Starting a conversation with a guy over text, especially if you don’t know him can be overwhelming and terrifying.
But, not necessarily. If you’re authentic and write your text message how you feel and have pure intentions, the rest is easy.
So, the best way to start a text conversation with the guy is to hold on to your value, use your humor to some extent, and value him.
Through these 14 smart and practical tactics, you’ll learn to start a conversation with a guy over text in no time!
1. Assess your relationship with him and vice versa
One way to start a good conversation with a guy over text is to know a bit about how he would react to this interaction.
- Before texting check, if you can learn about his preferences so you would have something in common to talk about.
- Go through his social media or ask your mutual friends if you have any.
This way, you’ll also avoid shallow conversations and keep the conversation going.
If he didn’t give you any sign that he likes you or never interacted with you is better to keep a subtle communication.
🔺Extra tip: To keep a subtle communication and convey your thoughts, intentions, and desires, you should use the pronoun “I”.
You might text something like: “Hi. I feel that you’re having a good time in Bali. Watch out for the sharks😅.”
This process can be quite overwhelming so the help of a relationship coach might be needed.
Also, reading the book “Getting the Love you Want” by Harville Hendrix can help you reflect on yourself and him too.
2. Keep a friendly tone and neutral behavior
To avoid making a guy feel overwhelmed over text try to show subtle interest in him in general.
In this case, you can share your experience or impressions about the story he posted.
If he already gave you his number then use some kind words that will boost his self-confidence and ego and introduce yourself.
“Hey Jake, this is Mary. Your positive energy brightened up my day and I’ve been looking forward to chatting with you :)”
🔺Extra tip: Show interest but avoid asking how his day went if you don’t know him IRL!
3. Avoid asking random or close-ended questions
A good way to start a conversation with a guy over text is to ask something that he might not encounter daily.
What I’m implying is that you should choose a question that is creative and doesn’t bore him.
The aim is not just to start a conversation that can give you a mere answer.
For example, he constantly gets asked about his favorite movie or color.
The aim should be to be able to keep the conversation going and get to know each other.
🔺Extra tip: If you already know one another, you might ask him “What childhood memory he would like to recreate.”
Or, “What’s a place that he would like to revisit non-stop?”
Ask him some surprising questions just to catch him off guard.
And this isn’t the word of a scout but the words of someone that went through the same situation.
I was dating in my late 20s and I liked this guy.
We exchanged numbers at a party but I didn’t know how to start a conversation with him through text and get his attention.
So, a friend of mine suggested I dare to be different and of course, read articles and books on dating.
And I decided to text something like this: “Do you think that our spark was louder and bigger than Big Bang l-o-l?
He answered: “I don’t know how Big Bang’s noise and chemistry are measured but ours was for sure bigger.”
🔺Extra tip: Adding more thrill to the conversation doesn’t mean being and acting like someone you’re not. Be authentic, share your thoughts, and use your creativity.
5. You should find a common interest to talk about
The dating expert Traci Porterfield claims that to have a successful dating process it’s important to know your preferences.
Then based on the traits and qualities that you like, you’ll find what you like about him.
If you like reading and notice that he does too then you might start the conversation talking about books.
“I just finished reading this book that you’ve posted: Tiny Habits. It helped me with my daily routine. Cool taste.”
🔺Extra tip: If you don’t share many common interests then try to learn about his preferences too.
Ask questions about his interest and preferences and let him know that you’re interested to know more.
6. Keep him updated about a suggestion that he has made recently
Even if he’s your boyfriend or you’re just talking, open the conversation with an update and value him.
This type of approach will make him feel seen and deepen your connection.
- “I started reading that book you mentioned and now I cannot put it down.”
- “Me and my friends tried the beef at Sophie’s and we loved it. Thank you for recommending this place 🙂.”
🔺Extra tip: If you haven’t tried or used the advice or suggestion, don’t give false assumptions or reviews because he’ll know.
Take your time. If you’re watching a movie he suggested but you don’t have to finish it in one night, you can text him like this:
“I’ve started watching The Whale and I’m loving it so far. I think I’ll watch it entirely this week and let you know.”
7. Make him curious
Arising his curiosity when you open a conversation over text helps you to get him hooked.
You can either ask him some intriguing questions or keep him updated about your activities or life.
“Hey, Jamie told me you were into Indie music. A very good local band is going to play this Saturday. Wanna come?”
“You have no idea what type of food I’ve tried at Trader Joe’s today.”
“I saw in your profile that you like hiking. Which trail would you recommend here in California?”
🔺Extra tip: Remember to always leave room for him to give an answer or any type of advice or suggestion. Don’t reveal all the information at the same time.
8. Ask him for suggestions or advice
As the dating coach Karla Moore states: Everyone has negative thoughts about themselves when it comes to dating.
So, you can initiate a conversation while being in your feminine energy while working on those feelings.
Ignite his masculinity by asking for advice or a suggestion.
If you’ve already met this guy then try to talk about something that you might have mentioned in your previous conversations, even in person.
🔺Extra tip: While trying to be on your feminine energy and asking for his advice, don’t underestimate yourself.
