Dealing with heartbreak after being cheated on is a difficult process. Trust is hard to build and even harder to sustain.
Once, it’s broken, you won’t know what and how to feel anymore.
That’s why the process of healing after being cheated on takes longer than healing from a casual breakup.
You are hurt, your self-esteem is low, and you are constantly overthinking.
It is quite understandable that you will ask yourself, what happened along the way or what did you do wrong.
You are emotionally exhausted and will go through mixed emotions such as anger, rage, anxiety, loneliness, and jealousy too.
It’s normal to feel this way. You are in a negative situation, that’s why you indulge yourself with intrusive thoughts.
To work on these feelings and to heal from cheating and heartbreak, you need to forgive yourself first.
To learn on a deeper level how to get over being cheated on, here are 12 tips:
1. Create your boundaries
The first step that helps in accepting the situation and healing is to create your boundaries.
You need to properly heal by grieving and accepting what you are feeling at that moment.
This can be achieved only by detaching yourself from your ex and your situation.
That can be achieved by using the No Contact Rule when you cut all the contact for some time.
Hence if you are married and have kids then that is a little bit difficult. Yes, indeed, you can still create boundaries with a modification.
You keep a simple communication just for the needs or mutual responsibilities that you have.
2. Try to win the battle of brain versus emotions
After the breakup, it’s quite normal to deal with a mix of emotions.
When you have been cheated on and dumped, then your confidence is crushed.
One day you feel like you got this, the other day you are at rock bottom.
Know that this is fine because you have just started to grieve.
To get the best of this situation, focus on what makes you happy at that moment.
That can be even the littlest things such as going to walk while is raining or writing in a journal.
That can help you a lot with switching your mindset from being a victim to someone that loves themselves.
What I am implying is to create the right mindset by working on your thoughts and emotions.
The most important thing is not to push the thoughts to the back of your head and suppress your feelings.
Be aware that the pain and all the negative feelings and thoughts will come back and be present for a while.
That’s why learning to deal with all these intrusive thoughts will decrease their intensity with time.
3. Avoid contacting your ex out of fear and anxiety
Going through anxiety and loneliness after the breakup is a normal experience.
You are going through a trauma that can’t be easy to get through it.
At this exact moment, you will feel the urge to beg them to come back or stay.
If you can’t grieve properly and refuse to recognize your feelings, you will be stuck in the past.
To get to recognize what you’re feeling and how you can get out of this pit, you need the help of a coach.
A personal coach is going to help you reflect on what you are feeling and why you’re clinging to your cheating ex.
There are specialized questions regarding this matter, such as:
- Did cheating happen more than once?
- How did you find out about cheating?
Every task that they will give you, will be a step closer to healing.
4. Make sure to be surrounded by positive people
Because cheaters never give closure or just a reason for acting like that, you end up questioning yourself.
During this time, you need to create a positive aura.
You can do it only if you manage to hang out with people who bring out the best of you.
It can be your friends or family or even going out somewhere and enjoying the vibe of that place.
You need to be exposed to people that help you in rebuilding your life.
The change doesn’t happen in a blink of an eye and is not linear.
The most important thing is to create a simple plan to follow.
- Write down activities that make you look forward in life;
- Go out and enjoy nature;
- Listen to white noises or ASMR sounds that will help you stay calm;
You can add every day a new activity and try to stay on track.
5. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself
In the beginning, right after the breakup and being cheated on you will doubt yourself in different dimensions.
You will think that something is wrong with you and that you couldn’t keep them for yourself.
This is not the right thing to do, but you can’t just avoid it. Know that is fine to feel sorry for yourself.
That’s because at that moment you feel disappointed and your trust is betrayed.
You might feel numb and confused too and you don’t believe in yourself either.
- To be able to accept the situation, start by cutting the communication with your ex;
- Spot the positive aspects of this situation and how you can benefit from them;
- Allow yourself to grieve;
- Give yourself closure;
6. Try to forgive yourself
I know that it sounds quite a cliche to say not to blame yourself.
Hence, gradually, you will start to love yourself and forgive yourself and your ex.
Only by doing it you can finally find some peace and allow yourself to move on.
Otherwise, not doing it will keep you in the past and your “relationship” will turn into a toxic situation.
You should not blame yourself for wanting them back or thinking constantly about your ex.
Rejection and being in denial will make you think that your relationship was a lie.
Constantly, you will ruminate and ask yourself what did you do wrong that they have replaced you.
You should understand that in the end, relationships aren’t about being perfect.
Relationships are all about teaming up with one another to make yourselves better and make it work.
7. Keep analyzing their remorseful behavior
If they are remorseful, take a step back and spend time on your own so you can reflect better.
Getting right away with them after they have betrayed and dumped you, will not leave you the space to reflect on your feelings either.
If you immediately go back then your ex will take you for granted and they will justify their actions.
If you want to give them a second chance, know that it might or might not have a happy ending.
That’s why you need to take some time alone so you can define their actions clearly.
Cheaters tend to continue with their unfaithfulness. That’s why you should give yourself some time before restarting.
Rebuilding trust is not easy. If an ex regrets their actions and wants you back, they will be persistent.
They will gradually, show that they changed and regret their mistake.
8. Do not doubt nor compare yourself
Since you are left with a broken heart and with low self-confidence, you start to compare yourself.
You start to think negatively about yourself and it feels like you are no good at anything.
