My ex won’t stop texting me — how to deal with a stubborn ex who won’t stop contacting you?

Break-ups can be hard for a lot of people. Some people deal with it appropriately, and some…don’t.

Sometimes, an ex will have a hard time coping with the fact it’s over and will contact you no matter how inappropriate the times they do.

They seem to be very determined on this, and you end up feeling lost for words or even ways to make them stop reaching out.

So, what’s the right way to go about this?

Let’s explore together the 9 ways to get your ex to stop contacting you once and for all.

1. Ignore all their texts and other forms of communication.

Don’t acknowledge any of their attempts to communicate!

It may sound a bit harsh to some people to just cut contact with someone they used to be in an intimate relationship with.

However, this can be one of the most effective options you’ve got since answering their calls or texts can fuel their desire to reach out to you.

• Don’t answer their texts, calls, emails, packages, or any attempts to reach out to you;
• Avoid giving them signs that you’ve read their messages;
• Show confidence in your decision by being determined to not reply to their calls or texts under any circumstance;

Don’t allow any space for them to crawl back into your life.

2. Show determination and be straightforward about not wanting to hear from them again.

Maybe you were avoiding frankness by trying to imply that you don’t want your ex texting you.

You didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and perhaps you were trying to avoid that difficult conversation where you have to explain how you feel for realsies.

Therapist Bina Bird, explains: “If you wait until you have no anxiety or discomfort, then the conversation may never happen.”

Being frank with your ex about wanting to cut contact can help give them a clearer idea that you don’t want anything to do with them any longer.

I know it’s difficult, but you want to show determination, and no signs of “I wish we could do this, but we have to.”

Here are some examples of what you can say or text your ex who won’t stop texting you:

• “I’m not ready nor comfortable with talking to you yet.”
• “I feel like you’re getting the wrong idea about my feelings and intentions regarding you. I want to clear up any misunderstandings.”
• “Although I do appreciate you taking time out of your day to check on me, I believe it’s for the best we stop talking to each other. I wish you nothing but the best in your life.”
• “It’s weird for you to keep texting me this often even though we broke up. Please do not contact me again.”
• “I think it’s inappropriate for us to keep texting even though we broke up. I have no more romantic feelings or intentions towards you and I would appreciate it if you stopped talking to me.”
• “We’re both holding each other back and stunting our progress by keeping in contact. I believe it’s for the best we stop talking to each other and focus on ourselves. I wish you a life filled with happiness and success. Goodbye.”

Be stern about your decision and stand your ground regarding your feelings.

3. Avoid giving any mixed signals and entertaining their antics.

You and your ex might be co-parenting or working together, this would condition both of you to keep contact despite your wishes not to do so.

Being clear and indifferent towards them is essential in getting your point across.

Do not entertain their shenanigans or play along with the things they say or do since you might give them the wrong idea and keep their hopes high.

If you don’t enjoy their presence and have no intentions of ever getting back together, make it clear.

Here’s what you must consider if you have to keep in contact with your ex:

• Avoid flirting back;
• Answer their calls or texts only if necessary—it’s related to the factor that keeps you two communicating (e.g. your child, work, etc)
• Don’t accept gifts from them;
• Avoid complimenting them or giving them any sign of affection;
• The moment they change topic hang their phone or stop responding to their messages;
• Remain professional and indifferent towards them;
• Turn their advances down;
• Keep your conversations short and simple;
• Speak in a neutral, almost distant tone;
• Avoid endearing terms;
• When necessary, don’t hesitate to make it clear that nothing is going on between you.
• Don’t be afraid to call them out and ask them to stop, especially if they’re crossing your boundaries.

 4. Remove them, their friends, and their family from your socials.

You want to cut all ties with them.

It can be painful, and it can make you feel sad, however, if your ex won’t stop texting you, you’ve got to block all the paths that can lead them to you.

Unfriend them from your social media, and while you’re at it, do the same with their family and friends.

This way you also block their ways to snoop on your life through social media.

On the other hand, you also prevent them from posting obnoxious comments on your social media posts.

Minimize their exposure to your presence and life and vice versa.

5. Block their number and all of their social media.

You probably didn’t want it to come to this, but if they don’t respect your kind requests for no contact, then they should get blocked.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

If removing them from your social media and ignoring them doesn’t work, block them everywhere you can.

This, of course, works if they bother you too much, act inappropriately, and don’t seem to have intentions of letting you go any time soon.

This may sound a bit too much, but it’s not your fault.

You should always prioritize yourself and focus on your peace and comfort.

6. Set boundaries regarding their actions if contact is inevitable due to circumstances.

As I mentioned earlier, some people have to keep in contact with their exes. 

They might have children together, work together, or some other reason that makes cutting contact not possible.

But this doesn’t mean that you need to take their disrespect and inappropriate behavior.

