We don’t get our way in love at times.
We sometimes develop feelings for an emotionally unavailable person; at other times, it’s someone who lives on the other side of the globe!
And occasionally, we get the hots for someone who gets pursued A LOT—they say a little competition is healthy, but not in this situation.
Is there another person in his life? Someone who’s crushing hard on him, or even worse…is he already in a relationship?
Worry not! It’s not too late to win him over.
– What makes a guy lose his mind over a girl?
When you ask guys what gets them going, you’re going to receive a different answer each time.
For instance, I am 99.9% positive that you and your best friend have different types—the same goes for everybody.
Back in 2017, PewResearch uploaded research regarding traits valued most by men and women—more or less, this is what men are looking for:
- A woman they’re physically attracted to who also happens to be kind, nurturing, and hardworking. A virtuous person who beams with confidence and has a strong sense of honesty.
Yeah, seems about right. This is the type of description you’d expect from someone when you ask them what their type is!
However, your circumstances are a bit different because you’re trying to win a man over with competition present, so on top of everything, you also need to make him realize YOU are the best match for him.
1. Research the things that interest him.
Listen, opposites attract only in physics…with a few, select exceptions.
Everyone sticks to their ways, so what you need to do is make him think “Oh, wow. We’re like, the same person!” to get him hooked.
Employ his tastes and principles, so that the next time you two converse, he’s impressed by how compatible you two are.
I am talking about things like the same genre of music or stuff that does not go against your own beliefs, however.
You don’t want to date someone whom you can’t be your true self with!
And make sure you don’t appear as a carbon copy or “yes-man” every time you two talk or he ought to get bored real quick, real hard; guys like girls who have opinions of their own and aren’t shy to banter a little.
2. Do not put the other woman down.
I don’t hear people saying this enough, but DO NOT put other people down if you want to impress a guy.
Men hate drama and think that a girl who trash-talks other people is not “dating material”.
You’d be trying to make the other woman look less desirable in his eyes, but what you’re really doing is losing your brownie points.
The next time he talks about her, throw a few neutral compliments and hurry along to the next topic.
3. Self-care is the #1 care.
Going back to the Pew Research survey, we see that the majority of male participants ranked physical attractiveness as the most desirable trait.
But what you need to take away from this is that guys like a woman who takes care of her appearance/health and tries to be the best version of herself!
Love starts from within, so show him that you love yourself by not skipping hygiene, skincare, and overall bodily health.
And why not? Dress up in your nicest outfits for him whenever you go out, pick a flattering hairstyle, and try on makeup that suits your facial features (something you can research if you’re not knowledgeable about).
Tip: choose the colors of your clothes and makeup according to your seasonal palette, after doing a color analysis. This will make you look dazzling and bring out your features. Find your seasonal palette by reading in-depth articles online (e.g. this one) or asking a pro!
4. Create opportunities for you to spend time together.
Texting your crush is fun and all, but it doesn’t even come close to physical presence. My next advice is to spend time together IRL.
Ask him out for a cup of coffee or invite him to tag along with you and your friends—this is how you’ll get closer to him and beat the other woman.
Love, in a sense, is math: the more time you spend with someone, the more your feelings will grow, platonically or romantically.
5. Smiling + holding eye contact + staying close = jackpot.
Okay, the last scientific reference, I promise.
But following up on what I was talking about regarding spending time together, you also need to know how to act when in his presence.
Smile softly and hold eye contact (don’t do it intensely or non-stop because that gives horror movie vibes).
Smiling and keeping eye contact are attractive, though, so knowing how to weaponize this combination will make you look great.
You also want to close your physical distance and make things intimate by occasionally touching his arm or simply staying close—only if he feels comfortable.
6. Ask him things. Socialize!
Do you like talking about yourself? Well, most people do. It’s fairly common when getting to know someone.
I highly urge you to ask your crush questions so as to show him you’re interested—you’re getting to know him while also making him comfortable.
Two birds in one stone! You’re also making a good impression on this guy while making your conversations more engaging for him.
7. Show empathy.
Not only to him but to other people as well.
Be there for him when he needs you, ready to listen and comfort him; you’d be surprised just how rarely men get to experience empathy.
It’s not even about the competition at this point! No matter how that woman is treating him, aim to make his life a little bit better.
In other words, show this side of yours because you truly care for him, with no other ulterior motives—yeah, him choosing you would be the ideal outcome, but he’s sure to appreciate your empathic nature regardless.
8. A bit of flirting goes a long way.
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of flirting if he’s technically single, right? After all, it’s anyone’s game.
Whatever the other girl is doing, if she isn’t flirting, then she’s stuck in the dreaded friend zone—this is where you come in.
- Compliment him on his charm and abilities;
- Throw meaningful glances his way;
- Slyly touch his arm, or do it your way.
This is how you make someone look at you romantically.
9. DO.NOT.CHASE.HIM.
Pardon my dramaticism but the worst mistake you can make when competing with someone over a guy’s feelings is appearing as more available than her.
Unlike women, men like it when they have to work to win someone’s affection as it makes her look more “desirable” and “confident”.
They don’t want someone they can easily win over, so your guy will most likely not be choosing someone who chases him.
Not appearing desperate means not responding to his text messages right away even after he delayed his, not accepting going out with him all the time, and not putting yourself second.
Remember: the more high-value you are, the more predisposed to falling for you he is.
10. Set your priorities in life straight
Everybody tells you that being confident attracts people, but most don’t tell you why that happens.
Confident people make you feel secure in the sense that you don’t have to walk around eggshells with them.
They’re secure, competent, and social magnets—confident people are the life of the party and the ones you go to when in a dilemma.
