You love him, but he doesn’t love you.
Perhaps things were different in the beginning. Now the truth has taken a harsh turn, and you’ve come to the realization he no longer loves you.
Your heart is aching, your mind is pacing through thoughts, and this has taken a toll on your self-esteem. You’re not alone.
It’s time to turn to ourselves and think rationally. Understand that this isn’t about the fact that ‘we let loose’ because we no longer wear makeup around him!
Here are 9 pragmatic reasons why he doesn’t love you anymore!
1. It’s not you, it’s him.
Science shows that we are capable of subconsciously loving or not loving our partners, yet, consciously being very satisfied with the relationship quality with them.
In most cases where a partner loves the other but it isn’t reciprocated, the issue tends to lie with the partner who’s not feeling the same.
It’s often that these partners deal with inner issues or situations that bring them to a place or emotional state where they don’t feel the same anymore.
If he doesn’t love you anymore, it doesn’t make you any less desirable, lovable, or cherishable.
This doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of affection. It simply means that things in his mind and personality shifted in a different direction.
Although it relates to you personally, this isn’t something you need to take personally.
Meaning, you must avoid going through processes to change yourself to fit his ‘ideals’ or preferences.
Since they seem to be so fluid, you might end up needing to change every time his preferences change. And that’s not a life to be lived. You have to stick to you.
2. Your relationship lacked communication.
When even minor issues and inconveniences aren’t properly communicated within a relationship, they can lead to negative emotions such as anger and resentment.
Although we might perceive those in a short period consciously, our subconscious doesn’t forget.
This is where the small issues gather up and become bigger ones.
This then overwhelms us, and we find ourselves having more resentment towards our partners.
Resentment tends to make us overlook the positive traits of the people, the things we love about them.
Eventually, what we once absolutely adored in our partners becomes unimpressive to us.
Hence, the lack of communication leads to poor management of issues, which then leads to resentment and anger. Ultimately, resulting in loss of love.
3. You did something that betrayed his trust.
This is the part where you may have done something that turned him off completely. And it’s not about your appearance.
Doing something hurtful to our partners and not managing it well, can lead to them seeing us through a lens of doubt, anger, and suspicion.
You may have cheated on him, broken a promise, lied, crossed his boundaries, or done something that broke his trust utterly.
Such actions could have made him see past your inner and outer beauty, and focus on those and those actions only.
That way he fed his resentment toward you, leading him to eventually not be interested and not love you anymore.
At times, such actions simply slip a switch in us and it makes us not ever see our partners the same way again.
It may have been a weak moment’s result or a poor choice you consciously made. However, if it betrayed his trust, it’s likely that it changed the way he sees you too.
In this case, you must take this as a lesson that helps you to work on self-improvement and learn to respect and maintain boundaries.
4. Life happened and you grew in different directions.
Sometimes people simply fall out of love.
Whether it’s been a long or short time since you’ve been together with him, life can just happen and it can draw you into different directions.
This means, he simply no longer loves you without having a specific reason behind it.
Love tends to last for some, but just fade away for some others.
Both versions are acceptable and common. Though the last one is harder to swallow.
Sometimes we just get used to our partners, and the romantic love starts fading away.
It doesn’t mean it was never real.
Life can happen, it makes us grow, shift, and sometimes even transform. He doesn’t love you anymore because you both grew in different directions.
And those directions no longer connect your pathways in a romantic sense.
5. He’s emotionally drained.
Being emotionally exhausted can often lead to apathy or an incapability to feel for others.
Whether this emotional burnout was caused by the relationship or other issues outside the relationship, it can have an effect on the way he loves you.
Such an emotional and mental state can affect every relationship in his life.
It can be a cause why he no longer loves you.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to do with something you did or your relationship.
Although emotional exhaustion can be managed and worked on, there’s no promise that his love for you will get back.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, and it’s tough to just accept it at the very least. However, managing your expectations can lead you to prevent prolonged heartbreak.
6. You didn’t meet each other’s needs in the relationship.
The beginnings of relationships tend to be filled with excitement and positive emotions that later on nourish love.
But love isn’t the only requirement for a happy and fulfilling relationship.
There’s work to be done. Needs to be met. Issues to talk and go through together.
At some point, when your needs in the relationship aren’t met – often due to improper communication – the relationship heads to its end, slowly, and painfully.
This can make you, him, or both of you be in a strange position where you’re falling out of love, yet unable to let go of one another due to the familiarity.
