Ladies, we have found ourselves in this situation of push and pull. He texts but is distant.
And now, because of this, you start to wonder whether it is your problem, or if it was something you said or did.
The immediate reaction is to doubt yourself. Thus, putting more importance on him than on yourself.
However, there are other reasons why he is pulling away, and it is not just you.
Here are 17 reasons why he is distant but still texts:
1. He is going through a change in how he feels about you
The back-and-forth exchange between the two of you has made him change his mind.
You might have fought about something and it was not worth it. Thus, your actions are perceived differently from your intentions.
The trust that you have tried to build is starting to break and he needs some space from you, but he isn’t ready to let you go entirely.
This is because he wants to make sure that he is making the best decisions for himself.
2. He is not sure of his feelings for you
Things might be progressing a bit faster in his book and now he’s trying to process his feelings for you.
He wants to make sure that this innate attraction is something more. And based on the results, he will make up his mind.
The distinction that you feel is because he needs time and space to figure out his feelings, in order not to hurt yours.
That is why he still wants to keep talking to you until he figures it all out. Because he is scared that once the contact stops, he will not get another chance to talk to you.
3. There might be something going on with his life
Sometimes unexpected situations occupy his life and he is way too busy to be in constant contact with you.
His engagements are holding him back to initiate or wholeheartedly answer your texts. Thus, if you feel like you should ask him why he is acting this way, you probably should.
If he tells you that he is busy with things, try to be understanding of his struggles.
But don’t forget that sometimes it is cool of you to take the lead first as well. A simple text by you shows him that you can also take the lead when needed.
The spark of interest that once was there has started to dim. What might first attract him to you was not enough to keep the relationship going.
What seemed interesting to him might not pique his interest anymore, thus he will try to be more distant from you.
However, he will text to see if he can reignite it back but will not be sharing his experiences and be fast at responding to your texts.
He might have found someone new that he might be interested in, hence why he is slowly pulling away from you.
5. He’s afraid of getting hurt
Rejection is something everyone dreads, and so does he.
Perhaps, prior relationships have created unwanted circumstances that he now wants to avoid at all costs.
That is why you can feel him pull away. He wants your relationship to move forward but is still afraid that he will be the one to get hurt in the end.
As a result, he uses distancing as his protective mechanism from rejection.
Once you make him feel accepted and show that you are really interested in him, his behavior will change.
The idea of committing doesn’t seem to sit well with him. He is still avoidant of the idea of settling down.
Being free of commitment is his main priority. He might not be ready to face his emotions yet.
Also, his being distanced could allude that he is not sure how to put an end to your relationship. Since he might have no prior experience of breaking up with the other person.
7. You didn’t show enough interest in him
Sometimes, unintentionally, you send the message that you are not interested in him, even though you are.
This might come from the mere lack of effort that you put into that conversation.
Somethings you might have said/done:
- Have been unresponsive to his texts;
- Never have taken the initiative to start a conversation first;
- The answers you gave were short and not elaborative;
- You might have canceled plans once or twice;
Such lack of action leaves the impression to the other party that you are not that interested in him. Thus, causing him to slowly distance himself from you.
Although it is not commonly seen for women to chase men, it doesn’t mean that it can’t happen. Just as you might like to be chased, so might he.
Thus, instead of him planning all the dates, you take charge and plan a couple on your own. It shows that the effort is mutual in getting to know each other better.
Also, do call or text him first. Don’t wait for him to do it. He will start distancing himself from you to see if you will be the one to start the conversion first.
With that being said, take the lead and do a bit of the chasing. However, do not overdo it. Things need to be balanced and effort should be equal from both sides.
9. He might have found someone else
Losing interest in you might come because there is someone else that picked his interest more.
He probably found someone new that he is interested in, and is sharing his time with them. However, he is still keeping in touch with you so that he can talk to you when he might get bored.
Also, he might feel bad telling you right away that he found someone else that interests him more. Thus, why he will start to slowly pull away by:
- Not contacting you as often
- Keeping his replies as short as possible
- Not want you to meet his friends
- Canceling plans
10. He’s trying to move on from you
This relationship is not evolving into something he had expected and now he wants to end it. However, he doesn’t know how to tell you.
Him trying to move on has come because there is no chemistry and your goals don’t seem to match. Thus, he is starting to distance himself as a first step.
If while texting you did spot patterns of him:
- Avoiding personal questions
- Not sharing his experiences and stories
- Refusing to open up
- Didn’t ask you questions in order to get to know you
- Or only kept things afloat
Indicates that he was after something else and not a long-term relationship.
11. Something you might have done has made him reevaluate you
He might have noticed something in your behavior or something that you said, and he didn’t like it.
This may be a red flag in his perspective and by not making a big deal out of it, he is trying to distance himself.
However, this doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. No, it just goes to say that people value different things in distinct ways.
Everyone has their own deal-breakers. Sometimes those seem to not be much of a big deal, but, nonetheless, don’t forget that people have different experiences with other people.
