Not everyone can adjust to the idea that their ex is dating someone new, and that’s acceptable.
Even if you have already moved on, just thinking about it will impact you to some scale.
You might bargain with yourself to just cut off all ties and move on, but it’s not always that simple.
It’s those questions that eat you up: “Was I never good enough?” or “Is it over for good?”.
You can feel rejected and replaced too. Yet, the most important thing to do is manage the situation by processing the information slowly.
You need to take healthy ways to distance yourself from this situation and focus on yourself.
Before checking the tips on how to cope with this situation, check the reasons why an ex starts to date someone new.
Reasons an ex starts to date someone new
1. They are completely over you.
If the relationship was a mess and your ex has stopped loving you for some time, they chose to move on.
Even for them, it could be hard to give up on their feelings.
Sometimes when the relationship isn’t working and can’t bring the best out of them, they choose to look forward.
2. They want to let you know that they’re winning the breakup.
Exes take the part of healing after the breakup as a competition.
Your ex wants to show you that they are a step ahead and that they can move on faster than you.
Not everyone does it but when an ex is hurt or wants you back, they will act this way.
3. They can’t cope with the loneliness in another form.
When an ex starts dating someone new immediately after the breakup they are seeking a way to cope with loneliness.
Usually, an ex that has an anxious-ambivalent attachment has low self-esteem.
The moment they find themselves alone, they feel somehow powerless and unappreciated.
Due to this reason, they need to find attention and compassion from someone else.
4. They want to experience the same things that they did with you: with the other person.
Since they can’t be with you directly, they find another way to cope with the pain of the breakup.
This is something that even the dumper and the dumpee do.
When an ex starts to date someone that looks like you, know that they are looking for the same experience.
This way, your ex covers the feelings of pain and fills the void.
Here are 11 tips to help you cope if your ex is dating someone new:
1. Respect your ex’s decision
As soon as you receive the news that your ex is talking to or dating someone new, you should respect that.
Even if it hurts the most, the best thing to do is to show respect toward your ex.
No matter what was the reason that your ex chose to date someone new, you’re in their past for the moment.
This is a strong reason to treat them fairly and be honest with your reaction.
Even if this is a rebound or a serious relationship you should acknowledge your ex’s boundaries.
If you’ve already healed or started to move on, don’t go back to begging and pleading.
Instead, set a goal for your life. Chasing your life purpose will help you to enhance yourself.
By investing in yourself you show maturity and mutual respect.
2. Don’t make sudden attempts to get your ex back
Usually, when a relationship ends amicably and you both move on, you don’t feel that sudden urge to go back.
You are happy that they found someone compatible and that you’re able to move one too.
On the other hand, when you still have feelings and you got rejected, this induces you more to get back.
I know that is very hard to cope with this fact but making an instant decision to reach out to your ex isn’t right.
Even if this relationship isn’t that serious, you can’t reach out to them and accept to change their decision.
Being near your ex or even playing mind games won’t help you to get back.
Instead of doing it, define the reason why you want to be back with your ex.
- Is it because you’re jealous;
- Is it because you still have feelings for your ex;
- Is it because you don’t want them to be happy without you;
Defining the reason can help you to avoid making an instant mistake.
3. Avoid applying upward comparison
It’s quite understandable to make that quick comparison when your ex is dating someone new.
When you realize that there’s someone else in the picture, you feel like you’re replaced. It feels like you have been punched hard in your stomach.
You check the differences and similarities, that’s quite normal. What you shouldn’t do is lower yourself and beat yourself up when you do it.
Don’t let the anxiety or ego tell you that they are better than you.
I know that is such a cliche to say don’t be so hard on yourself and that this is hard to face.
Hence, remember that we all offer different characteristics to a relationship.
You’re unique and no one can offer the same things or have the same personality.
You should focus and reflect on your mistakes and flaws. Make a daily goal to be a step closer to the best version of yourself.
I know it’s hard to reflect on the time you were in the relationship, but you should do it for your own sake.
4. Focus on working on yourself
When you see that your ex is dating someone new, immediately they become the center of your universe.
It is totally fine to feel this way, especially if your ex is dating someone right after breaking up with you.
In this situation, you need to change your mindset. Change the focal point.
Instead of focusing on your ex’s new partner, focus on yourself.
It might happen that when in the relationship you have lost yourself, maybe your confidence too.
