An unfamiliar name popped up on his phone and my heart skipped a beat. I was put in a position any woman dreads.
Who is texting him? And why is there a heart emoji in the message?!
Again, this is a dreadful position to be in. Well, the first and logical thing to do is to talk to him about it, asking him who he is texting with.
But then, what if he lies?!
Dear reader, dread no more because I’ve got you on this one!
Here are 7 ways to find out who your husband is texting:
1. Check his phone when he’s not around.
One of the most effective ways to find out who your husband is texting for free is to check his phone when he’s not around.
It’s free, and it’s one of the easiest ways. As toxic as this is, it’s how many people found out harsh truths about their partners.
It can, however, be emotionally stressful considering that you’re voluntarily trespassing your partner’s privacy.
In a way, you’re crossing a boundary despite it hurting your partner.
Nevertheless, if you think talking isn’t going to solve anything, and you feel he’s capable of lying to you about this, then sure, you can check his phone.
When he’s not around grab his phone and check for
- Messaging apps such as WhatsApp, Viber, Telegram, etc;
- Message notifications from his social media such as Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc;
- Secret folders. They can indicate he’s hiding something from you;
- Pictures on his phone;
- Browsing history (it can give you clues as to whether he’s on dating sites);
- Dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, etc;
To see who your husband is texting and calling, check his inbox for messages from people you don’t recognize. Look out for dating apps as well!
2. Take a look at his social media.
I thought it wasn’t a big deal if his following list is filled with strange women I’d never heard of.
I didn’t put much thought into it until I had my heart shattered the moment he accidentally spilled his secret and said “I DMed her once!”
Although checking his social media profiles won’t give you access to messages he’s exchanging there, they can signal whether he’s forming new connections.
His ‘following’ lists, pictures he comments on, and comments on his pictures could give away signs regarding the people he’s texting with on those social media.
Here’s what could clue your husband is texting someone on social media:
- He comments on strange women’s pictures frequently;
- Women you don’t know comment on his posts;
- New women in his ‘follow’ list (not including influencers or celebrities)
Keep in mind that not every woman he follows who isn’t you could be someone he’s cheating with.
Following women on social media can be normal and okay as long as he doesn’t disrespect you, your boundaries, and your marriage.
However, cheating men tend to get ‘loose’ on social media with women they’ve encountered when their SO wasn’t around.
That’s why comments, likes, and followings, can signal, but not be factic, that something is going on between two people.
You can also have a closer look at what he’s been up to on his social media or dating apps.
Use the form below to enter your Husband’s name and age then look up the results.
3. Use iMessage to see who your husband is texting on his phone (works for iPhone only).
Automatically forwarding messages from his phone to yours can only be done if both of you have iPhone devices.
You also need to be signed in with the same Apple ID on iMessage on both of your devices.
This is yet another free method, however, unfortunately, it portrays you as ‘sneaky’ because you’ll have to snoop on his phone.
If you share the same Apple ID on your iMessage, then grab his phone when he’s not around and:
- Go to Settings, then tap ‘Messages’.
- Once you tap on ‘Messages’ it’s time to tap on ‘Text Messages Forwarding’
- Next up, you’ll see “Allow these devices to send and receive messages from this iPhone”. This means you have to choose your iPhone.
If both of your devices are connected to the internet, you’ll receive the texts he receives on his iPhone as long as ‘Text Messages Forwarding’ is on his iPhone.
This gives you access to all the messages he exchanges through iMessage. Making it easier for you to know who is texting your husband and vice versa.
However, before you decide this is the way to go, keep in mind that this is a violation of privacy.
And if he’s clear and innocent, it can sting just as much as it would if he were texting someone else.
4. Use the help of iCloud on your iPhone.
You can see pictures, messages, and the apps installed if you share the same iCloud account on both of your iPhone devices.
However, before you have access to pictures, messages, and the apps installed on his phone, you must:
- Check if you both share the same iCloud;
- Check if his iPhone has ‘sync this iPhone’ on in his iMessages;
- Check if his iCloud Photos is on;
If you share the same iCloud account, then this process will be a lot easier, and best of all, it’s free.
Although this helps you find out who your husband is texting for free, again, it has an emotional cost.
If you get caught, it can cause you trouble. But you’ll also have a sense of emotional burden and guilt knowing you’re invading his privacy.
5. Get clues from the phone bills.
Considering that you’re married, this one could be slightly easier to do than it would be if you weren’t.
This method might not give you the exact information you’re looking for, however, it can give you clues about whether he’s texting or calling someone else.
If his phone bill is way more expensive than usual, and he wasn’t busy with calls from work this month, then he might be up to something suspicious.
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6. Use the help of ‘spying’ apps.
Spying apps can help you see exactly what your husband is doing on his phone, including texting, calling, and other activities.
There are plenty of spy apps that claim to help you have access to someone’s phone and their activity on it.
