It’s more than common to be overwhelmed and be tangled in mixed feelings after breaking up.
You’re being held in the past and you want to break the chains of not letting go.
Even if you try to forget your ex, you’ll find them in every bit of situations that might connect you with them. This will happen especially during the first month or months after the breakup.
At the first stages of grief, limerence is what keeps us holding back to a breakup. You feel sadness, anger, guilt, you might feel rejected, confused, and lonely.
You’ll only find peace by not forgetting your ex but by letting them go. Slowly when you make space for everything else in your life then you’ll start to detach yourself from your ex.
Without further due here are 14 tips on how to forget an ex:
1. Allow yourself to go through stages of grief
Acceptance of pain at this period is hard since the pain is still fresh.
To get through the pain you should feel it first and then get past it. You have to feel it to heal it. Denying your feelings won’t help you get through this situation.
It is very common to have intrusive and obsessive thoughts during the first days when you’re experiencing a breakup.
You keep thinking about your ex, keep picturing them or the moments that you’ve spent together, and you might have flashbacks.
Yet, letting yourself feel these feelings and not ignore them can help you adjust to the situation faster.
2. Don’t try to erase good memories
The magic of detachment happens when you are able to live in the moment.
Forgetting an ex doesn’t require thinking only bad about them and not reminiscing on your good memories.
Instead, allow yourself to think about your good times and how you felt at that moment.
This will allow you to experience joy and pain at the same time and that will help you in forgetting your ex.
3. Understand why you’re feeling like that
Sometimes, people are scared to let their obsessive thoughts go because they think that they’re letting their ex go too.
Avoiding the source of your pain won’t make you forget about your ex.
You should try and understand why you’re dealing with your obsessive thoughts. What’s the source that is not letting you forget your ex?
Stop and reflect on what’s coming out of your brain or of your heart.
4. Vent to your friends or family
When you’re heartbroken, you need some time by yourself to cope with the pain and let all your feelings out.
Yet, opening your heart to a friend you trust or your family can help you accept reality and slowly seek the future.
Having a shoulder to cry on it is better than beating yourself up and grieving in silence.
Go out with friends and family and you’ll slowly see the change.
That space of sorrow will soon be replaced with feelings of joy, love, and compassion from other people.
5. Be focused on your self-growth
You might think that this is quite a cliche but shifting the mindset from your ex to you can be the answer.
Now you have more free time to reflect and focus on yourself. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and try things that you’ve never done before.
This will help you discover your potential and accept the fact that you’re not dating the right one.
Once you feel nourished then you’ll be able to reflect on yourself and know what you look for in the future relationship.
6. Try to go No Contact
It is not easy for you to cut all ties with your ex but to focus on your healing process it is better to choose the distance.
How do I forget about my ex? During this time you should be able to not call, text, or interact in any way with your ex.
You will see that this rule is working once you will be focused more on yourself and you won’t feel dependent on your ex.
After a few weeks of using No Contact, you’ll notice that now you’re the one who controls the way you feel and operate.
7. Don’t jump immediately on a rebound relationship
Everyone chooses to cope in a different way when the relationship is over.
Some choose to shut themselves down whereas others want immediately to find comfort in another person.
Jumping immediately into another relationship will make you even more confused and won’t ease the pain.
In the beginning, it might look like you are doing pretty well but then you’ll be even more confused and feel numb from the pain and from the mixed feelings.
8. Try not to spend much time on social media
During this time, social media may be a tool that won’t help you in healing and forgetting about your ex.
Stalking your ex’s profile or interacting indirectly with them will make you feel even sadder. You won’t be able to let go of those feelings.
The urge of going to your ex’s profile is evident after you break up thus shutting down your social media or blocking your ex will be good for you.
You’ll focus on your self-improvement and won’t be interested in what your ex is thinking or doing at that moment.
9. Don’t fantasize about the future
One important thing to do when you try to forget an ex is to stick to your plan.
Live in the moment and don’t take any action with the intention to get your ex back.
If you take a step to change yourself then do it with the aim to change yourself for the better, for that person you want to be, and for your future.
Don’t try to do it to get your ex back, to take revenge on him, or for any other reason because that will keep you stuck in the past.
10. Give yourself some time
It takes time to recognize the feeling of pain, to cope with it, and then adjust to it.
To forget an ex you don’t need to be hard on yourself and overanalyze what could have been done differently.
Instead, you can:
- Listen to music and watch new movies;
- Read books that will help you in improving yourself;
- Focus on your work but don’t overload yourself with it;
- Write down what are your best traits;
- What hurt you the most during this breakup;
- Write down your strongest and your weakest points;
11. Avoid the chance of staying friends
Staying friends with your ex won’t be a solution on how to forget your ex.
It doesn’t matter if you were the dumper or the dumpee, staying friends will hinder the process of mending yourself.
If you still have feelings for your ex then it’s better to not stay in contact or spend a lot of time around them. That will keep you glued to your ex even more.
Let them know politely that their request won’t be appropriate for you and then continue with your life.
12. Spice up your life a bit
Giving your life a new direction will keep you focused, will enhance you, and will help you to detach from your ex.
Thus, discover new hobbies or new passions, travel more, meet new people and make new friends.
Travel to multiple different cities or countries. This way your mind will start to adjust to new things and changes, slowly, day by day.
If you like watching movies then go and watch as many movies as you can. If you like music then go to as many concerts as possible.
