How many times has this question popped into your head when you met someone new?
A lot, I’m guessing.
To flirt with him back or not?
It’s a new feeling you can’t put your finger on because you don’t know this guy that well.
Men tend to make different moves when they meet a woman which is why it’s hard to make the distinction between whether they’re flirting with you or just being friendly.
A friendly behavior might be mistaken for being flirty and vice versa.
Indeed, it’s a very thin line between flirting and being friendly that makes it even more difficult to notice which is which.
Sometimes not knowing if they’re flirting with you or just being friendly might make situations awkward and not pleasant.
If you don’t want to be involved in awkward situations, watch out for the signs!
Here are 11 signs that he is flirting with you:
1. He pays attention to you: it’s clear that he thinks of you
When a guy is flirting with you, he will listen and watch closely at what you do and say.
His attention will be focused on you at all times and he doesn’t want to miss anything you say.
He pays attention to the smallest details about you.
He doesn’t interrupt you because he likes listening to your voice and he is genuinely curious about what you have to say.
Paying attention to you often means he enjoys your presence and is comfortable around you.
When you notice that he’s paying close attention to you even if you’re not saying something interesting, he’s not being friendly, he’s flirting with you.
2. He randomly shares details of his life
Maybe it’s the first time you’ve met him and he’s already sharing details about his life.
That has to mean something!
Some guys will flirt by sharing things about themselves and their life to let you know more about them.
He will share personal things about himself that will make him seem more vulnerable and try to create a bond with you by sharing that.
By sharing his details he will have it more easily to ask you about yourself and keep the conversation going.
That way he will have more time to flirt with you.
3. He winks at you
When someone winks at you, it’s often an obvious sign that they’re flirting with you.
Winking is done intentionally, and it can be cringe if you don’t find the person attractive.
If he winks at you, then he clearly wants you to know that he’s flirting with you and he’s not even hiding it.
After all, someone who is just being friendly wouldn’t wink at you.
Unless it’s a situation where he is trying to show that he is not serious about something he said, it’s usually a sign of flirting.
4. He touches you every chance he gets
He’s not losing any chance to touch you.
Touching lets you feel the person physically and men want to create that connection when flirting.
He will not touch you to the degree that it makes you uncomfortable, but subtle touching while talking.
- He might touch your arm when laughing too much;
- He might subtly touch your waist while he opens the door for you;
- He might touch you playfully while telling you something.
Touching is a clear sign that he is physically attracted to you and wants to flirt with you.
5. He teases you
Friends can tease each other too, but you will know when his teasing is kind of flirty.
If you see that he is teasing you and enjoying your reaction to that, it can be his way of flirting with you.
Teasing is a playful way of getting your attention and getting you involved more within the conversation.
You will notice this when he teases you and smiles while waiting for your reaction to what he said or did.
He could also tease you while being mean to you and it might get you confused about whether he’s into you or not.
Mean teasing is also a thing.
A lot of men will act cold and mean when they’re flirting with you because that’s how they shoot their shots.
They think they will get your attention that way, and they’re not fully wrong.
Teasing is some men’s way of flirting and something that works to get women’s attention.
6. He asks for your number or social media
This is one of the most obvious signs of flirting.
If it’s the first time you meet and he asks for your number or social media, he is trying to stay in contact with you.
He might even ask you in a teasing way, similar to: “Okay, okay, I’ll take your number since you’re insisting.”
He wants to have the chance to continue talking to you and flirt with you.
Or he wants to stalk you on social media and learn more about you.
Either way, he’s interested and wants to continue talking to you.
7. He finds excuses to initiate conversations
If he’s always initiating conversations with you, there’s some flirting there too.
He won’t wait for you to talk first, he’ll find excuses to talk to you.
He might learn what you like and try to talk to you about those things while he subtly flirts with you.
When he always finds excuses to initiate conversations, it means that he enjoys your company.
If he wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t bother initiating conversation with you, let alone flirt with you.
