a step back from an unhealthy relationship, focus on yourself, and improve your emotional and mental health.
The way you choose to use No Contact depends on the level and the type of infidelity – whether you were married, dating, or in a relationship.
To have a clearer idea of it, here are 10 reasons why you should use it!
1. You will have time to clear your mind
Stopping yourself from interacting with your partner after being betrayed, you’ll gain a new perspective of your relationship. You will have different emotions, feelings will change, and you’ll reestablish yourself.
Now that you will be away from the source of negative emotions and pain, you are going to start the journey of emotional healing.
While you’re not interacting with your ex, you will take small steps to accept reality and deal with pain and bitterness.
It is quite understandable that infidelity is very hard to forget and forgive, but by using No Contact you will know if you can rebuild your relationship.
2. You’ll draw your boundaries
It is up to you how long you would want to go with No Contact. Going through the first 30 days of NC you will learn to be dependent on yourself.
Being strict through these first 30 days will prevent you from being a part of an on-off relationship. You will give yourself and your partner some space to reflect and let yourselves learn with each other’s absence.
As soon as you settle a little with No Contact you will have some type of control on your hands.
You will no longer be desperate to get back in contact with your ex just because you feel powerless and unwanted.
Note: On the other hand, If you have a kid together then you will have to use the limited No Contact. Through limited No Contact, you will be able to talk with one another in the simplest form possible until you decide how you want to carry on.
3. You will rebuild your self-confidence
The pain that can be felt during No Contact after being cheated on can be eased with time when you learn how to deal with it.
The first days are going to be hard accepting the fact of being cheated on and not having your lover near you, but the next few days you will start to accept the reality.
You won’t be able to know whether you can be strong again on your own without going No Contact.
Being all distant for a certain time, you’ll notice that your happiness doesn’t depend on your ex.
That urge to call or text your partner when you feel low, sad, and lonely will be replaced by confidence, friends, and family.
4. Your ex will reflect on their mistakes
All exes won’t reflect on their mistakes and apologize. For some, it takes longer to notice that they could choose to deal with your relationship differently.
It all depends on how strong their cheating relationship is and how strong your relationship was.
Begging and pleading after being cheated on won’t be a helpful method to fix yourself or even the relationship.
Being constantly around your ex will hinder them from stepping back, reflecting, and starting to appreciate you.
5. You’ll get refugee in yourself
When you are no longer in the relationship and you don’t interact with your partner, you will turn to yourself.
You will have the time and space to understand what’s inside your soul.
The moment that you rely on yourself, you will be able to notice your potential.
You will cope with the pain and discover your strength at the same time.
6. You won’t have the victim mentality anymore
It is quite understandable to doubt yourself and be confused by this situation.
By blaming yourself and asking why this happened to you this way you won’t be able to redeem yourself and reflect.
You can achieve that by being distant and by shifting your mindset from being a victim to facing reality.
You will be able to reflect that your relationship issues could be solved differently and a positive result can be achieved only by working on yourself.
7. You will be able to move on slowly
By physically detaching from your ex, you will also detach emotionally.
Going No Contact after he or she cheated on you, you will cut the temptation to rely on your partner so you can ease your pain.
One of our clients using the No Contact Rule after being cheated on said:
(The name is changed due to confidentiality)
“We were married for 3 years and something along the way happened. We had some small fights but I wasn’t aware that my husband has started to lose interest in me and detached from me emotionally.~ Mary, 32
After I found out that he cheated on me, I was advised to use No Contact. Because I wasn’t sure if I was the only one to blame. Maybe I became boring or my job was leading me and I was not attentive as before.
Through my 15th day of No Contact, I was feeling sad or bad about myself and I would immediately jump to text or call my ex. Listening to his voice or getting a simple reply from him would just boost my self-confidence.
While using the No Contact Rule, I was able to control myself. I restarted again and focused on writing down reasons why I was going back to my ex.
Along the way, you will replace your bitter thoughts with inspiring ones. I realized that I wanted to be better because of me.
I didn’t want to be part of a relationship where I had to prove my worth to him and myself also. The No Contact rule made that possible for me.”
Read more about a variety of successful stories of different people.
8. You will connect more with your friends and family
One of the positive sides of using the No Contact rule is being closer with your friends and family.
Their presence will help you not rush to any conclusion and make any unwanted decision.
This way you will focus on yourself, grow emotionally, accept your feelings, and choose whether to move on or give them a second chance.
9. You’ll know if there is a chance to rebuild the relationship
Even when you’re dating or you’re in a relationship, mistakes will be a part of the process.
Cheating might happen at the beginning, middle, or at the end of your relationship, no matter when you find yourself part of this situation, No Contact will help you know whether you want to rebuild that relationship or move on.
Being able to direct the end of the relationship you will be able to have a bigger picture if your partner will be able to face their mistakes, and also give you the respect and the value that you deserve.
