Albeit abstract, love is the most intense feeling you can feel for another person; we all claim to know what it is, but few can put it into words.
That very abstractionism is what makes it difficult to find out whether someone loves you or not, as most people express it in their own ways.
“Does he love me?” is too simplified—what you should be asking is “How does a man look like when in love?”.
How do men love? Or better yet, how does love change men’s behavior?
Let me clarify from the get-go that love is different for every guy in terms of intensity and expression.
However, there’s this uniform answer—a middle ground, even—that applies to most people based on love’s fundamentals.
- As BetterHelp implies, love changes men drastically. It makes them want to be gentle and compassionate. A man in love will often obsess over his partner, having his mind occupied by them 24/7. We could describe him as selfish even.
But a loving man’s selfishness starts and ends with wanting to have a woman all for himself. Otherwise, he’ll often make sacrifices for her sake.
Those sacrifices take the form of losing sleep or neglecting responsibilities, for example, because he views the person he loves as a priority.
There’s also an increase in the desire to forgive and tolerate, both virtues heightened as a result of love.
– Incorporating the Love Languages theory.
Dr. Gary Chapman proposes that people express love in 5 different ways, namely:
- Through Acts of Service;
- Through Receiving Gifts;
- Through Quality Time;
- Through Words of Affirmation;
- And through Physical Touch.
What you need to be doing is finding out what this guy’s love language is, and then see if he’s acting upon it.
For instance, if his Love Language is Physical Touch, you might find him always huddled up next to you one way or another.
You can see if he loves you by analyzing the “acts of love” he might be showing.
1. He gives you LITERALLY all of his time.
A man in love tends to “milk” the time spent together in the sense he will want to text you every day from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep.
If know about the Love Language theory, you’ve likely heard this is a big thing with people whose love language is Quality Time!
And since sacrificing your time is a sign of love, he’ll find ways to reach out to you even while he’s busy working, studying, or hanging out with his friends
2. He shows his tender, vulnerable side with you only!
Because of the gender stigma present in today’s society which describes opening up as “girly”, a lot of men will avoid being vulnerable.
One of the most prominent signs a man is in love is when he actually starts opening up to you, letting you peek into his sensitive side.
Looking for advice, spilling secrets, and seeking your comfort basically—you’re his safe space, in a nutshell.
- To love someone, different from simply “liking” or “crushing”, means being comfortable with them.
3. He’s always the bigger person in your relationship.
Apologizing even while not being in the wrong just for the sake of calming the situation down and not hurting you any further…something that takes A LOT.
He’s taking a step back while also allowing his boundaries to be overstepped if it means you don’t start disliking him, basically.
Seeing you unhappy would break his heart even more so than ignoring him for a day or two out of spite.
4. There is a sense of comfort between you two.
As we established, comfort is a part of love—they go hand in hand, and it is one of the main things you can use to differentiate love from other feelings.
Saying out-of-pocket stuff, dressing casually, and letting loose is his way of saying you’re special and that the little boy inside him feels safe with you.
He is confident your feelings won’t change and you won’t judge him because deep down he hopes you too will love him for who he is.
5. He has his priorities set straight…the priorities being you, in this case.
He might have made plans with his best buddies way back, but he’s ready to ditch them as soon as you say you want to hang out.
This is what happens when a guy truly cares about you to the point he doesn’t about others—part of the reason also being he doesn’t want to upset you.
If you tell him you need/want something, he’ll be on it!
6. He’s very respectful.
He never repeats his mistakes, especially after you express how much certain things hurt you.
- Such as not ignoring you while playing with his friends after you told him it made you sad. It’s all about him correcting his behavior for your sake, doing his utmost to make you feel happy, sound, and appreciated.
His carefulness prompts him to think before acting, hence you might notice he’s docile, never uttering as much as ONE word you might take the wrong way.
7. He regularly updates you throughout the day.
As a way to spend a little bit more time with you, he’ll oftentimes give you updates throughout the day when he’s busy.
Similarly, overexplaining stuff is his way of preventing you from misunderstanding his relationship with other people.
8. He is visibly jealous and/or overprotective!
Going back to the theory that men in love are obsessive, watch out for any jealousy and or overprotectiveness on his end.
Standing up for you, for instance, is very common in this context; keeping you from spending time with other men is another giveaway as well.
9. He’s quite the handyman.
The “handyman persona” is a guy who helps you out here and there whenever necessary. Giving you his input, fixing stuff, helping you study, and so on…
His goal? Make your life easier and earn some extra points!
10. He encourages you with his words.
The “Words of Affirmation” part of the Love Languages theory states that, when in love, men will use words to cheer their s.o. up.
- “You’re the coolest girl I know!”
- “I love your smile.”
- “Thank you for being so understanding.”
- “You are beautiful.”
- “I appreciate your always being here with me”
11. He’s the same sweetheart before and after sex.
He hasn’t entered your relationship in the hopes of getting sex out of you, which in itself shows his feelings are deep.
His sweet, considerate behavior doesn’t change one bit after you do get physical—he doesn’t ghost you out of the blue either.
12. He requests your input before making decisions.
He consults with you before making any decisions—he wants to avoid unintentionally pushing you away in any way
An example would be asking if you like facial hair or not before deciding to shave it all off.
13. His body language is very gentle.
“Gentle” is the best way I can describe the body language of a man who’s in love—never once would he try rushing or “manhandling” you.
He treats you as if there’s a Fragile label: he kisses and hugs you very gently, always assessing the situation regarding whether you’re feeling comfortable.
On a related note, a man in love will often look for ways to get physically close.
14. How many gifts have you received from him?
Is his Love Language gift-giving? And are you the only one he goes through the trouble of getting gifts for?
If your relationship is accentuated by his habit of gifting you regular, thoughtful gifts, then his feelings are quite clear.
Is there a surefire way to know a guy has fallen?
Ultimately, I always tell people to analyze how he treats you in comparison to other women.
For example, his being sweet and patient with you and YOU only while being neutral or even dismissive with other female friends.
If he’s a flirty guy by nature, it’s likely love isn’t quite what he’s feeling (although we can never eliminate the possibility).
But more often than not, a guy in love will give special treatment to the object of his affection.
Love,
Callisto.
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