The “No Contact” rule can be tough on the heart and mind, but it’s to stick with it. Despite the urge to reconnect after a few weeks or months, it’s best to avoid sending a desperate or needy text.
Instead, be honest and precise when you do reach out. Avoid mind games and make it clear that you’ve outgrown past behaviors or realized that things aren’t going to work out.
When is the right time to text?
That depends on the situation, but it’s key to give yourself enough time to heal and reflect before reaching out.
Before jumping to the examples of the first texts let’s see how you should text and when is the right time to do it!
How to text an ex after the no-contact rule & When is the right time to do it?
Are you dying to text first your ex-girlfriend or your ex-boyfriend after the no-contact period? Whatever the case might be for you, there are things you should consider while crafting the message after your no-contact is done:
Reflect on how you ended things before pausing/ending the relationship
Consider how things ended (are you the dumper or you have been dumped)!
Before sending the message after the no-contact period it is important to get back to how your relationship ended. Was it a huge fight or did it end calmly for both sides?
Avoid the overly-apologetic and desperate tone of texting
It’s normal to wonder what you should say in that first text, and it’s normal to feel guilt and think that an overly-apologetic text might do the work to compensate for that.
Starting your message with an apologetic and desperate tone isn’t a good idea. You don’t know in what emotional state they’re in, so you don’t want to go too strong on this message.
If you want to know how they’re doing you can text them something lighthearted like: “I saw that you started working at that job that you wanted. I am very happy for you! How have you been?”
Do not drunk text or text when you are feeling melancholic
Being drunk or melancholic isn’t the ideal state to be in when initiating a conversation with your ex after the no-contact phase.
It can lead to regret the day after, or it can lead to you saying things you shouldn’t have said. It complicates the situation further, and it might disrupt both of your senses of peace.
Have a clear idea of why you’re wanting to text your ex
Do not do it if you are feeling lonely or just hurt your ex since you can end up hurting yourself. Contact him or her for solid reasons.
If you’re feeling like you’re in this cloud of thoughts that are difficult to untangle, then take your time to clear your thoughts. Decide after you notice that your quality of thinking is better (i.e when you’re not emotionally overwhelmed).
You should have prior information about what your ex is doing after the no-contact phase
To know whether to text first your ex after you have been following the no-contact rule, you should know where they’re currently standing.
Know whether your ex has moved on or not. Has he or she found a new partner?
If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend has moved on, then it might be a better idea to not text them at all.
Note: It’s quite important to have this type of information since you do not want to end up hurting yourself or them, also it might lead to an awkward situation if things aren’t appropriately said.
Get ready for the outcomes – Keep your expectations low
No matter on what terms you ended up in your communication, you will never know what your partner would have gone through during this period.
They might have missed you and have gotten a clearer idea about your relationship or maybe all this made them get over you. Could have been pain, confusion, and heartbreak. Who knows!
Your text will affect them no matter what you text them, and their reaction depends a lot on how they’ve been dealing through this period.
You’ll only know if you try while being prepared to face their reaction no matter what it might be. Keep your expectations low, and your intentions clear.
Now that you have gone through what you should do or not while you initiate the first text after no contact and when you can do it. Let’s jump to 15 text examples.
15 Examples of What to Text First After No Contact Rule
It can be a bit tricky to craft a clear message, one that portrays exactly how you’re feeling, indirectly, so that your ex can understand it.
You don’t want to be harsh, or overly apologetic, you should find something in the middle. Something straightforward yet softly polite.
Here are 15 examples of what to text first after no contact rule that’ll help you out:
If you two had a huge fight before going for the ‘No contact Rule’
If you ended things and had a heated discussion then you should know exactly what to say to initiate the conversation with your ex.
1. “I am listening to 93.80 FM right now. Check it out, they’re playing [your song].”
If you don’t want to sound too desperate and get to know what your ex is up to, just start with short/simple, and honest texts. You can trigger him or her with a simple text that will indirectly let your ex know that you’re thinking of him or her.
2. “Hey what’s up? … Today I saw that you got promoted. I’m very happy for you, and I’m positive you deserved it.”
If you are looking for a way to break the ice and start talking to him or her again, compliment or praise him/her for any achievement that your ex-partner has done during those days.
3. “Hope you are doing well during these days. I graduated from Stanford. I know how much it meant to you, so I thought I’d let you know. Hope you’re doing well.”
Instead of texting about past mistakes, send a text to let them know that you have outgrown them and that you appreciate everything that your partner has done for you.
It is a simple way to let your ex know that now you have reflected on yourself and your mistakes and you want to let them know that you are now on good terms.
4. “Hey, today is a really warm day and it made me think of you. Just wanted to check how you’ve been…”
Since you have not quit your relationship in a good way it would feel a little weird and inappropriate to send a flirty text to your ex.
Send your ex a lighthearted and neutral text to test the waters and see how he or she will respond. Nothing risky, just letting them know you’re thinking of them.
5. “I passed by Domino’s and remembered how both of us were about to choke on pizza while laughing at your jokes. We have good memories, and I’ll always wish you well no matter what.”
You can use this type of text if you want to know whether you have a chance to make things work again or not.
Mentioning something positive from your past or bringing out the best memories that you had together will help you and they soothe the harsh memory of the messy breakup.
6. “Hey, I hope you’re doing well. I don’t want to disturb you, but I need to get my things to your place. Please let me know when that would be possible.”
If you’re stuck and need your things, then after the no-contact rule you can use this text to text your ex first and go get them.
It’s soft and polite. Don’t expect the same answerback, nor a better-toned answer. Keep your expectations low. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get your things back.
