No Contact after an argument: 10 pieces of advice to use it properly

Using No Contact after an argument or a fight has the same impact and value in both cases.

It means that in both cases you or your partner use it to step back, reflect and work on yourself.

What makes a partner or you go for no contact after a fight is either being hurt or not understood.

Hence, they might use this distance to understand what are they feeling at the moment.

Most of the time, this rule provides lifetime solutions. 

You will either grow your mistakes and fix your communication skills or you’ll look forward.

Using No Contact after an argument for a certain period helps you to save your relationship.

Yet, is silent treatment the same as No Contact after a fight?

We’ll learn more about it in a minute!

The Silent Treatment VS No Contact after an argument

The silent treatment is used so your partner or you can elevate yourself.

Fights happen but the most important thing is how you choose to deal with the situation.

When you give a silent treatment that means that you or your partner are avoiding your feelings.

This does more damage to the relationship than good.

Whereas, using No Contact after an argument means taking control over the situation.

You won’t be silent without a reason and try to manipulate or hurt your partner.

In fact, you take control over yourself and your feelings, meanwhile allowing your partner to do the same.

In this case, you will use the time alone to give an appropriate answer/solution to an inappropriate situation.

Here are 10 pieces of advice to use when you or your partner use The No Contact rule after an argument:

1. Spend some time on your own

After a nasty fight, you need to spend some time on your own.

Give them and yourself some space and time. 

It is quite important to state that men and women process the fights differently.

Based on science, men and women act differently under pressure and when they are stressed.

This is why, before trying to force things and ruminate on the fight, try to be distant a bit.

No matter if you try to work things out at that moment, it might seem like you’re putting them under pressure.

This is not a request to bail on them or not communicate. 

What I am implying is to let your partner sort their feelings out while you’re working on your feelings too.

Solution:

• Get out of social media for some time and reflect on what caused your fight and what could be going wrong.

• Avoid spending time with mutual friends or family;

• If necessary go somewhere for a week or two until you figure your needs and boundaries out;

2. Reflect on how you felt during the fight

You cannot reflect properly on how you felt during the fight or find a solution if you don’t distance yourself.

Taking this break helps you to break down what happened exactly. 

Since after a heated argument you cannot think clearly and be subjective.

Solution:

• Write down what hurt you during this fight. Whether it was your partner’s words, behavior, or way of thinking.

• What was the exact feeling that you were experiencing? It can be rage, madness, betrayal, or frustration.

• Write down if your requests weren’t taken into consideration by your partner. 

Check if you think there is a solution and if that is something possible to implement.

To reflect properly and know exactly what to do, you should need the extra help of a relationship expert. In this case, they will make you go to the genesis of the issue and of this fight!

3. Try to understand your partner’s experience

Even if you start the No Contact or your partner, you need to understand their psychology too.

Women and men tend to react differently to relationship issues, fights, and breakups.

What could be an issue for you, cannot be for them and vice versa.

That’s why you need to spend some time on your own just to get used to yourself.

Once you start to understand yourself and your need, you can understand what your partner needs.

Solution:

• If you want to reconcile the relationship then think about how this fight started. 

Write this on a piece of paper and stick it to your work table or somewhere you can see it.

• Moreover, check if this was the first time you argued about this specific topic.

• Write down the words you said and how you replied to your partner.

• Take two separate jars and add to them some sticks if you or your partner has been putting pressure on you or vice versa.

• On the words that you said, write down how these words might make your ex feel.

By using this technique, you can balance the situation and see it from a different point of view.

4. Live in the moment

I know that is hard to understand why your partner might go no contact after an argument or vice versa.

The best thing to do is to not get clingy and just enjoy the moment. Let yourself and them breathe.

Solution:

• Change your environment;

• Make new friends;

• Avoid overthinking and that sadness to push you to take inappropriate decisions.

• Don’t be stuck on taking revenge or making your partner feel bad or guilty. No Contact is not about it.

• Knowing the timeline of coping with heartbreak and reflecting isn’t the same for men and women.

• Focus on what you want for yourself and your relationship.

5. Don’t make excuses just to contact them

It’s quite normal to feel tempted to contact your boyfriend or girlfriend after a fight.

You have things to say and you want to be back with them as soon as possible.

That is nothing wrong with that.

Hence, if you don’t give space for them to process the fight then you will only push them away.

Solution:

• Even if you feel like you are guilty and want to apologize, give them some days.

           After that, you can interact with them and explain yourself.

           Otherwise, even if you apologize immediately and don’t mean it then it will cause a lot of problems.

• Focus on what would you like to do right now to enhance or upgrade yourself.

6. Avoid ruminating and going back to arguing

Negative feelings that come with a bad fight can be present for some time.

This pushes you to overthink and be stuck at that moment.

What you need to break this cycle, is to focus on the solution and not on the fight.

• Question your thoughts and define what makes you go constantly through these feelings.

