It’s hard to settle into a relationship when the man you are seeing gives you mixed signals.
But what does it mean when those mixed signals sound more like fear of commitment or even worse disinterest towards you?
Does he have commitment issues or he is just not into you?
To know what your man is feeling whether it is commitment issues or disinterest, you need to understand both sides. The answer hides in his behavior.
You need to understand if your man has commitment issues, and if yes, where do those commitment issues come from?
Dr. Tim Lewis, who has helped countless men with commitment phobia concluded says “Men with commitment issues are driven by the need for control, and the fear of reliving past mistakes. They overanalyze a situation which causes them to fear the relationship, and run from it.”
If it’s not commitment issues, then he’s simply not interested in you.
Telling the difference between fear of commitment and lack of interest!
Since the symptoms manifest themselves very similarly in both situations, some details can be away.
Let’s find out whether he’s afraid of commitment or simply not that into you!
1. The way he treats you.
The way a man treats you can tell a lot about his intentions and more.
If he’s kind, attentive, and thoughtful most of the time, yet he pulls away from time to time, then he’s likely to be scared of commitment.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t show much respect and is often dismissive of your opinions, he’s likely to not be interested in you.
Jenny Walters, a licensed therapist explains, “If someone doesn’t care about your feelings, you might feel like you have to be very careful around them. You might also feel like they don’t notice or listen to you.”
2. The time he makes or doesn’t make for you.
Time spent together determines how fruitful the relationship is, and how well it can progress.
This can also determine his lack of interest or commitment phobia regarding your connection with him.
Commitment issues will cause him to sometimes disappear. But when you guys are together, he tends to give you all of his time.
He enjoys spending it together with you.
On the other hand, a man who isn’t interested in you will make little time for you. He will find excuses to put other less important things above you.
He always has free time for his friends, and different activities, but always seems to be busy for you.
3. His way of committing to other people and activities.
If he’s capable of committing to other relationships and activities, yet he hesitates to do so with you, it can be because he’s not so interested in you.
You might get his attention for a while, and out of the blue, he disappears carelessly to perhaps make a return once in a while when he’s bored.
If he is dealing with the fear of commitment, this would show in other areas of his life as well. He’d be struggling with responsibilities and commitment with other relationships too, not just the one with you.
4. The way he handles arguments can be very telling.
Arguments are normal for every relationship, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t painful.
What matters is how he reacts after an argument, especially if he has said some hurtful things to you.
If dealing with commitment issues, he might project his fears onto you by saying hurtful things to you when you argue.
After all, that’s what he fears from commitment. But what matters is that he apologizes to you. It matters that he cares enough to come and apologize for his mistakes.
If he isn’t interested, he’ll argue as a way to push you away.
Also, he never apologizes nor feels bad about the things he said to you. He might as well have the audacity to expect an apology from you because ‘you got him angry.’
5. The periods he can go without you: Can he go a month without talking to you?
Have a look at how often he texts, interacts, calls, and reaches out to you.
A man with commitment issues isn’t consistent with texting or calling.
But they won’t go too long without texting you. He might text you now and then, but won’t be able to resist it for too long such as a month or two.
The texting or conversations are fun, he replies to your texts, he engages with your posts on social media, and he’s present even though passively.
A guy who isn’t interested rarely texts first, and it takes him way too long to reply to your texts. The conversations are usually dry and boring.
He also never checks your social media and never likes or watches your posts.
6. Planned activities together.
This can be quite confusing because both a commitment-phobe and a guy who isn’t interested tend to cancel plans.
Commitment phobes tend to be known for canceling plans and never planning for the far future.
But you only need to pay attention if he wants to make plans for different activities together. It matters if he is willing to plan for a weekend.
A man who isn’t interested in you is quite flaky. Not only does he cancel plans with you, but never seems invested to make any.
Always has excuses as to why he can’t go. He finds reasons to not spend as much time with you.
7. The quality of conversations is what sets it.
Interesting long conversations are a perfect way to connect. That’s why talking is always the first stage of every relationship.
A man with commitment issues won’t be so open about his feelings due to his fear of rejection.
However, conversations about shared hobbies or similar interests are productive and fun. As much as he fears it, that is a way you two bond with each other.
A man who isn’t into you won’t bother to maintain conversations with you. He only maintains small talk, and when you want to have a deeper conversation with him, his response will be cold.
8. Your bedroom can tell a story on this too.
Based on his disinterest in you and a man with commitment issues, the bedroom activities give you a big answer to how he feels about you.
A man with commitment issues is interested in sex but can fear building an intimate connection.
He avoids being intimate with you by avoiding too much cuddling, kissing, or forehead kisses, yet is highly interested in intercourse.
A man who isn’t interested in you will mostly avoid any type of intimacy, whether it is physical or emotional.
He isn’t interested in meeting you, seeing you, or doing any activities, even if it means sex.
9. His past relationships answer your questions.
If you want to understand if this man has commitment issues or just isn’t interested in you, try to find out about his prior relationships.
If he is suffering from commitment issues, his previous relationships were either toxic or short-lived.
Especially if his fear of commitment is rooted in his childhood traumas, he never had a meaningful relationship. If you find out about his relationship and they lasted only for 2-3 months, your answer is commitment issues.
If he has had any long-term relationships, serious and committed relationships, only indicates that he isn’t interested in you.
What should you do after you find out the problem?
Well, it’s tricky to bluntly come up with a decision, since you have to consider your feelings and not just his behavior.
The easiest decision that you can come up with is to leave, whether it is commitment issues or disinterest.
If you’re looking for commitment, there’s no point in staying in a relationship with a person who’s not interested in you, but also with a man who deals with commitment issues.
The longer you stay it will only get. He is just wasting your time. He doesn’t want you.
If your guy turns out to be a commitment-phobe, you can stay to help him heal and overcome his fears, but it’s not definite that he will ever commit.
If you have figured out he doesn’t have any type of feelings or interest in you, leave peacefully.
You deserve a person who loves and likes you back just as much as you love and likes them.
Take care,
Callisto.
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