Dirty talking isn’t all about using dirty words or phrases. Your texts don’t need to be explicit to arouse him.
What matters is the type of words you choose, their meaning, and how you deliver them.
I understand that it is a heavy process to start when you’re new to sexting and feel afraid, embarrassed, or don’t know where to start.
But no matter if you’re just dating, talking, or in a relationship, you must create vivid images in his mind.
To make sexting feel natural and fun, I advise you to flirt, be sexy, and push out of your comfort zone- do it to a certain extent.
Here are 10 ways how to talk dirty over text without making you or him feel awkward:
1. Start with simple compliments
If you have just started to date or just had the first date, it is better to start with flirty/straightforward compliments.
If you just had your first or second date and you feel strong chemistry, you might continue using some strong flirty words.
“Do you know that those lips of yours were meant to kiss mine”
“Those eyes of you were so shiny tonight, it looked like you wanted to captivate me.”
Thus, if he doesn’t take it well then you might mention that lips are an attribute that you like in a man.
In the meantime, you’re being straightforward but you’re not crossing his boundaries.
To be more prepared for this game, you should also check another article of flirty texts to send after the first date.
2. Go slowly defining your needs
You will notice that at the beginning I advised you to use flirty compliments so you can create the path to use more sexy words.
Because if you sent dirty messages to him and he isn’t interested that will come out as weird and unattractive.
Unless you had at least a date with him and you know his intentions or interests then you’ll know what to mention or not.
Based on my experience with relationships, forming a bond and learning his lust language before sexting will increase his arousal.
So, you might consider reminiscing on your last date or something that he is looking forward to.
- Tonight your tongue tasted sweet like bubble gum. I need some tomorrow too.
- I will congratulate you on your new position, yet I wish I could go downtown to give you a good blow.
- I wish you were cumm-ing tonight *insert a winky face emoji*
If you’re the one to state your needs then you will craft the text message and let him know about your boundaries.
The type of language that you use will let him know how far he can go with sexting too.
3. Play the role of a dominant “police officer”
The way you deliver your intentions through sexting matters a lot.
As conducted in this research paper by Klettke (2014), people deliver their sexual needs via simple texts, visuals, or voice messages.
So, what type of message you use for your texting plays a major role in how he will respond.
If you want to use a dominant tone or a submissive tone depends on his lust preferences and his personality.
You can use the dominant tone if you want to spice up the game and attract him more to you.
Yet, if he is an alpha male, he will want more of a meek and submissive tone because he wants to feel and be in charge.
- It’s midnight already, get down there already.
- Tell me the type of boxers you’re wearing so we can match and for god’s sake F*CK ME HARDER.
- Fill me up like an empty cup.
4. Use more sexting code words
Other sources and research papers might conclude that sexting code words are more used by teenagers.
Hence, even adults are using them to create scarcity and trigger their partner’s imagination.
This is a way to trick his brain and dip him into the unknown.
So, a few code words that you might use to talk dirty are:
- 8-oral sex
“I want you to be here from 8 to 8.”
- GNOC-get naked on camera
“This fire inside me won’t go away unless you GNOC.”
- KOTL-Kiss on the lips
I want you to treat me like one of your toys, do it hard, and KOTL.
When you want to text your date, husband, or boyfriend while he is at work or you’re in a family meeting, using these codes will save your life.
5. Describe your wildest fantasies to him
Telling him about your sexual fantasies doesn’t mean that it should always be extremely dirty.
To address your intention, you can use memes or tell him your fantasies while you boost his ego.
- Last night I dreamt like you were pulling my hair and doing me hard. Wanna try tonight?
- If you’re tired today, you can sit on my face.
- That last photo of you makes me kiss all your body parts.
6. Let things up to his imagination
You shouldn’t reveal all things and let him fill in the blanks because this will make sexting more exciting.
You can test him if you send something naughty and just a part of it not all of it and let him express his thoughts and desires.
According to my experience with clients, many women who revealed too many details while dirty talking was left on read after a while.
~So, what I advised these women was to send some text messages and tell their partner or date to fill in the blanks.
~Or, if these women wanted to use photos then I advised them to blur a part of the image.
For example, send him a photo of you and blur the part of your panties. Then you can ask him what color he thinks they’re.
Caution: You should be careful when you send these messages.
If you don’t know this guy that much and you think that he might misuse your photos, you can blur your face or not send an image at all.
7. Send him a video, a meme, or just a photo of what you want to do to him
Talking dirty to your man over text should include other media rather than just texting.
