Texting can be misleading and cause a lot of trouble and misunderstanding.
Defining if texting someone else is cheating is quite a controversial topic.
Every situation is different and every person texts someone else for different reasons.
It all depends on the structure of the text and your personality, and how you’re attached to these text messages or the person.
It’s difficult to deal with it especially if you’re in a committed relationship.
Crossing each other’s boundaries and making one another uncomfortable with these texts is cheating. Most researchers define it as micro-cheating.
In the end, is the intention of texting and making excuses for their actions that define this term.
Here are 10 situations when texting is cheating:
1. When text messages are blurred or deleted
People have different perceptions of cheating and have different boundaries.
Hence, deleting or blurring messages can raise a lot of questions and can cause suspicion.
Are you hiding those messages because it feels inappropriate or not right?
You might convince yourself that you’re doing this so your partner wouldn’t misunderstand it.
On the contrary, you are doing it because you know that your partner won’t find it quite appropriate.
For whatever reason you do it, not being transparent with your partner is cheating.
2. You have odd behaviors when you text
Hiding the screen phone from your partner and turning off notifications is not a good sign.
This doesn’t always mean that you’re cheating if you aren’t doing it with someone to who you’re attached.
If you’re doing this on purpose, so you can accomplish what you feel towards that person, that’s cheating.
When you hide your phone and get to another room to text that means that you’re hiding something.
You might do it to text in peace with that person or just so you can express your feelings freely.
If you or your partner is defensive when you bring up this topic then micro-cheating has started.
3. When you share emotional and intimate information with them
When you experience ups and downs in the relationship, sometimes you need someone to stand by you.
This is the point when you start texting someone else and turns into cheating.
As Carter states texting can turn quite easily into infidelity when you find emotional and moral support.
The moment you find out that this person understands and gets you better than your partner, you attach to them.
In this case, it is quite important to have a closer look at the information you share.
Is this information something that you could discuss with your partner? Is it personal information that you shouldn’t share with them?
Even if he or she is your friend, even with friends you have boundaries when it comes to personal life.
The moment you start nagging about your relationship or partner with them then that’s emotional cheating.
Now, you are bonding emotionally with the other person while being committed to someone else.
4. You text the other person because you find them attractive
People cheat for different reasons and one of them is because they are tempted by another person.
It could be their physical features or their charisma. Either way, flirting through texting with someone you find attractive, that’s cheating.
It is called cheating because you have some kind of expectations that go beyond your boundaries.
At this moment, you might not admit it to yourself and say it is just a friendly text.
Hence, that is not the correct way to reflect on this situation.
Flirting crosses the line when you become emotionally attached to that person.
You do things or behave in that form that you would do with your partner.
5. Sexting is considered cheating
Even heavy flirting and sexting without having any physical interaction is labeled as cheating.
Texting someone else explicit pictures or words, when in a relationship isn’t appropriate.
Some couples use sexting as a form to keep the flame in their relationship.
Hence, if you sext someone outside the relationship that’s pure cheating.
You might indicate that you did it for fun, state that it is not something physical, or out of boredom, but still that’s cheating.
This type of texting is labeled as such because you have involved your feelings.
In this situation, you have been imagining something with them even if you felt it or not.
6. When you text your ex that you still have feelings for
You might still be thinking about your ex and not admitting that you’re over them.
This is one of the reasons that lead to texting them and cheating on your current partner.
Especially, if you enjoyed this current relationship without being healed and nourished first.
I know that now you might be thinking that you are just having simple conversations.
When you still have feelings for them, these conversations can’t be done simply.
You might mention good times that you had together, flirt a bit, feel the need to show your feelings, and make plans.
When you look at it from your perspective it might not sound wrong. If you look from our and your partner’s perspective, it is wrong.
7. You DM another person to get their attention
To slide into someone’s DM, especially if you’re attracted to them, you need to be flirty and interesting.
These two elements are supported by another element: Having a reason to DM them.
Texting another woman or man is considered cheating if you DM them to attract their attention.
You might even like their posts or comment on them, but DMing them will lead you into cheating. Even if you are doing it for fun.
If you leave a message like: “Nice dog, I have one like that at home” or “Wow, I like how this outfit looks on you”.
In both cases, you are flirting and complimenting them even on their choices or about their looks.
I might say that even a simple “Hi” to a person that you want to open a conversation with is a cheating starter.
That’s because you want them to notice you and that’s done either because you like them or want their attention.
8. You look forward to their messages and are emotionally attracted
One of the elements that you should pay attention to is if you feel excited when you see their name.
Well, yes, even if your partner or you get excited and smile when you get a notification from them indicates something.
Yes, that indicated that you’re cheating.
For someone, this might look dull reason and say that you laugh or smile when you get a notification from a friend.
Indeed, but you don’t smite and start daydreaming about them.
If your happiness depends on these texts you’re being emotionally attracted to them.