I know that’s something hard to deal with and it can lead you to some dark paths.
Hence, without allowing yourself to feel it, you can’t get out of that dark hole.
In this situation, you need to start writing down what you like about yourself or what makes you unique.
Again, it might seem and sound something cliche and simple.
Yet, doing it daily or writing down some affirmations will help you to raise your confidence.
You’ll realize that the problem was not you. The reason that an ex cheats on you is never related to you.
It’s their choice to choose to not talk about their issues and needs and find a mutual solution.
9. Do not seek revenge
Sometimes the fastest way to make yourself feel better and get your ex’s attention, you think is taking revenge.
On the contrary, if you go bitter that will impact negatively even you and your ex.
Looking for a rebound relationship or just someone to flaunt on your ex’s face won’t change their mind.
This will only disturb your peace and won’t let you live in the present.
Thus, you will be stuck in the past. You can’t control others’ feelings and thoughts.
You can only control yours only and just by doing that you can heal.
Consider this as the best way to take “revenge” is by being happy on your own.
10. Practice self-love step by step
One way to get over being cheated on and being dumped is by practicing self-love.
I understand you when you constantly think of them and the pain that they caused you.
You can’t let them go that easily because you were bonded together. A bond is never easy to let go of.
Backed up by science, this study shows that being cheated on leaves a huge mark on your life.
It can lead you to PTSD and OCD, which of them consist of elements that keep you in the past.
Hence, through pain and adversity, you can learn a lot and you can go through some experiences that will open your eyes.
To get through this follow these steps:
- Spend some time alone;
- Take yourself on dates;
- Spend some time with your friends and fill yourself with some good vibes;
- Take care of your body;
- Start meeting new people that will add some new colors to your life;
11. Work for a better tomorrow
Don’t dwell on the past and try to have a goal that will keep you moving forward.
In the beginning, you need just a simple task to keep you busy every day.
By busy I mean, you need to manage to have a purpose in your life all again.
Otherwise, losing the purpose and the motive will lead you to develop bad habits and fall into depression.
If you have time, consider going somewhere else for a while.
Being far away from that place, people, and your ex will do good for you.
You will be able to recognize what you are missing from life.
Only, by detaching yourself, you can work on your feelings and plan your future.
12. Recognize what you desire and what you deserve
The last step to getting over being cheated on is to define what you want and what you deserve.
If you keep constantly clinging to your ex, you won’t be able to reflect properly.
Try to shut down your social media, change your phone number, or your place.
Everything is suitable for you, so you can define what you want at that moment other than your ex.
Embrace change and take a new chance that comes along the way. If you want to change your workplace then do it.
Only by challenging yourself and adjusting to changes, you will be able to recognize what is missing in your life.
It’s important to know every bit of your own so you can recover fully emotionally.
How long does it take to get over being cheated on?
To get over being cheated on will last as soon as you get everything on your hands.
When things are under your control, that’s the moment that healing will start.
The answer to the question “Does the pain of getting cheated ever go away” is YES.
~Yes, the pain decreases and starts to fade away when you don’t encounter similar situations.
You need to rebuild your self-confidence and surround yourself with people who care about you and appreciate you.
~If you keep dwelling on the past and not embracing the situation, healing will take longer.
That’s because, as soon as you are in the presence of your ex, the pain will be present.
You will be constantly reminded that you were replaced and you weren’t appreciated or loved enough.
~If you were invested emotionally a lot in the relationship, healing will take longer.
It’s not the same if you weren’t in a short-term relationship or if that was just a fling.
Also, if you were codependent then detaching from them and the idea of your ex will take longer.
That’s being dependent on your ex was included in your daily routine.
Now, that the pattern is disrupted, you need something or someone to rely on to.
The period that all healing will take starts from 6 months to a few years.
It also depends on how soon you start to work on your feelings and want to change.
Why am I so insecure after being cheated on?
You are insecure after being cheated on because your self-confidence and self-love are crushed.
Your dream and perception of love are ruined. That’s quite normal because losing trust in someone is not an easy thing.
When an ex leaves you for someone else, you will immediately doubt your worth.
You will start to think that maybe you are not that good enough for them to stay with you.
Once, they were someone who you could trust and share everything with them.
Now, they feel like they are someone that you don’t know at all.
That’s the reason that you feel insecure after being cheated on. Emotional trauma is something hard to deal with.
You will constantly be dealing with intrusive thoughts and negative feelings.
This will prevent you from living your daily life to the fullest or even normally. It will take away from you even the simplest joy.
If you want to get over being cheated on as a woman or as a man you need to focus on your feelings.
Press on the following arrows in the following text to find answers to your questions.
Consider this as a mini guide to healing emotional and cheating trauma.
⇛Betrayal Trauma: What is it and How to heal it?
⇛ Infidelity Trauma: An Interview with a specialist!
⇛ If you have been cheated on, don’t collapse!
Final thoughts: How to get over being cheated on and dumped?
The best way to get over being cheated on and dumped is to step back, grieve, and accept the situation.
Cheaters will always seek something better or a more upgraded relationship.
They are searching for something that they don’t have as a person.
They are always in search of something that will make them fill this void.
As soon as they are done, they will continue searching for it elsewhere, every time.
Cheating affects everyone differently, that’s why healing will be different for everyone.
Try to do activities that take you to your real self. Once, you feel good on your skin, you will start to detach slowly.
Be bold,
Callisto Adams
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