Texting has become an integral part of our communication, but it can also create confusion and misunderstandings, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.
The question of whether texting someone else is considered cheating is a complex and divisive topic.
It depends on various factors such as the content of the messages, the intentions behind them, and the individual personalities of those involved.
In committed relationships, navigating the boundaries of texting can be difficult and can cause discomfort or even harm if crossed.
Researchers often refer to this as “micro-cheating”. Ultimately, the definition of texting as cheating boils down to the intentions behind the messages and whether they violate the trust and boundaries of the relationship.
Here are 10 situations when texting is cheating:
1. When text messages are blurred or deleted
People have different perceptions of cheating and have different boundaries.
Hence, deleting or blurring messages can raise a lot of questions and can cause suspicion.
Are you hiding those messages because it feels inappropriate or not right?
You might convince yourself that you’re doing this so your partner wouldn’t misunderstand it.
On the contrary, you are doing it because you know that your partner won’t find it quite appropriate.
For whatever reason you do it, not being transparent with your partner is cheating.
2. You have odd behaviors when you text
Hiding the screen phone from your partner and turning off notifications is not a good sign.
This doesn’t always mean that you’re cheating if you aren’t doing it with someone to who you’re attached.
If you’re doing this on purpose, so you can accomplish what you feel towards that person, that’s cheating.
When you hide your phone and get to another room to text that means that you’re hiding something.
You might do it to text in peace with that person or just so you can express your feelings freely.
If you or your partner is defensive when you bring up this topic then micro-cheating has started.
3. When you share emotional and intimate information with them
When you experience ups and downs in a relationship, sometimes you need someone to stand by you.
This is the point when you start texting someone else and turns into cheating.
As Carter states texting can turn quite easily into infidelity when you find emotional and moral support.
The moment you find out that this person understands and gets you better than your partner, you attach to them.
In this case, it is quite important to have a closer look at the information you share.
Is this information something that you could discuss with your partner? Is it personal information that you shouldn’t share with them?
Even if he or she is your friend, even with friends you have boundaries when it comes to personal life.
The moment you start nagging about your relationship or partner with them then that’s emotional cheating.
Now, you are bonding emotionally with the other person while being committed to someone else.
4. You text the other person because you find them attractive
People cheat for different reasons and one of them is because they are tempted by another person.
It could be their physical features or their charisma. Either way, flirting through texting with someone you find attractive, that’s cheating.
It is called cheating because you have some kind of expectations that go beyond your boundaries.
At this moment, you might not admit it to yourself and say it is just a friendly text.
Hence, that is not the correct way to reflect on this situation.
Flirting crosses the line when you become emotionally attached to that person.
You do things or behave in that form that you would do with your partner.
5. Sexting is considered cheating
Even heavy flirting and sexting without having any physical interaction is labeled as cheating.
Texting someone else explicit pictures or words, when in a relationship isn’t appropriate.
Some couples use sexting as a form to keep the flame in their relationship.
Hence, if you sext someone outside the relationship that’s pure cheating.
You might indicate that you did it for fun, state that it is not something physical, or out of boredom, but still that’s cheating.
This type of texting is labeled as such because you have involved your feelings.
In this situation, you have been imagining something with them even if you felt it or not.
6. When you text your ex that you still have feelings for
You might still be thinking about your ex and not admitting that you’re over them.
This is one of the reasons that lead to texting them and cheating on your current partner.
Especially, if you enjoyed this current relationship without being healed and nourished first.
I know that now you might be thinking that you are just having simple conversations.
When you still have feelings for them, these conversations can’t be done simply.
You might mention good times that you had together, flirt a bit, feel the need to show your feelings, and make plans.
When you look at it from your perspective it might not sound wrong. If you look from our and your partner’s perspective, it is wrong.
7. You DM another person to get their attention
To slide into someone’s DM, especially if you’re attracted to them, you need to be flirty and interesting.
These two elements are supported by another element: Having a reason to DM them.
Texting another woman or man is considered cheating if you DM them to attract their attention.
You might even like their posts or comment on them, but DMing them will lead you into cheating. Even if you are doing it for fun.
If you leave a message like: “Nice dog, I have one like that at home” or “Wow, I like how this outfit looks on you”.
In both cases, you are flirting and complimenting them even on their choices or about their looks.
I might say that even a simple “Hi” to a person that you want to open a conversation with is a cheating starter.
That’s because you want them to notice you and that’s done either because you like them or want their attention.
8. You look forward to their messages and are emotionally attracted
One of the elements that you should pay attention to is if you feel excited when you see their name.
Well, yes, even if your partner or you get excited and smile when you get a notification from them indicates something.
Yes, that indicated that you’re cheating.
For someone, this might look dull reason and say that you laugh or smile when you get a notification from a friend.
Indeed, but you don’t smite and start daydreaming about them.
If your happiness depends on these texts you’re being emotionally attracted to them.
9. Texting constantly with a work spouse
Cheating in a relationship can take many forms, and in the modern age of technology, texting has become a new frontier for infidelity.
Here are some factors to consider when evaluating whether texting a colleague is crossing boundaries and considered cheating:
- Inappropriate jokes: Making inappropriate jokes that aren’t related to your friendship or work can be a red flag that the relationship is becoming too personal.