9. Texting constantly with a work spouse
Texting someone else is considered cheating when that person is your colleague and you cross boundaries.
By crossing boundaries, I mean:
1. Making inappropriate jokes that aren’t related to your friendship or work;
2. Consoling one another to the extent that they give you advice regarding your relationship;
3. When you text him or her for unimportant things just to hear their voice;
Having a work spouse means that it might indicate limerence and impact you negatively.
The moment that you feel something isn’t going well in your current relationship, you seek someplace to run.
Via this texting, you might find support but you might even create the wrong idea or wrong impression.
10. You change your schedule to text them
Texting someone that you haven’t yet developed feelings for but they are your priority, that’s micro-cheating.
You are sparing room in your life for this person. You are changing your routine, even your working hours, because you need your special time to text with them.
You wouldn’t do this even for a friend, your colleague, your parents, or even your boss.
With everyone, you could have texted at any other time without disturbing your schedule.
The intensity and frequency are two important elements to check in this situation.
If you constantly text them and you are frequently making them your priority, then you have built something different with them.
Even if it is something virtual, you have shifted your attention from your partner to them.
Some couples might not consider this cheating and some do. It all depends on how you have set your boundaries.
What to do when your partner is texting someone else?
The one main thing that you should do in this situation is to be calm and not jump to conclusions.
Before confronting them you should take at least a day off to cool down and reflect.
It is quite important to choose the way you approach your partner. This is very crucial because this would help you to pin down the issue.
1. First, take a day to reflect and decide what you want to know.
It is quite understandable then it is not easy when you notice your partner is texting with someone else.
According to their way of texting, you can decide what you want to know and if you can work on it.
Your decision depends on your situation, but be sure to check how long they have been texting with this person.
Check what type of conversations they were having and if your partner has been distant with you.
2. Avoid threatening them and making them regret their behavior or actions.
You can ask questions about these texts and you deserve explanations.
Hence, pushing them to admit their mistakes won’t bring any positive outcomes.
Ask questions that will trigger them and make them realize their mistakes. Make them know that you can talk openly about everything that is bothering them.
If they are willing to work on the problem, you should let them know that you are too.
Of course, if the relationship is toxic and this isn’t their first time, you must check options to end it.
3. Be a good listener. Listen to what they have to say and don’t interrupt them. It is very important to give them the possibility to explain.
If you notice that the reasons are dull and they are not transparent, you might make your decision later on.
4. Let them know your boundaries. If you have set boundaries earlier, then you can slightly remind them.
On the other hand, if you haven’t mentioned one of the things, do it now.
Tell your partner that this way of texting someone else is bothering you. Then it is up to them to reflect on this situation and make it up to you.
To know how to react and set your boundaries properly, you can work with different relationship coaches.
They will help you to treat your situation piece by piece.
How to find out that texting is cheating?
To find out if texting is cheating, you need to ask yourself some questions.
Ask yourself are you comfortable doing it and why you’re doing it.
Here are some extra questions to clear your head:
1. Are you being attached to this person and what is the reason that you’re texting?
2. To what extent would you feel comfortable and tolerate this behavior?
3. Can you tell all the things you have texted to your partner? Do you feel comfortable when talking about it?
4. Has this person shown any signs of interest and do they like you more than a friend?
5. Will this type of conversation bother your significant other?
If there are more negative answers than positive ones, you will know.
You will know that is the moment to step out and control your thoughts and feelings.
If you have a happy relationship and if you don’t talk about it.
It’s better to have a conversation with your partner first than to text with other people.
FAQ: How can you define cheating?
1. What counts as cheating in a relationship?
In a relationship, cheating is not being transparent and being emotionally/sexually involved with someone else.
The moment you violate the trust and the boundaries of your partner, that is considered cheating.
To be more specific, cheating is putting your needs first before your partners and betraying their expectations.
2. What is Mico Cheating?
Micro cheating is considered to be a slight way of cheating. It is that line when you cross the borders between trust and unfaithfulness.
Texting is one example of micro-cheating. Other than texting micro-cheating can be considered:
- Opening a dating profile just to see if you could match with anyone else;
- Searching on the internet for your crush;
- When you lie about your relationship status, even in person or online.
3. Is texting cheating in a marriage?
If your husband is texting another woman for work purposes or business then that’s not cheating.
If these texts involve emotional and flirtatious elements then that’s cheating.
It all depends on the way they craft the text.
They might make a text for work that indicates hidden flirtatious messages.
Concluding: Is texting someone else cheating?
Texting someone else is cheating when you have intentions of connecting more with them than with your partner.
Being emotionally involved with someone else and revolving around them is cheating.
If you text someone else constantly in a normal way without implying any sexual/flirty elements, that’s fine.
Those texts would be friendly or just about work and that’s not wrong.
Remember, when you have a healthy, balanced, and happy relationship, you don’t search for other ways to fulfill your life.
Try to concentrate on how you or your partner feel about one another and spot the problem that causes this.
I believe in you,