But, what does one need to avoid in order to appear more confident?
Avoid insulting yourself in front of him, doubting your abilities, or behaving non-confidently (rejecting eye contact, fidgeting, taking very little to no space, and so on).
11. Make him feel manly.
I am going against my advice when I say this, but because men LOVE feeling like heroes, you’re better off appearing not too independent sometimes.
It is all about balance—make him think all sorts of things ranging from “She is so strong and independent. Wow.” to “Look at this helpless puppy. I need to go help her right now!”.
This is what’s going to make you more enchanting than your competition.
Occasionally do things like asking his help in fixing something or understanding something to get his hero instincts going.
12. Have a strong presence.
Coming from a pretty vocal person, having a presence in the community you’re a part of will never fail to grab his attention.
I am not telling you to go above and beyond just to be the center of attention, but if, for example, your class is having a debate about something you’re well-versed in, why not join?
You’ll look more confident and interesting. Besides, statistically speaking, the more you outshine this woman, the more interested he’ll be.
13. Study his humor very well so that you can utilize it later on.
News flash: women aren’t the only ones to appreciate a great sense of humor.
Your rival could be a world-class comedian for all we know, so make sure not to lag too far behind; she could also be someone with no sense of humor at all!
Study his humor very well and use it when you two speak to get a chuckle or two out of him.
He’ll know you are incredibly fun to be around and will start craving your presence…as long as you don’t abuse this power and crack jokes every minute.
14. He needs to know you’re an interesting person.
So what you need to do is show him you are an interesting person by welcoming him into the depths of your personality.
Talk about:
- Any talents you might have;
- Great topics;
- Your taste in media;
- Your favorite things (e.g. locations and food);
- Embarrassing stories, etc.
He’ll get hooked on this never-seen-before side of you, which to him sets you apart from other girls—show him how there’s more than meets the eye.
15. But make sure not to reveal TOO MUCH.
Okay, so we as humans are attracted to the unknown ever since childhood—we are curious beings unable to keep our hands out of the cookie jar.
What you want to do is be mysterious enough so that you pique his interest without losing it.
You and your friends went clubbing the other night and had the best time ever. When this guy asks you about what you were up to the next day, do not overshare.
For example, you can tell him you were out clubbing with friends, but there’s no need to give unnecessary details such as the gender of the friends you were with or the name of the club.
The key is not to overshare and to keep him guessing.
16. Subtly let him know others want you.
No need to tell him anything like “I don’t even care about you. I have other guys LINING UP to have a chance with me!”, but being subtle will awaken his competitive spirit for sure.
You can instead say something like “Me and [guy friend] are going to get some drinks tonight. Can’t wait! Do you have any plans?” without elaborating any further.
17. Have fun even without him.
Whoever you’re trying to impress probably does not want the pressure of having your mood rely on him, which is why you need to show him you’re fine on your own.
Having healthy levels of independence is quite attractive, especially to people who value alone time.
Learn to have fun even without him so that his choice does not have a severe impact on you! Go out with your buds and post all about it on your social media for him to see.
18. Be that positive ray of light in his life.
Remain a positive person no matter what. Trust me, there’s plenty of negativity going around and people are sick of it.
Lightheartedness is something he might be needing, but not getting it from that specific girl, so be that person for him!
Talk about fun stuff, tease him, and tell him that everything is going to be okay.
19. Be okay with his choice.
Even if he ends up choosing the other woman, you need to be okay with it; what else can be done?
It hurts, that’s a fact, but throwing a fit will only further ruin your chances of getting together in the future.
Trust me when I tell you that there is another man out there, someone who will love and treasure you for the rest of eternity—that’s the one you’re supposed to be with.
Be graceful every step of the way and know when to take a rain check.
Who are you up against? His ex or acquaintance?
When you say “There’s another woman in his life.” then you probably mean either:
- His girlfriend/wife;
- An ex;
- A friend/acquaintance who likes him.
– If it’s his friend you’re up against, then it’s fair game—both you and her have equal standings in his life.
You can still win him over with the help I have given above.
– As for an ex, you first need to know whether he still has feelings for her—if he does, then you’re better off letting him move on.
You can still use my tips, but we all know a thing or two about being hung up on a past lover; you might be the one to help him forget about her.
No matter how toxic his ex might’ve been, don’t forget that some people LOOOVE toxicity (something could be linked to past trauma).
– Are you pursuing someone who’s not single?
This deserves further elaboration because competing against his friend or ex-partner is “fair play”, as I like to put it.
If your competition is his literal girlfriend or wife, I need you to stop for a second and think to yourself:
“Do I want to be a homewrecker?”
Yeah, you may use those 19 tips and even succeed by doing so, but at what cost?
You hurt an unsuspecting person in the process and won over a pretty sketchy man who felt okay cheating on his partner with you.
Even if they break up or divorce and your affair starts getting serious, he has proved time and time again that he can’t be trusted.
- Cheaters are much more likely to continue cheating in future relationships.
The foundation of your relationship with this person is already shaky—you won’t be able to stop questioning each other’s morals (seeing how you also “stole” him from his ex).
So before you carry out your plan that may or may not lead you down a painful path, think about it!
If he’s chosen you, you’ll know.
He won’t blatantly tell you he’s picked you over her, so don’t expect him to shout “Pikachu, I choose you!” at the top of his lungs.
Instead, a man who’s ready to commit will give you all of his time, attention, and love.
He will break things off with his partner before proceeding any further and will be clear as to what his intentions with you are.
He won’t keep you guessing or have you work for it because there’s nothing to work for—he’s already yours.
Take care!
Callisto.
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