Examples and lines you can steal for yourself
Oh I’m so glad you asked this question! You know what it means to me? It means that you’re a boss a## b#tch! Welcome to the club!
Let me guess… You’re wanting to ask him out without getting rejected? That’s fair enough, but on the contrary I dare you to get rejected.
You’re hesitating because of this, I know. But there’s nothing wrong with being rejected, besides the fact that you feel like sh*t. I feel you, but I’ve been there, and I’ve experienced a lot of more difficult things than getting rejected.
Fear’s role is to protect you from dangers, hence it’s developed in us. But as much as it helps us to keep living, it also stops us from being alive.
So what that you get rejected? It means you’re alive, and you’ve experienced some emotions that don’t f*cking kill you, how about that?
Perhaps you barely know him, perhaps you just met, perhaps he’s at work, at school, hell, at a dancing class, a club, on and on.
The worst that could happen is you not giving it a try and never know how things would work out, or you asking him, and him turning into this murderer (which is not funny), maybe that’s one of the reasons why fear is generated in such situations. BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT!
We want to know how to ask a guy out over text!
I’ll show you how, with examples, because I’m feeling generous today.
BEFORE you ask him out – Things to practice and understand
I understand the excitement, I understand the struggle. How about we calm down a little, and consider a thing or two together?
Are you ready to start dating?
Ask this to yourself, and answer it yourself. A cup of coffee, and the next thing you know it’s been 10 months into the relationship and you still don’t know how you feel about it, and you’re kind of confused, and don’t know what to do, and think it could be too late to pull back because he’s already thinking of marrying you?
You definitely don’t have to be so elastic with your thoughts, but think if you’re ready or not. Have a healthy thought type of conversation with yourself.
What’s your mood like?
Perhaps you’re very hyped up, or you’re sad and think that you’ve got nothing to lose, or you’re mad, or you’re so happy you could fly, whatever you’re feeling it’s ok.
But, it could be a better idea to do this when you’re in a more of a stable mood-situation type of thing.
Strong emotions can lead to strong and not very clearly thought actions, so you might want to calm down a little…
What are your intentions?
Be honest with yourself, and I mean brutally honest. What are your intentions, what is it that you want/need from/with this guy?
Have another genuine conversation with yourself, and see if he’s the one worth setting those intentions on.
What’s his type of personality?
If he’s the confident type, that’s flirty with girls and doesn’t give a damn if she’s the boss or the coworker, then you might want to keep a little bit of an eye on him before you ask him out.
That’s because these types of men don’t expect women to ask them out, in fact they don’t even leave room for thinking, they ask the women they like out. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try, I’m just saying think of it again, and look if he’s worth it.
He could be the shy one, the one that’s not very comfortable around people, you know the one.
My point is, analyze his personality or his type, his behavior, see if it is the type that would wait for a woman to ask him out, or would go for it himself.
Whatever the case is, if you can’t hold it in, then ask him sister! I’d love to hear about your stories in the comments, feel free to share them.
So, finally, the big question: “How to ask a guy out over text?”
Sis, put your seatbelt on, because we’re going for it hard this time!
What better than doing something you both like?
It is a rhetorical question, so you don’t have to answer that one!
You can find something you both have in common – It could be a movie of a movie genre you both like, music, food, activities such as hiking, surfing, skating, painting, or dancing, hell, you name it!
“Hey [name] I’m gonna be hiking at [name of the place] this Saturday, since you told me you love hiking too, thought I’d invite you to come with me. Let me know if you’re in!”
So you’re casually asking him, not sounding desperate, not being needy of his presence. Just an activity that you can do with or without him, but you decide you want some company, simple as that!
Find something he’s good at (so that he can teach you later on)
Something last minute, yeah, oh yeah like an extra ticket somewhere: a basketball game, a concert, a planetarium, a festival, and hundreds of opportunities? Yes, baby!
“So, I have an extra ticket for [movie name]. If you feel like seeing it at the [cinema name] this Friday, you can totally come with me!”
