Longing for comfort and affection from a person who’s just as familiar as they’re forbidden can be a temptation you can’t resist at least once.
You’re torn between the overwhelming urge to reach out to your ex over text and the need to move forward and start your healing journey.
The good memories won’t leave you alone. I know. But it’s time to stop texting your ex, leans you’re worth more than that, and move on once and for all.
Here’s the ultimate guide with 14 tips to stop yourself from texting your ex again!
1. Delete them from all of your socials—including their phone number.
In case you haven’t deleted or blocked their contact details yet, you should consider doing so.
This is one of the most repeated pieces of advice in this case, but it is so for a reason: it has proved to be effective.
Data on breakups shows that the majority of people say their relationship ended on a bad note.
If you’re not on good terms with your ex or are headed in that direction, then delete their number and their socials from your socials!
This way, you prevent yourself from falling prey to the urge of texting them.
It’ll take more work to reach out to them, and you’ll have more time to reconsider your decision to text them.
It will hurt, and you’ll be sad seeing all the messages and their number gone from your phone, but it’ll be worth it.
2. Try keeping yourself busy and making some changes in your routine!
A common reason why people keep texting their exes is the force of habit.
You’re used to keeping in touch with them and they were a great part of your day.
Your mind can have a difficult time accepting the fact that you’re abruptly not going to have this person as part of your routine.
This is why you have to make changes and shifts in your routine to keep yourself busy, distracted, and excited about new things!
Start doing activities you love and enjoy doing, or at least return to them if you’ve lost track of those activities. You can
- spend more time with your loved ones (friends or family);
- indulge in your favorite activities, hobbies, books, series, or things you’re passionate about;
- pick up new hobbies you’ve been thinking about;
- start working out and engage in physical activity (it helps tremendously in increasing the feel-good hormones);
- travel or just go out to places.
I have to add more emphasis to the importance of physical activity on your mood, emotional state, and physical state.
According to Mayo Clinic, physical activity has a lot of benefits—physical and psychological.
It helps take your mind off worries, improves confidence, and promotes healthy coping ways.
I understand that after losing a relationship, you might not be up for anything, but isolating yourself will only make matters worse.
You’re more prone to initiating contact with your ex if you don’t engage in activity that benefits you, your health, and your healing journey.
Don’t miss out on other things that will help take your mind to a happier place!
3. Remind yourself of the reasons the relationship ended.
You and your ex broke up for a reason, and it’s important to keep reminding yourself of that reason.
A study on breakups and their circumstances shows that many couples break up because of reasons such as:
- Frequent fighting;
- Loss of feelings;
- Long distance;
- Abuse, etc.
And a lot of other valid causes that prevent a relationship from going any further, hence making two people break up.
Whenever you feel the irresistible urge to text your ex, take a deep breath and ask yourself:
“Why did we break up in the first place?”
Regardless of whose decision it was to end the relationship, there was a solid reason why your relationship ended (no matter how unsolid it seemed).
4. See if there’s any work to be done for your self-esteem.
Everyone deserves a relationship in which they’re wanted, cherished, and loved. You make no exception. You’re deserving of such a fulfilling relationship.
An ex who’s reluctant to text you back or reach back to you is not going to give you the relationship you’re deserving of.
If you’ve done something wrong to them, for which I’m sure you apologized for, you can get a chance to not repeat those mistakes in another connection.
You are—subconsciously and/or consciously—aware of this. Yet, you keep reaching out to your ex over and over again.
This could signal low levels of self-esteem.
Knowing your worth, working on self-care, and engaging in healthy activities and lifestyles can tremendously improve your self-esteem.
You’ll come to a realization that you are deserving and worthy of love without having to chase it or go out of your way to ‘earn’ it.
5. Ask yourself “What am I hoping to gain from texting them?”
Whenever you’re close to giving up, take a deep breath and ask yourself:
“What do I want to achieve from texting them?”
“Is this going to benefit me in the long run?”
“Is this something I temporarily want that will only be a major setback for my healing process?”
Do you want:
- To get back together with them;
- To get closure;
- A cure for your boredom;
- To not feel alone;
- To simply catch up with them?
Acting upon these impulses will only offer you a temporary solution that will do more harm than good in your healing process.
Getting real and honest with yourself is the way to make rational decisions that might suck at the moment but will benefit you long-term.
6. Reduce your screen time by focusing on your life and priorities.
Sometimes, after a breakup, you might find yourself spending too much time on your phone and obsessively scrolling through memories or your ex’s posts.
The more time you spend on your electronics, the more you’ll think about them and the more tempted you’ll get to text them.
Make a list of your priorities and start acting upon them. Some of those priorities can be
- practicing self-care;
- committing to your job, passions, hobbies, and daily tasks;
- spending time with important people in your life;
- getting back on track with your goals;
By getting your priorities back on track, you’ll have less time to focus on your ex.
You’ll slowly start realizing that you don’t depend on them for a happy or fulfilling moment in your life.
Slowly reducing your screen time will help you to focus on yourself and your life.
Other people and things need—and should—be prioritized, your ex isn’t one of them.
7. Recall the bad memories whenever you miss them and start feeling nostalgic.
Memories can betray us regarding people we have loved—or still love—but have let go.
Whenever you start missing your ex and feeling a sense of nostalgia, chances are you’re only recalling the good times—not the bad ones.
This will make you miss your ex and want to reach out to them.
It’s okay to cherish the good times with your ex. But in this case, your need to reach out to your ex can turn unhealthy.
Hence, the moment you catch yourself having the urge to text your ex again, turn to the bad memories.
Think of the times they’ve hurt you, they were unfair to you, and the times they rejected you.
Tell yourself that they’re not deserving of your attention anymore while having those negative memories in front of your eyes.
