Breaking No Contact is not something evitable even though you try your best to make it work.
It’s a decision based on your impulsive decisions or your ex’s post-breakup behavior.
That’s something you might predict but sometimes it’s uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts win.
The most important thing to ask yourself is if you are breaking the No contact on purpose or accidentally.
Sometimes it might be the situation or the people that you are interacting with that make you do it.
To be more specific, if you were in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, they might manipulate you to break it.
Remember, that breaking No Contact isn’t always something bad.
In some specific cases, it might be the best thing that you could do.
Things to do if you broke No Contact: It is too Late?
There are a few specific things to do when you break No Contact, either accidentally or on purpose.
Breaking this rule is a chance to reflect on yourself, your ex, and your decisions.
Either way, there is always the possibility of starting over. You will either move on permanently or reconcile and create a stronger relationship.
1. Is it important to understand Separation Anxiety when breaking No Contact?
Indeed, you need to understand this condition so you can understand your decisions.
When you break the No Contact rule after a week is important to understand the separation anxiety.
Those who have OCD tend to be more obsessed with the fact of being dumped or rejected.
As this study shows, when an adult suffers from separation anxiety, they are afraid to be alone and are constantly anxious.
It’s important to understand that all those negative feelings will make you obsessed over the breakup.
- Try to surround yourself with people and things that can calm your anxiety;
- Avoid being on all the time on your own;
- Vent to friends or family;
2. Should you avoid being hard on yourself?
Yes, one thing that you should avoid after breaking the No Contact is being hard on yourself.
Just by blaming yourself, you won’t choose anything. That is not a quick fix.
I know that is quite normal to blame yourself at this point.
You think that you lost control because you couldn’t hold your thoughts, feelings, and your desires.
To be honest, you should know that everyone fails at one point of using No Contact.
~Sometimes you can’t understand the rule correctly and you use it the wrong way.
~Sometimes you are exposed too much to the past and that is tempting to go back.
You should only try to look forward while avoiding asking yourself what if.
3. Do you need to wait around them to change or reach out?
You don’t need to wait around for your ex to improve themselves and come back to you.
Just sitting around and not working on yourself won’t give you positive results.
If you have an anxious attachment style then your mind will roam only around your ex.
You will start making scenarios in your head and wonder what is your ex thinking.
What keeps bugging you is whether they are missing you or do you ever cross their mind.
Because you put yourself under pressure, you start to overthink and romanticize your relationship.
- Instead, focus on what you can do to elevate yourself;
- Try to learn new things, attend different activities, and develop new hobbies;
You need to shift your focus and mindset from your ex to you.
4. Are you over your ex or are you just pretending?
When you break the No Contact rule, you need to ask yourself if you’re moving on or just pretending.
If you have been avoiding your feelings and accepting the fact that you’re hurt, you aren’t moving on.
You might fool yourself and go on for a while but those suppressed feelings will come to the surface very soon.
If you broke the No Contact rule because you aren’t over your ex, ask yourself why.
Denote what is keeping you so close to your ex even after the breakup.
I know that you might still have feelings for your ex but are those feelings real and strong?
Sometimes you might feel that way because you aren’t able to accept the fact that you have been rejected.
You might be stuck for a while in that stage if you don’t work on your feelings.
5. How was this rule broken?
It is very important to reflect on how No Contact was broken.
Was it you that reached them first or your ex reached out to you and you replied?
There are some cases when the dumper doesn’t dare or want to reach out first but they reply quickly.
Especially if you broke the No Contact rule after two months.
You might think that you have moved and everything is going fine but there are some hidden feelings and desires.
Deep down, you might still want to be back with them.
- If you reply quickly to them because you still have some feelings, don’t jump immediately into talking normally.
- Be distant and don’t be too melancholic especially if you have been dumped.
6. How do you feel about your ex right now?
Knowing how you truly feel for your ex right now can help you define why you broke this rule and what to do.
You might have broken the No Contact rule 3 times claiming that you still have feelings for your ex.
You need to ask yourself whether you are ready to give your ex another shot and if you see the future with them.
- To be more specific, go deep down and write why you think that you still have feelings for them.
- If you would be back right now with your ex, how would you feel?
The reason that I am giving you this type of advice is that sometimes it’s hard to divide love from the fear of being alone.
You might think that you love your ex but that feeling can be created from the fear of being alone.
Take it one step at a time and write down everything that you’re feeling.
| To know exactly why you keep repeating this action, you need the extra help of a relationship coach. They will go to the root of this issue by making you reflect on every past event and action. |
7. Should you be asking for closure?
If you have been in a relationship with a narcissistic ex there is no closure.
Sometimes, you might break the rule and convince yourself that you can help your ex to change, but this might be impossible.
Because their ego won’t allow them to give you a specific answer for the breakup.