This is how you ask him in a cute way. You know you’re doing fine, amazing, cute and you just happened to have that one extra ticket. Inviting him in a cute way, will make a cute date too!
It gives him room for answering, and shows if he really likes you but he’s shy to ask you out. Here’s why:
- If he’s free at that time, and wants to see you, he will say yes.
- If he’s not free on that day and/or time, he’ll suggest another day/time that he’s free on (He doesn’t want to miss out on a great time with you!).
Cut the bullsh*t and just be direct
This works more with guys that are confident, you know the ones that don’t play games and are straightforward too.
“Hey [name], want to join me for coffee/beers/wine this Friday?”
It’s a simple line, direct: you’re asking him to hang out, you cut the bs, you’re straightforward, way to f*cking go! Seriously, I’m proud of you!
Something that stands out a little from the standards, something personal, something related to him.
“Hi [name]! I couldn’t help but let you know how amazing I found your [work], if you’ve got the time, I’d love to hear about the process that took you to get there tomorrow.”
To which you can add a little something so that you let him know that it is not for work only. Something like:
“Oh, and I find you pretty charming, so I’d like to know more about you too!”
Another one of the cute ways to ask him out through text, especially while he’s at work, or if he’s your colleague.
So, what are you waiting for?
Men can’t f*cking read between the lines, so you want to be as specific as possible. You can try as hard as you wish to find indirect ways to ask him out, he won’t get the clues, his brain doesn’t work that way.
“Oh btw, I find it fascinating that you can [something that he does that you find fascinating], and I’d definitely like to know more about you as a person. Beers this Wednesday at [name of the place]?”
Yes, a way to ask him out without sounding desperate, without having him confused. Straight to the point, this is how you do it.
In this case, the example I showed you above, can be more of a text that you send him after starting a conversation through text with him. If you’re not having a conversation, simply remove the “Oh btw,[…]”, and you’re good to go!
Be confident about it
You know just f*cking own it. Seriously, he’s a human being too, he’s no god, he’s no demigod, he’s no judge, he’s not anything before he’s a human being.
And at the end of the day, confidence is not about who and how he is. It’s about you being comfortable, knowing your own worth, and knowing that things come and go, things happen, and you got yourself no matter what!
“Hey [name], I find you pretty interesting, hence I’m inviting you for wine/beer/coffee at [name of the place] at 6pm tomorrow. Sounds good to you?”
You’re subtly asking him out, you’re confident, you’re direct.
So, don’t overthink it, don’t stress about it. He’s not the last guy on earth, you’re awesome no matter what his answer will be.
Keep in mind: his answer doesn’t determine what you are. He either likes you and says yes, or doesn’t like you (which is not the end of the world) and says no.
Don’t go off of your ways just to ‘satisfy’ him
If you don’t feel comfortable watching a football game, then don’t sacrifice! I’m not encouraging you to not step out of your comfort zone, or not take chances on trying out new things, I’m just saying don’t go off of your ways just to ‘satisfy’ him, especially this being a first date.
Another example would be: you, not in a good financial state, and you, borrowing money just to get those basketball game tickets, which by the way you wouldn’t go if it wasn’t for him. Don’t do it.
DOS AND DON’TS – Tips (yes, the useful ones) on asking him out through text
REASONS – Why you should ask him out through text
Oh man! The reasons…
- Through text specifically (it is easier to get out of the situation), you have room and time to think about the responses.
Let’s say he doesn’t give a full response that indicates if it is a yes or a no, you have time to think of what you want to say next, and what you can do to get a clearer answer from him.
Or if he says no, you have time to think of polite ways to respond, instead of getting stuck IRL.
- Texting him asking out is easier because you can manage your emotions and expressions no matter what his answer will be.
You can jump out of excitement if he says yes (or no), get a full red face that screams embarrassment (despite the fact that I’ve been telling you the entire time that there’s nothing wrong with being rejected), and so on. Cry your eyeballs out, and so on. You know, the usual.
- You have more options and can feel more free to express yourself.
