Has the guy you’re interested in been acting flaky and unreliable lately?
For the life of you, you just can’t seem to make plans to do something together without him canceling last minute or disappearing.
Unfortunately, we’ve all been there at some point in our lives.
We’re left wondering what to say after somebody cancels on us; one thing we know for sure though is that we don’t want it to happen again.
And if you too are wondering how to respond to a flaky guy, I got you covered!
– But first, what does it mean to be flaky?
Flakiness is highly unreliable and odd behavior from a person.
A flaky person is someone who doesn’t keep their promise, is unreliable, and cancels plans often.
That’s good and all, however, time is money; we don’t want to waste our valuable time on a person who doesn’t respect it.
Not to mention if we’re looking to establish a relationship with someone, flakiness doesn’t allow it to get nourished—or even go anywhere, for that matter.
It’s time to take matters into our own hands!
Today I’m going to show you how to respond to a flaky guy and his flaky texts!
1. Be cool and ask for an explanation.
When getting flaked, the first thing to do is talk about it.
Ask for an explanation as to why he canceled his plans or why he keeps acting a certain way.
Do all this in a cool, calm, and collected manner to give him space to talk but also to prevent defensiveness on his part.
That, and also to check if he has a good reason for doing what he did.
At times like these, it’s common for us to assume the worst, though, we should give him the benefit of the doubt.
When he cancels plans, you can text him something like this:
- 1. “Hey! It’s cool! Is everything okay, though? You’ve been doing this often lately.”
- 2. “No worries, it happens to the best of us. Did anything happen?
- 3. “Hey, you got to do what you got to do! Did something come up? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”
- 4. “Oh no, is everything okay? Also, don’t sweat it! Some things we just can’t help.”
- 5. “Don’t worry about it, it’s okay. Also, what happened? I hope nothing too serious.”
- 6. “Don’t worry about that! More importantly, did something come up?”
- 7. “Don’t sweat it. Though, I must ask. Is everything okay lately? You’ve been canceling plans a bit too often.”
- 8. “It’s not a problem. Can I ask what’s going on, though? You keep canceling all our plans and I’m getting worried.”
- 9. “Hey, it happens! Some stuff can’t be helped. What happened? I hope you’re doing well.”
- 10. “Don’t sweat it. Do you mind telling me what’s wrong, though? You’re canceling a lot of our plans lately and I’m getting worried!”
These texts are good for a guy whose personality you don’t know too well yet and genuine guys who don’t pull these shenanigans.
Be cool and polite while also making sure to bring his flakiness to the table.
You have every right to ask for an explanation!
2. Show him you won’t be around whenever he pleases.
We’re told men love the chase and that they love it when women are unpredictable and exciting.
Show him that you have other fun things to do.
Don’t let him think that you’re bending over backward just to make plans with him happen; this will show him you’re willing and available for him at all times.
Don’t let him think that he can get away with doing whatever he wants and not face the consequences.
If he tries rescheduling—especially after flaking numerous times—do NOT always comply.
- 1. “Hey, although it’s a shame we couldn’t go out yesterday, I can’t accept your offer. My whole week is packed, so I won’t be free for a while! You have a great time, though!”
- 2. “It’s okay, no worries. My friends called me and they were around the area, so we had fun!”
- 3. “That’s sweet of you! However, I don’t think I’ll be able to hang out on [specific date], but I’ll let you know the next time I’m available. Have a good day!”
- 4. “Hey, that’s okay! I’m afraid I won’t be able to hang out anytime soon, though. I’ll let you know when I’m free again!”
- 5. “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it on [the date he’s rescheduling to] or the following days. Do you mind if we do it another time?”
When we’re into someone, we find ourselves always wanting to agree to whatever they do or say, but that’s not the way.
Make him want you and let him realize that you’re not playing along with his childish games.
And even if he has a good reason, in general, showing too much availability will make a man pull away and lose interest.
3. Don’t over-text or reply too quickly to get his attention.
Another thing with flaky guys is that they may take a while to text people back; they also have a pattern of disappearing and coming back.
Basically, doing what they please without a care in the world.
It gets tiring always being the one to text first or make plans; let him do that for a change.
When your guy acts this way, return the same energy.
Don’t give him all of your attention—or at least not all at once.
Some people, to understand the consequences of their actions, need to be shown how it feels to be treated the way they treat others.
Do NOT respond as soon as he texts back and consider letting him take the initiative in your relationship.
Funnily enough, this will make him want to talk and follow up on plans with you more; again, the “men enjoy the chase” theory can be valid a lot of times.
4. Be understanding when the situation calls for it.
Sometimes, people flake because they have no other choice.
They are too busy, they aren’t in a very good place, or something urgent might have come up.
In this case, they have no other choice but to cancel plans or disappear for a while.
If the person we’re talking to has a very good reason or an important thing to attend to, we need to be understanding.