To achieve this goal, you should start to distance yourself from this situation and use the No Contact Rule.
To achieve it, you need to shut down your social media, socialize more, and avoid bumping into them accidentally.
Immerse yourself in productive activities. Go out more, do sports, and search for new hobbies. Do anything that would fulfill you as a human being.
Focus on your present and work on your future.
Utilize the time wisely to nourish yourself and reflect that to your ex.
If you keep only focusing on them, you’ll achieve nothing. You’ll end up being hurt again and your confidence will decrease.
5. Try to accept reality
Maybe you haven’t or have accepted reality after the breakup. Hence, once you have still feelings for your ex, accepting this fact would take some time.
Even if you have moved on, seeing your ex with someone new can stir up some old feelings.
Thus, you need to make a difference between facts and your thoughts and wishes.
Your ex is dating someone new and that’s a fact. Even if they do it for their reasons.
I know that your heart might be in flames again.
- If you need extra help to cope with the breakup again, you should talk to one of the relationship hero coaches.
- Try to focus more on the moment, make the most out of it, and explore different realms of life.
- Recognize that there can be hopes, dreams, and expectations, but has your ex meet them.
Ask yourself if your ex has done anything after the breakup to tell that they still have feelings for you.
If not then you can write these reasons down and remind yourself that you need to move on.
6. Be cordial but set your boundaries
Seeing your ex with someone else in public is worse than just getting the news via social media or a friend.
If you ended up on good terms but didn’t continue as friends, then you can approach but keep it simple.
You can make the conversation friendly but without crossing any boundaries or making the situation weird.
If the breakup had left a mark on your life, it’s better to avoid interaction.
Either way, this situation may be quite awkward.
You can’t avoid bumping into an ex if you live in the same area. That’s why is important to create some boundaries and be practical.
7. Don’t play mind games
How to get over your ex being with someone else? You can’t get over an ex being with someone else if you play mind games.
If you use any type of mind tricks or reverse psychology will make the situation even more complicated.
When your ex is dating someone new then their focus is on this new person.
Even if they’re dating this new person to make you jealous, mind games will send them mixed signals.
They will be stuck in between and won’t know how to act.
Mind games will make your ex trust you less and move on for good.
8. Try not to take it as a competition
When your ex is dating someone new, try to not take it as a competition.
If you don’t feel ready to date again yet, avoid jumping into a relationship.
If you were dumped, you would do that to prove your value. I understand you at this point. All the pain that you have felt makes you see this as a competition.
Instead of doing it, try to keep yourself out of this situation. Spend more time with friends and with people that bring out the best in you.
Try new things that will make you understand more about yourself.
Reinvent yourself and then if you’re ready you can try and date someone else.
Don’t do it just because your ex is doing it and you want to make them jealous.
9. Go back to the reason that caused your breakup
To cope with the fact that your ex is dating someone new, go back to the roots of your breakup.
It’s quite important to spot the reason that made the two of you break up. This way you can understand your stance toward your ex.
Going back to the source that induced your breakup, will help you to:
1. Accept reality;
2. Accept what you’re feeling now;
3. Accept the fact that you could function better at this moment while being on your own;
Focusing on what made you break up will not let your mind wander. You’ll have something to focus on and take an action based on logic.
10. Get over your ex while reading Exorcising your ex
Seeing your partner enter a new relationship while you haven’t let the past go is hard.
This book should be read because it helps you to move on faster if you’re still pinning on your ex.
That’s why the author Elizabeth Kuster provides you with some techniques that will help you heal.
After reading this book you’ll be able to burn the bridge that is holding you back in the past.
If you’re still hurting after the breakup, even years after, you can demolish the past by managing the mood swings.
Additionally, this book offers the needed list of movies, songs, and anything that you should do to let your ex go.
The author will help you to achieve that point where you’ll laugh at these negative moments.
If you see your ex with somebody new then it will not be a problem for you.
11. Avoid playing down your ex or their new partner
Trash-talking about your ex won’t help you in coping with the fact that they’re dating someone else.
If your ex is happy or in love with someone else then talking bad about them won’t change a thing.
Avoid thinking that you’ll get back with your ex after they dated someone else if you interfere in their life.
On the contrary, trash-talking will only impact you negatively. Even if your ex would ponder their decision and come back, they wouldn’t do it after that.