Perhaps you’re the shy type, and you express more of yourself when you’re behind the screen, texting him to ask him out would be ideal for you. Though, you will meet him IRL and will have to share thoughts/things in person.
You can also get creative with things like pictures, if you’re the funny type.
Or send him a picture/link of what the place looks like if he doesn’t know what place you’re talking about, and so on.
AFTER asking him out through text – Things you must conside
He said yes! He said yes! We’re f*cking stoked! We’re f*cking excited! But we’re also considering some things, young lady!
You took the first step now, it doesn’t mean that you’re the one that has to keep carrying things going on.
You made the first move, now it is up to him too. Don’t make it a habit and invest in him more than you can, or more than he does. Men usually know to take advantage of that, I’ve been burnt once, and I won’t do it twice, hence I’m warning you!
I’m not saying not to give, I’m not saying not to nourish where you can. I just want you to be careful where and to whom you give. This is not coming from someone that’s speaking from a piedestal, this is coming from someone who thought that giving is the only way, who ended up forgetting “the self” and was drained by the end of the relationship.
Just because you asked him, doesn’t mean you have to be the ‘entertainer’
If it is going well, you’re having fun, the vibes are reciprocated, you’re Gucci.
BUT, if he’s not feeling it very well and it is so noticeable that you feel it’s up to your nose, then you’re absolutely free and okay to end the date, or at least stop trying to entertain him, or convince him it was a good idea. You don’t owe it to him!
Give him space to lead the date too
If you feel like you’re the host, it’s okay, but the interest must be reciprocated since he said yes to the date.
What I mean by that is that you can give him space to ask questions, and lead the conversation to topics he’d like to discuss.
IF HE SAYS NO – Facing rejection
A rejection can be:
“No”, “I’m not ready”, “I’ll let you know, I need time right now”, or just anything that isn’t a definitive yes.
When he likes you back, when the interest is reciprocated it’ll be a yes. If he can’t make it, he will AT LEAST give an alternative option that works for him.
If he’s saying he’s busy, or that he can’t make it for whatever reason and doesn’t give you another option, then he’s probably not interested. I’m sorry, but that’s the cold truth, it freezes your face off, but it’s better to accept it and move on to a warmer place.
Girl, move on! Don’t insist, don’t push it, just move on.
BEFORE YOU GO… Cases in which asking him is not the best idea:
When he’s showing signs he’s not interested through text.
He’s not interested, leave it alone, let it go. There are other men, there are other activities, there’s a whole life of wonderful things waiting for you out there.
When you don’t feel the connection, but you’re doing this because you feel lonely, and feel like you could use some male company.
Invite a male friend that you can have a good time with, or stay alone until you feel comfortable with being alone, I don’t care. Don’t do this if you don’t have genuine intentions.
When you just broke up with someone else.
You’re in a sensitive place to be in, you’re not thinking straight. To put it clearly for you, a man is not what you need right now. You need healing, and time to grow from whatever situation you went through.
FAQ – Asking him out through text
“Can a woman ask a man out?” a.k.a “Can a girl ask a guy out?”
Of course, a woman can ask a man out. A human asking another human to go out together, there’s nothing wrong with that.
“Should I ask a guy out over text?”
Texting a guy through text is a good idea for so many reasons. Few of which being: you have time to think to respond to his response, and you can react IRL however you like and he won’t see you.
“Do guys like it when you ask them out?”
A lot of them do like it. But that should not be your concern. You do your own thing despite the chances that he might like it or not, ask him.
“Why shouldn’t you ask a guy out?”
There are not many reasons why you shouldn’t ask a guy out. Unless you’re not doing it for genuine reasons, or you’re doing it because you feel lonely, or because you just got out of a relationship and want to have something new, and so on. In a few words: Don’t ask him out if you don’t have genuine intentions.
“Is it ok to ask someone over text?”
Yes, it is absolutely ok to ask someone over text. As long as you know how to do it, you’re fine!
“Is it bad to ask a guy over text?”
Honey, no, it is not bad to ask a guy over text. Unless you see clearly that he’s not interested, or if you’re not interested in him but have other reasons behind asking him.