• If you’re afraid of commitment and your self-confidence is low, work on them. Take this time to enhance yourself.

• Join any group of people that are going through the same experience.

• Talk to a therapist so you can understand yourself on a deeper level.

• Make the difference between being obsessed with this fight and ruminating.

7. Don’t be afraid to apologize

Apologizing is one of the most crucial signs of maturity.

Just because you apologize after an argument or fight doesn’t make you weak.

You need to take responsibility for your part too.

Solution:

• Before apologizing make sure that you have reflected properly on your mistakes;

• Know that it can be difficult and you might feel ashamed but take it slowly;

• Avoid apologizing immediately. Give your partner also some time to process what is going on.

• When you apologize, make sure to make them feel safe around you and understand you.

• Be vulnerable but don’t pretend that the fight didn’t happen.

8. Try to fix the communication techniques

Yes, communication is the key to fixing things after a fight, but so is giving space and time to both of you.

Don’t make decisions based on your anger.

Instead of using No Contact for more than two weeks, give your relationship a try in another form.

I am always referring to those situations where both of you have processed your feelings.

• Instead of holding grudges, you can admit that your communication isn’t the same as before.

• Try to be more vulnerable. Express to one another how you felt during these days when you were not communicating.

• It’s quite important to understand that during a fight, men and women stick to their sides.

While men stick to their masculine side, they grow a stronger ego. 

In this case, they want to be heard, respected, and lead.

Whereas, women stick to their feminine side and want to be more understood and persuaded.

9. When you’re ready try to initiate a conversation

You don’t have to initiate a conversation as soon as you fight.

Take your time to reflect and arrange your thoughts and feelings.

Talking to them after No Contact, even if you were distant for a week, it’s not always that simple.

That’s because, during this time, you and your partner might reflect differently.

Being in no contact creates that distance between you.

This distance helps you to understand more yourselves, who you are, and what you want.

That’s why before initiating the conversation, you should also presume what your partner is feeling too.

• You can make a prior plan of what you want to say when you break the No Contact;

• Write a simple first text and avoid being overly emotional.

10. Focus on your needs and boundaries

When you decide to use No Contact after an argument or a fight focus on your needs.

It’s important to have a clear idea of what are your needs and if they’re being met.

That’s why being distant for a while after an argument can help sort it out.

You will learn to enjoy your alone time and reflect differently.

You will get to know yourself on a different level and from a different point of view.

• Check if your needs and not setting boundaries created the fight.
• Check if this situation can be fixed easily or needs a longer time.

Only by doing it, you can form a healthy relationship. 

Otherwise, the fights will continue, arguing will become stronger, and the relationship will fail to reconcile.

Is No Contact good after a fight?

It depends on the type of the fight, but if you had a heated argument and a bad fight, yes, no contact is suitable.

Just being distant for even a day or two can help you to disconnect from the anger.

~If you keep contacting regularly after the fight, there is a vast chance that that fight will happen again.

~It’s better to work on yourself during this time than to give a silent treatment or a cold shoulder to your partner.

While using No Contact after a fight, you can improve yourself and improve the relationship at the same time.

Your absence or vice versa can help one another to value more one another.

How long should the No Contact after an argument last?

After a fight, No Contact can last as long as one of you heals and decides to invest or not in the relationship.

All of it depends on how bad the fight was and on your attachment styles.

If your partner or you have an avoidant attachment style then one of you will continue the distance.

That’s because the avoidant feels safer and stronger when they are distant.

On the other hand, the anxious type will be constantly going back and forth in the relationship.

Don’t extend the period of how long you want to stay in NC just because you’re angry or mad.

Take your time to heal and reflect. As soon as you are ready to process your feelings and get back, give your relationship a chance.

Should you reach out when your partner uses NC after a fight?

You should know when to reach out when your partner is using No Contact.

Don’t worry about it, we got your back.

~First, try to understand that they might be hurt and need time on their own.

Use this time to work on yourself and don’t put pressure on them. 

Texting and calling or being clingy will only push your partner away.

~Let the anger go away. With time the anger will fade away. This depends on how things went and how bad the breakup was.

~Don’t let the anxiety and loneliness drive you to make instant decisions.

Yes, it can be hard and lonely when you hit that rock bottom of a heated argument.

Yet, you can get over it once you process your feelings.

If both of you work on your own and are willing to contribute differently, the relationship will work.

Conclusion: No Contact after a fight….

No Contact after a fight or argument requires the same discipline and focus as using it after a breakup.

If you decide to use this rule then you will give yourself and your relationship a chance.

By being distant, you will avoid the chance of ignoring your partner.

Only know what you want to say before No Contact and let them know that you won’t be gone.

Otherwise, if you keep constantly contacting after a huge fight, chances are things will get worse.

To prevent it, you need to buckle up. Be distant but be ready to understand your partner too.

Don’t miss a chance to reconnect just cause of pride or ego.

Make a difference,

Callisto Adams