Eventually, the urge—if it doesn’t entirely go away—will fade and you’ll have an easier time fighting it.
8. Consider the fact that your ex might not be okay with you texting them.
What was the reason? Who broke up with who? How did it affect the two of you?
If you’re finding yourself fighting the urge to text your ex, then there’s a high possibility that your ex no longer wants anything to do with you.
It’s very painful to hear and think of, I know. But chances are, your ex won’t appreciate you texting them.
This could especially be the case if:
- they’re the ones to have broken up with you;
- you were in some way unfaithful to them;
- they felt disrespected and unappreciated during the relationship;
- the breakup ended horribly;
- or, they’re in a new relationship with someone else.
Don’t let them tell you they don’t want you twice.
Leave the room when respect isn’t served, learn from your mistakes, and understand that you’ll always have a chance to make things right with someone else.
9. Avoid being on your phone when drinking!
We’ve all received—or sent—a drunk text, and it’s rarely a good thing.
When you’re out for a drink with your friends, avoid being on your phone because chances are that you’ll get that sudden burst of courage.
You might reach out to your ex while under the influence of alcohol, and a drunk text is not a text to be proud of…
Ask your friends to keep a close eye on you if they ever see you pick up your phone.
Tell them to stop you at all costs if you show any signs of wanting to text, or even worse call, your ex!
If you feel like you’ll get too bold, then give your phone to a friend of yours to keep until the effects of alcohol wear out.
10. Don’t forget that there are more fish in the sea.
Consider getting back into the dating game!
This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into dating if you’re not feeling it. However, you can consider dating other people.
If you’re thinking that they’re the only one for you and contemplating whether you have made a mistake, you’re wrong!
The world is full of opportunities and thinking otherwise will push you to contact your ex out of fear.
Stop thinking that you’ll never get over them or that you won’t ever be able to fill the void he left behind.
If all of those thoughts are preventing you from looking somewhere else for romance, then it’s time to make them stop.
You can try going on dating apps, getting to know more people, and exploring what the world has to offer!
11. Think about how far you’ll come and how texting your ex will affect your progress.
When facing the urge to text your ex, think about the possibility of your progress hindering or even going to waste entirely.
Ask yourself these two questions:
“What will be the consequences of my actions?”
So far, no matter how rocky your journey has been, you’ve been trying and succeeding to heal yourself.
Texting your ex can bring you back to the beginning. You’ll have to fight off urges again, and this time they’ll be more difficult.
As difficult as this urge is to fight off, it is way easier than the ones to come if you text your ex again this time.
It will be a huge setback and—in the worst-case scenario—getting back together with a person you know isn’t good for you.
So, once you feel the need to text your ex kicking in again, think of how negatively it will affect your healing process.
12. Understand that what you’re feeling at the moment is normal.
All of your current feelings at the moment, including the urge to text your ex, are all normal and valid.
We as beings are biologically meant to form connections instead of breaking them.
Of course, your mind and body will manifest the symptoms of the breakup, one of which is the strong urge to reach out to your ex.
The breakup can take your mind to darker places. But, you’re not the only one to experience this. We all do. It is normal.
So instead of accusing yourself or feeling excluded, hug yourself, and seek solace within yourself by accepting that what you’re feeling isn’t wrong.
Team up with yourself in this journey by
- not being judgemental of yourself for feeling this way;
- accepting yourself as you are;
- comforting yourself instead of hating yourself for not being able to get over your ex;
- write yourself an apology letter for things you’ve done wrong to yourself;
- understanding that what you’re feeling isn’t your fundamental reality and that these feelings won’t last forever;
- and come to terms with the fact that things come and go and that you’ll be able to find someone great again.
Don’t push your feelings away because you’ll only make them more powerful: they’ll grow and become the center of your world.
Instead, learn to accept them as a natural part of your healing process.
13. Confide in loved ones or professionals.
Reaching out to your support system in times of need is also a brilliant move that can tremendously help you in your healing journey.
Another, sometimes clearer, perspective on the situation can help you fight the desire or need for your ex you might be experiencing.
Talk and express your feelings/thoughts to a close friend or family member who can change your mind and open your eyes!
Whenever you get this urging feeling to contact your ex, talk to someone who you care for and vice versa.
Sometimes we need people knocking some sense into us, and who better than someone important to you?
Take what they’re saying at face value, and because they don’t see your ex and relationship through rose-colored glasses, they will be able to give you a reality check.
Reach out to the person you choose to trust and believe then express all that you’re feeling—including the fact that you’re thinking of texting your ex.
There’s always someone willing to listen and help! And despite what the intrusive thoughts are telling you, you’re not alone.
Welcome the love that knocks on your door with open arms. Embrace it, and let it guide you to healing.
14. Consider trying a breakup app.
There are a lot of breakup apps that keep getting more and more recognition for their effectiveness.
Breakup apps are, essentially, apps that help people go through breakups by following particular schedules, guides, or advice.
If you don’t find yourself not being able to fight the urges, then another effective way to keep yourself from texting your ex can be breakup apps.
Some of those apps are
You’ve been doing great. So, don’t give up!
At times it can get really hard to resist the temptation of texting your ex.
But, you can stop texting your ex. Billions of us have. You can move forward too.
Your worth nor joy doesn’t depend on anyone’s opinions, presence, or words. The moment you realize this, you’ll be free. It’ll still hurt, but you’ll be free.
Free of the urge to reach out, to need them, or the belief that your happiness depends on your ex.
The fact that you’re here looking for a solution is a big step!
You’re deserving of love and a healthy relationship where you’re cherished and cared for without having to work hard to earn that love and care.
Every step you take toward the journey of healing matters, and you’ve got this!