Confronting your cheating spouse with no proof or little information will break the trust or trigger him to lie more and get controlling.
You don’t know whether you’re being paranoid or you’ve strong gut feelings.
Being cheated can be proved even without having no strong proof, but you need to have at least some little information as a leading point!
Here are 13 practical tips to help you to confront a cheating spouse with no proof:
1. Make sure of your feelings and doubts
First, define the source where these feelings and doubts are coming from.
Ask yourself questions and try to reflect on your behavior and his.
Only when you spot the source of what is causing your doubt then you will know whether you’re feeling insecure or he’s cheating.
- Start by checking for signs. Has his routine changed and has he been more distant with you lately?
- Even the author Jimmy Evans claims that you need to rely on someone else, someone who is liable.
Finding someone who is not biased will help you to reflect differently and you’ll know if you’re dealing with internal problems or cheating.
2. Try to notice if he changed a lot his routine or his behavior
You can confront a cheating spouse with no proof if you notice that he isn’t the same anymore.
His behavior and body language will help you a lot to gain information and get clarity.
Indeed, the changes in his life and personality may be a product of everyday stress and other circumstances.
But, if he is constantly distant from you, tries to spend more time with others than you, and tries to change his appearance then he might be cheating.
This can help you to have it as a pivot and leading point but you can also collaborate with a relationship coach to define this situation.
3. Try to learn more about the Psychology of a Cheater
If you want to confront a cheating spouse with no proof then you need to think like a cheater.
To catch him, you need to study how a cheater thinks and behaves and try to learn about the motives for his sudden change.
Then try to poke him a little bit. If he has been hiding his phone a lot recently, ask him suddenly to use his phone so you can make a call.
If he doesn’t give it immediately to you or tries to dial the phone by himself then be prepared to dig more.
4. Be specific: Don’t beat around the bush
You can be direct and ask questions to confront him even when you don’t have proof.
You only need to approach it with positivity, be real, and not make it look like an accusation.
Do you want to rescue the relationship or just find out the truth and then move on with your life?
Then define what is lacking in this relationship of yours.
If he is having less sex with you or refuses to spend time with you but is all dolled up to go out then you need to ask some questions.
1. “Babe, I have been craving a bit of time together. What do you think if we could have a mountain getaway this weekend?”
Check how he answers. Whether he gives mere reasons to not just go or encourages you to go with your friends then this tells you a lot.
5. Open the conversation by talking about trust (Avoid Accusing)
Change the perspective and have a different approach than most women might have when trying to confront a cheating spouse.
I’m not implying that you should romanticize everything he does or deny what you’re suspecting and going through.
I found myself in the same mess when I was 20, young, crazy in love, and married.
I assumed that he was cheating me because during weekends, he was always busy and working way too late and whenever he came, he smelled like lavender.
He constantly declined and I stopped asking. I just started to draw my boundaries and ask what was my right in this relationship.
6. Don’t try to manipulate him or create a trap
A cheater will sense it when you’re trying to expose him if you try too hard to play mind games with him.
It’s like fighting a cheater with his weapons and tactics.
But, even if he is giving mixed signals and isn’t cheating on you, manipulating him will make your relationship toxic.
It will make him lose trust in you or even continue to make plans to be more secretive if he’s cheating on you.
Thus, I know that you’re overwhelmed right now and confused but creating a fake profile to see if he responds might not be a good way to confront him.
The questions should be straightforward but not accusative.
Let’s say, you might ask him after you’ve been intimate with him because then he’ll be more vulnerable.
You can also use reverse psychology and ask questions that are related only to you.
Because only by addressing the issue to you, you can trigger his unconsciousness.
- Ask him how he feels about your relationship lately and if there’s something that he might change.
- Have you noticed something weird about me lately?
- Do you think that another celebrity or just a mere person would satisfy you more in this relationship?
8. You shouldn’t interrupt him while you’re confronting him
Even if you’re not sure whether he’s cheating on you or not, try to listen to him.
Only by listening to him, you can put yourself in his shoes.
Just by listening to his point of view, you may understand a lot of things: why is he cheating on you or why is he acting the way he does?
Thus, try to be understandable and not hostile even though it hurts and you’re still confused.
9. Give him space and time
After you ask questions and confront him, try to create some space.
You and he should do things on your own and just maintain a stable relationship.
Until you have more proof and until you figure it all out, you need to not pressure him or manipulate him.
Try to hang out with him and stay in the same place but set your boundaries and continue with your life.
10. Don’t think to walk away without making an announcement
I know that right now, you might feel insecure, hurt, and confused, and it might look like you’re stuck in limbo.
You just want to run away and wish that everything will end soon.
But, until you have concrete evidence it’s better to keep thriving and not just walk away.
Because if you just walk away because you feel it in your gut or you just feel unloved at this period, it might be a huge mistake.
Yet, try to stick up to this relationship until you find pictures, words, letters, or anything that might prove that he’s having an affair.
11. Gather more information using appropriate apps
You can confront your cheating spouse with no proof by starting to collect more information regarding this matter.
Try to use a few apps that might give you a glimpse of what your distrust.
Using Social Catfish, you can check if your husband is using dating apps with his name or another name.
You need only to enter his name and you can get all the online information that is related to him.
If you observe his interaction on WhatsApp, it will help you to define whether he’s talking to someone else and if he is using a private number.
~Lastly, check what he is looking for on the internet. If he is just checking the usual things then there’s nothing to worry about.
But a cheating spouse will make it look clean every time that he wants to cheat or is currently cheating.
12. Don’t have the conversation in front of everyone
Use pillow talk, try to talk with him casually, and don’t force the conversation when you see that he keeps ignoring it because you don’t have proof yet.
When you have proof then it’s much easier because you can prove your point and your accusations.
Thus, find a moment when you’re together when you want to confront or ask him.
Because asking him in a crowded place will lead him to anger and he won’t give you the wanted answer.
He might even find it easier to camouflage all of it because he might use any other person there to deviate from the situation.
13. Don’t hesitate to ask for extra help
Asking a therapist or counselor for help will give you a boost while confronting him.
Because even if you don’t have any proof, a therapist will define why you’re acting like this if he’s cheating, and why you want to confront him.
Even if he is emotionally cheating you, there might be hidden signs that a therapist will understand better.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to anyone, you can try and read a book also to just get a glimpse of it.
How to gather proof when you don’t have any?
If you don’t have any proof and want to catch your cheating husband, start to hang out with his entourage.
1. Check how he interacts with other people and what they think of him.
I know it’s hard to gather information this way because most men don’t break the bro code.
Yet, you can find out at least something that might help you to confront him.
Because even the famous psychotherapist Esther Perel, says that nowadays is very hard to define what cheating is.
She says that cheating can be a chatroom, a long message with lots of provocative emojis, or the dating apps that he continues to check.
That’s why gathering information takes more time to conclude even though you have more sources than before and no concrete evidence.
2. Talk to other people that he works with and check how he has been behaving there and when whether he was always going to work.
3. You might enjoy a group with cheating spouses and check what they think about this matter.
4. If none of this doesn’t work then try to hire a professional investigator or a lawyer that might help you legally to solve this issue.
In conclusion: What to do if you think he’s cheating but have no proof?
When you think that he’s cheating but you have no proof, try to understand the motif and why you want to confront him.
After you gather a bit of information and work on your confidence, then you can confront him.
You shouldn’t jump immediately to a conclusion because you don’t have any strong evidence and everything might go downhill.
Keep going and draw your boundaries.