Of course, if this happens too often, we don’t need to tolerate it; it’s frustrating and painful getting stood up—let alone constantly.
Nonetheless, we can choose to be understanding and compassionate when needed.
If a guy is apologizing and explaining his reasons for canceling/rescheduling plans or suddenly stopping contact, here are some understanding replies to consider:
- 1. “Don’t worry! I see how that was your priority at the time. Is everything okay now?”
- 2. “I appreciate you apologizing and explaining stuff to me. I understand, don’t worry! How are things now, by the way?”
- 3. “Don’t worry! That couldn’t be helped. I appreciate you letting me know. I was getting worried.”
- 4. “Thank you for the heads-up! How are you feeling now?”
- 5. “I appreciate you opening up with me. I see why that made you feel a certain way. How are you doing now? Also, don’t worry about us not being able to follow through with our plans. I understand.”
Show compassion and care for him if you know he would never intentionally do anything to hurt you.
Life sometimes gets the better of us; a lot of people get overwhelmed and as a result, they shut down.
During their time of need, it’s up to us to comfort and reassure people instead of adding to their worries.
5. As tempting as it may be, do not react negatively.
It’s normal to feel angry and upset with a person who never keeps their promise, however, acting upon those feelings will push him further away.
As tempting as it is, we need to try our best to not lash out at others.
Avoid yelling, cussing him out, insulting, or blaming him.
I know a lot of this behavior comes naturally and impulsively, but reacting negatively will only make us look bad, clingy, or/and desperate.
And we don’t want that.
Avoid making him feel like you’re an obligation that needs to be fulfilled; this will make him pull away.
If you just started talking to this guy and haven’t known him for a long time, reacting negatively will leave a bad impression on him.
It will make him feel as if you’re expecting more from him even though you’re not in an exclusive relationship yet.
He may even have a fear of commitment that might get triggered.
6. Communicate about how his behavior makes you feel.
Talk about how his constant flaking makes you feel.
Tell him in a respectful way about how frustrating, painful, and worrying it is constantly being canceled on.
Some people are truly socially clueless; there’s a chance that your guy doesn’t know what he’s doing is hurtful.
You might be thinking “Why do I have to teach him common knowledge?”
That’s a really good point. But despite that, we can’t change the very fundamentals of a person; we can only change their perspective.
So, if you’re set on making your relationship work, do consider letting him know about his mistakes, and hopefully, that will open his eyes.
- 1. “I want to talk about the fact that you constantly cancel our plans. It makes me upset, especially since I look forward to spending time with you.”
- 2. “It sucks when you do this, especially after I already got ready. It makes me feel unimportant.”
- 3. “This issue is becoming too frequent. It doesn’t sit right with me that you always cancel plans. You don’t even give me a heads-up. It upsets me and I would like to talk about this.”
- 4. “It hurts me knowing that whenever we make plans to do something together, the chances of those plans getting canceled are very high. It’s hurtful and frustrating because I look forward to them.”
- 5. “It’s become routine for this to happen. However, I don’t plan on getting used to it. It hurts me and makes me feel like I’m not worth the effort, you know what I mean?”
If a guy you’re seriously involved with flakes on you way too often, he should expect this kind of talk.
It’s also very understandable to feel the need to express your thoughts and feelings regarding your guy’s flaking tendencies.
7. Make it known that your time is valuable and he needs to respect it.
One of the reasons why flaky behavior is so frustrating is that it poses an obstacle and inconvenience in our day-to-day schedule.
Making plans with a flaky person also means potentially letting your efforts and free time go to waste.
Make it known that you’re not one to be toyed with; tell him that your time is precious and you have no intention of letting it go to waste.
Ask him to respect and be considerate towards your schedule; show him that you’re serious about what you do and who you spend your time with.
This will make him want to pursue you and think twice before acting immaturely. You can try saying something like this:
- 1. “Hey, just to let you know: off-days are important to me, considering I rarely get them. I’d appreciate it if we didn’t make plans unless you’re positive you can follow through.”
- 2. “I’m okay with rescheduling only if you’re 100% sure that you can make it as well. I took a day off my busy schedule because I wanted to spend time with you.”
- 3. “I know we’re both busy, however, when you initiate plans, I would appreciate it if you followed through. Or at the very least, give me a heads-up earlier.”
- 4. “Last-minute cancelations don’t usually sit right with me, considering how busy I tend to get. I would love to meet up with you another time, but I’m not one to make plans unless they’re sure to happen.”
- 5. “Hey, I know that some things can’t be helped! Just wanted to let you know that I usually have a very busy schedule; showing up today meant taking a day off. And my idea of a day off isn’t having plans canceled. Next time we make plans, it would be nice to let me know if you can’t make it.”
8. Make sure to often reconfirm and check in with him.
As annoying as it is, we need to check in with flaky people to reconfirm and make sure that we’re still on for whatever.
If he tends to always change his mind or cancel plans, the smart move would be to check in with him.
