The issue of distinguishing whether he’s busy or not interested can be tricky if you don’t pay attention to his behavioral patterns.
If a guy is genuinely interested in you he will try to meet you at least once a week, face to face to get to know you better and spend some time with you.
By doing so he’s pushing his boundaries and reforming new ones to include you in his life more as time passes by.
However, there is a thin line between him being busy and not interested. So let’s carefully look into this matter together.
For your understanding, I’ve treated these issues individually. First, let’s look at 4 signs that he’s truly busy, then continue with the next issue.
1. He tries to reschedule dates
A guy who is interested but just too busy to go through with the plans he did that day will undoubtedly follow up with rescheduled dates.
So if you get updates for new plans that are scheduled per yours, despite how busy he is, then he’s interested. However, the business is what’s giving that impression.
Furthermore, you’ll notice that if he’s not interested, he will use the “I’m busy” excuse to ignore you and cancel plans without rescheduling.
You can notice he’s interested but doesn’t have time when:
- You don’t feel like you’re guessing his motives
- He always makes sure you’re informed when he can’t make it
- He pays attention and prioritizes you
2. He makes an effort to contact you
When a guy is interested, he will do his utmost to still be in contact with you, despite being busy.
He will not ignore, on the contrary, he will find time to at least text or call. Even though he is busy, he won’t cut contact with you.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t over-generalize guys, not all men are the same. They have different mechanisms for how they deal with their priorities and communicate their feelings.
3. He calls you on a whim
When a guy says he’s busy but still calls you unexpectedly, that means he’s still interested.
When a guy isn’t interested and says I’m busy, he will ignore you even in convenient situations.
When I and my boyfriend were busy juggling our relationship, school, and work, we still made time for each other.
I knew he was seriously interested in me when despite his very busy schedule he used to set time to text or call me.
Some things that can keep a guy busy are:
- Family responsibilities
- Interest and goals he’s trying to reach
4. He prioritizes you even though he’s busy
The main difference between being busy and not interested is that although he has no time, he still tries to not let you feel left out.
His behavior doesn’t make you feel like you’re being shoved to the side, rather you feel secure and comfortable.
Furthermore, some other signs that he’s prioritizing you although he’s busy are:
- -keeps weekends free to hang out
- -prioritizes hanging out with you
- -makes time to create new experiences
On that note, check out these 5 signs that he isn’t that into you and is just putting up an act.
5. He makes excuses by saying he’s too busy
On the other hand, the difference between being busy and not interested is when he uses business as an excuse to not hang out with you.
Usually, these cancelations happen last minute and rarely get a follow-up date. That’s because he’s either not interested or found another date to keep him occupied.
Furthermore, the excuses for the lack of action from his side start to get less creative as time passes such as:
- Work is keeping me away tonight
- There is a project that needs my immediate attention
- I’m going on a work trip
- I’m stuck in traffic so I can’t make it
Thus, remember that repetitive excuses are a sign of a lack of interest in you rather than him being busy.
6. He doesn’t pay you any attention
You know he isn’t interested in you any longer when he stops paying attention to you. He can’t use the “I am busy” excuse to not notice your change in the appearance of behavior.
Moreover, he’s ignoring you and is not busy when he stops actively listening to you and engaging in conversations. You feel like you’re talking to yourself even though he’s right there.
According to relationship expert Sloan Sheridan-Williams, paying attention is more than nodding your head or saying yes. Rather is actively participating, and communicating with them.
7. He ignores your calls/texts
It is expected that when you are busy ignore any disturbance, but if he was interested in you, he would at least let you know that he’d get back ASAP.
When I get swamped with work, I sometimes ignore my boyfriend’s calls. Nevertheless, none of his calls get ignored for hours or days.
I text/call him back right when I’m done with the task at hand. Although I’m busy I make time to hear his concerns and just listen to his voice, and he does the same.
Thus, you shouldn’t excuse his ignorance towards you. This unstable pattern just lets you know that he’s breadcrumbing you just to have you available for him.
A guy is avoiding you and isn’t just busy when he constantly cancels or avoids any conversation that you initiate about hanging out together.
Even if you made the first move, you get laid down gently by him telling you he’s busy that day which turns out to be a repetitive excuse.
When he isn’t interested and is trying to avoid you, he’ll shut down your invitation by saying that he already has made plans with friends.
However, instead of sulking about it, you should use the three-time rule. Make your advances three times and if he rejects 2 or more of them, then it’s time to let him go.
You shouldn’t spend your energy on someone who isn’t serious about you in the first place. Instead, focus on yourself and what makes you happy.
9. He says he’s busy but is online on his socials
He isn’t interested in you anymore, not just busy when you see him online and active on his socials while choosing to ignore your texts/ calls.