With one word, learn to live outside your ex’s bubble.
13. Try not to hang out with mutual friends
Hanging out with mutual friends will put salt into the wound. You’ll find yourself talking about your ex and how you can’t forget them.
If you and your ex still hang with your mutual friends then you’ll feel even more attached to him or her and hurt more.
For some time, you might stop hanging out with the same people and detach yourself from this situation.
You will feel free and relieved from those negative feelings.
14. Focus on the reason that you broke up
The reason you broke up is a source of reflection and a way to accept reality.
In this way, you won’t instill any more negative thoughts but you’ll start to recognize the real aim that brought you to the breakup.
You’ll learn to balance things and use it as a trigger to help you be better and know what you look for in another partner.
How long does it take to forget your ex?
Getting over your ex or over a breakup takes a few months to a few years.
The result depends on the type of your attachment and how you’ll be able to adjust to the feeling of letting go.
~If you had a long-term relationship and you want to forget your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend then that takes a few months to a few years.
It all depends on how close you were and how able you’re to accept the reality. If you were invested emotionally for some time then it takes a longer time to cope with the pain.
~ If you were just dating for a short period of time then it is easier to detach yourself and forget about your ex.
Even in a short-term relationship or while dating, the time that is needed to forget an ex depends on:
1. if you or your ex ended the relationship;
2. if they started to pull away from you;
3. if you were more invested in your relationship than your ex;
~ It depends on the reason that you broke up. If there was a silly reason that you broke up then it takes some time for you to accept the fact that you broke up about that.
If you separated because your ex was pulling away from you, they were losing interest, or there was a lack of communication then forgetting an ex might take longer.
The feeling of being underrated and not loved can make the healing process longer.
~ If it is hard for you to forgive then it takes longer to forget your ex.
Having a hard time forgiving yourself and your ex has a huge impact on the length of how long it takes to forget your ex.
Being able to forgive earlier will be easier for you to empower yourself and detach yourself from the idea of your ex.
~ It depends on the work that you do after the breakup. If you manage to focus on improving yourself after the breakup then it will be easier for you to move on.
If you keep being all clingy after breaking up then it will be harder for you to process the feelings and break free.
~ If you have low self-esteem and were part of a toxic relationship then it will take a longer time to reestablish yourself.
You’ll feel very insecure, hurt, and confused after being out of that relationship.
The negative impact that this relationship had on you will prevent you from forgetting your ex sooner than needed.
Why can’t I forget about my ex yet?
You can’t forget about your ex yet because you feel guilty for breaking up, you feel so small and unimportant after being dumped, and you feel like you’ll never be able to love or be loved again.
There is nothing weird to feel stuck in that breakup bubble and not be able to get out.
The most important thing is to understand the reason that is holding you back and try to find a solution for it.
Here are 8 reasons why you can’t forget about your ex:
1. You can’t face the fact that the relationship ended.
You haven’t been able yet to embrace the fact that your relationship is over. You’re still searching for ways to fix it since you might blame yourself for all that happened.
Even though you might not be the dumper, you blame yourself for maybe not trying too hard to fix things or that you didn’t see the breakup coming.
2. You feel lonely. Loneliness is the worst and when that wave hits you then you immediately think about your ex and can’t let go.
Even the thought of your ex makes you feel at ease and feel important.
3. Your confidence was destroyed by this relationship.
Sometimes, being in a wrong relationship can leave you with broken self-esteem and that will impact the way you carry the breakup.
You seek their validation and you’re not ready to make decisions on your own.
4. Your ex didn’t offer closure.
Breaking up without any firm reason gives you the chance to obsess over your ex.
You might think that maybe there is an explanation and that things might change.
Thus, you are left with the inability to think clearly about the situation.
Instead of rumbling for reasons, you may focus on your self-improvement and keep living your life.
5. If you dumped them then you realized that you might have made a mistake.
If you are the dumper then you’re not able to forget about your ex the moment you realised that you made the wrong decision.
It is completely fine to realize your mistakes and doubt your decisions. In this case, you might consider the chance of having the first talk after the breakup with your ex.
6. You’re still in contact with your ex.
If you’re still talking to your ex or hanging out with your mutual friends then that will not let you forget your ex.
The moment that you’re around your ex then you’ll not be able to step back, feel the pain, and reflect on this situation.
7. You were always the only one contributing to the relationship.
If you were the one that was always carrying the relationship then it will be hard for you to forget your ex since you feel some type of void now.
You were used to doing anything for him or her and now you don’t feel that powerful by yourself. It is hard to detach from someone that you’ve invested time, emotions, and everything.
Now, it is time to turn the tables. All that energy that you used to invest in your ex, you might try to focus on yourself.
8. You still stalk your ex on social media or share the same friends
If you’re still interacting with them on social media then that will trigger your pain and keep you focused on your ex.
It is better to mute or remove your ex from social media. This way you won’t be impacted by their ‘presence’ and keep carrying on with your life.
In short: How do I forget about my ex?
Forgetting your ex isn’t something that can happen in a blink of an eye.
You can’t forget your ex. You just make space in your heart and brain for new experiences and new memories, while you embrace reality.
Being able to cope with pain and adjust to new situations will help you to ease your feelings and be good to yourself.
This is a process that cannot be controlled or constrained. You need to cry, shout, let your feelings out, learn to see life from a different perspective, and live to the fullest.
You can do it if you believe it!
Warm hugs,
Callisto
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