He Wants Space but Keeps Texting: The Ambivalence of Male Logic  

Men in a relationship require space too. It happens more often than we think. They usually ask for space because they might feel overwhelmed, pressured, stressed, or sometimes to fall in love with you. 

When they go, it feels like a heartbreak. You prepare yourself for the sinking ship and say your final words. And after a couple of days, a text pops up on your phone, it’s from him! 

Ok.. now they are still reaching out, but what does that even mean?! It’s confusing I know but there might be some possibilities why he says he needs space but still texts. 

1. Emotional wound: His heart is made of glass

When he gets back to texting you, it’s likely because what you had and the way you parted ways was an emotional experience for him.

He might have realized that you both made it work until now, and he just doesn’t want to give up yet.

He knows this because it happened before, and now it’s just an emotional wound. He doesn’t want to fall into the same trap again.

2. “Player Boy”: He does it because he can 

Most of these “player boys” like to have fun. They don’t like responsibilities or being held accountable for their behavior.

 I like to call them the “drama queens” because they think every bit of whining is just women’s hysteria.

Once they see this is getting in their way they require space, once they don’t need that space or they need some “booty call” they reach out to you as if nothing has happened. 

If you notice these types of red flags, I would say, don’t text him back, he is not worth it! Typical player move, he does it just because he can!  

3. Fear you will drift away 

Even though he said he needed space he might have had feelings for you. We cannot know for sure, but some signs tell us so. 

If he writes back after a couple of days even though you two “drifted apart” he might like you much and is afraid that this time apart could grow an iceberg between you. 

And you know I think is right, leaving in a no-contact situation might lead to being separated forever. 

4. Sometimes is just simply ✨Boredom ✨

Men can be such a pain in the neck, reading their mixed signals just seems like a lot of work.

He just asked for space but texted this afternoon?! What is he implying with this?! 

Falling prey to monotony, makes you do things to feel something,  not that you care about them. 

The same with him, his texts lack emotion and don’t address any issues that the two of you have been talking about 

In this case, he doesnt have the nerves to deal with you, but texts you because he is just simply BORED. 

5. It’s pull-and-miss with him 

Think about it, he texts you “I need space”, he can’t handle the situation anymore and you have to respect his boundaries because he feels that you are a little too much. But on the other side, he can’t stand without texting you. 

You are confused about what should you do;  not text him because he said all that stuff to you, or text him because you care about him 

It is a pull-and-miss with him. You can’t win the game even if you have the upper hand! 

When you think of him wanting space you immediately detect that something is wrong.  Did I say something that made him mad, what drove him away? 

Many men like to distance themselves because somehow they don’t know what they want. They see that this relationship is getting more serious and are just afraid to admit it. 

They do these mind plays because according to a study on men and masculinity, men are less able and interested than women in building emotional and supportive relationships with others. 

However, they still try to get back where they left it because somehow they still need your validation and attention. 

But are these types of men worth the attention for? Keep reading other pin points and let’s see what we shall decide in the end! 

6. Trauma response & fear of abandonment type of issues 

According to social psychology, trauma can make it hard for someone to create relationships, and even harder to maintain them. It makes you not trust people and hard to show love and build trust.  

Along with this comes the “fear of abandonment,” which is why they might write you back right after telling you to go no contact.

They still want to text you because the fear of abandonment can make them feel isolated, and they worry that you might reject them in the near future. 

The whole process involves several steps for a person with abandonment issues. The trajectory they follow consists of five points:

• Can attach immediately
• Are unavailable
• Hard to commit 
• They decide to de-attach
• They end up isolated, and text you again

Note: It’s very important to look for clues if your partner exhibits these behavior patterns and to talk things through if he again decides he needs space.

7. A time to rebound 🧘

At times it’s really how they say it; “I need to think this through”. Not all men are inconsiderate, some of them can actually be very sincere and tell you the truth. 

If he says so, it’s likely a time for him to rebound to reflect on what is going on between you two. This can take as long as a couple of months to as little as days, even hours. 