“Hey! Just wanted to check in with you once again since you’ve been busy lately. Are we still on for tonight?”
There’s nothing wrong with reconfirming here and there; it shows that you value your time.
Ask him if you’re still on for whatever you two had in mind or if there has been a sudden change of plans.
Prevent your time from being wasted!
9. Let him initiate the rescheduling.
If he does cancel plans way more often than not, leave the rescheduling up to him.
Consider it an unwritten rule: you had plans that he canceled and he should come up with the rescheduling.
This way, you can get a better understanding of how he feels.
Also, since he’s picking the time, date, and place, he’s less prone to flaking again; if he’s genuinely busy, he’s going to pick something convenient.
All you have to do is simply mention that you’re not opposed to the idea of meeting up again.
If he wants to reschedule, then that’s a sign that he respects and cares for you.
- 1. “Yeah, I was really looking forward to hanging out with you too! Let me know when you want to do it again and I’ll tell you if I’m able then!”
- 2. “Sorry to hear! Let me know if you want to try hanging out another time.”
- 3. “Thank you for the heads-up! Let me know if you’re thinking of meeting up another day.”
- 4. “It sucks that we couldn’t do what we wanted to do. Well, I’m down to give it another try.”
- 5. “Alright. It’s a shame we couldn’t meet up. Talk to you soon!”
10. Only agree to meet up again if he has a solid reason for flaking you.
Agree to meet up only if he flaked on you for a really good reason.
There are times when people genuinely get too busy or can’t get out of situations; we shouldn’t punish them for it.
If he doesn’t flake often, or if this is his first time, be understanding and consider giving him another chance.
When he gives you his reasons, it’s up to you whether they’re acceptable or not; if you get the feeling he’s lying, trust your gut.
Of course, at the end of the day, it’s up to you if you want to give him a second chance or not.
Despite that, we should put ourselves in others’ shoes and contemplate whether they deserve to be “punished” or not!
If he’s not reasonable, or respectful, and if he’s continuously flaky, then avoid meeting up only when he pleases.
What to do when a guy flakes on you too much?
Some guys are flaky, yet they have a reason. But then, there are the guys who are overly flaky without a justifiable reason.
So, what should you do when a guy flakes on you way too much?
– Realize how his behavior impacts you and the relationship.
Establishing a relationship—especially romantic—with a flaky person is challenging.
According to Innerdawn, a strong and healthy relationship is supported by commitment, trust, respect, and communication.
And those pillars might start shaking up once you start dating a flaky person.
You’re going to have a lot of ups and downs—you’re also getting used to quite the amount of disrespect and inconsiderate.
– Take a step back and think about whether you want to pursue a relationship with him.
If a man is flaky by nature, then chances are that he’s either not going to change, or changing will take a long, long time.
Think about whether it’s worth it or not.
Nobody likes getting ghosted, flaked on, or overall being treated unfairly; dating a flaky guy means that you have to get used to a lot of unjust behavior.
Think long and hard about whether you want to go through all of this and form a more serious, deeper relationship with him.
– Pay close attention to his excuses.
Dating a flaky person means that you will get to hear a lot—A LOT—of excuses. Some of them lie.
Pay close attention to his patterns and explanations; don’t let any deceit slip through the cracks.
Though, after a while of constantly having your plans canceled and hearing too many excuses will gradually have you doubting him.
– Don’t sit and wait for him to reach out: move on with your life!
Flaky people are not reliable. They might contact you, or they might not.
So based on what we already know, we can conclude:
I shouldn’t put my life on hold for anyone.
- Go out and have fun;
- Keep up with your studies/work;
- Spend time with loved ones;
- Don’t neglect yourself and your needs;
- Form new connections with more fitting people.
- Do activities that make you feel good.
– Confront him about his flakiness.
Don’t get used to the disrespect; confront him about his behavior.
If we don’t speak up to people, then they’ll carry on acting as if nothing’s wrong; the same goes for flaky people.
Keeping quiet won’t do us any good.
Quite the opposite, actually: our mood and mental health could most likely deteriorate.
So, talk to him about it, and let him know how his behavior is affecting you.
– If it hurts, let him go.
If it hurts too much and it affects your mental health negatively, do seriously consider seeing other people.
Flaky behavior would hurt anybody, so it’s no surprise that the thought of letting a flaky person go has crossed your mind.
You know it’s time to end a relationship once it no longer lets you feel anything but negative feelings.
All relationships have their obstacles, but it depends on us which obstacles are tolerable and which we’re willing to not work through.
If he’s a person impossible to maintain a relationship with, then let him go.
If someone gives you pain, they’re not worth it!
Indeed, not all relationships sail smoothly in the sea we call love.
But luckily for us, a relationship doesn’t have to be perfect to work; it needs to have two people who care for each other.
If someone acts as if they don’t care, don’t stick long enough to find out whether they do or not.
You deserve somebody willing to go above and beyond just to see you smile!