Telling your parents you have a boyfriend when they’re strict is like playing a game in Max. difficulty…you have to come up with the best strategy.
I’m not exaggerating when you think about it because most parents have that “My house, my rules!” mentality which leaves people afraid of opening up.
But don’t think of your parents as this impenetrable wall that doesn’t want to see you happy! They’re concerned is all.
Rule of thumb: find the right time and show them you’re responsible.
I’m going to show you how to tell your rigorous parents you’re dating; some of these methods can be used even by teenagers (ages 13, 14, 15, 16, and such).
However, it’s up to you to decide which will work based on their personalities.
Regardless of which you choose, know that 2 things *always* apply in breaking important news to your parents in a way they’ll be supportive.
1. Showing them you’re responsible;
2. Picking the right time.
Showing them you’re mature will make them more prone to trusting your judgment regarding choosing boys; they’ll be less worried, in a way.
This could mean no arguing, no being selfish, and no neglecting your responsibilities at home and school!
As for picking the right time, tell them when they’re in the best mood…you don’t want to drop such news when they’re upset.
Remember: prove to them you can hold your own! Now, here are the best 6 ways to tell your parents you’re dating a guy:
1. The “Easying Them Into It” method.
You know when you dip your toes inside the pool before getting in to test if the water is too cold? The method I’m talking about is basically that.
You need to progressively introduce your boyfriend to them without telling them he is your boyfriend.
This will allow them to form a positive opinion about him and be more predisposed to support you two.
Step 1: Tell them you’ve made this friend, and he’s really cool.
You might want first to introduce him as your friend so that your parents know sincere friendship is the foundation of your relationship.
One day, say something like, “Mom & Dad, I made this friend in class today and you would not believe just how smart he is! He helped me understand this one thing I’ve been struggling with.”
Often talk to them about his positive traits and they’re bound to start liking him as well!
Step 2: Invite your “friend” over so that your parents can meet him.
Eventually, start inviting him to birthdays or other gatherings your parents will be in so that they formally meet.
Have him be on his best behavior and say the right things—give it some time to see if your parents and boyfriend start getting closer.
Step 3: Make sure they have a positive opinion about him.
It might take weeks or even months, but one of the final steps is analyzing whether they like your boyfriend or not.
If they do…
Step 4: Let the cat out of the bag!
Once you can tell they think your boyfriend is a swell guy, reveal to them you two confessed and eventually started dating.
Keep reminding them they know just how good of an influence he is and that there’s nothing to worry about.
2. Take their love as an example.
Only people who have been in love know just how captivating of a feeling it is.
This one’s a bit tricky, but talking to your parents about how important their relationship is and how you’ve found that person might just get them to understand.
Step 1: Sit them down and tell them there’s something you wish to speak about.
When they’re free, tell them there’s something you’d like to speak about and they might want to sit down for it.
Step 2: Talk about how much you admire their relationship.
Just to tug a little at the heartstrings, talk about how admirable it is for two people to commit to one another, and how love is a beautiful thing.
“I want to start by saying that you already know just how important love is in life, and how finding the right person can change you for the better. You’re always there for each other, always together no matter what.”
Step 3: Muster up your courage and tell them.
After having a pep talk about the wonders of love, tell them you too have found someone who makes you happy.
Answer their questions, and as always, don’t forget to keep your cool.
3. Point out their worries before they do.
Your parents love you and that’s why they’re going to worry after finding out their sweet child might be potentially falling into the claws of a player.
Acknowledging all of their worries (him potentially being a player, your neglecting school, etc.) and assuring them will help a big deal.
Step 1: Find the right time to drop the news.
Arrange a discussion with your parents once they’re completely free and drop the bomb.
With a very calm and collected demeanor, tell them you’re dating this one guy you’re quite into.
Step 2: Acknowledge their worries.
Tell them you already know what they’re thinking: that you’re too young, you will get your heart broken, or that you’ll let your grades slip up.
And although you understand their worries, let them know none of these things will happen because you’re still the same, responsible person.
Step 3: They’re in charge.
You might not like the sound of this, but surrounding yourself completely with your parents might help them approve of your boyfriend.
Tell them they’re still in control when it comes to things such as curfews and that you love/respect them the same.
4. Tell only one of your parents…the open-minded one.
In the end, your parents are more prone to trusting each other’s judgment—if one of them approves, the other will be easy to convince.
Step 1: Pull your parent to the side and open up to them.
Tell the empathetic parent you have a boyfriend whom you very much like, and you would like to get their blessing as well.
Again, do your darndest to ease their worries—just because you picked the understanding one doesn’t mean they won’t worry!
Step 2: Offer to introduce.
If necessary, tell your parent you’d be more than happy to introduce them to your sweetheart.
This will also help in making your parent more confident and comfortable with who you’re dating, which will consequently make convincing the strict parent easier as well.
Step 3: Let them do the heavy lifting.
Ask your parent if they could talk to your other parent as you’re not sure if you should be the one to break the news.
Give your reasoning, and hopefully, they’ll lend you a helping hand.
5. Tell your cool aunt or uncle!
We all have that cool aunt or uncle who’s the life of the party and the opposite of our parents in this context.
I remember once in 9th grade I was dating this guy (let’s call him J), and my cool aunt was our #1 supporter!
If you have someone like that, why not try your luck?
Step 1: Tell your aunt or uncle you have a boyfriend.
Tell them you are dating someone, and they’re the only person you feel comfortable opening up to as of right now.
Step 2: Express how great the guy is and how hesitant you are to tell your parents.
You want to let them know that you didn’t pick just any guy, you picked THE guy and they can trust your judgment.
- If it helps, you can introduce your boyfriend to your relative so they can form an opinion on their own.
Say why you’re so hesitant about introducing him to your parents first, and finally…
Step 3: Time for the big favor.
After all is said and done, ask your aunt/uncle if they would do the honors of talking to their sibling (your parents) about letting you keep your boyfriend.
6. Have his parents tell yours.
Why parents worry about their children dating at an early age is because they don’t know how their boyfriends and girlfriends have been brought up.
And when you think about that, it’d be best to let them see for themselves.
- If his parents are way more understanding than yours, bring up the possibility of having them talk.
Step 1: Bring up the idea.
First and foremost, ask your boyfriend if he believes his parents are open-minded when it comes to matters like these.
If he says yes, mention the idea of letting his parents talk to yours—explain why so that he doesn’t think you’re pushing all the responsibility on him.
Step 2: Arrange a meeting between your parents and his.
Talk to him about arranging a meeting between his parents and yours so they can discuss your relationship.
Things you need to avoid when telling your parents you have a BF…
Telling them something like this is difficult as is if you have strict parents, so you need to know what to avoid and whatnot.
Most importantly, avoid telling your parents you and him are dating before becoming official.
You don’t want to rush telling them about a relationship you’re unsure of—in case it fails, their trust in you will waver and it’ll become trickier bringing guys home in the future.
Next, please avoid arguing…
Raising your voice and/or showing any form of disrespect will make things escalate, and they might even think you’re not fit for dating as a result.
- Make sure you’re mature! Talk calmly, and explain to them how you’re ready to dip your toes into the dating world.
Is hiding a relationship from your parents the right thing?
In the end, no one can tell you what to do! However, hiding a relationship from your parents at a young age is pretty limiting.
Your conversations and dates are going to be anxiety-inducing as a result of being afraid someone might see/hear you.
If anything, you should hide it temporarily until you think of a good way to tell them you’re dating someone; you should also wait until your relationship becomes official.
But to avoid getting eventually caught red-handed, refrain from keeping it a secret for too long.
Good luck. You got this!
Callisto.
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