7. “Hey, hope you’re well. I have been thinking and reflecting on our situation for some time now. I think you’re a wonderful person, but I can’t be part of the relationship with you anymore.”
This one can be used if you decide that you should go your separate ways. If you want to let your ex know that there is no future for you too after the period of disconnecting, then you can use this text.
8. “Hi John, I hope you’re doing well. So, I took my time to think about our connection, and I believe we should part ways. I respect you and I love you, but the relationship is toxic for both of us.”
This is a text that can be sent to your ex if you want to initiate the conversation to tell him or her, politely, that you don’t want to be part of the relationship any longer.
9. “Hey, I know it’s been a while. I needed some time to reconnect with myself and reflect on everything. Hope this isn’t bad timing; How have you been?”
If you want to know whether the radio silence method worked to build up yourself and see if your ex missed you during this time, you can use this type of simple and honest text to find out.
10. “Today, I bumped into little Jane. I can’t believe how big she got, she is even cuter now! It made me think about you, how have you been?”
If you want to text something that will get her or his attention and be on good terms again, text something about his/her family.
It is a simple text that no matter if you were dumped or you were the dumper, this type of text will bring out memories.
It might be a family member that you ran into during these days or some phrase or detail that reminded you about your ex’s family members.
How to text first after the no-contact rule if the breakup process wasn’t that bad
If your breakup wasn’t followed up by a huge drama, here is what you can text!
1. “Hey stranger, we haven’t talked in a while. It was amazing being your girlfriend. Wanna try it again?”
If you want to break the silence and reconnect with your ex then this is a pretty decent message to send them, especially when you hadn’t had a bad breakup.
2. “20 days are now gone! Wanna come and talk?”
This is a quite simple text to rekindle things by letting your ex know that you took your time and you want to reconnect with him or her.
3. “Hey, how are you? I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and I thought what better day than today to text you. How have you been?”
Use a special occasion to text as Valentine’s Day, his birthday, or maybe even your anniversary to let them know you’re thinking about them, and/or you’re wanting to give it another try.
4. “Today marks two months since we’ve started the same diet. Have you been following it too?”
It is quite simple if you text this to your ex if you want to check whether they are now ready to continue with you or not. In this case, you’re doing that by reminding him or her that you had something as a special bond.
5. “Do you remember the location of that restaurant that we went to on your birthday in February? I wish we could do that again.”
If you use this type of text then it’ll make your ex interested in you again.
One, your ex-partner will see that you remember things that you did together and that you miss them. Second, it’ll be easier to get an idea of whether they’re down to start again or not.
Why does my ex always reply to my texts but never initiate one?
If your ex replies to your text but never initiates one, then there are multiple reasons behind your ex’s attitude:
1. Your ex is still hurt by your decisions and is fighting his or her feelings for you.
2. He or she is still not quite sure whether to continue with your relationship or not – They’re still confused.
3. Your ex wants you to pursue her or him! This person wants to play hard to get after that disconnection.
4. Now your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend sees you only as a friend.
5. Has decided to move on from the relationship but still doesn’t know how to say it.
Why doesn’t my ex text back? Here is what to do!
It is quite normal if your ex doesn’t reply to you if things ended with a huge fight. Maybe you did something that made your ex feel bad and now they don’t feel like replying to you out of self-respect.
Even if you ended on good terms, if the period in which you had no contact was too long then it would have contributed to detachment.
Maybe your ex-partner just doesn’t feel like replying at that time. He or she is still processing things.
Don’t send one text after another. The best thing to do when he or she doesn’t reply for the first time is to be patient, and avoid sending texts one after the other.
Do not keep thinking about it all the time. Take your time and let your ex take his or her time to reconnect. If they don’t, then get ready to move on.
Apologize and be vulnerable, but don’t overdo it! If you are the one to blame, take the step and apologize for the things that you’ve done/said. Be vulnerable and let your ex know that you have changed.
Respect their space if they don’t text back. Take the time for yourself too, and respect their decision. It’s been a while, and it’s understandable if a person doesn’t want to keep things going further.
Take this as a chance, as a sign for you to move on and heal.
FAQ: Why should I follow the No Contact Rule?
It depends on how you and your ex-partner decide and how much it takes to reconcile.
Sometimes it lasts a week, a few weeks, or some months. The longest one is up to 60 days.
2. Is my ex going to get back after sending these text messages?
Whether your ex is going to get back after sending one of the above text messages depends on two things: How you ended the relationship and how you followed the no-contact rule.
To reconcile the relationship and get a positive answer, you should take small steps to do it.
3. If my ex initiates the conversation how can I reply?
The answer relies on how you feel about your ex even after the No Contact Rule.
Reflect on their energy, and be forward about your intentions. If you don’t feel like getting back together, then it’s better to let them know about it rather than waste your time and theirs on the back-and-forth texts.
If you’re interested in getting back together, then reciprocate and reflect positive energy.
4. Why do exes initiate contact after months of silence?
There are various reasons why an ex initiates contact after no contact at all:
- They miss you.
- They’re feeling lonely.
- They want their stuff back.
- They want to make sure that you don’t move on.
- They want you back as a part of their life.
To know about their intention better, then check out what they tell you and the energy they give off through their text.
5. What to do if I see my ex in public during the No Contact period?
If you see your ex in the public during this period, just be calm and steady. You can have a short and polite conversation if you feel like doing that.
It all depends on what terms you were on before entering the No Contact period.
No matter if you are the one that caused the break-up or not, you’ll notice if you are healed and ready to give or be given a second chance!
6. Should I text him or her first?
That depends on you. What matters is if you want to write to him or her after this period of not interacting is done.