It can be really disturbing to try and find the right answer, as to why your ex won’t talk to you.
Ending a relationship without closure is hard and even confusing.
If your ex stops talking to you that doesn’t mean that it is always your fault or their fault.
Sometimes the circumstances push your ex to just cut communication with you.
What keeps them silent is their attachment style and your or their actions.
They might feel hurt or guilty for initiating the breakup.
On the other hand, they might have a hard time processing the pain and the breakup.
They just need some more time on their own to heal and reflect.
Here are 11 reasons why your ex doesn’t want to talk to you:
1. They’re still healing
It’s known that you can’t heal, go through the stages of the breakup and reflect without being distant.
Being exposed constantly to a negative situation or the same issues will hinder the process of healing.
Even if the relationship wasn’t messy and ended up on good terms, your ex needs their time and space.
No one can heal or even move on with their life being present and stuck in the same situation.
2. They realized that they don’t want to continue the relationship
I know that is a hard pill to swallow when you don’t get closure and your ex doesn’t want to talk to you after the breakup.
Yet, there’s always a strong reason that keeps them from contacting you.
If they are using the No Contact rule then they are trying to reflect by being on their own.
Being away from you might give them another idea of what your relationship was and what it won’t be.
- Your ex might have realized that they were not feeling themselves during the relationship;
- They might have realized that they are not being good to you either;
some elements make them feel better and heal when they’re on their own.
Understandably, you cannot reflect on your own quite easily, especially if you’ve been hurt or vice versa.
A personal relationship coach will be able to get in more depth and find an answer or solution for you.
3. They are trying to distract themselves
If your ex is emotional and deeply hurt, your presence will not help them to understand their feelings too.
Your ex might go quiet on social media and try to not interact with you.
They might or might not block you or shut down all their social media.
This doesn’t mean that your ex doesn’t have feelings for you but they need distance to clear their mind.
If you have been posting all the time on social media, this might be another reason that they’re quiet.
You might have been trying to get your ex’s eye by posting too much but this just pulls him away.
4. You’re being persistent
You are not respecting their boundaries and constantly putting pressure on your ex.
If you’re texting, calling, or trying to have a conversation with them then you’re doing wrong.
This is the reason why your ex won’t speak to you. After the breakup, they need to have time to think on their own.
No one needs to reflect on a lost relationship while being 24/7 with their ex.
If you have been begging and pleading after the breakup for a month now, you’re pushing your ex to cut contact.
At this moment, your ex would be caught between two situations:
- They are trying to understand their feelings and your actions at the same time.
Instead of getting your ex back or making them talk to you, you are pushing them away.
5. They are trying to manipulate you
An ex might have stopped reaching out to you just to play mind games.
If you have been responding to their breadcrumbing then they might use it as a sign that they have control over you.
Usually, an ex plays hot and cold after a breakup just to play hard to get or to take revenge.
It depends on their personality and how they feel about you.
On the other hand, your stopped reaching out because they might have lost interest.
They play hot and cold to just keep you as a second plan if another relationship won’t work.
Remember, if your ex stops talking suddenly then you better try to focus on yourself and not be persistent.
6. They are confused and indecisive
Usually, after the breakup, a dumper is chaotic.
They will be constantly feeling free and trying to convince themselves that they took the best decision.
If an ex initiated the breakup but regretted it then they might be confused and indecisive.
In this case, they are fighting for what they want and what they need.
They have a billion questions in their head and maybe are ashamed.
You will notice this by the way they approach you.
Someone that is regretful will try slowly to show how they’ve changed or how much you mean to them.
Everyone is built differently that’s why everyone chooses differently to reflect on their mistakes.
7. They are fighting their feelings/thoughts
Your ex is stubborn to contact you because they are fighting with their thoughts and feelings.
Their ego says something else whereas their heart says something else.
To avoid contacting you, they might have created this version of you that is bad.
To justify their actions, they need to blame you or make you look bad.
Only by doing this, they can convince themselves that they’re a good person and are doing the right thing.
