Your heart might be aching and longing for his presence. The pain and heartbreak can seem unbearable… You want the guy back!
Getting him back isn’t as easy as it’s been portrayed recently. It takes a lot of work on yourself, a strong will, and patience, but you can get there!
Fortunately, there’s the Cool Girl’s Manual to Getting Him Back that’ll show you step by step what it takes to get him back!
Here are 10 ways you can realistically get a guy back:
1. Consider why the relationship came to an end.
Before diving into your plan in getting him back, try removing yourself from the situation you’re in and reflect on rather pragmatic factors.
Objectively think about the pros and cons of rekindling this relationship. Write them down so that you can see them.
Then assess the situation carefully.
If the reason for breaking up was because of a misunderstanding and a conflict, you can still talk to him about it.
If you left because he cheated on you with someone else, you need to consider if you’ll be able to trust him again.
Consider the level of treatment you received from him.
If you left because it affected your well-being (domestic violence, abuse, etc) then you need to reconsider your desire to get him back.
So ask yourself these questions before starting your journey to get him back:
- Why did you break up?
- How did you two change for things to be different this time around?
- How has he changed since the breakup?
- Do you think you can rebuild trust?
- How will you make things work this time?
2. Focus on getting yourself back together.
Self-discovery, re-learning of self-valuation, and personal growth are vital to the process of getting a guy back, and not only that!
Getting yourself back together and self-care will help you understand the core values of a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
That will automatically put you in a better position than you were when you broke up with the guy.
Give yourself time to process and figure out your feelings. Start focusing on yourself and practice self-forgiveness.
Eventually, you’ll grow into this cool, confident, and awesome woman who is fully aware of her worth. Now that will make you magnetic!
Avoid getting him back to be your top priority, and it will work in your favor to get him back. A little paradoxical, but bear with me!
Here’s what you can do to start yourself care to feel better and get him back:
- Set some time aside to spend on yourself;
- Set and work on your goals for the future;
- Enjoy the beauty and pleasure of activities that you like;
- Pursue your passions;
- Practice self-forgiveness and love;
3. Avoid chasing him, let him have space
Chasing a guy after breaking up might just further push him away instead of winning him back.
Speaking from a psychological perspective, space can be tremendously helpful in the recovery process of a relationship.
So, instead of chasing him, let him have some time to himself.
We tend to get lost in getting a guy back and leave ourselves behind in turmoil. Part of taking care of yourself is stopping to chase him.
It’s crucial to respect his boundaries. Don’t let fear of not finding someone as good as him blind your judgment.
So to get him back, you should stop chasing him. Here’s what you can do to avoid falling into the trap of chasing him:
- Prioritize your happiness;
- Don’t check up on him;
- Start the No Contact rule;
- Avoid doing things to get his attention (posting, visiting the same places he does, meeting with his friends to get information, etc.);
4. Practice the No Contact Rule
To win him back, try disconnecting and giving him space to understand his feelings and make do with your absence.
The No Contact Rule will allow you both to have the space you need to recollect your thoughts and miss one another.
It will also give him a better perspective of the value you brought into his life.
Not forgetting the benefits of space for the reconciliation of a relationship we mentioned earlier.
By entering the No Contact, you will have time to focus on yourself, begin the healing process, and understand what you want.
Nevertheless, this healing process can last days, months, to years for some.
So you shouldn’t feel pressured to know what you want. On the contrary, walk at your own pace.
- Do not reach him through the phone: no texts, no calls, no contact at all!
- No social media posts that relate to your relationship with him;
- Resist the urges to reply to his texts for a while (say, two weeks, a month, or more);
5. Say no to neediness and desperation!
In desperate need of his presence in my life, I kept texting him and calling him.
Unaware of the way that that behavior would portray me and the effects it’d have on the connection, I kept going.
The moment he told me “You’re being disrespectful of my request for space.” it all started making sense to me, just like magic, it rang a bell.
At that moment, I realized how clingy, needy, and desperate I was by trying to reach out to him so many times.
That pushed him even further away.
Omar Ruiz, a marriage and family therapist, made a point on this as well.
He argues that disrespecting your partner’s need for space can push them away from you.
So, I stopped. A month later, with kindness and understanding, he came back to me with a clear head of what he wanted.
To increase the chances of getting back him back:
- Don’t blow his phone with calls or texts;
- Don’t show up uninvited to his place;
- Don’t send him signals on social media;
6. Remember your self-worth.
You long for his presence, you miss the warmth and comfort that the relationship once gave you. I’ve been there too.
I caught myself looking at him and my memories of him through an unrealistic lens. This lens was pinky, it had hearts and roses.
It was so unrealistic that it led me to forget the reason we broke up, and even worse, it led me to forget myself.
But there came a point where I realized that I was worthy of love too.
I looked into my positive attributes and my ability to love. And, that was when it all changed and shifted.
You might’ve forgotten yourself as well amid this process.
Remember what you’re worthy of and once you see your self-worth and your boundaries, he’ll see it too.
Your confidence and self-respect will shine through, eventually, he’ll be stunned by it and will knock on your door again.
7. Don’t play games to get him back!
No one wants to be controlled or manipulated. That’s not the way to get anyone back. And that is not what leads to a healthy attachment!
Skip playing games and show genuineness.
He might be able to catch on quickly to the charade you’re trying to pull off and make things worse.
Thus, any strategies you’ve learned on the internet, leave them behind. That being said:
- Avoid posting on social media just to get his attention or to make him jealous;
- Don’t use manipulation tactics and don’t victimize yourself through begging or pleading;
Strive for building your relationship back on real feelings, on genuinity, open communication, and healthy bases.
