It is quite exciting texting with that one person. You look forward to that notification on your phone.
Every time your phone rings you get butterflies in your stomach. The future looks bright with this new crush.
That’s great, but how long will this talking stage last?
You don’t want to risk it and rush things, yet the timing to make the move seems about right.
Let’s begin with the basics!
What is the talking stage in the first place, and how well is it going for you?
The talking stage is the stage – usually at the beginning of meeting a potential partner – of getting to know someone before you start dating them.
It is the stage where you connect and see if you’re compatible with one another.
It’s a necessary step to know a person before you decide to commit.
The talking stage helps people create a bond and a connection that progresses into a relationship. That’s an advantage!
Here are some signs that the talking stage is going well:
- You have deep conversations together and you’re getting to know each other better more and more every day.
- You feel the need to talk to each other and are constantly in touch.
- You create a deep emotional connection with each other.
- You understand each other on a higher level.
- You can vent to each other without the fear of being judged.
- You discussed the possibility, expectations, and boundaries of a potential relationship together.
However, there are times when people get stuck in the talking stage for months and it turns into a situationship without a future. Let’s tackle this!
What is the standard longevity of the talking stage?
Talking stages are different for everyone. Each individual has a different opinion about how long the talking stage should last.
Some feel ready for the relationship after a few weeks, and others find it hard to move to the next step even after months.
Teresa Lodato, author of Becoming Aware, explained “There is no definite time frame for making your relationship official. But it’s best to wait at least a month to see how you react and work together in different situations.”
Therapist Martha Aguilar, on the other hand, explained that it takes almost 2 years to start knowing the person you are dating and that it’s hard to define a correct timeline since there are factors, patterns, and variables to identify to be able to know a person.
Each couple progresses their relationship when they feel ready, but the talking stage – approximately, should last for 1-3 months.
That’s a time frame that allows you to get to know each other a bit and see if the compatibility, similar interests, and goals truly align.
Knowing the person you are talking to is important during the talking stage, and a talking stage is a chance to see if you are compatible and if you can easily connect.
Hence a time frame between 1-3 months can be helpful before you jump into a relationship.
Let’s explain the talking stage in a few timelines!
For a better understanding of how long a talking stage should last, I took the liberty to explain it in timelines.
Based on the amount of time you spent texting, going out, and getting to know each other, you can now know the probability of a possible relationship.
– 1 week/ 2 weeks.
You have been talking with this person for a couple of weeks and already feel ready to start dating them. In this case, it’s too early to know.
It’s impossible to know someone’s true intentions in two weeks, regardless of how convincing they or their behavior may seem.
Try not to rush the process since it can lead to struggles with communication, value alignment, and other issues.
Without using the talking stage to get to know each other, you will have to do so while being in a relationship. This can cause different conflicts, and fail to build a trusting connection.
– 1 month.
A month has flown by fast while talking to this person. And you think that the right decision is to start dating. It’s not too soon.
But, do keep in mind to take things slowly.
Now might be the right time to start progressing to the talking stage, without rushing the other person, without putting labels on each other, and discussing it first.
A month is long enough to get to know the essentials of a person. But there are still things that cannot be discovered within a month.
You might learn about their schedule, their goals, and how many family members they have. But you won’t get to see how they react under stress, how they process sadness, and how their anger manifests.
A commitment comes more easily when you learn about their virtues and vices. And that’s why the talking stage is better when it lasts longer.
– 2 months.
2 months is ideal for a relationship to start with baby steps. Of course, if both of you are on the same page regarding dating.
Within 2 months you get the idea of what type of person they are and how well a relationship will turn out together.
In those two months of talking with each other, you will get to see each other’s reactions in good and bad times.
You get to understand how they can support you, and how you can help in supporting them.
You also get to understand how they:
- Process different emotions.
- Perceive relationships overall.
- Ask for your help.
- Process jealousy.
Also, it will be long enough for you to grow comfortable with each other.
Being comfortable with the person you are talking to determines a comfortable and loving relationship.
– 3 months.
3-month dating rule has been quite efficient. Most of the time the relationship turns out excellent when couples follow this rule.
You get 90 days to get to know this person and create a friendship and an emotional connection. This is perfect for a relationship to start.
Also within 3 months, you get to learn more about the person you are talking to. This helps you understand how serious they are about you.
There are chances where you might reach a disagreement, and you will also understand how well they (and you) can handle and deal with a conflict (together).
You get to see how well they can manage their excitement, joy, sadness, and anger, and how they communicate with you under stress.
According to Claire Stott, “It is completely acceptable to consider becoming official after a couple of months. As long as your partner is going on the same tracks as you.”
Three months will help you see how the person that you are talking to will act in different situations. It’s like a free trial before a relationship.
– 6 months and more.
If you have been stuck in the talking stage for 6 months or more, then it is time you have a clear discussion with your (potential) partner.
Clear the confusion, and understand if they want a relationship, or if they are okay with simply remaining friends.
Their behavior will show that they either have some issues concerning the relationship like commitment issues or being emotionally unavailable.
Or they simply aren’t into you and are just stringing you along.
In this case, pay attention to:
- How they react when you call them,
- Their approach to your concerns,
- Their reaction to your presence,
- How often do they ask you to meet,
- How they are around you when spending time together,
- The way they interact with you in public.
If after more than 6 months of talking, the relationship hasn’t progressed whatsoever, they either aren’t interested or are scared into making a move. Their behavior will show it.
Things to focus on while being in the talking stage.
The talking stage is the ideal time to pay attention to little things.
By analyzing their behavior, and the communication between the two, you can understand the possibilities for a relationship.
It is important to pay attention to the green and red flags while being on this stage. Taking care of it early will save you time and effort. Here’s what you must consider:
- See if their motives, intentions, and expectations for this connection align with yours.
- Is the time you spend together, quality time?
- Do they display cheater or player signs?
- Notice if you’re building trust with one another and if this is heading in a direction you both like.
- Do you feel safe around each other?
- Are you both forward with your intentions?
- Is there open communication?
Telling the green and red flags from the beginning will help you determine whether the talking stage with this person is worth continuing or not.
It’s time to consider another important thing!
The Dos and don’ts for a healthy and flourishing talking stage!
After evaluating your relations with your partner, and realizing that this situationship has the potential to turn into a relationship, it’ll be time to have a look at some dos and don’ts to keep things healthy.
Here’s a list of do’s and don’ts that will jumpstart the talking stage and turn it into a relationship:
- If you want a relationship and met through a dating app, delete the app and let them know of your intentions.
- Create a healthy communication style.
- Start setting and discussing boundaries.
- Organize fun activities meant for couples.
- Talk about where you’re standing in this connection and where you see it going.
- Don’t rush/pressure them.
- Don’t show signs of disinterest if you’re interested.
- Don’t rush to make plans for the future.
- Don’t set unreachable expectations.
- Don’t be overly possessive or jealous.
Know the importance of the talking stage and the longevity of it.
Generally, a talking stage can progress smoothly into a relationship when it goes on for 2 to 3 months.
Use this time to know each other, create a connection, and find the positive and negative signs, before moving into a relationship with this person.