When experiencing the breakup, all you want is to be loved and appreciated once again by your ex.
Yet, if you push your ex and are too clingy, you will only push him away. You might ask will he come back if you let him go?
Well, that all depends on the mindset that you create after the breakup.
Yes, letting go will make him come back only if you create space for him to breathe and reflect.
This topic is not rocket science, you only need to focus more on yourself than on just letting him go.
As much as you get closer with yourself, you will enhance and reflect differently on your ex.
You should let a man go to heal yourself and refind yourself. Never let a man go just because you want him back. This isn’t how it works.
If he comes back doesn’t depend only if you let him go and just sit there and wait.
Know that getting him back doesn’t depend only on letting him go and doesn’t depend only on YOU!
Here are 14 tips on how to let him go so he can come back to you:
1. Try to distance yourself for a bit
You need to set your boundaries and stop negotiating about something that you don’t want to.
The moment you decide that you want to reflect differently, you use the No Contact Rule.
It’s quite important to be distant throughout this process.
If he wasn’t making your relationship exclusive then you need to step back.
Only this way, you will send to him the right message.
Otherwise, if you keep standing there being constantly available for him, he will never come back.
I understand that right now all you want is their presence, no matter what.
But, you need to give him space to reflect and miss your presence.
2. You keep working on the past mistakes
Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, to let him go, you need to reflect on your mistakes.
Being caught up in the relationship, you can’t reflect properly on the current situation.
Even if the relationship ended on good terms if you want him back you need to let him go.
Let him do his things and you concentrate on yours.
He might return if both of you keep enhancing yourself.
Otherwise, when both of you are stuck on past mistakes, reconciling the relationship is hard.
To know precisely how to reflect on your past, you need the majestic plan of a relationship coach.
Venting to them will only give you a subjective opinion and straightforward advice.
To get extra information about this topic, show some love to this extra article:
3. Challenge yourself to make your life better
You can let your ex go only by upgrading and reinventing yourself.
Creating a better version of yourself will allow you to let your ex go and heal.
- Firstly, you need to accept solitude and enjoy being by yourself.
- Secondly, try to get out of your comfort zone and try new things.
- Thirdly, make time for other people.
- Fourthly, set a goal and try to stick to it daily.
All of this will help you create a healthier mindset. When you create the right mindset, then you are ready to accept the situation.
You will no longer find yourself as needy and clingy. Now, you will feel good on your own.
As soon as you feel good on your own, you will be able to reflect differently.
Knowing that now you’re not focused on only getting him back, you will realize your worth.
4. Keep glowing in private
Coping with a breakup, and trying to heal will have much more positive results when you do it in private.
A lot of articles will advise you to post just to show your ex that you’re doing good on your own.
Yes, this might trigger him and make him curious about your life.
Hence, this will drain your energy and prevent you from healing properly.
If you keep thinking about posting on social media about your progress, you will be stuck.
There will be no progress at all since you will be preoccupied with what to post to get him back.
Let him go, to get him back. Don’t be a part of the game, doing more than your ex just to win the breakup.
5. Be neutral with him
Even if you are the dumper or the dumpee, you need to step back and sort out your feelings.
Until you do it, you need to stay neutral. Even, if the relationship ended on good terms you need to have your boundaries.
Only this way, you will be able to think straight.
Let’s take for example if your ex wants to be friends after the breakup.
Staying friends with him will give a temporary enjoyment.
Hence, not giving enough space to you and them to adjust to the breakup will give you mixed signals.
Both of you won’t know for sure how you are feeling and what decision to make.
Note: Also don’t let negative or positive feelings get over you.
Don’t go badmouthing him or talking extremely good about him (romanticizing your relationship).
6. Don’t jump quickly into any type of relationship
Surfing the internet and doing some research, I stumbled across some specific information.
This type of information advised you to jump into the relationship right after a breakup.
Entering a relationship after a breakup isn’t something bad. Yet, it becomes a problematic topic if you aren’t over your ex yet.
If you join a rebound relationship just to make him jealous then this will not get him back.
I will admit it, it has that great impact of making him jealous, but will he come back?
The main aim of letting him go is not to “ignore” him by sending him indirect mixed signals.
You let him go and he will come back only if you don’t play mind games.
Being honest and vulnerable with yourself and your ex will have a positive impact.
7. Be independent
By enjoying your own company, you will let him know that the world doesn’t revolve around him.
The psychology of a man after the breakup is quite different from what women feel and think after the breakup.
In general, a man needs his time and space after the breakup, especially when he is the dumper.
Whereas, women even if they are the dumper want still to be pursued by men.
If you beg a man after the breakup, you will end up pushing him away.
That’s because he might be hurt by you or feels free after initiating the breakup.
- Practice mindfulness;
- Start writing in a journal;
- Try to forgive yourself and your ex;
Letting him go and getting him back means turning to your authentic self.
8. Be realistic and reflect on your relationship
Letting him go can help you to reflect differently on your relationship.