If he always initiates conversations with flirting, he’s showing interest in you.
8. It’s obvious: He wants to impress you
Men usually won’t stay humble when they want to impress a woman.
He will try to get your attention by telling you about his success on something or what he’s good at.
He may even brag a little to let you know how great he is and why you should consider being with him or flirting back.
He might let you know about his hobbies and how good he is at them.
He might think he needs to impress you if he wants you to notice him or to be worthy of your time.
9. He comments on everything about you
He has something to say for everything that you tell him or everything you do.
When a man is flirting with you, he will tell you his opinion on everything about you.
Even if you’re with a group of people and someone talks about you, he won’t hesitate to say something about you.
He might make positive comments about your appearance, the way you speak, the way you walk, or anything that has to do with you.
His way of flirting is by making positive comments about you, thinking that it’ll catch your attention.
10. He wants to help you
A man who is trying to flirt with you will try to help you even if you don’t need help.
He might try to help you with the smallest issues because it will make him seem like he is looking out for you.
Even if you don’t need help, he will find problems to help you.
This could also be that he wants to help because he is being friendly with you and has no intentions of flirting with you.
However, when he is flirting he will offer help in order to have more time to spend with you and to get to know you better.
11. He treats you differently from other people
A friendly guy will be friendly to everyone and he’ll treat you just the same as he treats other people.
Things become interesting and flirty if he treats you differently from the rest:
- He looks at you for longer periods;
- He hugs you longer;
- He finds ways to spend time alone with you;
- He’s more caring and affectionate towards you;
- His approach is more thoughtful when it comes to you;
How do I know when he’s just being friendly?
The similarity between being friendly and flirty makes it quite difficult to know which one it is.
Here are some signs that show he’s just being friendly if you want to make it clearer for yourself:
1. He’s not nervous around you
When a guy has no other intentions with you other than being friendly, he won’t be nervous around you.
People are usually nervous around people they like or that they’re interested in.
If he is very calm and comfortable around you, he is just being friendly.
He will stand casually without making much effort to impress you or anything.
He might even look uninterested when you tell him something because he might be thinking about something else completely.
A man who is flirting would be nervous and very interested in what you have to say.
2. He mentions other girls
If he was flirting with you, he wouldn’t have risked losing his chance by mentioning other girls in front of you.
A man who is just being friendly with you will put you in his friend zone when talking about other girls.
Or it could be that he is trying to tell you that girls want him.
But, on more frequent occasions, he is telling you that he likes you as a friend and doesn’t seem to want to be involved with you romantically.
So, if he talks to you about other girls, know that he is probably being friendly and doesn’t want a relationship with you.
3. He leaves a space between you two
While a man who flirts with you will try to touch you whenever he can, a man who is just being friendly will not try to touch you when you speak or when he has the chance.
He will avoid physical contact except when it’s formal.
He will smile and be friendly but he won’t make moves to touch you.
He won’t find excuses to be close to you or sit next to you.
That’s when you know he’s just being friendly and doesn’t have other intentions with you.
4. He shares, but not too much
When a man is not flirting with you, he will not share too much about himself, only what you really have to know.
He will keep that friendly relationship, without going into details or sharing too much information.
He will be friendly, but at the same time maintain a formal status between you two.
If he was flirting with you, he would be sharing a lot of things with you and would want to know more about you as well.
When he is reserved about what he’s sharing with you, that’s when you know he’s just being friendly and is not thinking about flirting with you.
5. He’s not attentive
He will focus the conversation on everything else but you.
He tries to talk about other things that are happening around you, or about mutual things that you have, but not really personal things.
Similarly, he doesn’t talk about himself either.
He doesn’t focus on talking about the person he is or the things he does.
He wants to focus on other things because he is not interested to focus on personal things since he is just being friendly.
6. There is no sexual or romantic tension
He might comment on how you look from time to time but not give you comments every time he sees you.
Even if he gives you a compliment or comments on something about you, it will not sound flirty but more friendly.