Moreover, if he posts stories of himself lazing around the house while you invited him out, it just means that he isn’t interested in you.
You shouldn’t feed your delusions by excusing his behavior, but just choose self-respect and let him go. You shouldn’t invest in someone who isn’t willing to invest back in you, that’s what Matthew Hussey says.
10. You don’t have a place in his timezone
When a guy is not interested, he will occupy his time doing other things which will make him too busy to spend time with you.
He chooses not to spend time with you by doing something else, which automatically makes him busy. Resulting in him showing a lack of interest in you.
If it was the opposite, he might be busy and interested in you while still prioritizing his work, however, he also puts in the work to prioritize you too.
Thus, you should recognize his efforts or lack of it to determine his business and interest in you.
What to do when you think he’s just fooling around?
It never feels good to be played by others and especially when later you figure out how foolish your actions were.
A lot of shame and self-hatred is followed when you figure out you’ve been fooledd by a guy. However, there is no use crying over spilled milk.
So here are 5 things you can do to pull yourself together after you’ve figured out he was just fooling around:
– Assess the situation, don’t jump to conclusions before gathering all the evidence you need, and are emotionally and mentally prepared to face him.
You should communicate your feelings to him and present the evidence that made you conclude. Give him a chance to protect himself and assess his truthfulness.
Also, consider if you can rebuild trust once again or if it is better to leave before the relationship turns into something toxic.
– Trust your instincts as you feel something out of the ordinary before you pin it down. Thus, if your instincts tell you that he isn’t interested, investigate the situation.
You shouldn’t disregard your gut feeling. As people say “If you feel something wrong, probably there is something wrong”
– Talk to a professional to pinpoint where your suspicions are coming from, whether they are factual or a reflection of traumatic events.
A therapist or medical professional will help you consider new perspectives and help you develop tools that you can use to assess the situation.
– Start your healing process and don’t rush yourself into feeling better without letting your body and soul grieve first.
It takes time, patience, and willingness to heal and everyone has their own pace and path to coming stronger at the end.
– Reflect on your relationship and try to find out where you fit in the whole picture. Furthermore, you should also assess yourself during it to avoid and learn what should and shouldn’t be repeated in the future.
Also, by reflecting on the relationship, you will be able to recognize your wrongdoings and his, while simultaneously determining his importance in your life.
What do I do if he’s really busy to be in a relationship?
There is no such thing as being too busy for someone you are interested in for a long-term relationship.
Even in marriages when one partner gets too busy, they always make sure to have time for their partner.
However, there are still some things you can do when he’s really busy to commit to you.
1. Clarify your boundaries
You shouldn’t hesitate to talk to him about your boundaries, and if it seems that he has crossed them, then you should just be understanding and let him go
It’s critical to keep in mind that you deserve someone who values your relationship and is eager to spend time with you.
It’s important to respect your own time and effort and to stand firm in your need to have a relationship.
2. Communicate to him your feelings
Openly and honestly discuss your feelings about your situation and how you expect things to take a turn.
However, don’t forget that both of you should invest equally. If he’s just too busy right now, it might be the wrong time and the wrong place if you’re meant to be. You’ll find your road back to each other.
Some strategies to improve your communications skills are:
-Use “I feel like” statements
-Set time aside to talk
-attempt to spend that limited time together
2. Don’t expect too much
You shouldn’t set up yourself for expectations as those will only make you more disappointed when they aren’t met.
If he is too busy to be in a relationship, you shouldn’t have high expectations since you already know his priorities. By doing so, you’re only setting yourself up for more heartbreak.
To keep him interested you should show your independence, give him space and also communicate honestly about your feelings.
3. Don’t pressure him into a relationship
When a guy is too busy to be in a relationship, you shouldn’t pressure him into committing to you as that will just increase the toxicity in your relationship.
One of the main problems with him choosing work over relationships is that you can compete for his attention with something he’s choosing to focus on.
If he was interested in you while still being busy, he wouldn’t turn your connection into a game to see what attracts him more, his work or you.
4. Keep in mind, if he is interested he’ll make time
There is not much you can do to help start a relationship and it seems that only you are willing to put in the work to make things work.
You should remember that relationships are two-sided, thus, if you’re willing to commit a hundred percent and he isn’t, there will be a disbalance.
All in all, when a guy is interested in you but is busy, he’ll make time for you to meet at least once and reply to your texts and calls almost daily.
Nevertheless, if a guy is saying he’s busy as an excuse and isn’t interested in you will continue trying to avoid putting in the effort in the relationship.
Keep in mind that every relationship and person is special, and the way they deal with work differs. However, you shouldn’t let yourself be the second choice.
Respect your boundaries and understand that you deserve the best too.