7. The honeymoon phase died out.
Helen Fisher and other scientists explain how our brains work when we’re in love.
One of the points touched on in this scientific explanation includes the feel-good hormones released in our brains during the first phases of love.
Those hormones give us the high we experience when we simply think of our partners.
However, this phase of such highs has been argued to last 6 months. After those 6 months, things start settling along with rationality.
A lot of couples manage to nourish that love and shift the focus on keeping the balance. It often happens naturally.
Some, however, don’t manage the low after the 6-month period is over.
This way, the honeymoon phase dies out, and the love is gone along with the honeymoon phase.
Although we don’t do this consciously, the right partner for you will be the one who’s there with you in the calm after the chaotic high has settled down.
8. His preferences and values changed.
We grow every day with each experience. Our thoughts, opinions, values, and preferences take different forms as we embark on new experiences and journeys.
It’s how life works for most of us.
Those shifts in values and preferences affect our relationships too – romantic, familial, collegial, etc.
This makes another possible reason why he doesn’t love you anymore. It’s him, life happening, and his preferences not meeting you.
You’re not obliged to meet his preferences every time a shift happens. Meeting each other’s needs? Sure. Preferences? Not really.
His preferences met you when you first met with each other. This is who you are and who you represent. You’re not expected to adapt to his preferences.
This just signals that your values don’t match and that you’re not compatible with one another.
It can be a sign of immaturity on his end or an innocent shift in values and preferences that could’ve led him to stop loving you.
9. Long distance.
Although not the main factor, physical presence plays a key role in intimacy – both emotional and sexual.
Long-distance tends to have its effects on communication, intimacy, and overall romance of the relationship.
Sometimes we just long to see our partners and get reminded of our love for them.
The long-distance could have had its effect on his love for you.
This can often especially be the case for people whose love language is physical touch.
They can have a hard time communicating or feeling love without the ability to touch their partner and have them physically present.
Why am I in love with a man who doesn’t love me?
Loving someone who no longer loves you isn’t a choice you make. You can’t help the feeling. It’s there.
But why? Why do you love a man who doesn’t love you?
A lot of people would just say it’s love, it’s just the way it is. However, there are other factors that can play a role in this!
You’re in love with a man who doesn’t love you because
- you see beauty in him, and love is not a feeling you can control;
- it’s trauma bonding – your subconsciousness sees a parent or caretaker in him that ‘showed you love’ through not showing you love when you were a child;
- you’ve known him for a while and you grew fond of him;
- or you’ve been in a relationship, and the sense of familiarity in him is what makes you love him despite the feeling of not being reciprocated.
What to do if you love him but he doesn’t love you?
You’re in a painful position. But you’re not alone.
Unrequited love can take a toll on anyone who experiences it. You both feel a certain way, and it’s often something neither of you can help.
You can’t make him love you nor can you ‘unlove’ him in a flip of a switch. So, what to do?
– Talk to him.
Whether you’re sure that he doesn’t love you or you just think he doesn’t love you, you must talk to him.
See how he’s feeling, have a heart-to-heart conversation where you lay your cards down and figure things out together.
This conversation will help you clear things up even if it means that it’ll reveal a lack of respect or love for one another.
It’ll help you make up your mind on a decision that needs to be made at this point in the relationship.
– Let him go.
Love is one of the main foundations of a relationship. Without it, your relationship would turn into a colorless connection barely holding on to respect.
So, if you love him but he has no love for you back, let him go.
You’re likely to end up feeling the need to change yourself to suit his needs, expectations, or ideals for a partner. You won’t be yourself around him.
You’ll have this constant need to please him, and you’ll even get angry at him and yourself for this.
So, for the sake of your self-respect, peace of mind, and the love you’ve got for yourself, let him go and start a new beginning.
– Rely on yourself for happiness.
There’s so much you can do to cheer yourself up, take care of yourself, and have a sense of joy in every single day you live.
How do you do that?
- Firstly, rely on your support system. Friends, family, support groups, and a good therapist, can be the people to help you find happiness within you.
- Participate in activities that make you feel alive.
Be it an adventure you’ve been wanting to embark on, or a good book in the comfort of your home, something that makes you feel alive is the way to find a sense of joy in yourself!
Don’t let this situation determine your value as a person.
Just because this man doesn’t love you (anymore) it doesn’t mean you’re not lovable.
You should value and respect yourself for who you are, and don’t let that depend on anyone’s opinion of you.
You’ve got this!