If this is the case with you and your ex, consider setting boundaries about things that unsettle you during your day-to-day exchange.

Abigail Brenner, M.D. says, “By setting your boundaries, you’re telling others how you want and expect to be treated.”

If they won’t stop texting you despite your attempts to kindly let them know they’re disturbing you, then set your boundaries and

• stop replying or reciprocating the moment they start talking about getting back together;
• let them know what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate for you;
• make it clear to them the measures you’re willing to take if they don’t respect your boundaries;
• calmly let them know what you’ll do if they disdain your wishes and requests;

Whatever your ex might be thinking, things have changed. By setting boundaries, you’re giving them a clear idea of what’s inappropriate behavior.

Just because you have to continue talking to each other doesn’t give them the right to act as they please. Make sure to show them that!

7. Consider putting yourself out there and seeing other people.

—or at the very least tell them that you are seeing somebody else.

This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to get a new partner just for the sake of getting your ex to stop texting you.

This only means that if you find yourself comfortable to get back to dating, do so, and make it clear to your ex.

Getting over an ex can be really hard.

Your ex is probably very stubborn and waiting for a definite hint that you are absolutely over them.

Here’s what you can tell them to—hopefully—get them to stop texting you:

• “I just wanted to let you know that I’m seeing somebody and I would like to stop contact immediately because it would make me feel uncomfortable. I appreciate your understanding.”
• “Hey, just a heads-up, I’m talking to a person and I would appreciate it if you’d stop texting me from now on. I wish you the best.”
• “I’m in a relationship with somebody, and I don’t want to leave room for any misunderstandings to be created. Please respect my decision and stop contacting me.”
• “There’s somebody else in my life that I want to give my time and attention to, and I would be uncomfortable doing so while you keep texting me. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to keep in touch with me, but I need you to respect my space and decision and stop reaching out.”

8. Change your number and other contact details.

Note that this is a last resort, and it shouldn’t ever come to this.

Do consider changing your phone number and other contact details if you feel like your ex is going beyond their way to contact you.

If you’ve tried everything and nothing is working, then this means that your ex is exhibiting disturbing behavior.

• They’re not leaving you alone;
• They keep harassing you;
• They won’t stop texting or calling you despite your requests for them to stop doing so;
• They’re making new accounts and texting or calling you with different phone numbers;

In this case, changing your phone number and other contact details can be one of the most reasonable things to do.

They won’t be able to find a new way to reach you, hence you won’t hear from them again, at least by phone.

Be careful who you share your new personal details with to minimize the chances of having to deal with your ex once again.

This can be frightening, worrying, and paranoia-inducing and you need to let somebody know about what your ex is putting you through.

9. If they’re posing a threat to you, consider taking legal action.

If your ex is acting in a threatening way towards you, seek immediate help.

Contact the police, or file a restraining order.

In situations where your ex won’t give up—no matter what—and starts exhibiting dangerous behavior (e.g. stalking), do not just wait for it to pass.

It won’t.

Even worse, your safety is put at risk by ignoring their tendencies and not seeking help from authority.

Concerning behavior includes:

• Showing up at your house, school, workplace, or locations they know you might be in;
• Harassing you in person or on social media;
• Set on winning you back;
• Not taking “no” as an answer;
• Threatening you in any way.

Taking legal action will help put their behavior to rest.

Let people you trust be aware of this and ask for their help as well.

If your ex shows up in front of you unannounced and refuses to leave, call for immediate help and contact the authorities!

During this time, have someone with you at all times, and do not take any chances.

Here you can take a look at legal options regarding your ex’s disturbing behavior.

And if you’re heavily considering filing a restraining order, you can get insight here.

Why won’t your ex stop texting you?

This question can roam around your head when dealing with a stubborn ex who just won’t stop texting you nor won’t take no for an answer.

Therapist Dr. Gary Brown states that men tend to take longer to recover from a breakup because of shock.

There’s a big chance that, if your ex is a man, he’s not over you and is trying to win you back at all costs.

When an ex doesn’t stop texting, they won’t share much but how they want another chance to talk to you. But, why? Why do they keep doing this?

Here are some reasons why your ex keeps texting you:

• They still have feelings for you and don’t know how to manage them;
• They don’t want to lose the friendship you had together;
• They can’t get rid of the guilt for the wrongful things they did to you;
• They’re immature;
• They’re mentally unstable (e.g. dealing with mania);
• They’re hoping for closure.

At the end of the day…

Dealing with unreasonable exes is a tedious task.

Everybody experiences breakups differently and heals at different rates. Despite this, respect and consideration should never go away.

Don’t ignore your needs and comfort just to cater to somebody who should know better than to be a bother to other people.

This time you’ve got to get tough, be straightforward, and do what it takes to get them to stop bothering you.

Take care,

Callisto.