He makes a comment but doesn’t follow it with a flirty expression that could possibly lead to sexual or romantic tension between you two.
He doesn’t want you to think that he is flirting with you, so he will choose his words carefully and he’ll be cautious of his behavior around you.
His comments will most likely be formal, friendly, and not something to mess with your mind.
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Where is the line between flirting and being friendly?
Being friendly and flirting with someone is very often mistaken for one another.
Sometimes, a man can be flirting with you and you will friendzone him because you thought he was just being friendly.
Or he could be just friends with you and you will think that he was flirting with you and it will become an awkward situation.
You can notice the difference in the energy when someone is being friendly with you and when they’re flirting.
It is very difficult to truly know what his behavior means, but your instinct will sometimes tell you if he is flirting or being friendly.
When he’s just being friendly the energy and chemistry between the two of you can seem to be more flat and bland.
When he’s flirting there’s usually tension, more eye contact, more smiling, and definitely more teasing. That can lead to the tension built up between the two of you.
Why do men flirt in the first place?
Flirting is a playful way of teasing each other’s imagination. As much as it is fun for a minute, flirting is often used as a powerful tool to achieve things besides fun tension.
Flirting doesn’t only mean that a man likes you. Men flirt for a lot of reasons.
- They flirt because they like you;
- They flirt for fun;
- They flirt to get you into bed;
- They flirt to boost their ego;
- They flirt out of boredom;
- They see flirting as a game.
It’s not easy to find out why they are flirting with you because you can’t directly ask them.
Enjoy it while it’s there, though keep your eyes open and boundaries clear!
What to do to find out if he’s flirting or friendly?
While it is difficult to find out whether he is flirting or just being friendly, there are some ways you can get some hints from him.
You can ask him certain questions that you can find out from his answers if he’s being friendly.
You can ask him questions like:
– “What’s your favorite thing about me?”
Now if he keeps it way too friendly he’ll manage to say something like “Well, well, well… Who do you think you are, Roberta?” even if your name isn’t Roberta.
If he’s just being nice he might focus on describing what a good friend you are and focusing on your personality.
On the other hand, if he focuses on your appearance, how he feels when he’s with you, and adding some flirty comments, he’s flirting with you.
– “Tell me something about yourself.”’
When his answer is superficial, he is modest about his achievements, talks about his interests or goals, and doesn’t go into deep details, he is trying to maintain friendly communication.
But, if he starts indirectly telling you how great he is, without sounding narcissistic, adding some sex-life conversations here and there, he is trying to flirt with you.
– “What do you think about Sarah?”
If his intentions with you are purely friendly, he will talk about how nice Sarah is and he will have mainly positive comments about other girls.
However, if he’s interested in you and wants to flirt with you, he will most probably try to change the subject or just give you a shallow answer and not go into details.
Or he might say negative things about her to let you know that he’s not interested in her and she won’t get in the way.
On the other hand, you can notice details about him and his behavior around you:
– Notice the eye contact!
Make eye contact with him and if he doesn’t look away but instead makes intense eye contact, he’s flirting with you.
– Check if he’s listening to you!
Someone who is being friendly will listen to you when you’re telling something important and when he has to. As soon as the conversation is not very interesting you’ll see that he’ll eventually lose attention.
When he’s flirting with you, he will listen to even the most unimportant things that you’re telling. He’s always paying attention to what you’re saying and doing and watching you all the time.
All things considered: Should I flirt back or be friendly?
When you know for sure that someone is being friendly to you, try to be friendly with them because there’s no harm in that.
But, when you know that he is flirting with you, it depends whether you are interested in him or not.
If you’re interested in him and you start to like him, there’s nothing wrong with flirting back.
Although, it’s good if you know the intentions of his flirting so that you don’t go for a guy who only flirts out of boredom unless that is why you want to flirt too.
But, if he’s flirting with you and you’re not interested in him, try not to lead him on and not to give him the wrong impression about you flirting back.