12. He is showing his narcissistic tendencies
The constant need for attention and to feel important is why he continues to text you while still being distant.
He needs to feed his ego and he does so by keeping you, and perhaps some other women, by his side as well.
If you see that he is arrogant towards you, doesn’t value your opinion, or is gaslighting you, this is his narcissism showing.
He will try to make himself the center of your world, will show excessive rude behavior, and will reject the idea that you might want to end things with him.
Since for him, there is no person in the world that deserves adoration and is more important than him.
13. The infatuation stage is coming to an end
If you have moved into the next stage in your relationship, it means that the dose of constant texting has slowed down a bit, which is expected.
However, if you feel like he is distancing from you, please understand that it’s because of the transition into the next stage.
As you move towards it, there will be more expectations from him than in the beginning. And he will feel the load on his shoulders.
Things will start to progress, and he will begin to invest in your relationship. Thus, why he will be a bit closed off, dealing with his feelings and how to move forwards from now on.
14. He is stringing you along
His intentions might not have been good from the start. He is intentionally misleading you by giving you false hope and making you do whatever he wants.
He is acting distanced, yet still texting you to keep you in the loop. Since he wants you to keep waiting for him.
There will be signs of immaturity and irritability when things don’t go according to his plans. Sometimes his behavior will be child-like.
Also, if you make plans, he won’t show up and won’t even bother to make an excuse as to why he missed your date. He is not pulling the same effort as you.
15. He is not fully over his ex
You are the distraction he needs from thinking of his ex. Although he might be talking to you, his thoughts might already be about his ex.
He might be using you to get his ex back and make them jealous, or to restart their relationship. So, he is looking for a rebound.
Even more, if he mentions other people, and then goes MIA, his intentions seem ill-harbored and not intended to create a healthy relationship with you.
16. He might find you different in text from you in person
As texting has become a new trend, sometimes people feel more comfortable talking online than face to face.
As a result, you might have developed another personality online and another in real life.
Sometimes texting can make it easier to say things without having seen the reaction of the other person.
So, in texting, you might be more bubbly, funny, open-minded and a jokester, but on dates, you might be more shy, withdrawn, and anxious.
This might cause confusion and he will slowly pull away. Because he wants to talk to the girl he keeps texting. However, you can tell him that you need a bit more time to adjust to the face-to-face setting.
17. You have different expectations from each other
More often than not, the interest will start to decline when your goals don’t align. And this can be from the expectations of your relationship to the future plans.
Thus, it is of no surprise when he starts to distance himself from you. That’s because he sees that your expectations don’t match yours.
You need to check with yourself if this is one of the reasons, and if it is, you need to decide what to do further.
Would you like for both of you to compromise your expectations, or if some things are uncompromisable?
The right thing to do: How should I react when he is distant but still texts?
Since you have this feeling in your gut that he is distancing from you, his actions are in question.
You don’t know what is the right step to undertake since he is pulling away while still keeping the window open.
And, you think about whether you should just text him until he answers or demands an explanation.
Strike those thoughts, and follow the steps below on how to take action when he starts to distance while still texting:
– Ask him if there is something going on with him and if there is something that you can do to help. Asking him directly is a much better way to get the answer you want than to ponder on what might be going on.
– Pay attention to how he communicates when he is feeling stressed, busy or uncertain. From these, you can identify the pattern of his behavior and know why he is suddenly pulling away.
– Take things slow and be patient with his responsive attitude. Don’t overwhelm him with questions and constant texting. It will just drive him further away.
– Be confident and believe in your value. Sometimes you tend to overvalue the person you are interested in, and when that same treatment is not reciprocal, you start losing belief in yourself. Keep the confidence!
– Expect that he will distance himself from you since it is unavoidable that the interest line will have its ups and downs. With this in mind, you will have much better control of the situation and what it’s to come.
What to text a guy who is distant?
He is pulling away and you don’t know what to say to him.
Whenever you decide that you should text him first, do NOT send texts one after another.
Wait until he responds. You don’t want to come off as needy or clingy.
1. If he texts first and asks how you are doing, tell him what he has been missing out on since the last time he contacted you.
- “I am doing well, thank you. I just got promoted last week and started a new class on self-defense.”
2. If you’re not feeling this connection anymore, tell him that you really appreciate him but you feel like this relationship is not going to work with this kind of energy and effort.
- “You are really a great guy and I really like you, but I don’t think that it is wise for us to drag along this relationship any further.”
3. Let him know how his behavior is making you feel without coming off as too needy or clingy.
- “I would like to take some time to think about this since I feel like there is some confusion about your feelings on your side”.
- “I can tell that you are really preoccupied right now. However I need to put some space in order to not get closer until you are clear with your own feelings”.
All in all, reasons can be numerous as to why he is acting distanced but still texts.
However, do not forget to value yourself and be patient with the course of your relationship. Be expectant and confident about everything.
You’ve got this!