8. Feel good, look good!
Take care of your appearance, but don’t fixate on it.
If you look good, you’ll feel good. As a result, you’ll feel more confident which will attract your ex’s attention.
Do this for yourself. Pursue an appearance that you’re content with and feel beautiful.
This confidence will be unconsciously reflected upon your behavior which can win him back.
So here are some activities you can do to feel good that’ll benefit your appearance as well:
- Exercise (walk, do yoga, or run), it’ll help you maintain a positive approach to life and situations but also keep your shape awesome!
- Wear what you like and what you feel most confident in;
- Put your makeup the way you like it and the way it makes you feel confident;
- Challenge yourself to something new;
9. Ask a professional for guidance.
The Cool Girl’s Manual to Get Him Back might not work for every situation out there.
You’ve got to believe your instincts as well, but you can also rely on a professional if you feel the need to.
If you feel like you can’t figure out if you want to pursue your ex or not, try getting a second opinion.
Consult with a therapist or relationship expert about ways you can raise your self-awareness and how to reach out to him.
Furthermore, a coach can also guide you to process your emotions and accurately represent your feelings.
In turn, that’ll automatically help you establish a healthy mindset regarding relationships while maintaining a realistic approach to them.
10. Work on your communication for when it’s time to talk to him.
Not all breakups end on a good note, however, you shouldn’t be confrontational and accusatory as a means of guilt-tripping him.
Moreover, avoid getting into arguments by raising your voice. Instead, aim for clear communication of your feelings and thoughts.
Some effective ways you can improve your communication skills include (but are not limited to):
- Express yourself clearly and make your points with confidence;
- Know what you want;
- Listen actively;
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues;
- Avoid blaming or accusing;
- Take some time to yourself when you feel emotionally overwhelmed;
Start with honesty. That way you’ll avoid misunderstandings.
Avoid pressuring him into getting back together. Nevertheless, suggest a slow reconnection.
What can I do to keep my relationship safe and stable? – I don’t want to lose him!
Getting back together, you learn something new from each relationship.
Going on and off in a relationship will help you know what to not do.
As each relationship is special, even the acceptable behavior and expectations change.
Thus, helping you consider a wider range of perspectives.
Here’s what you should consider in your relationship once you get him back:
– Good communication skills are important in keeping a relationship safe and stable. It will help prevent many misunderstandings and conflicts.
According to relationship therapist Michael McNulty, most relationships end because couples can’t communicate their differences and grow distant.
So share your thoughts and feelings clearly and precisely and keep him interested in your abilities to maintain healthy communication.
– A focus on self-growth will help you understand yourself and your partner better.
When striving to improve yourself consistently, you’ll realize that your relationship will improve alongside you.
– Spend quality time together and alone time to have a sense of independence and something to do that you call your own.
Furthermore, spending quality time together will help improve your emotional connection and create common interests.
– Try to be supportive and understanding to make your partner feel appreciated, and valued.
Show him affection and offer a hand when you see him struggling or just let him know that you have his back if he needs anything.
How to move on from a guy you can’t get back?
One of the risks of trying to get him back is getting rejected.
Your hard work won’t go to waste, but the emotional pain of the breakup and rejection can still be there with you.
However, you can cope and move on from it!
Here are the 5 remedies you can use to move on from a guy you can’t get back:
1. Allow yourself to grieve.
You don’t have to move on from him right away. The healing process can take time and you need time to process your feelings.
You can feel angry, sad, ruined, or helpless but you should know that this is about you, not him.
Let yourself feel what it needs to feel, but don’t hold on too long to those emotions and feelings.
2. Talk to your friends and family.
Sometimes sharing your feelings can help you recognize what you need to heal and also get new perspectives.
Moreover, letting your feelings out will help you feel relieved and process your feelings easier.
Your friends and family are an amazing way of reminding yourself how worthy of love and care you are.
3. Plan something for the days ahead.
Instead of locking yourself inside your apartment, plan your days and try going out more.
Doing it will keep your mind away from him and move on from him too.
You can start by listing your objectives of the day, running errands, and taking care of unfinished things you left.
As a result, you’re helping yourself move on from him not only mentally but physically too.
4. Focus on yourself and your needs.
Stop associating yourself with him and start focusing on yourself.
Additionally, think about what you need (a break, talking to loved ones, etc.) and do it.
Furthermore, you can finally take up those yoga classes you wanted to, or go visit someplace to distance yourself physically from him too.
A new environment will help you heal the soul and help you recover mentally from the heartbreak.
5. Completely cut him out of your life.
You need to think less of how amazing he is and more about what you’re thankful about not dealing with.
So every day you can write down two things about him that you weren’t satisfied with.
According to a study, the negative reprisal of your ex-partner will help you move on faster.
Think of it as a close chapter, and allow yourself to get your old self back.
Don’t try to win him back: let things naturally take their course
Rebuilding a relationship can be enticing and even a goal for some people, particularly when the success stories seem like they came out of a movie.
According to a study, 50% of couples split up and then reconcile. So nothing is impossible. You have an equal chance.
However, avoid forcefully trying to mend your relationship.
It takes time to build back the trust, safety, and trust you had in each other.
You need to consider why you want him back and even if you get him back, ask yourself if the relationship will be the same or not.
Furthermore, instead of playing games and clinging to the idea of getting him back, focus on yourself and your healing process.
Keep in mind that you can’t make him change his mind, and the game of getting him back is wrong.
Grow and develop into someone you’ll be proud of, work hard for what you want, but let it go when it shows resistance.