You’ll be stuck in a vicious circle with no way out.
Their manipulative behavior will attract them to be back with them.
In general, what a narcissist ex does is play mind games to trick your consciousness.
They will make you think that all of this was your fault and you need to do something to fix it.
8. Should you be persistent and keep talking to them?
No, you shouldn’t always be persistent to make your ex talk to you after you break the No Contact.
If you broke the No Contact and he or she didn’t reply then they have the reason.
The reasons can vary. They might have moved on or are hurt by you and don’t want to interact.
Or, on the other hand, they might have an avoidant attachment style and will never initiate contact.
If you broke the No Contact rule and he didn’t reply, don’t double text or call constantly.
- Take a step back;
- Continue doing you and what you were doing to keep yourself in motion;
- Knowing your ex’s attachment style and knowing your feelings, try to give one last shot after some time;
9. Is it too late to make a change?
If you broke no contact and you think it’s too late to make another change, you might be wrong.
It’s better to start over than to stay where you’re at and be stagnant.
To err is human and there is nothing wrong with it.
Even after breaking this rule, you can go back to where you started.
It’s true that you won’t be the same and you have given a glimpse of your life to your ex.
- Yet, you can get control over your situation again by reminding yourself why you’re doing it.
- Also, know that the rule can’t have the same value as the first time but it will help you to heal.
10. Why you don’t need to have expectations?
You don’t need to have expectations when you break the No Contact.
Even if you break it accidentally or on purpose, you need to avoid having high hopes.
If you break the No contact and your ex replies then you need to take one step at a time.
Check what is the reason that they reply and how they approach you.
They might reply but at the same time and they might be breadcrumbing you.
You can hang out with them, set your boundaries, and know exactly what you want.
The moment that you are subjective, it will be easier for you to move on or reconcile.
What would his thoughts be if I broke No Contact?
His thoughts would be a product of his attachment style and how your breakup happened.
Also, it depends a lot on how your ex perceives himself now.
~If your relationship was toxic and your breakup was messy then he won’t be glad to see your name on his phone.
He would still be dealing with the breakup trauma and negative feelings.
~On the other hand, if he dumped you and you’re breaking NC after a week, he will be annoyed.
The dumper doesn’t want to interact with you immediately after the breakup because he wants to enjoy his freedom.
~If you broke up on good terms but you still went NC and broke it, he might think two things.
He might think that you want to stay in contact and continue being friends.
Also, he might think that you still have feelings for them and want to reconcile.
In the end, what he thinks depends also on how you approach them too.
I broke no contact, how do I go back to No Contact?
If you broke No Contact and now you want to go back, start by forgiving yourself.
Just being hard on yourself and thinking what if will get you nowhere.
You will be stuck in that situation for too long.
1. Try to learn from your mistakes.
You need to understand that being confused after the breakup, lonely and anxious is part of the process.
If you don’t allow yourself to feel these things then you don’t get the chance to heal.
This is why you need to embrace the situation and reflect on the reason that made you break this rule.
When you reflect on the mistake, you will find out whether you did it because of you or because of your ex.
2. This time you need to try harder and be focused.
Set a goal for yourself. Write down what you want to do at the moment.
Do one thing that can make you even more independent and help you understand yourself to the core.
It can be a solo journey, working out every day, or journaling.
Anything that can make you feel fulfilled and detach you from the past.
Be aware, I am not suggesting suppressing your feelings.
What I am suggesting is to accept the past but find something that will help you live in the moment.
3. Start over: Get rid of the things that remind you of past toxicity.
The best way to start it over is to get rid of everything that reminds you of the past.
If you didn’t block your ex earlier, try to do it.
4. Notice how you feel afterward.
Does blocking your ex and using No Contact made you feel anxious or helped in your healing?
Sometimes breaking the No Contact can help you to heal faster.
It will be hard to accept the reality in the beginning but you’ll adjust to it in time.
5. You need to think about the relationship in general and not your ex in particular.
When you break up your mind forgets about the negative elements that were present in your life.
Then you start to romanticize your ex and only think positively about them.
Try to distance yourself from doing that and focus on how you felt in this relationship.
Define if you felt valued or if you shared mutual feelings with one another.
I broke no contact now what? It is too late?
Breaking No Contact isn’t always the issue, it’s the way you dealt with the breakup.
If you have not been able to grieve properly and try to heal, breaking No Contact is meaningless.
You will still be confused and uncertain. If you are in a haze then you will give your ex the opportunity to have power and manipulate you.
Still, sometimes even how hard you try is impossible to not break the No Contact at least once.
Yet, don’t be hard on yourself and jump immediately to talk to them like nothing happened.
I can understand that you were waiting for any moment to reconnect with your ex.
But, making instant decisions to make it work all of a sudden will make your situation even more complicated.
Empower yourself first,
Callisto Adams
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