- Seeking advice on personal relationships: Consoling one another to the extent that they give you advice regarding your relationship can be a slippery slope towards emotional cheating.
- Texting for reasons unrelated to work: When you text a colleague for unimportant things just to hear their voice, it may be an indication that the relationship has crossed boundaries.
- Having a work spouse: Having a work spouse can indicate limerence, a state of infatuation that can negatively impact your relationship.
While seeking support in difficult times is understandable, texting a colleague can create a false sense of intimacy and lead to misunderstandings or even emotional affairs.
Be aware of the potential consequences of texting a colleague and to ensure that your actions are respectful of both your relationship and your professional boundaries.
10. You change your schedule to text them
Texting someone that you haven’t yet developed feelings for but they are your priority, that’s micro-cheating.
You are sparing room in your life for this person. You are changing your routine, even your working hours, because you need your special time to text with them.
You wouldn’t do this even for a friend, your colleague, your parents, or even your boss.
With everyone, you could have texted at any other time without disturbing your schedule.
The intensity and frequency are two important elements to check in this situation.
If you constantly text them and you are frequently making them your priority, then you have built something different with them.
Even if it is something virtual, you have shifted your attention from your partner to them.
Some couples might not consider this cheating and some do. It all depends on how you have set your boundaries.
What to do when your partner is texting someone else?
If you discover that your partner has been texting someone else, it’s understandable that you may feel upset or betrayed. However, it’s important to approach the situation calmly and constructively to address the issue. Here are some steps to take:
- Take a day to reflect: Before confronting your partner, take a day to cool down and reflect on what you want to know.
- Avoid threatening or blaming: Instead of accusing or threatening your partner, ask questions that will help you understand the situation. Listen to their responses and try to remain calm and rational.
- Set boundaries: Let your partner know what boundaries you are comfortable with and what behaviors are not acceptable or if the relationship is toxic. If you have not discussed these boundaries before, now is the time to do so.
- Consider seeking help: If you are struggling to navigate the situation, consider working with a relationship coach or counselor. They can help you process your emotions and develop strategies to address the issue constructively.
Every relationship is different and it’s up to you to decide what you are comfortable with.
By approaching the situation with an open mind and a willingness to communicate, you can work through the issue and strengthen your relationship.
They will help you to treat your situation piece by piece.
How to find out that texting is cheating?
To find out if texting is cheating, you need to ask yourself some questions.
Ask yourself are you comfortable doing it and why you’re doing it.
Here are some extra questions to clear your head:
- Why are you texting this person, and do you feel attached to them?
- What are your personal boundaries for acceptable behavior in your relationship, and how do these texts align with them?
- Would you feel comfortable telling your partner about these texts, and discussing them openly?
- Does this person reciprocate your interest, or have they shown signs of romantic attraction?
- How would your partner feel if they knew about these texts?
If you find that your answers to these questions lean towards a negative or uncomfortable feeling, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate your thoughts and actions.
Have open and honest communication with your partner, and prioritize your relationship over any external distractions.
FAQ: How can you define cheating?
1. What counts as cheating in a relationship?
In a relationship, cheating is not being transparent and being emotionally/sexually involved with someone else.
The moment you violate the trust and the boundaries of your partner, that is considered cheating.
To be more specific, cheating is putting your needs first before your partners and betraying their expectations.
2. What is Mico Cheating?
Micro-cheating is considered to be a slight way of cheating. It is that line when you cross the borders between trust and unfaithfulness.
Texting is one example of micro-cheating. Other than texting micro-cheating can be considered:
- Opening a dating profile just to see if you could match with anyone else;
- Searching on the internet for your crush;
- When you lie about your relationship status, even in person or online.
3. Is texting cheating in a marriage?
If your husband is texting another woman for work purposes or business then that’s not cheating.
If these texts involve emotional and flirtatious elements then that’s cheating.
It all depends on the way they craft the text.
They might make a text for work that indicates hidden flirtatious messages.
Concluding: Is texting someone else cheating?
Texting someone else is cheating when you have intentions of connecting more with them than with your partner.
Being emotionally involved with someone else and revolving around them is cheating.
If you text someone else constantly in a normal way without implying any sexual/flirty elements, that’s fine.
Those texts would be friendly or just about work and that’s not wrong.
Remember, when you have a healthy, balanced, and happy relationship, you don’t search for other ways to fulfill your life.
Try to concentrate on how you or your partner feel about one another and spot the problem that causes this.
I believe in you,
Callisto
My wife and I are married for 17 years. Recently at her job . She meet a guy that she’s been friends with for couple of months now. He would ask her to walk for couple of hours while I am working from 1 to 10pm at night. She has change after she meet this guy at work. She very secretive with her phone. She’s texting all the time, she’s locking her phone and won’t tell me the pass code. She’s been over controlling me and telling me that I am controlling her? She would put me down and start an argument with me. She would put a lot of effort to smell good and look good before working in the morning. I just found out that she’s texting her guy friend with hearts also. She got pissed off because I look through her phone , while it was open . She said that she can’t have her own privacy? I don’t keep secret with my wife! But she’s doing it to me. She would start arguments with me when I ask her about her cell phone code. I wanted to confront the guy that’s been taking my wife out all the time. She would be home before I come home, but I have a big feeling that she’s sleeping with him and she’s cheating on me.