Try to define and notice your differences. If you notice that he likes rock music and you don’t text him “It’s great that you like rock music, can you get me into it too.”
9. Challenge him to some degree
If you want to get him to like you or to start dating him, you can trigger him to some extent.
While challenging him you can be practical and interesting when you try to start a conversation with him over text.
“I’ve noticed that you’re into fitness. Would you give up on that for billion dollars, an eternal vacation in the Bahamas, and travel endlessly?”
You can use any type of teasing that will trigger his ego and challenge him to some extent.
🔺Extra tip: Avoid using words to challenge him that might hurt him or make him feel bad about himself.
You should avoid comparing him with other people or pointing out his flaws to challenge him.
Complimenting him is the key to breaking the ice.
Hence, it’s important to check what type of compliment you what to send.
If you don’t know this guy then it’s important to give him a general compliment.
By a general compliment, I’m implying that you can comment on his profile or his preferences.
“Hey, wow, you have an aesthetic Instagram profile. Any tips?”
🔺Extra tip: Give genuine compliments. To make genuine compliments you need to observe him and spot what intrigues you.
11. Make him valued and heard
If you want to start a conversation with your boyfriend or your partner over text, put him on the pedestal.
Ask him about his day or share also something about your day but don’t make the conversation all about you.
“Hello, sunshine, what you’ve been up to today?”
“Hey babe, hope you’re doing well today.”
🔺Extra tip: Choose wisely words that you want to express your gratitude and don’t forget to specify how he impacts you.
12. Show your thrill about an upcoming event or activity with him
After showing interest in him and making him valued, you can start a conversation over text with a guy by showing excitement.
You can inform him that you’re looking forward to meeting him or doing an activity together.
“I’ve been thinking about the conversation that we had at Clairo’s party. I’m quite excited to go and listen to Arctic Monkeys with you.”
🔺Extra tip: I advise you to not claim any type of feeling that you’re not confident or sure about it.
Faking enthusiasm might lead to negative consequences.
13. Use a pun or a funny phrase
If you’ve already exchanged numbers with this guy, try to use a pun or a funny phrase to make his day better.
“I hope you’re hungry cuz’ I’ve made some fake pasta or an I’m pasta for you.”
“I’m not a painter but I could paint a picture of you and me together, RIGHT NOW.’
🔺Extra tip: It’s good using funny phrases over texts but it’s also important to get to know if he liked to use them or not.
Try to choose puns that are related to him or you or combined.
14. Pick the right time
To start a conversation with a guy over text you need to pick the right time to do it.
Texting him late at night might give him wrong impressions because he might think that you might be looking just for a fling.
Also, if you contact him in the morning or during the day, it’ll let him know that you’re interested in him and you’re not playing games.
🔺Extra tip: You should avoid texts like just “Hey”, “You up”, or “What you’re doing?” because they don’t transmit any type of message.
He might or might not reply to you, but even if he does then his answer will be short and dull.
6 main mistakes to avoid when starting a conversation with a guy over text!
The first mistake that you should avoid while starting a conversation with a guy over text is being too generic.
Every guy will notice, even if he doesn’t know you that you’re being impersonal.
So, even though this article provides you with different tips, situations, and text examples you should add your experience to it.
~The second mistake that you might do even indirectly or unconsciously is when you ask him too direct and personal questions.
If you don’t know him in real life, you should avoid asking him, let’s say, sexual questions, or giving him too many sexual innuendos.
~Then to know how he would feel about you or how would react, try to learn more about his personality.
Just like the attachment style, the personality type impacts too how a guy interacts with you, especially over text.
Let’s take, for example, the entertainer personality type. If he is the entertainer then he would like to receive flirty, sexy, and funny texts.
Indeed, it’s hard to know his personality type if you don’t know him well, but try to read more about these personalities and ask him a few questions.
~Never be too demanding. If you’re constantly starting conversations with him or trying to make him start a conversation then that isn’t going to work.
In general, a man even a woman like to be free to choose what and how to feel.
Being manipulative will only push him away because you’re not allowing him to process what he’s feeling at the moment.
~Overthinking constantly. I’m aware that when you’re starting a conversation over text with a guy can be overwhelming and mysterious.
You don’t know what to expect and you’re afraid that you might be rejected and hurt.
But, try to write the text message as you feel because every time that you’ll erase the words and replace them, it’ll sound less authentic.
~Ignoring his text messages or not paying attention to what he’s saying.
Understandably, you’re excited to text him and let him know everything about you.
Yet, it’s important to balance it and not make the conversation all about you.
If you let him know something about yourself then he engages in this conversation, listen to him actively.
If he’s letting you know about his childhood and his favorite band then you might ask: “Have you ever been to their concert?”.
Ask questions about his experience that will make him comfortable sharing.
In summary: How to start a text conversation with a guy?
You can start a text conversation with a guy by being authentic, showing interest, and being respectful.
To be successful and start a conversation with a guy on text in the best way, you need to put to work your creativity, confidence, and effort.
When you sit down and you want to write and send this kind of text, do it, don’t overthink it.
Just make sure that you’re transmitting the wanted message by stating your point and keeping it casual.