When that guy you’re really into starts pulling away, your first instinct is to panic.
“Why is this happening? Did I do something to irk him?!”
These thoughts are fine as they can’t be stopped; what is frowned upon, however, is desperately begging a man to change his ways.
You need to show him that you have self-respect and aren’t fazed by anyone…but how does one act high value?
What does being high-value mean? It all has to do with the right mindset!
Being a high-value woman means knowing your worth and not letting anyone mistreat you.
You’re not one to let someone play you like a fiddle, and you sure as heck won’t beg for someone’s attention in a relationship.
This is not to say that you can’t feel your feelings—of course you can.
- You’re allowed to cry and hurt, but never once do you start doubting yourself just because of a man.
A high-value person does not act in a way that makes them appear “aggressive” or “desperate”, e.g. insulting the guy who’s doing the ghosting.
Oh, no. A graceful woman handles things maturely by giving him the space he so desperately wants without looking back.
– Why does being high-value pay off in this situation, exactly?
People are attracted to individuals who respect themselves enough not to beg and plead for others’ affection.
If the man in question thinks you are way too desperate, he’s only going to further pull away due to not wanting to deal with someone who worships him.
Men who are toxic in nature, on the other hand, will be achieving their goal of having you chase them.
Carrying yourself as a high-value, self-respecting woman will show him that you’re not to be messed with:
- He’ll realize he’ll only be able to treat you with dignity, regardless of how he’s used to treating other women. You’ll have no problem kicking him to the curb if your boundaries are overstepped—this will show him that he either needs to put in effort or leave.
Do you too want to show him what you’re made of? Here are my tips for letting the high-value woman in you shine!
1. Let him reach out first.
If he’s very clear regarding wanting space, just respect his decision, and don’t text, call, or holler at him in any way!
Do NOT be the one to break no-contact because you’d be basically showing him he’s all you can think of.
He might get the idea you’re desperate; but by letting him initiate first, you’re giving him his space while also proving to him you’re high-value.
If he wants to come back, he will. If he doesn’t, let him be—he’s made his intentions transparent and no amount of begging will help.
2. Don’t panic. Or at least don’t let him know you’re panicking.
As I said, panicking when someone you like starts pulling away is normal, but you need to somehow be able to manage it.
There’s no need to call him 50 times in a row demanding an explanation or pleading with him to come back. This will leave a bad impression on him.
Instead, when he says he’s thinking of distancing himself from you, say something along the lines of:
“That is alright if that’s what you want. I wish you a good life and I hope you sort out whatever needs sorting out.”
It’s not guaranteed to change his mind, but that is not our goal. Our goal is to radiate confidence and security.
3. Don’t get angry at him.
Or rather, don’t behave angrily with him if you want him to know you value yourself.
Don’t cuss him out, yell at him, or show up to his workplace (I can’t stress how unhinged and desperate this makes people look).
There’s no point in getting mad to begin with: he’s free to do what he wants, and making that choice means that’s what he wants to do!
Trying to insert yourself in his life against his wish will make him pull away more and think, “Phew! I dodged a bullet just there.”
4. Be the mature one: ask for an explanation.
Just because he’s made up his mind doesn’t mean you can’t ask for an explanation! Just do so maturely.
For example, you can say something like:
“Hey, is this a good time? I just wanted to ask how you’re doing because you’ve been acting a bit distant lately. No pressure!”
Lay all your cards on the table and let him know you’re mature enough to recognize the fact there’s an issue that needs discussing.
By doing this, you’re not letting him escape the mess he created—you’re showing him he can’t treat you however he pleases and that he needs to make things right before leaving for good.
5. Don’t follow up on your texts multiple times.
Stop sending multiple texts one after the other. If he wanted to respond, he would, and being intense won’t do you any good.
I know you might be seeking some type of closure, but no answer is sometimes an answer—give texting him a rest and keep yourself distracted instead.
A confident woman knows that being treated right by a man isn’t something that needs begging…it should come with the package.
Did he leave you on seen? Two can play that game.
6. Do not beg him to stay by agreeing to his unreasonable requests.
Never beg someone to stay if they want out, especially if it means putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
He has made his choice, thought it through, and decided to act upon it—never forget this.
Refrain from attempting to change his mind by agreeing to do “better”; it’s not going to work most of the time with men who want to leave.
And even if he does agree to stay, what’s the point? Either he or you are going to be stuck in an unhappy situation in which both of your boundaries are disrespected.
7. Don’t apologize if it’s not your fault.
“I am sorry, please come back. I won’t repeat it.”—avoid saying sentences that sound similar to this.
Particularly if you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong to cause his pulling away.
Some people tend to take the blame if it means pleasing the other person, something that NEEDS to be avoided if you want to be high value.
Now I’m not saying you should never apologize even if it is your fault…just so that you needn’t let this man step on you.
If you do not compromise your boundaries and cause his riot, then so be it! Not having any consideration for the people around them is not a pretty trait in a partner.
8. Don’t be accessible to him when he does come back.
You don’t want him to think you were waiting for the minute he summons you, so you need to be the opposite of available.
- Don’t text in a desperate way, answer his calls right away, or say yes to going out on a date as if nothing happened.
You need to hold him accountable for his actions by somehow letting him know said actions are not okay!
If you want to show him just how high-value you are, don’t let him think he has you wrapped around his finger by running to him as soon as he comes back.