You will mend yourself instead of worrying to get your partner back so you can feel better and ease the pain of betrayal.
Then you will be able to notice if there is a willingness from your partner to save the relationship.
10. You’ll be able to learn patience and to be distant
Some partners choose to turn against you when they cheat instead of admitting their mistake.
Not being responsive to their passive-aggressive behavior and ignoring their inappropriate language towards you will give you the strength to think and cooperate better.
Some cheaters choose to use the No Contact after cheating thus putting their defenses on or shutting themselves down.
Does No Contact Work on cheaters?
The No Contact works on cheaters that moment that your heart and mind start to work together and make sense. The moment the No Contact rule starts to work on a cheater you will feel free and confident.
Here are 9 signs that the No Contact rule is working on a cheater:
- You will no longer ask yourself if he or she is lying or can I trust them again;
- You will be able to accept the reality and you won’t hope for things to be normal again since now you have things under control;
- Your partner will look for a way to reconnect with you;
- You are all independent and now your self-confidence is boosted;
- You do not feel so much in despair and feel good to be out of that relationship;
- Your partner sends you a message explaining themselves and wants to talk;
- You have a new perspective on this relationship and now you know what you have to search for;
- You do not feel anymore like a burden in a relationship;
- You are not ashamed and you feel confident enough to accept you for who you are;
Note: While using the No Contact rule on cheaters try to not force it or push your partner to notice their mistake and apologize to you by all means.
That won’t give you and your partner space and time to heal, understand your needs better or accept reality the way that it is.
How to go No Contact after being cheated on?
If you decide to use the No Contact after being cheated on then you should know the reason why you want to do it.
The No Contact rule won’t have an effect if you use it to take revenge on your partner or just to make them jealous. My advice is to use this rule to enhance yourself.
You may follow these 10 steps to initiate No Contact after infidelity:
- Stick to this rule. Don’t answer their calls or texts until you are all feeling good and you are ready to think clearly.
- Be precise. Mute or block them on social media and his/her number if this helps you more to not be tempted to connect with them.
- Try to see your life from a different perspective. Pick a new hobby.
- Be open to new possibilities. Watch motivational videos and push yourself every day to try something new.
- Try to be just on your own and understand what you are feeling in more detail. If you live together with your partner then try to travel for some time alone or change your place for a certain period.
- Don’t be bitter to you or even your partner. It is quite understandable that this time is quite hard for you but being rude and chaotic instead of trying to embrace the situation will create a huge mess.
- Start to frequent new places. At the beginning and after you start to use the No Contact it is better to avoid meeting your partner accidentally on purpose.
- Learn to cope with pain by accepting it and writing that in your journal or talking to your friends and family instead of writing to your cheating partner.
- Aim to be better than yesterday. Focus more on your work and enhancing yourself professionally and spiritually.
- Use this experience as a reflection. Of what was missing in your relationship and what could be fixed or not.
I broke No Contact with a cheater…
The pain and the urge to show your value and worth will trigger the urge to reconnect with the partner who cheated on you. You should not consider it as the end of the world and punish yourself for doing it.
~ If you send your ex a text about how you were feeling during this period then considering their reply, you can use it as a simple way to talk about how both of you reflected on this situation.
A lot of things change while being in No Contact, neither you nor your partner will be the same.
Talking shortly about your situation will help you to get closure and help you cope with your emotions.
~ Don’t beat yourself up and restart the No Contact. This time you will know what triggered you to contact your ex and it will be easier to manage the temptation.
~ Remind yourself what made you use No Contact. Breaking the No Contact Rule is a sign that you’re not entirely healed yet and now you can use this as a source to go back to yourself.
~Learn to accept the feeling of anxiety and fear. No matter if you use the No Contact after a breakup or after being cheated on, panic attacks, loneliness, and despair will be present.
What makes the situation a little bit more difficult is the fact that your self-confidence is a little bit more crushed than after experiencing a simple breakup.
The moment you break the No Contact and accept the fact that you might be feeling lonely and unloved that will stimulate you to make yourself better.
~ Don’t be confused and think that you won’t be able to be on your own for some time. After breaking No Contact you will be able to tell why your partner was pulling away from you.
That will help you to understand your worth, your mistakes, his or her mistakes, and what could be done differently.
Try to take action according to your situation. The reflection will take time to happen.
To have a proper opinion about your situation takes a lot of discipline and different time frames of No Contact.
Let’s give the chef’s kiss at the end!
No matter why the cheating happened, the main thing is to rebuild your self-confidence and trust in that relationship.
Nonetheless, focus more on nourishing yourself than proving to your ex-partner that they are wrong and that you’re worth it.
Always depending on your situation, if there is no way of fixing things, step out of that relationship and rebuild yourself out of it.
Be bold and love yourself!