Remember that you can’t control or change anyone else’s decisions.
When your ex starts dating someone that looks like you! The Science behind it…
An ex decides to date someone that looks like you because something associated that with you.
Even if they do it consciously or unconsciously, they have a source where they find inspiration.
Appearance does not define everything since someone might have a type but personality is something different.
I mean that people might have similar features but have different personalities. Personality is something that makes or breaks a relationship.
Here are five reasons why your ex is dating someone that looks like you:
1. They miss being with you. Sometimes an ex chooses to date someone that looks like you because they miss being in your presence.
When they find a person that has your features and maybe even some of your traits, they choose them.
This helps your ex to cope with loneliness and get over the breakup.
2. They want to make you jealous. An ex that wants to get you back or even “win” the breakup chooses to date someone who looks like you.
They might not feel anything in particular for this person, but they choose them just to make you jealous.
Sometimes, they even want to let you know that they can find someone just like you.
This is an act from an ex that has difficulties managing good communication with you.
Someone who wants you back will choose to show that they’ve changed and that they need your presence.
3. They got a type. Everyone has a type when it comes to choosing a romantic partner. There is nothing wrong if your ex likes brunettes or blondes.
Their new partner might have the same features and style as you. That’s what they like as a type.
You could wear your hair up, keep it short, and like more casual clothes and so does your ex’s new partner.
That’s not a problem because your ex might like that type of woman or man.
4. They are obsessive and possessive. If your ex didn’t agree to a breakup and usually a controlling partner would choose a look-alike for this reason.
If they can’t have access to you or your life, they choose something else.
This is their way of reliving the pleasure of imagining that they’re in a relationship with you.
Why does it hurt that my ex is with someone else?
It hurts when you see your ex with someone else because you either feel like is over for good or you need more time to get over them.
It all depends on your relationship, how it ended, and how you processed the breakup.
If you had a terrible breakup then you need more time to process and not feel anything towards your ex.
That’s why everyone has different reasons why seeing their ex with someone hurts.
1. You still have feelings for your ex. If you’re still in love with your ex, it’s hard seeing someone else taking your place.
Normally, you feel somehow deceived and this situation seems unfair to you.
2. You just need more time to heal. Even though you don’t have feelings for your ex seeing them with someone new can hurt.
That’s because you’re not completely healed and maybe looking at their relationship, makes yours look bad.
You start to think that maybe the problem was you since they are acting differently with their new partner.
3. You realize that you made the wrong decision. This is the moment when you hit the dumper’s remorse.
Seeing your ex happy with someone new makes you feel jealous and you wish that was you.
It’s this particular moment when you know that you have lost maybe someone who you could spend your life with.
4. You realize that there is no second chance. They have already moved on and don’t even look back at your relationship.
If you treated them poorly and started to pull away even before the breakup, then they choose to heal and move on.
5. You feel powerless in this situation. You might feel small and like you’re behind in life.
This feeling is common after the breakup. You feel like you were the one to blame for everything and that you’re stuck in limbo.
It feels like your life has been stopped since the breakup. On the contrary, it hurts because for you it took more time to heal and recover.
6. It seems to you like the relationship didn’t mean anything to your ex.
If your ex is dating someone new right after the breakup then it will feel like your relationship didn’t mean anything.
In this case, your ex might choose to date other people right after the breakup for different reasons. Hence, the impact that will have on you is the same.
My ex is dating someone else, are we done for good?
This situation is quite complex and there is no perfect answer to it. After the breakup, an ex can give you many mixed signals.
Sometimes they might choose to go No Contact and enter a new relationship later, but does that define their feelings for you.
The best thing that you can do is to not be in your ex’s life for a while. Get out of that bubble.
Go and nourish yourself, and live life to the fullest. Being obsessed with your ex won’t bring them back.
What will impact them to cut ties with you is how you interacted with them before, during, and after the relationship.
Bottom line: My ex is with someone new!
Your ex can be in a relationship with someone new out of loneliness or love.
The only way to deal with this situation is to create a healthy mindset.
If you choose to panic instead of dividing facts from reality, that will impact you negatively.
You’ll end up hurt and confused, once again. Alternatively, you should reinvent yourself and be ok with being on your own.
This will help you to gain confidence and go through this situation without any incident.
You can do it, you just have to believe in yourself first!
Tons of hugs,
Callisto
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