Taking a step back and focusing on yourself, will be a step away from romanticizing him.
It’s not wrong at all to be focused on the positive sides of that relationship but what you need is balance.
Otherwise, you will be stuck on the past which can lead you to be even obsessed with your ex.
If you let him go, he will come back to you because you will know what you want.
If your ex is mature enough to reflect and willing to change then he will come back.
Changes and not staying the same will attract him.
9. Be honest with yourself and your ex
Letting him go means accepting the damage that has been done by you.
Keeping the cards open with yourself and him, will get him back.
You will accept your mistakes and embrace whatever comes along.
Whether he wants to come back or not all depends on the quality of your relationship.
If you are the dumper and decide to let him go, this will give him the wrong impression.
Building trust is the best way, you can give them space and time but try to work on themselves.
He should be aware of your change just enough to send him the proper message. Do not try to push it
It really depends on how the breakup happened and if he was hurt by you or vice versa.
10. Try to find the purpose in your life
What would strengthen the relationship between yourself and your ex is finding the purpose in your life.
Most of the time, relationships can make you detach from yourself.
Maybe this is something that isn’t done on purpose but when things get messier, you start to lose yourself.
If you let him go and refind yourself then your ex will be reminded of the person he fell in love with.
Taking a break in the relationship and letting him go (not giving up on him) is healthy.
It’s healthier than staying together and losing interest and attraction.
Only by doing it, you can create a harmonious relationship with yourself first.
This will give your ex space to reflect and feel your changed energy.
11. Validate your emotions
You can let him go just by acknowledging your emotions. When you know what you are feeling, you grieve differently.
- Know that what you are feeling is normal.
- Know that is totally okay to feel this way.
- Crying, feeling anxious, and being puzzled is part of the process.
By knowing what you feel, you won’t panic. Yes, it’s true and totally understandable to be overwhelmed and panic over letting your ex go.
You think that you might not be able to get him back but that’s not true.
This will be something that will trigger him to be vulnerable too.
Once, both of you are grown emotionally, the relationship will work differently.
12. Avoid messing with their new relationships
If your ex gets in a relationship, even if that’s a rebound, you need to stay out of it.
This will make him even angrier and you might lose the chance for reconciliation.
Let him go through that relationship and reflect on his own. If this relationship isn’t what he is searching for then that won’t last long.
The space that you will give, will make him reflect.
If you are the one that understood him, was there for him, or even sacrificed everything, he will repent.
Hence, whether he comes back or not depends on his personality too.
If your ex was stubborn then he might not want to admit his mistakes and never interacts with you again.
13. Be mature and respect their decisions
You should let him adjust to your absence. To get him back, you have to completely let him go.
I know that this is the most difficult thing to do especially when you are dumped.
The rage, fear, pain, and anxiety that you feel at that moment are quite dominant.
That can lead you to have fights and express what you’re feeling.
If you put up a fight and act immature and put all these reasons why he should stay, you’ll end up pushing him away
It’s not easy to do and agree with someone who wants to leave you.
The steps might sound quite simple but are hard to put into practice at the same time.
14. Avoid venting to mutual friends
During this time try to let your ex and yourself breathe by distancing yourself from mutual friends.
If you keep venting to your mutual friends that won’t get him back.
After, the breakup having access to your life can make him annoyed, powerful, or even confused.
That’s why you should stop seeing mutual friends for some time.
You will heal in private and will give him time to grieve too.
Now, he will understand that you are no longer part of his life. You will be again a mystery for him.
This will trigger him to come back and maybe start fresh.
To have it easier to understand the art of letting go, Jill Murray gives sneak peeks at her life and what to do:
When should you just let him go?
You will know in your guts when is the time to let him go.
For everyone is different and it depends on how you have progressed with your breakup.
Every relationship is different and nobody deals with their feelings in the same way.
~The moment that you notice you can’t reconnect with yourself and don’t recognize your feelings.
This is the moment that you know you should focus more on yourself.
Losing yourself to bring him back won’t be healthy and won’t work either.
When all you feel is anger and pain, that’s when you know that you should let him go.
The aim should be to let him go as a part of your past life. Take this as a period to heal and bring out the best versions of yourself.
When nourishment is done, that will create a different aura for you and him.
This will be that spark that might reconnect you with one another
Lastly: If I let him go, will he come back?
Yes and no. Giving him space and time to reflect will indeed make him miss you.
Hence, if he has lost completely feelings and the relationship was toxic, letting him go won’t get him back.
A dumper will realize that he has made a mistake, the moment that he’s convinced that he has lost you.
Letting him go isn’t about trying to “ignore” him and playing mind games.
When you let him go then you don’t give your attention and spend your energy on him.
When he doesn’t receive the attention and energy that he is used to, he will become self-aware.
This is what attracts him to you. If he has still strong feelings and is ready to change, he will come back.
No matter what, his comeback isn’t always guaranteed!