This will spice up the game, make it more intriguing and attract him to you.
In this case, depending on your relationship, you can send him a sensual video, or a romantic or hot song.
To make it more interesting, you can add some text to it.
For instance, ask him if he wants to experience it with you or if would he do that with you.
Or, would he do it if he was in that guy’s shoes?
Depending on your relationship and how comfortable you’re with dirty talking over text, you can be creative to that extent.
8. Send him a playful quick quiz to fill in
I know that now you might be thinking where is the linkage of dirty talking over text and quizzes?
Well, trust me, hot, short, fun quizzes can spice up a lot of things.
If you want to talk sexually over text, you can give him a few options of what he could do to you or vice versa.
Quick, I need you to fill this in:
Where would you rather kiss me hard right now?
- Your bedroom?
- Somewhere in the Bahamas?
- My balcony?
- Or right under the mistletoe?
You can be creative and ask him about his sexual fantasies too.
9. Play the ‘Guess What’ game
A man likes to be challenged even when you dirty talk to him.
So, to challenge him, you can play the ‘Guess What’ game that might make him curious and crave you even more.
In the meantime, you will know more about him and his sexual desires. To know more and define your sexual desires you can work with a personal coach too.
- I am laying in bed right now, can you guess what I am wearing right now?
- Guess what I am licking right now?
- If we took a shower together, guess what I would be saying to you.
10. Be sensual while letting him know what you’re doing right now
One of the dirty talking examples over text is to let him know about your daily routine.
Well, umm, no I am not implying to be boring, and just let him know about your day.
What I am saying is that you should flirt with him over text and be sensual.
For example, if you’re eating a hamburger right now, use it as a sexual reference.
“Right now I am eating this juicy hamburger just like you.”
“I have been out and about. I am tired and need some good VIBE-rator, YOU.”
“These doughnuts are yummy and very lickable, but I want to use my power to lick you.”
Is sexting normal before dating? Is there a specific time to sext?
Sexting before dating can be normal if you flirt subtly and do not cross his borders.
In general, if you have great chemistry and start to sext slightly, that can improve your relationship.
Things will get interesting, and exciting and you will know more about each other’s fantasies.
On the other hand, if sexting is done too much, that can be quite harmful to your relationship or dating phase.
1. If he is a sexting addict then that will impact you negatively the most because he won’t be interested to build an emotional attraction.
All of his texts will be sexual and he might want to meet you just to hook up and nothing more.
So, in this case, be careful, if you don’t feel comfortable to sext with someone you don’t know then don’t do it.
You need to be honest with him. You might even tell him that you don’t feel comfortable doing it at this stage.
Even if he doesn’t feel comfortable with it then try to find a middle way. Try to do more other activities that both of you will enjoy more than sexting.
Such as watching an online movie together or exchanging comic texts.
If he likes you and wants to form a long-term relationship, he will give you time.
He will try to connect more with you emotionally before jumping to sexting again.
2. Moreover, there is no perfect time to dirty talk over text with your boyfriend or husband.
You should sext when you think that is appropriate for your relationship and when your partner feels comfortable.
For example, he might not want to sext in the morning or when he is in a meeting.
The most suitable time for sexting might be late afternoon or late at the night.
When do you know that sexting is too much?
You will know that sexting is too much and that is harming you when you don’t feel the joy anymore from it and you feel stuck in this relationship.
To be more specific, you feel like you’re being objectified all the time and you cannot explore this relationship in other realms.
Based on this scientific research, sexting at the beginning of the relationship will impact it positively.
Later on, married couples tend to sext but not as much as people who are dating or just in a relationship.
- Dirty sex talk to your boyfriend or husband should be done enough to just spice things up in a relationship.
- That should be done at least once a week so you can trigger other emotions rather than just compassion or love.
Dirty talk will indeed make him crave you more but if you do it constantly, he will take you for granted.
In a way, you will prevent him from getting to know you on a deeper emotional level.
That’s why to form a healthy relationship, you need to balance sexting, compassion, compatibility, and your needs.
The bottom line: Talking dirty to your man over texting
Talking dirty to your man over text should be done in a subtle way that will deliver your message and enjoy the moment.
I know that right now this might sound mere and cliche but sexting should sound genuine.
To be successful, you might consider telling him things that are true and that he will believe those words.
Thus, you need to know his limits and be honest with your needs.
This is the simple combo that will help you to craft your dirty text.
I know that you will eat it and leave no crumbs.
You got this,