They need to justify their mistakes and their decisions.
8. They don’t want to stay friends or in contact
When an ex doesn’t text you anymore know that they have made a decision.
Maybe they couldn’t reject you and wanted to stay friends but now they feel different.
Maybe they still love you and can’t seem to do better while being in your presence.
Thus, they might not communicate this information with you and decide to just cut contact.
Maybe they have tried everything to make the relationship work but can’t stand the friendship.
Being in contact with you hurts them and now they just want to move on with their life.
9. They are self-interested
When a partner is self-interested, they keep in contact with you for their interest.
If your ex won’t talk to you then it means that they have just reached their aim.
Just try to go back to the past when the breakup happened.
Were you the one who begged them to come back and said that you would do anything?
If the answer is yes then that explains a lot.
You just allowed them to control you. If they have lost feelings for you and were still in contact then they might have been using you.
An ex might stay in contact just for some moral or financial support.
And once they’re stable, they will just cut you off.
10. They have mixed feelings about the situation
When an ex is dumped or cheated on, it’s hard for them to trust you again.
If you don’t show progression then they might be getting mixed signals from you constantly.
They will not know if you have changed for real or if your feelings are true.
The moment they are dumped or cheated, they feel rejected and unworthy.
It’s not what they like to feel and be, it’s what your actions made them feel.
Your ex won’t talk to you because they are not certain if coming back with you will be worth it.
You should try to understand them more and just give or show more reasons why you might have changed.
11. They are not ready to forgive you
If you have given up easily on the relationship then they might not be ready to forgive you.
Know that after the breakup, your ex is not the same person as they were.
The breakup can change a lot of habits and have a great impact on their personality, and on you too.
Depending on how you acted and how you broke up, forgiving you might vary.
Still, be patient, and show them compassion and consistency.
If you love them, wait around and be a better person. Next thing to do: Try again!
My ex misses me, why won’t he talk to me?
If an ex misses you, it doesn’t mean that they want to be in contact with you or talk to you.
~Even if the relationship was toxic, there might be some situations that will make your ex miss you.
It’s not easy to move on with your life, especially if you have been in a long-term relationship.
Your ex might miss you but they might also be trying to move on from the breakup.
For them, this relationship has ended, and now are looking forward to new things.
~On the other hand, if your ex is stubborn or has a big ego then their pride doesn’t let them contact you.
They would rather stay like that and miss you than initiate the contact.
Also, if your ex is a fearful-avoidant, they won’t contact you because they need time on their own.
They will miss you but won’t contact you because they feel at peace and safer while they’re on their own.
~Whereas, if your ex is feeling extra guilty for hurting you they won’t contact you because they don’t want to make you feel bad.
They realized that you were too good for him or her and now they just want to let you heal.
So, there is no definite answer to this question. It all depends on your situation and your ex’s personality.
What to do if your ex won’t talk to you?
There is nothing much to do when your ex won’t talk to you but just be honest and yourself.
- Try not to ruminate too much on the past or blame them.
- Be precise and tell them why you are contacting them and what is the reason for not talking to you.
- If you have been hurting them then try to apologize at first and listen to what they have to say.
- Be careful with your words and respect their boundaries too.
- Be prepared for the outcomes.
If your ex states that they don’t want to talk to you anymore then start to reflect on yourself more.
Don’t be hard on yourself and try to find your purpose.
There’s always a chance for you to make yourself better!
In conclusion: Why is my ex silent?
When an ex is silent after the breakup that means they’re either working on what they’re feeling or looking for a solution.
Even if you have been persistent for some time to make your ex come back, they are silent for a reason.
Even if you were in the same relationship that doesn’t mean that you were affected in the same way.
People process the breakup and their feelings differently.
It’s important to know that many people shut their self down after the breakup.
They choose different ways and tools to deal with this situation.
Instead of wondering why your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, focus on going through stages of grief yourself.
Because if you aren’t getting to know your feelings and yourself through this period, you’ll be mixed up.