This is where it can get slightly complicated and expensive.
These apps should be installed on the device for you to have access to the information you’re looking for.
That being said, if you’re looking for a direct way to find out who’s texting your spouse, then this is it.
You can find out exactly what your husband is doing on his phone, including who he’s texting with, and his social media activity.
The tricky parts of this one are
- You have to install the app on his phone without him knowing about it;
- You have to pay for the services of the app;
Now that we have those out of the way, it’s time to check some of those ‘spy’ apps that can come in handy!
Here are 3 spying apps that can help you find out who your spouse is texting:
- MSPY (starting from $48.99) – You get to have access to all calls, messages contacts, and more activity on your spouse’s phone.
- Famisafe (starting from $10.99) – You get to have access to every activity of your spouse on his phone. The app icon can be visible on his screen.
- Spyic (starting from $39.99) – The app deletes itself from your husband’s phone while you’re monitoring it.
Disclaimer: none of the apps mentioned above have provided any sponsorship for this article. The suggestions are based on research and data reviews.
Once you install the app on his phone make sure you delete the search history on his App Store or Play Store so that you don’t leave any traces behind.
If you’re looking for something practical and straightforward, something that won’t leave you with questions in your head, then spying apps could help you!
However, as much as they’re useful, they can be troublesome! Consider the prices and the risk of getting caught.
7. Ask him about it.
If you’re looking for a way to see who your husband is texting without checking his phone or invading his privacy, this is it.
This is a straightforward way to go about it. Ask your husband directly about what’s bugging you.
You’re in a marriage with this person, you made your commitment official. I get your insecurities, fears, and your pain. But you have to talk to him about it.
Practice open and genuine communication. If you feel like he’s lying to you then you have other issues to consider within your marriage.
Maintain a calm approach and make sure to
- Use “I” or “I feel” when addressing your thoughts and doubts;
- Avoid accusing him with phrases such as “I know you’re texting someone else, who is she?”
- Try explaining how you’re feeling and what triggered your thoughts;
- Let him know what he can do to help you feel assured;
If you don’t talk about this and act upon your insecurities you make room for toxicity to sneak into your relationship.
Talk openly to your husband. I’ve had this conversation, and although he was reluctant to tell me the truth, it slipped out of his mouth without asking him!
Do the right thing and let the rest unfold itself. You’ve got this!
Things to consider before you get into the investigation!
You have your doubts about this, and they might just be there for a reason! However, you must consider a few things before you get into the investigation.
If he wants to cheat—be it emotionally or sexually—he could find his way to do so. However, the truth cannot be hidden for long!
Here are things you should consider before turning to methods to find out who he’s texting with:
– See if you have a reason to doubt him or if you’re feeling insecure. If he’s defensive of his phone, doesn’t use his phone in front of you, hides his text messages, and constantly sees him online when you’re not around each other then he could be hiding something from you.
– Give it a try with a genuine conversation. The word has power. It has the power to unveil the truth and heal. You don’t lose anything by talking to your husband about something that’s bugging you.
The way he responds to it can give you more clues than you can imagine.
– Think twice before deciding to violate his privacy. Checking his phone when he’s not looking or installing an app to spy on his activity can be risky.
Such ways of finding the truth can create room for toxicity and it can cause or feed major trust issues within the relationship.
What to do if you find out who he’s texting?
You have to prepare yourself for the truth. This is a marriage, it’s commitment, it’s long-term emotional, financial, and effort investing.
Such news could shake the foundation of your marriage. And without a doubt, it can affect you and your views on your partner tremendously.
Here’s what to do if you find out who he’s texting:
– Take your time to understand how you’re feeling. Processing your emotions is crucial to this process. Take your time to calm down before you take action.
– Avoid coming to conclusions. Try understanding the truth, and don’t conclude anything unless you have something concrete that points to a direction.
– Talk to him. A genuine talk can save you from your burden. Express how you’re feeling and what he can do to help you cope with what you found out.
– Work on rebuilding trust in the relationship. Practice open communication, develop a sense of partnership, practice activities together, and be there for one another.
– Re-discuss boundaries. A boundary has been crossed, and the trust has been broken. You need to re-discuss your boundaries and make them clear if you decide to proceed with the marriage with your husband.
– Don’t confront the other woman. As hard as it can be to hear, this was your husband’s choice to get involved with her.
Of course, it was her decision too, but she wasn’t involved with you and she didn’t make promises to you. It is your husband who owes you explanations.
– You can try individual or couples therapy. Therapy can be a tremendously helpful step to healing your marriage and rebuilding the foundations of trust.
– It’s okay to want to end it. If you feel like you can no longer trust your husband, and that what he did was unforgivable, it’s okay to end it.
You’ve come into the marriage with boundaries, needs, and expectations. It’s okay to choose to walk away when your partner violates or disrespects your presence.