9. Share your pain ONLY with trustful people.
The last thing you want is for this man to hear how miserable you’ve been without him—it will be a nice addition to his ego, that’s for sure.
- Only open up to the people you trust won’t tell him about your state. That being said, I don’t recommend saying a peep to his family members or friends.
Talking to your friends will make you feel better and also less tempted to over-text your guy.
10. Refrain from directly or indirectly communicating with him through social media.
Directly as in posting on his Facebook wall or commenting on his pictures, and indirectly as in posting heartfelt quotes that say “She was a rainbow. Too bad he was colorblind.”
You might unintentionally make him uncomfortable in the first scenario, and roll his eyes in the second—regardless, be careful with social media!
He’ll instantly know you’re trying to tug at his heartstrings as a last, desperate resort, which will make him less prone to coming back.
And, please, do not create other social media profiles just to text him if he already has you blocked.
11. Don’t put your life on hold.
No matter how much you like this guy, don’t let his absence make you lose all motivation.
- Don’t isolate yourself from other people by ignoring their help and stuffing yourself in your room the whole day.
He would have won if you did this…or at the very least think of you as “weak” (although in reality there’s nothing wrong with feeling stuff).
Instead of bottling things up, try talking to a friend or family member about your issue, and don’t adopt a passive lifestyle just because a guy is pulling away.
12. Stay away from ultimatums if you know they’re not going to work.
I don’t recommend giving him any ultimatums as you’ll only make him feel pressured while also seeming desperate.
I know you’ve had it with his shenanigans, but telling him that he either needs to get his act together or leave isn’t going to work—he’s not a kid.
Have you tried doing this time and time again, but with no success? Or have you tried talking to him about how hurtful his behavior is?
If you have, then it’s time to silently leave; in the end, you have warned him before that this was going to happen if this goes on.
13. Cut him out. Set him free.
The best thing you can do in a toxic situation such as this one is to cut your ties with the perpetrator of your pain.
- Block his phone number and social media accounts. Vow to never fall for his trap again if he’s not making any effort for your sake.
Or you can keep him unblocked but fight your urges to text him…which hasn’t proven to be successful throughout history.
This ought to show him you mean business when it comes to yourself and won’t allow any man to disturb your peace.
14. Keep yourself occupied so that you’re not tempted to reach out.
The most important thing when it comes to being a high-value woman just happens to be the hardest: resisting all temptations when it comes to reaching out to a guy first.
When a guy is pulling away, that usually means he’s not texting/calling AT ALL, which also means you need to match his energy.
⚠️KEEP YOURSELF BUSY SO THAT YOU DON’T GIVE IN TO YOUR URGES.
- Talk to your friends rather than him;
- Focus on your hobbies;
- Catch up with work or school;
- Watch a TV show (preferably non-romantic for obvious reasons);
- Go out for a walk;
- Or go for a swim in the dating pool!
But whatever you do, make sure it’s satisfying enough so that it leaves no room for him in your mind—the more you think of him, the more you’ll miss him.
Very briefly on why guys pull away — they have their reasons.
Pulling away from someone entails increasing the distance between you two, usually emotionally.
This can be done by hanging out/communicating less, or even getting closer to someone else (which results in automatically pulling away).
And even though I recommend you talk with this guy regarding his new-found behavior, chances are he’s pulling away because of the following reasons:
1. He’s going through bad times.
Maybe he’s overloaded with assignments that he has yet to finish, or he has to work overtime for personal reasons.
Whatever it is, feeling stressed is enough reason for people to take a break from other people for the sake of mental health.
2. He needs space is all.
Contrary to what others might think, wanting space from a partner doesn’t always signal a loss of affection.
As we established, he might be feeling stressed; if not stressed, he’s asking for space because he wants to take things slow or is not used to consistency.
3. He wants to seem chase-worthy.
He’s giving you less so that you stay craving it more. This is the equation of a toxic man.
He wants to make you feel unsure and anxious about his feelings regarding your relationship by slowly pulling away.
4. He wants you to know you’ve hurt him.
We’re all guilty of shutting another person out after they’ve upset up—this is what happens when you’re not good with confrontation.
Did you two argue recently? He could be pulling away because you’ve hurt him in some way.
5. He changed his mind about you.
I saved the worst for last: the reason he’s pulling away is that he might have lost interest.
As an automatic response, he is putting some space between you two until further notice because he wants to figure out what he wants to do.
– To make him want you after pulling away, you have to let him do his own thing.
Nope. When people tell you that the best revenge is living your best life without them, they aren’t just saying it.
If you want to win him over once more, your best shot is to let him do his thing and not fight him on a decision he carefully made.
- Don’t change yourself to fit his image, beg him to stay, or keep hopelessly texting him.
Since he wants to be petty, be petty right back by carrying on as if nothing happened.
Live your best life! Go out with your friend group as usual and post about it online as a way of telling him “Your absence does not affect me negatively in the slightest!”
You can’t let him get drunk with power.
Be graceful every step of the way.
A high-value person is someone who deals with issues gracefully, rather than aggressively. Do you know why?
Because they are confident and know their happiness isn’t lying in the hands of another person.
They face every romantic predicament head-on! You want to be with them? That’s cool.
You don’t? That sucks, but it’s also cool. However, don’t think for one moment that you can play a high-value person for a fool!
It’s time to show him that it’s his loss, not yours.
Love,
Callisto.
Wow, Brilliant Callisto!!! Thank you