During this time of reflection, they usually text you again because they realize that they missed you, and that time away was necessary to the relationship.

8. He wants to see how much you care

They want to check your pulse. How would you react, behave, what would you say, and most importantly how much you care. It’s a testing game to see how would you react to their absence 

Some men don’t like women who overreact or become too emotional if they need space, others might get more creative and see if their leaving would mean something to you. 

It might be important to him if you showed any type of remorse or grief during his need for space. That’s why he may still reach out; he has tested you and is now deciding how things will move forward.

9. Lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely 

Storytime: 

A man in his mid-thirties reached out to me about an issue he was having recently. He carried on explaining that he kind of likes the girl he is in a situationship with, but it’s not quite yet what he has been looking for. 

In the hope he would clear his mind, he required some space from the texting and some time away. When two days were gone, he felt tremendously lonely and had an urge to write to her. 

All this time he was thinking is she just a tool to quench my loneliness, does this person mean something more to me other than a girl I’m just texting?! 

Many issues arise on the premises; ‘Oh this person means nothing to me’ only to find out that without that person you feel lonely, and you kind of miss them. 

Filling in those gaps in between seems more reasonable now, which is why he will text you back even though he wandered off a bit.

10. When away, even the smallest details come to your mind 

When you think about it, some time away to retreat into your thoughts and your feelings is not a bad idea at all. That is why some men to clarify the dark cloud in their heads and need some time away. 

But when you are away and he processes his thoughts, little details about what you said and what he said come to mind. That’s when he has the urge to text you back, to discuss those details and the words left untold.

This is not likely for all men, because most of them hide behind their feelings and have problems speaking up. But there are men with much more self-awareness and usually this is their way to go. 

‘I need space, but before I go for good, let me tell you this also…’ 

11. It’s toxic but he can’t live without it

Many relationships tend to become toxic, with a lot of misunderstandings, arguments, jealousy, etc. That’s why he feels like it’s time to go and think about what is this relationship giving to him. 

Being on a break can cause  either relief or a sense of not wanting to be away

He knows it’s toxic but he can’t live without you. Texting back in these stances gives one the idea that things might get better over time, even if they never do. 

As the saying goes; “Toxicity can become addictive; we know it’s bad for us, but it’s what we’re used to.”

How to read his need for space: Is it an act of balance or confusion?! 

First of all, we need to understand that everyone should feel free to ask for some time away. I believe this would help the relationship develop further. A strong foundation is only built when you respect each other choices, this is the rule. 

To understand better if his need for space is read as an act of balance or confusion let’s divide each of them and analyze them a bit. 

• Balance: 

Life is not only about romantic relations. Men go to school, have a tough time at work, run a business, family time. 

 You should not always read this as an escape from your relationship; men might simply feel overwhelmed by expectations. Especially if you already had arguments about managing time together. 

Now you are probably asking if he wanted to make it happen he would! Yes, but it’s also about priorities sometimes romantic relationships are not on his priority list, and we should accept that fact. 

• Confusion:

Being confused about the relationship is another issue to discuss. This is more complicated because even the man you are dating doesnt know what he feels. He is usually confused about two choices; 

One: Brake it off forever

Two: Go non-contact at least for a while 

Most of them as you read above end up texting again because they still feel they linger towards you. 

But the question is, would you still date a man who is not entirely sure about you?! 

But how do you cope with an “I want some space” man? 

Move on with your life! Do fun stuff, meet new people, look out for any outdoor activity, and try to not think of him as much. 

Give it time to see where this goes. But before you both go, set some terms what does it mean for you this no-contact rule? 

Because if it means you are not together but still somehow together you might end up in a big relationship dilemma afterward just like Ross & Rachel– yelling at each other “We were on a break” and feeling bad about it.   

Alright, after we’ve made a full circle exploring the man’s brain on decision-making and romantic puzzles, I’ll leave you to look forward to our next article issue! 

Until next time, 

Keep radiating ✨

With love ~ Callisto Adams